Audacious Ask

I don't know why I seem to have been avoiding spending some time in prayer, Adonai Abba.  I seem to be constantly prayer-minded all day long, particularly in my solitude these days (although I do have Bailey). I know I have been preoccupied with the election and the ways in which it intersects with evangelical Christianity (not necessarily the faith involving a relationship with Jesus).  

I just did it again.  So, I shut down my phone.  :)

A quick dump of rapid-fire, flash round issues:

• Going to Michigan to see Debbie
• Dale and the ultra-conservative, angry position he is in
• The unresolved workplace violence/discrimination grievance
• My own next step(s)
• The usual prayer for family members all across relationships (nuclear, extended, in-law, etc.)
• Pursuit of the final internships for the CAGS in School Counseling

And the "audacious ask" in the title--what would my most audacious ask of You be?  I do NOT want to fall into the traps that I see laid out in The Chosen, in my Bible Recap readings, and in the apparent deception of, and in, the evangelical community of 2024 (a little before, up to the present, and possibly beyond).  You are not my vending machine, and I determine not to use audacity to ask for earthly things.  (PS Thank You, omnipotent God, for the prisoner release of the American hostages taken by Russia.)  

What, then, shall I request of You?

From The Message, a contemporary and simplified interpretation:

I'm asking GOD for one thing, only one thing: To live with him in his house my whole life long.  I'll contemplate his beauty; I'll study at his feet.  That's the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world, The perfect getaway, far from the buzz of traffic. (Psalm 27: 4-5)

Quite consistent with my focus on my "one thing" philosophy of life!

Abba Adonai, let this then be my audacious ask.  If I am now Your temple (1 Corinthians 6:19), then I can live with You literally all the time, 24/7.  The world is indeed noisy, and I need that quiet, secure place as a getaway contemplate and study the things that characterize You--to know YOU.  That sounds like an audacious ask, indeed.  May You and I together make it so.

Amen!

Direction, Please?

 Abba Adonai (if that is even an appropriate title to use for You), it has been two weeks since the last difficult (but not as difficult) job loss.  I wanted to take time to listen to You; yet I fear I have filled the time with "productivity."  That might not be terrible in itself.  However, if I need to listen to You, distraction does not lend itself well, if at all, to careful, discerning listening.

So, Adonai in heaven, I will ask outright what You want me to do next.  There are many things waiting for my attention, and several possible options for next steps.  There is -- there are -- several things I do not want to give up, nor do I currently believe it is Your will for me to give up: volunteering at the school and giving platelets regularly are two of those important things.  Are there other things to do for You?  I stopped for a second on my ability to do anything *for* You.  You do not need me!  Perhaps I would do better to ask what You want me to do to contribute to Your kingdom.

• Volunteering--no supplemental income
• Working part-time--difficulty with time off?
• Working full-time--same as above, less flexible time to volunteer or be available for others (my mother)
• Private practice--version one, for an online agency--some demands for the aforementioned productivity, perhaps a lack of self-confidence on my part.
• Private practice--version two, for myself--overhead costs, liabilities, documentation, but possibility for flexibility and income

Dear Adonai, please tell me what You want.  This could be a wonderful period of time for me and for the family and for the benefit of Your church.  Help me to use it wisely.

Amen and for Your glory!

Lots of Titles

"Modern-Day Prophecy"

"The Upside-Down"

"Listening to the Message"

These are only some of the titles for posts that have crossed my mind over the past few weeks.  The more I listen to my Bible readings (thanks to The Bible Recap!), the more I see that nothing in human hearts really ever changes without the specific ministrations of the Holy Spirit.  

But isn't that always the way?  Humans, including me, often cannot see past the ends of their own noses.  Humans want power in this world.  Humans are hopeless without Your intervention, Adonai.  The prophets to whom I have been listening (thanks to those who read the Bible for others) emphasize the wickedness of the human heart, the disciplinary punishment -- and sometimes unavoidable consequences -- by You, Lord, and the overarching purpose of being in a relationship.

July 24 addendum: Just going to wrap up this entry for the sake of clarity.  More to come!

The View of the Vistas

 Almost a month.  So many contradictory messages and experiences.  I am not sure I will recall all of them, but some are recent, fresh, and frustrating:

• Today, in the end of a frustrating week, the group therapy schedule for the new adult unit came under scrutiny.  Last week, I had suggested pulling one therapist from each of three units to run a group each on the new unit, running with only three groups on each of the units.  I was told that this was not only against protocol but also against regulations.  So what happened today? The outgoing director of social work pulled one therapist from each of three units to staff the new unit.  ???
• I was told, with some stated certainty, that the unit that will come under renovation (to add 4 additional beds) will absolutely close on Monday, July 15, in order to start those renovations.  Now I surmise, by virtue of the promise to staff groups for next week on the new unit, that the renovating unit will NOT close and therefore release its group therapist to staff the new unit.  (Hard to follow, but read it slowly.)
• 
  Three minutes before arriving at TV for the rescheduled ice cream party, I received a text that "policy" prohibited my coming into the hospital while on "vacation."  I had been on Teams meetings and email and texts for the prior two days, trying to solve problems and stay informed.  I did not hide this activity.  I was also never apprised of any such policy--or any policies at the Vistas, for that matter.

(I will save this in draft form until I can revisit the month.  I will pray--hard--that the Holy Spirit will superglue my mouth shut about these contradictions and inconsistencies.  Holy Spirit, accept my prayer!)

Update 7/19/24: Last Friday I received a call releasing me under the probationary period.  The letter was not gracious.  I am, frankly, relieved.

Wish for a Whole Day to Pray

I could use an entire day for a spiritual retreat.  My head is swirling with thoughts, plans, observations, interpretations, and, unfortunately, some fears.  I know--I know!--that You never rush, You never get overwhelmed, You never run late.  Not like me!  At those times, I have begun to take a breath and a moment to center and check in with You.  "What am I supposed to do next, God?  I am listening."

Hence, this entry.  This is what I was supposed to do at this moment.

I have finished one week at TaraVista.  Impressions are variable, but I feel hopeful and called to this place at this time for Your purposes.  If I ever needed wisdom, and I have needed it badly for many years, I need it more than ever now.  Help me, God, to pause before my mouth engages.  Help me to listen to Your Spirit and to speak words of life.  I don't want to work at a long career at TaraVista, but the income and the sense of restoration are wonderful right now.  Thank You.

Biblically, what Your Spirit is whispering to my soul in my Bible Recap "readings" (i.e., listening) has involved the consistent disregard over millennia for doing life Your way.  This is not a new phenomenon in the recent decade or so.  The MAGA and evangelical people seem to believe two errors: one, that things were so much better as to approach perfection in a recent time in the past, and two, that governments or lack of governments can make a country or a society "so much better."  It has always been Your plan to change hearts, not laws.  Ah, God!  Change my heart!

I love You so much and not enough.  Amen.

Grateful for Everything

 Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances...

...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It feels like we are at the end of a rough season, Abba.  At the same time, it feels like we may be beginning another rough patch in national politics and global unrest, even war.  

Help me to be clear-eyed about Your will.  The surprise ending of the third episode of The Chosen Season Four raises the deep and difficult issue about the character of Your will on many occasions.  We think, as humans, that we know what is good and "best," but we don't think correctly!  Your will is determined by so many pieces of knowledge and foreknowledge that my human mind cannot even begin to imagine.  What are *You* doing in this situation, this world--and most importantly for my relationship with You, my own life?

More than ever before in my 67+ years of life and my 50-ish years of knowing You, I realize that the reality of persecution and evil leadership and distortion of true worship of You is far more current nonfiction than historical or fictional recountings.  It was easier on my immature faith to believe that pastors and ministers all knew, preached, and respected truth.  Now I feel more mature and at the same time deeply disillusioned.  I also do not trust in my own ability to discern truth all the time.  That would be arrogant and a lot like the grandiose but ignorant certainty embraced by so many "Christians" who embrace beliefs and positions that make me cringe.  I can only, and always, refer back to You and ask You, in my childlike way, to explain these complicated and often distorted issues to me.

I fear being gaslit.  YOU are the Voice of Truth.  And I determine to be grateful for *everything,* even all the bad people like lying politicians, corrupt ministers of the Gospel, evil-intentioned employers and managers in my job, and other sinners.

May I follow You even when it makes no sense, even when others in my "Christian" world are trending a different and often opposite way, and may I (with my physical and spiritual deafness) hear You in the cacophony of voices in the foreground and the background of this tangled web of influences in this current world.

Come, Lord Jesus.  Maranatha!

Thankful Reflection

 

Abba, today I am most grateful for You.  You are always faithful.  I reflect on the sufferings of Your people who are persecuted, some of whom have even been tortured, imprisoned, or even killed--and You are still faithful and they still find joy in Your will.  

These months of waiting (10 months now) have not been easy although they have not risen to the level of suffering that others of Your saints have endured.  Now I feel like the Biblical Old Testament Joseph.  He remained steadfast despite being falsely accused and punished for it.  He continued to worship You and represent You.  Ultimately, You restored him to a place of respect.  Now I have my retirement pay, even retroactive, and the prospect of a new job with a salary greater than what I could have earned with my previous job.

I will miss these times with You (and Bailey by my side here).  I will miss walking during the middle of the day at Tower Hill, but weekends, watch out.  I will miss the flexibility of being at home, and the relief from the stress and absurdities of my former job--but not the stress and absurdities.  Maybe there will be new stress and new absurdities.  I know You will remain faithful and we will get through it together.

A new chapter is being written in my story now.  There are a couple of plot lines that need to be resolved.  I look forward to seeing how You write the endings of those plots.

I love You--so much and not nearly enough.

Direction on Directorship

 Father God, what a shock to receive an invitation to consider the position of Director of Social Work at TaraVista.  What an honor and what a vindication.  As much as the experience of the past year has hurt and even wounded me, this invitation has brought a measure of salve and comfort.  It may be too soon to know whether full healing has started, but the reprieve feels nice.  

Now I ask for Your direction.  The money is a big incentive.  Full-time is not my preference, but nothing is forever.  In fact, if I had not been "discharged," I would still be working full-time.  Did You shove me out of a job for the purpose of giving me more free time?  Or did You shove me out of government service and an unhealthy working environment for the purpose of giving me something better?  Help me to hear what You are directing (word choice intentional) me to do.  I like the opportunity to be generous and to plan for future housing costs, both repairs and purchase.  Please be clear!  You know my heart inclines toward You and Your purposes in my life, in my family, and in Your world.  I see in Scripture that some of Your people believed they were doing the right thing for You but it was neither at Your direction nor with Your blessing.

Waiting for You, Father God.  Amen.

Every One Matters

Jehovah Jireh, my provider, thank You for the job and the funds with which we hope to serve and bless You and Your people.  I will miss all the "tiempo libre" and the time with "mi perro," and I will look forward to structuring my time differently after 10-11 months of this unexpected break.  Please direct me during this time of readjustment.

The "Every One Matters" title is pertinent in two ways.  I first considered this my God Shot for the 1 Chronicles readings today because You mention so many people and their relatives by name.  It occurred to me that each person is significant enough to call out individually.  You really care deeply not just about the masses but each child (no matter their age).  Secondly, if I am to take on the Social Work Supervisor role for TaraVista, then the "every one matters" philosophy will be important to implement as a supervisor and as a provider of clinical services.  I may want to make a poster of this.

God, I feel Your healing touch.  There is a lot to heal.  I also praise You for discipline in Your love and love in Your discipline.  If I may, I also want to intercede for my daughters in their places of service today and going forward.  The world needs more Millenials like my daughters, who serve individuals and foster their growth in several meaningful ways.  Please provide for them as You are providing for me.

I love You.  Amen.
 

A New Vista?

 

Lord God, my God, I do not want to charge ahead with a big decision about accepting a full-time job without consulting with You.  In The Bible Recap's readings so far this year, one "God Shot" that weaves through many of the experiences of Your people is their failure to listen to You.  Still, You rescue them even when You discipline them.  Let my mind be clear, Your voice be loud enough to hear You through my spiritual deafness, and this decision be made with the heart intent to glorify You.  It seems providential--the word "provide" is in there--and it also seems redemptive and restorative.  Selfishly, I will probably miss all the free time I have enjoyed.  Equally selfishly, I will probably enjoy having some extra money to spend and share and save for our long-term goals.

DH agrees.  Both he and I would like a part-time option, and perhaps that will come later.  In the meantime, God, thank You.  (I am a little worried that the next part of the process will require references, and I will put that in Your hands right now.)

You really are the Greatest, the King above all Kings, and a Good, Good Father.  Not to even get close to a Blessed Redeemer~~

Amen.

Some Answered Prayers

Abba God, do You ever get tired (so to speak) of all my complaining? Much of my prayer lately has been complaining about all the bad, awful things that have happened over the past year. Over the past three days or so, there have been some breathtaking and tear-jerking answers to prayer that deserve to be noted:

• Julie: For our Mother's Day call, she seemed slightly discouraged about her job prospects. Then, yesterday, she dropped a one-line text announcing that she had just received an unofficial job offer from a positive prospect. Thank You so much, Father!  
• What also deeply blessed me was the near-immediate answer to this prayer for Julie on my prayer walk at Tower Hill yesterday. I cannot capture the intimacy of that prayer time in words; I want to describe one "vision" I had of You. It was more than a vision, though. I also felt You.  (Cue the tears here....)  As I walked, I envisioned You walking next to me, saying nothing but just looking at me with those amazing eyes, and then, still saying nothing, taking my hand. Thank You for that beautiful, *touching* experience. You are real, and no one can ever convince me otherwise.
• More answered prayer: I received a letter today from the Retirement Board stating that my retirement date is officially February 19, 2024. The letter was dated May 13, 2024 (Monday) and signed by Stephanie, with whom I had spoken back in March. I admit to being still skeptical, and I called my other contact, Daren, to confirm it. If this is true, however, it could be a financial relief *IF* the retirement checks come sooner as a result. Thank You for this, too.
• Another possible positive answered prayer: In a conversation with Tatiana from the Department of Unemployment Assistance (DUA), she asked me to clarify my disputed version of my discharge from my job. I was somewhat emotional, not crying but with emphatic descriptions of the course of events and questions about why I would ever do what I am accused of doing. She was professional and yet supportive. I cannot yet be sure, but when I checked the DUA site today, she might have made me eligible for some unemployment benefits. If so ( or even if not ), thank You for the opportunity to tell my story and maybe for a little cash cushion. If it comes through, You will get some of it, directed to The Journey.
  
• Then come the job possibilities.   I thank You for these at the same time that I ask for Your clear direction. Am I being greedy, or am I responding to the ideas of 1) using my gifts and talents for others and for You and 2) having additional money to share and invest in Your work in the world. You know what I would miss most, Abba? Walking with Bailey. He has become my buddy! I would also miss volunteering at the Belmont Community School, although that may resolve itself by October, when I would want to resume those precious visits.

I know I could go on and on. You always answer prayer. It isn't always the answer I want, of course. (In fact, I have begun to wonder about the entire administrative leave-to-discharge/firing thing. It feels a little, or even a lot, like Joseph's "Man meant it for evil but God meant it for good" experience.)  More importantly, I feel much
closer to You because of this (relatively weak!) suffering.  

Abba God, I don't love You enough, but I love You.  Amen.

No Stopping

 "Pray without ceasing." "Pray continually." "Never stop praying."

In actual practice, Father God, this is not so easy to do.  Distractions are my number-one problem in obeying this command.  Focus (is this related to distraction?) is another; that is, where do I concentrate the time that I do have?  Defining prayer to be broader, much broader, than intercession is another issue.  There is SO much to talk to You about!  Most times I just do not know where to start, and many times I am not sure where to end, either.

But I will not stop.  I want to seek Your pointing finger regarding a job.  I want to listen to Your soft, comforting voice about the country, the world, and especially the Church.  I want to ask for all Your attention and all Your blessings for my family members and especially for my daughters.  And most of all, and most of the time, I just want to sit with You.  This idea brings tears to my eyes, Lord.  (And out of my eyes, too.)

One issue I am grappling with that I need to ask You about is the grievance resolution and this subtle prompting to write about it.  I cannot determine whether that is coming from You or from me.  Would You make it clearer for me?  I am seeing, and I have seen, instances where "good" ideas might not have come from You.  Biblically, there seem to be a few of them in Your Old Testament people's experiences.  Let me not get ahead of You and Your permission and direction--Your "Go!"

I love You.  Amen.

A Timely Tryst

Well, my time has been used up a little by job searching, health appointments, and other considerations as I sit here at Panera.  I was looking forward to this time away from home to focus in a private place--funny that Panera is more "private" than home, with the risk of DH wanting to know what I am doing or writing--and to make this diary/journal/blog entry.  Abba, I need to get my head in Your game.  What are You pointing to for me?  For my daughters?  Especially for Julie, Abba, I ask for Your quick and clear provision for her next vocational and financial step.  It would help her faith, and probably Tue's faith, to see You respond early and maybe even miraculously.  I know, and most mature Christians know, that miracles are not a right but a privilege, that miracles are intended to respond to and develop the recipient's faith in You.  Can You see how this would help Julie and Tue?  Of course You can!  :)  

Please also clear the path for Amy and Chris.  I admit to discouragement with the delay in their promised engagement.  It is not my relationship, though.  Please hasten the resolution of Chris's immigration application, especially if that is the hindrance to a formal engagement.  Please also guard Amy during her trip to Poland with the Messiah students.  It is a wonderful opportunity, and it is not lost on me that Your apostles faced far greater dangers in their travels.  (But they were not my children.... )

I have to go now.  I love You, but not enough!  Until another time, soon~~

Prayer for My People

Abba, DH is out but only ~18 minutes away.  I was listening to The Beagle Lady (really good stuff!) and lost track of Our time.  Here are a few things I want to talk to You about because "I can pray to God for others [and myself, too]."

• Julie's job situation: Please, dear Father, show her Your faithful provision for all her needs, especially her vocational and financial needs right now.  It would have been less anxiety-producing if she had a job offer in hand prior to resigning from Harrity, but her hand was forced and we will rest in the knowledge that You had this knowledge already.  Build her faith *and* be her Jehovah Jireh, please.
• Amy's relationship with Christopher: Since I can't hid anything from You anyway, I will just say it--what is taking him so long??  Please, Father, hustle this relationship along a little bit, if just for me (selfishly).  And BTW, please bless that trip to Poland next week.  It is exciting and a little anxiety-producing at the same time, as any international travel is in these uncertain times.
• DH: Since he is close, I cannot go into as much detail as I would like.  But here again, I count on Your omniscience.  You know what I need to do and what I need to say to You.  And I appreciate that.

Be glorified in my life, Abba God.  There are many problems and demands on us right now, and learning to hear Your still, small voice of direction can be challenging when the cacophony is overwhelming.  Love You!

Intercessions

 Addenda, Father:

• Julie's job search
• Christopher's proposal to Amy!!
• Tue's faith and salvation
• Our decisions about house renovations and maintenance
• Our decision about a second home in PA
• My sister's motherly grief

There is SO much more. Some of the things tormenting my heart are the stupidity, delusions, and lies that characterize many of the citizens of this country at this time—the citizens of the world, really.  It bothers me deeply that truth, and especially You, the Truth, is rejected by so many.  I guess this has been foretold for many generations; Your people have always been a small minority, the gods of the world have always fought hard against You, and You never promise that everyone will love You---only that they will bow the knee to You eventually.  But the misleading!  Good-hearted people who profess to love and follow You are so deluded!  Talk about optical illusions.  These are spiritual delusions, I think.

But for now, let
me focus on my family's following You and listening to Your directions.  You know I am a little hard-of-hearing, Father, so please raise Your voice a little.  I am paying attention.

More Listening: Six Psalms

Why, Father God, do You take so long to exert Your justice and power?  I don't ask that in a challenging way but in a sincerely curious way.  I have even begun (slow learner) to see that You do not always--or even frequently--rescue Your beloved ones from what the world would consider terrible situations, even death.  I am remembering the Oscar-winning movie "JoJo Rabbit," in which people who sheltered Jewish people were put to death.  This story is also told in Corrie tenBoom's life and book "The Hiding Place."  I think that less mature Christians, who are children in their faith, expect heroic and miraculous rescues in which You swoop in like Superman to save the victim and restore law and order.

It isn't always so, is it?  When I sat down to make this prayer entry, I wanted to do it while listening to today's devotional readings from Psalms.  Sure enough, in the first of six, there it is.

"How long, LORD? Will You hide Yourself forever?

Remember how fleeting is my life.  For what futility You have created all humanity!

Lord, where is Your former great love, which in Your faithfulness You swore to [me]? Remember, Lord, how Your servant has been mocked ("gross misconduct," violence, religious bigotry), how I bear in my heart the taunts of all the nations, the taunts with which Your enemies, LORD, have mocked, with which they have mocked every step of Your anointed one."

(all from Psalm 89)

But the ending: Praise be to the LORD forever! AMEN AND AMEN.

Make this true in my life, dearest God.  I surrender, I submit, I await Your voice and Your face.  Show Yourself to me, please? 

 

 

Another Quick One

•  Job?
• Julie's job?
• Amy & Chris
• The world and the people in it
• Listening to You

Abba, I have only a few minutes because DH is in town and on his way home.  Please grant direction in these and the many more areas that I bring before You but may not have time to elaborate.  I am trying to listen to You!

Quick!

 Hey, Abba!  DH is too close to home for a long post.  Just checking in to say I love You and I am feeling very much supported by You.  You speak to me often these days, I think.  Don't allow me to misinterpret Your messages.

'Til next time....

Confidence in Chaos

Good morning, Abba.  I am a little scattered today and I chose the title for this post because it reflects what I need: confidence in chaos.  (I am listening to my beagle's deep, sleepy breathing and it calms me, too.) 

Help me to be more gentle with my increasingly disorganized husband.  He is not completely disorganized; don't get me wrong.  I get frustrated when he is illogical, when he misunderstands me, when he focuses on minutiae and misses the bigger points and issues.  I am afraid that he might have encroaching age-related cognitive decline, and I am disappointed in his lack of ambition and direction in anything other than his woodworking business.  That is not entirely true: he is committed to the refugee ministry, too.  However, he seems to be neglecting our home and its upkeep and maintenance, especially on projects that I am unable to do.

So that is my confession, Abba, for today.  :(  Today, I am preparing for our church dinner.  I need to get moving soon.  My YD has distracted me with her dental anxiety, which is not a complaint.  BTW, Abba, please calm her anxiety and grant her the peace and comfort of Your presence.  That is something I typically would forget to bring to You--stupidly, I admit, but You care for even the smallest details of our lives and relationships.

Maybe that is my "God Shot" for today....

I love You, too.  Gotta run!

Deep Breath

 

Hi, Abba.  My head is cluttered.  I think that may be the propulsion behind my effort to declutter a little bit today.  There is such a lot, such a large number, of issues swirling around my life that I do what many people seem to do: ignore them all.

• Bailey and I went for a 20-minute walk in the drizzle at Davis Hill just a little while ago.  That felt good!
• I watched ~52 minutes of the Recall Training video done by The Beagle Lady today.  That felt good, too.
• I am still waiting for the grievance decision.  I suspect I will be waiting for a long time, if history is a good predictor.
• The job interview scheduled for this past Monday was rescheduled because the interviewer called in sick.  It is now a virtual interview for this coming Monday at 11 a.m.  May Your will be done.
• In the meantime, I need to respond to at least three job offers in order to satisfy unemployment rules...IF they have even approved my application.

See what I mean, Abba?  And this does not even take into account the party for my MIL on Saturday, or the Community Dinner next Friday, or teaching Sunday School, or whatever pops up and requires flexibility.  

But You are always sufficient.  You are enough.  My "God Shot" today might have been the subtext of the last chapters of 1 Samuel and the first chapters of 2 Samuel--that it is not only entirely possible but also entirely usual that people *think* they are following, honoring, and obeying You but they are not.  Some of this is attributable to not listening closely enough to You or going ahead with what they think is what You want.  So much of that very same thinking is present in this time, this culture.  Help me, Abba, to know You so well that I know what You would want and to listen to You so carefully that I know what You are commanding.  Please.

Amen.

There You Are Again

 From today's psalms:

• Psalms 7:8 "Let [You] judge the peoples.  Vindicate me, Lord, according to my righteousness, according to my integrity, O Most High."
• Psalms 31:17-18 "Let me not be put to shame, LORD, for I have cried out to You; but let the wicked be put to shame and be silent in the realm of the dead.  Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous."
• Psalms 31:12 "I am forgotten as though I were dead...."
• Psalms 34:13 "keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies."
• Psalms 34:15 "The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are attentive to their cry"
• Psalms 34:17 "The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them"
• Psalms 52:2-4 "You who practice deceit, your tongue plots destruction; it is like a sharpened razor.  You love evil rather than good, falsehood rather than speaking the truth.  You love every harmful word, you deceitful tongue!"

And finally:

    "I trust in [Your] unfailing love for ever and ever....And I will hope in Your name, for Your name is good." (Psalsm 52:8b and 9b)

Truth and justice, O Lord my God, are the cries of my heart!  Amen.

Voice of God, Voice of Truth

 

Maybe practice is making me better at hearing You (I am recalling that funny reel where a child protests the "practice makes perfect" platitude!) because I feel like I am hearing Your voice more often in these days of difficulty.  Most recently, in the TBK (The Bible Kneecap) podcast yesterday, these words came off the page and out of the speaker with power:

"We praise You for the way sin bends to serve Your ultimate will.  It never has the last word, God, and that is so comforting."

I could not have needed that truth more.  Her first statement addressed "Your sovereignty over timing."  In my readings/listenings, it is clearer to me than ever that our human version of "all things work together for good for those who love God" is often distorted, if not outright corrupted, by our humanity.  Many of Your people died believing in You.  Many suffered and continue to suffer.  Sometimes it is years, if ever, that we see Your deliverance here on earth.  Will that be so for me?  Will I see justice?  I will continue to cry out for justice just as Your people have done for millennia.  I will also be content to trust Your sovereignty over timing.  

All things for Your will, Abba.  Amen!

Taking Every Thought Captive

"We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

Abba, so many thoughts about the hearing this morning on the Step 3 grievance.  I know that I have cried out to you for justice.  I continue to cry out for justice.  I believe that You revealed a few things this morning that I want to capture here for Your help in assessing them for truth:

1) The basic difference of recollection, which I have difficulty not calling an outright lie, involves the charge that I "ripped off" a hijab. That just did not happen.  If I start from that point of difference, much of the subsequent actions and disclosures fit into the puzzle more fully.

2) Near the beginning of the hearing, the Assistant COO/Compliance was asked for her recollection of the events of the day.  She struggled.  Of course, that day is now 10 months in the past; I have to concede that.  One of the things that she emphasized, however, struck me: The ACOO stated that the person was very upset *and that they spent a lot of time discussing the many instances of discrimination in DMH and at WRCH.*  To me it seemed that the focus of the discussion was not on my specific interaction with this person but on the general atmosphere of discrimination that the person had experienced over a long period of time.

3) The DMH person handling that side of the hearing (WT) emphasized how long the process of investigation often takes.  He claimed, admitting that he did not have any documentation, that the investigation and the Show Cause hearing were ongoing and in process well before the publication of the article.  This troubled me because it is a claim that cannot be verified.  It also leads into the next point.

4) Once the article was published, the process went remarkably quickly.  Reasoning that the article only came out in the July 12 edition of the journal, and that people might not have read it immediately, it seems that the intervening week and a half would cover the discovery of the article and discussion about how to address this revelation.

The following is my opinion only: Even the witness's statement described a pleasant and even complimentary interaction between the person and me.  If, as I noted earlier, the person complained more broadly about DMH and WRCH--remember, she was initially not inclined per ACOO report to file a complaint--then I might be the scapegoat to prove that DMH/WRCH were addressing workplace violence and discrimination seriously.  Reportedly, the HRO encouraged the person to file a complaint, but what was not said was whether the complaint would be just against me or more generally against the department and the hospital.  (NB The HRO had come to me on the down-low to give me a heads-up that this situation was happening, and not the way he had anticipated.)

Well, God, as with everything, the situation is fully in Your hands.  I am safe there no matter what happens.  There is no place I would rather be.

I love You, too, so much--and not enough.

Amen.

Prayer Time with Many Issues

Abba Father, we will see a tentatively scheduled hearing on the termination grievance this week.  May I cry out to You for justice?  I see Your people across millennia being oppressed by others, which You have allowed but from which You want to set Your people free.  I have tried to take Your viewpoint on this situation, believing that You had allowed it to happen with little to no forewarning.  I can't see what I could have done differently since the interaction seemed innocuous and friendly.  My heart cries out for justice.  I know that there are SO many Bible verses asking You to bring justice, and trying to choose one that captures my sadness and my pleading would take a lot of time and even more confusion.  This may be a good one, though, thanks to a Google search:

"Don't you know [yes, I do!] that God, the true judge, will grant justice to all his chosen ones who cry out to him night and day?  He will pour out his Spirit upon them." Luke 18:7  TPT

"EVEN EVIL BENDS TO GOD'S WILL." (Tara-Leigh on today's recap)

Abba, I am ready to be drenched in Your Spirit.  At least I am, and I definitely want to be.  I want to be one of those chosen ones who cries out to You constantly, all day long, and I pray that You will grant justice to me.  You are my true judge; You are the world's true judge.  We all need true and wise judges more than ever before.  Whatever Your will for the outcome of this trying trial, may I accept it graciously and faithfully.

As Tara-Leigh says,

I love You, too.  Amen.

Counting on You

 "...even God’s enemies who have deceived God’s people end up serving God’s purposes and glory."  Tara-Leigh Cobble on Day 84 of The Bible Recap transcript.

Oh, Abba, I considered writing this entry about courage and discouragement.  I am struggling lately with the discouragingly slow pace of resolving my dilemma with work, or more accurately, with termination from work.  One of the recent verses from Joshua references both courage and discouragement: 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

These are commands.  That they are commands implies that I have some role in obeying these commands.  That implication suggests that courage and discouragement are less emotionally based than behaviorally based.  Is that right?  How do I behave courageously?  Do I make myself do something in the face of, against the background of, feelings of discouragement? 

Show me, Abba, what to do.  I will do it.  In the meantime, I will ask You every day for Your agenda.  So far today, when I jotted down three things (and two other things that I did not write down), I have done all but one.  Time to go do that one thing.

I am counting on You, Abba, to do something big and miraculous and maybe unexpected or even unimaginable, the way you did in Joshua 9-11, my reading today,

I love You, too.

Calm My Anxious Heart

 Abba, there is a lot coming up in my life in the next 2-4 weeks.  

• I learned that a hearing date for the grievance of inappropriate termination is likely to happen during the week of March 25
• --when we are supposed to be in New Jersey.  
• I am trying to figure out what to do about income and insurance, particularly dental and vision.  
• I am writing statements in my head for all the things I would like the grievance officer to learn.  
• I am anticipating my niece's funeral and the profound sadness that will accompany that day.  

I am trying to stay focused, Abba, without feeling overwhelmed.  I am not succeeding too well.  Things come and go from my memory and my consciousness without leaving traces or hints.  

I admit, Father God, that I am distracted.  I will try to get one task completed before I leave.  Forgive me for all the things, attitudinal and behavioral, known and unknown, that constitute sin against You.  Purify my heart and direct my path--and calm my anxious heart.

Love You.  Amen.

Curse to Blessing

 Deuteronomy 23:5 NLT "He [The LORD your God] turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you."

I am afraid to take this verse out of context and to apply it to the upcoming grievance hearing, Abba. Would You let it be so?  I need a little encouragement,

Also in Nehemiah 13:2!  (Referring to the same Bible event with Balaam)

You Must Purge the Evil

 Adonai, You abhor evil.  What confuses me about this trait of Yours is how You separate out hating evil from being angry at people who practice evil--which would be all of us at one time or another.  Or am I not getting the point here?  Perhaps being angry at someone who does evil is not wrong.  Scripture seems filled with Your anger at Your wayward followers, while at the same time emphasizing Your compassion, forgiveness, and love toward them.  My mind is exploding.  

In my own situation regarding the false accusation and all the consequences of it, Abba, I am having a lot of trouble straddling this line.  I am enraged at the damage done to me by the management of the interaction with a Muslim woman.  As I read (or listen to) Your word in Deuteronomy, I see that the testimony of *more than one* witness is required when an accusation is made, and that did not happen here.  In fact, I believe that the witness's testimony, while probably not malicious in intent, was affected by the victim's interaction with him prior to his giving his statement.  BUT of course, there are two problems with this observation: one, I have no documentary proof that this happened or affected the testimony, and two, the state does not follow Your rules, or even the rules of courts and laws and trials.  (I might get fairer treatment in a courtroom, but these days, even that is uncertain.)

So, Father, You can see why the repeated line in my Bible devotional today impressed me.  "You must purge the evil...."  Of course, the first place from which I must purge the evil--is from my own heart and life.  This is why I am asking You to help me figure out the balance between hating the evil woven into this situation and being angry at those who have perpetrated this evil, and behaving in a Godly way.

You can also see why my heart has chosen the theme of JUSTICE for this year.  Justice can be risky if I deserve punishment.  Here is another balancing act: justice and forgiveness.  (Deep thoughts)  It seems to me, in individual up to global venues, that justice is not valued anymore.  Winning is the thing!  

"Ask Him for wisdom.  Ask Him for heart change." I need both, God.  I need them both in buckets, large and overflowing buckets.  I want so much to represent You well, even in this weirdo time of trial.

Love You.

How Blessed

 "The Righteous and The Wicked Contrasted.  How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.  He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  And in whatever he does, he prospers.  (Psalms 1:1-3)" 

Thoughts on trees and growth and fruit: Trees take a while to establish their roots and prepare to bear fruit.  There is that theme of time, patience, and waiting again.  How long, Lord?  I know that in many of the Gospels, as well as in the Old Testament and the Epistles and *especially* Revelation, the length of time for You to take action frustrates us humans!

Being misunderstood is also tremendously frustrating--and I do recognize that You were, and are, so misunderstood.  What is it like for You, Lord?  What was it like when You were on earth?  From what I know and think, perhaps You were also frustrated.  Heartbroken, even, because Your good intentions--great and holy and loving intentions!--were twisted and mangled and dirtied.  I feel like that.  My intentions were not as pure as Yours, but as I have examined my heart and have said the words that describe the finding of the complaint, I do not find my heart *that* evil.  "I am a racist, violent bigot."  

Am I?  Do I have that in my heart?  

I know I have sin in my heart.  I know that I have some bad attitudes, a lot of sinful pride, a sharp tongue and an arrogance that can make me difficult to get along with.  I also know that I am not what I am accused of being, just as You knew that You were not a blasphemer and an agent of Satan.

Lord, I am determined to await Your vindication of me.  Please let it come soon.  My faith is not that strong, and I waver at times.  Help me to be blessed in the way that Psalm 1 describes.

Plans for Me

Abba, without choosing the particular verse but only saying to myself that I would choose the first Old Testament verse in my Bible Memory list, I "chose" Jeremiah 29:11~~

"For I know the plan I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

May I interpret Your communication with me here? The administrative leave has turned into a termination, and my head is swimming with partial pieces of information and memories.  I *will* trust that You are leading me in this path and, of course, that You knew the path that was coming up before it happened.

More and more I am seeing how much injustice and untruth is in the world, both currently and historically.  I am seeing that it may take years to bring justice, and that sometimes the justice does not come for the perpetrators until well after they die. I confess that I had a subtle belief that people somehow, however slightly, deserved the injustice being committed against them.  Now I am in this situation and I may be found guilty by lies.

Abba, please inspire me to draft a compelling--and true!--account of the incident in question.  Whether or not it will be accepted into my personnel record, it may help me to put it in writing.  Help me to be calm, thoughtful, organized, and respectful.  Please bless, with exceptional efficiency, my meeting with the union representative this afternoon.  I want to honor You in this very weird situation.  Please grant this for both of us.  

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Distractible

 

I am pretty distractible these days.  I am trying to tick off my to-do list items and I keep getting off track.  I also have trouble focusing on praying, Father.  

I don't even know where to begin.  Is that one of the symptoms of distractibility?  I am waiting for this YouTube to finish so that I can knock off my Duolingo, where I am pretty far behind.  

(And I moved up 14 places!  Amazing what focus can do.  And a 2x boost.)

I admit to preoccupation with the political climate.  I have a great fear and disappointment that reason and truth do NOT penetrate the blindness of those people who are believing lies.  Why is that, Abba?  Can You help me to understand what is going on?

A few Bible verses are coming to mind...

• 2 Corinthians 4:4
• John 12:40
• 1 John 2:11

(For some reason, being at the car dealership is blocking my access to certain websites, including those where I could retrieve these verses.)

But I will finish for now, Father, since my car will be ready soonish.  Thanks for tolerating my distractibility.  You know I love You!  (Shades of Peter the apostle.)

Updated 02/23/24 with the Bible verses!

• 2 Corinthians 4:4 The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
• John 12:40 (from Isaiah 6:10) "He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, so that can neither see with their eyes, nor understand with their hearts, nor turn--and I would heal them."
• 1 John 2:11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness.  They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.

Prayer Times

 Abba, the world is in shambles, and You seem to be hiding.  I don't blame You for that.  A lot of people, including some who claim to be Your people, don't appear to be looking for You anyway.  "We have made You too small in our eyes," and we have also made You in our image--selfish, capricious, harshly judgmental.  

So many prayer concerns:

1) The oldest daughter and her boyfriend

2) That boyfriend's immigration issues and...

3) ...their (possible?) effect on his relationship with her.

4) Your relationship with both daughters.  They are so *done* with Christian hypocrisy.

5) Both of our elderly mothers.

6) The younger nieces and nephews and their various struggles (such as cirrhosis of the liver....).

I get overwhelmed with more than six things at a time.  These are more than enough for today, although there are SO many more.  Don't hide, Abba.  Show up.  Show Yourself.  Do a miracle or two not just for us but for Your glory and Your kingdom, please.

In Jesus's name and in the Spirit of God~~Amen.

Heartbroken and Disheartened

 

God!  My heart is broken, at the very least bruised, because of the disillusionment of my elder daughter with her "Christian" employer and the current evangelical Christian world.  My younger daughter long ago became disillusioned with conservative evangelicalism.  That disillusionment alone does not hurt me.  They both assure me that they still love Jesus.  Rather, it is the decision of my eldest to live with her boyfriend.  Without going into all the details that You already know, the arrangement may or may not include sex.  That is between You and them.  It is the raw, blunt pain in her announcement that she will not work for a faith-based institution ever again, and her cooling attachment to the church in her city, seemingly because of hurtful attitudes and maybe comments.

I feel like we--You and I--are fighting a losing battle, Lord.  I know You win.  I am counting on that.  But I feel bad.  What has Your church done to Your reputation?  

Last week's sermon about confrontations with the Jewish (read: religious) leaders hit a weak spot.  So many believers, at times including my own DH, have unquestioningly accepted the proclamations of the Christian leaders of our times.  Woe to those leaders who have mislead, or lead astray, Your people!

Would You consider an intervention of a miraculous sort, Abba?  I know that You will not interfere with a person's free will, and I also know that You soften and harden hearts.  Please soften hearts in my family.  These are awful times when injustice, untruth, and frank evil are rampant.  But You win.

Amen!

Learning from Leviticus

 Good afternoon, Abba.  I have to grab a few minutes to write/pray here while DH is out grocery shopping.  I have so much on my mind; yet I want to have only YOU on my mind.  "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God." Colossians 3:1-2, a little mashed up.

One thing, a big thing, that I want to talk to You about is our oldest daughter and her man.  Abba, how often do you see me, or us, making unwise decisions and choosing a path that is not Your way?  I have laid out my case before her, and now I ask--maybe even beg--You to soften their hearts and provide a path for them to save face and, honestly, money.  Following You can be hard, and You don't promise otherwise.  You also command those of us who have the means to help (James 2) to help--even sacrificially.  Please bring it all together to glorify Yourself, and give all of us, every individual among us, the exact thing we need to continue to "trust and obey" You.

Back to Leviticus: Ah, the exquisite detail.  It all matters, perhaps in some ways we don't yet understand.  I love remaining faithful to being in the Word every day, and I am thankful for the person who developed this program to help and explain a lot of things.  

To You be all the glory!  These times are not terribly glorifying to You, but I am determined to be.  I can't do it on my own, though.  Holy Spirit, come and indwell me.  Make me Your hand puppet.  IJN (In Jesus's Name)~~Amen.

More Complaining Than Praising?

 What struck me today in my Bible reading and devotional were two things:

1.  How much You, LORD, want our *holy* consecration to You.
2.  How much we, Your people, complain more than we praise You (thanks to TLC for this point--a good one).

DH is on his way home and I must go quickly.  I praise You!

Manna and Still Complaining

 

Like my brothers and sisters during the time of Exodus and manna, I am "complaining" about Your generous provision, Abba. My complaint is pretty silent; outwardly, I am thankful. Inwardly, I am growing discouraged and impatient. Please forgive me. I will trust that You will bring something good out of this ... well, I want to call it a debacle!  

Meanwhile, Angie and liver failure. Amy and her financial stress and distress. Chris and his immigration issue. Julie and her dissatisfaction with her current job, and leading toward a new and better one. Enough to ask You about!  

Be glorified, Abba. You deserve it so much, and You deserve so much more than You get. 

Learning from Exodus

 Father, the thing from Exodus that jumped out at me today was the ~430 years in Egypt.  Several generations came and went without seeing Your deliverance, and yet some of them held on to hope.  What faithfulness in the face of mistreatment, lies, injustice, and challenge.  I want to be as tenaciously faithful as those heroes were.  I want to continue to live a righteous, Godly, loving, and gracious life while awaiting Your action, which, of course, does not come as quickly as I want.  

I will wait more or less patiently, probably more on the less side.  Your timing, Your ways, and Your resolutions are always perfect.  

Amen.

Seeing God in the World

 Help me to see You and Your work in the world and in my life, Abba.  Sometimes it is subtle and I need really good perception.

Eagle Eye View

Abba Father, I chose that title above to grab for Your overall omniscience. You see everything! You know everything. You have purpose that cannot be stopped. As I was reminded this morning by the worship song, YOU WON’T FAIL. 

This truth can be hard to embrace in the trials and tribulations of the immediate moment. I heard again in my devotional this morning in Exodus that the Jewish people waited almost (another) 400 years between Joseph and Moses. This makes my short 6-month-and-counting leave seem infinitesimal in comparison. It also makes the difficult spiritual climate in the evangelical church come into some focus, given that You, Abba, allowed Your people to endure those centuries of oppression before You rescued them.

I am going to try to embed a link to the song “Firm Foundation,” better remembered by me as “He Won’t.” 

Multiple Titles for Posts

Abba, it has been challenging this week to keep my focus.  In my mind I have considered several posts with titles that might reflect where my distractions have been:

• Spiritual Problems, Spiritual Solution (regarding the state of religion and politics, especially the evangelical church)
• What Does She Want? (regarding my accuser's imagined endgame)
• Justice in Several Areas (the former president, my daughter's low salary, and my own false accusation)

I am continuing with The Bible Recap assignments on a daily basis and I marvel (not the first time) at how You use the Scriptures for the day to speak to my heart, my life, and my soul.  Joseph ultimately forgave and blessed his brothers, who treated him so badly, not before making them grovel a little bit!  He practiced a bit of subterfuge and sleight of hand, too.  I have seen Joseph's business acumen, wisdom, and breath of knowledge as well.  This guy was no lightweight.  I wouldn't mind being a bit like him with respect to his endurance of false accusations, careful restoration of relationships (thinking about my DH's recent question about forgiving my accuser), and management of wealth and business.

In this meantime, Lord Father, let me be more faithful and devoted.  Show me how to do this in ways that are effective and honoring to You.  We may well be entering into a period of history when evil seems to triumph, when justice seems to be slow in coming.  You ultimately bring it!  May I not rush ahead of Your perfect timing.

Amen!

Bent to God's Will

I don't know if I can clip the part of today's Bible Recap sermonette that hit me hard.  If I can't, I will get the whole thing here, with a special focus around minutes 6:40 to 7:25.

In short, God's will cannot be thwarted by human sin--mine or others.  This section of Scripture is filled with examples of humans trying to mess with God's plans.  Interference, delay, distractions, and redirections never seem to work out in the moment--or sometime they do seem to!--but ultimately God wins.  He always wins.  

There is also the phenomenon that what goes around often comes back around.  Deceit begets deceit, and the deceiver becomes the deceived.  Two things come to my own mind, Father God: one, may I be a person of truth, always, and two, may justice come.  My prayer foci (plural of focus, right?) are for a just salary for Amy, a just resolution for my work leave, and a just outcome for the nation and the world who are in the gripping throes of lies and injustice.

I find myself pondering the problems facing the prophets and even Jesus.  People were defiant and sinful, rejecting messages of repentance and love in favor of their worldly pursuits and pleasures.  Their eyes were blinded?  It certainly seems that way now.  No matter how much truth is presented to them, they refuse to consider it.  Several honorable Christians have observed that this seems to be idolatry and a dramatic misunderstanding of the non-worldly nature of both the Kingdom of God and the United States.

Abba, keep my eyes focused above, according to Colossians 3:1-2~~

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Amen.

(Remember: especially from ~6:40-7:25!) 

Vindication and Restoration of Job

My "God Shot" for today's reading is the vindication of Job and restoration of his fortunes.  May it be so for me, too, God.  I want to be as faithful and as honest with You as Job was.  Help me to hold on!

Me and Job

(This could be "punny" since I intended it to reference the Biblical character, but the application to my employment is equally pertinent.)

Looking back on my "readings" to which I listened over the past days of my devotions, and for whatever reason the author chose to focus on Job, I find You and Your providential leading--again. Today's reading in Job 6 is titled "Job Replies: My Complaint is Just." I feel that way, too. In verses 10b-11, Job says what I feel:

"for I have not denied the words of the Holy One. What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end, that I should be patient?"

Tara Leigh Cobble, who hosts and directs the one-year Bible reading plan the Bible Recap, spoke about this chapter's character Bildad's false accusation against Job. That's how I feel: falsely accused. And of course, Jesus, You were also falsely accused. Seems like there is a lot of that going around....

So my God Shot of today concerns Your faithfulness to the falsely accused. You know the truth.. You will vindicate me in due time, although Your time is not my time, and I am impatient. Knowing when, whether, and why to poke the bear is risky. Only You, God, knows the right timing for this situation. Until then, I submit and surrender to Your will.

Amen.

The Goodness of Growing Smaller*

 "A season of decrease."  Idolatry.  I have been on this administrative leave now for 20 weeks.  I have had no communication from the hospital since September 28 and from the union since October 3.  These two themes from my recent readings are top of mind this morning as I write here

God, did I create an idol of my identity as a social worker?  Am I "growing smaller"?  It feels weird, and it seems rather nice in a way to be at home so much.  I had been used to having so little time to do many of the tasks I have done and still have to do this season, and now I have the time.  Even time to journal here more often has been a blessing of growing smaller and decreasing.

And yet.  Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I recalled the 400 years between the last recorded words of God in the Old Testament and the arrival of Jesus in the New.

Four hundred years.

What did the faithful people of God think and feel during those years?  That is about five lifetimes for some people.  Is God real?  Has He abandoned us?  Why is He silent?  Did we do something wrong?  What are we waiting for?  What is He waiting for?

"The Fullness of Time."  (Coincidentally or not, our Advent theme at The Journey!)

God, please help me to see goodness in this time of decrease.  Help me to redefine myself according to Your leading.  "He (Jesus) must increase but I must decrease."  Amen!

Validated

Abba, I am almost finished listening to a book on Audible titled "The Kingdom, The Power, and The Glory" by Tim Alberta.  I feel both sad and validated.  I have been so profoundly dejected about the political and spiritual condition of the evangelical church, especially in light of the support for the vile ex-president--and his rising poll numbers.  Call me conspiratorial, but I harbor a strong suspicion that Russia and perhaps China (maybe other countries) are manipulating polls and even the candidate.  However, having been listening to this book, I am discouraged that SO many evangelicals and far-right conservatives either cannot or will not consider the truth.  

Truth.

Probably because this book has outlined not only modern-day but also historical and even Biblical examples of persecution and power, all based on failure to follow God and Godly standards of behavior, I am feeling validated but no less despondent.  In fact, if something positive comes out of his book for me, Abba, it is the camaraderie of sadness that Tim describes for himself and for many of the Christian leaders he interviewed for the book.  It is a feeling of lament.  

Why am I surprised?  The Enemy is the Father of Lies, right?  

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.  (John 8:44)

Help me, Abba God.  I find examples all over my life of your people facing persecution, false accusations (yes, still going on with that administrative leave), and "spiritual leaders" who are not Godly.  "Christians are taught never to place their faith in man....we are predisposed to making gods out of athletes, entertainers, politicians, anyone who can dazzle and fill us with awe."  We are "idol-making factories," said Calvin.

We are indeed.  And I see an idol in the current Republican ... what do I call him? ... standard-bearer.

God, have mercy on us.  Deliver us from evil and spare us for a time to rededicate ourselves to serving You and reaching out to this broken world.