Touched by Angels

 Father God, today I cried some and smiled some.  

• Cried: So much death in 2025 and 2026 for me.  Debbie in January 2025, Wanda (Mom) in September 2025, and pending Mary Ann ("suegra") probably this year.  Songs were associated with Debbie and Wanda; angels of various types, in human form or canine form (and for my nephew Joe, probably in cardinal/avian form); contemplation of how my own life is going to be weighed in your scale.
• Smiled: Two positive things--no, maybe three.  I shared on The Chosen Facebook page (the gifts promotion, I think) that I am wearing the hoodie saying "I have only one thing to do today...FOLLOW HIM."  Someone monitoring that page loved my post.  The young black man at the Toyota dealership, Exavier, said to me as we were leaving, "If no one has told you this today, you are beautiful."  I still feel warmed by his sweet encouragement.  And then thirdly, but first chronologically, my Spanish lesson with Edder was his story about a deaf boy named Leander, and we had so much fun.  I learned so much, and we shared each other's lives and loves (he told me about his partner, Ilich, and sent me a picture of them), and then he made me promise to tell Mary Ann about him when we visit.

Thank You.  I need these little reminders of You and from You.

Requiem

 (Taken from the title of The West Wing episode about Leo McGarry's death)

Abba, there has been a lot of death this year, or it feels like it.  And now Mary Ann's condition does not seem hopeful for a cure or even an extended time of relief from her symptoms.  She has been a difficult person for me to know and to enjoy; that is, not that she is difficult.  She is simple, decent-hearted, and steadfast.  She is not exactly intellectual, and she often talks and thinks in circles.  

Abba, does she know You?  I am not sure, although it is not mine to know.  So, since I am uncertain, the right thing to do is to ask You for the opportunity to have someone of Your choosing to talk with her.  Abba, make her comfortable.  Please help her find great peace in her body and spirit.  I can only imagine (song incoming!) what it would be like to be staring at death, but I would be staring into a glass darkly for a glimpse of Your face.

May she get that glimpse, even with her diminished earthly vision.  May her heart and her spirit catch that glimpse of You, and may it comfort and even excite her!  I believe I would feel that way — and I definitely want to.

Chill Day: Sin and Sanctification

 I have barely 5 minutes until DH returns from his walk with Bailey (even though I had a walk of over an hour at Tower Hill with Bailey today!!).  What can I hear from You today, Abba?

"Harsh and unprofessional" -- toward someone who was violating HIPAA confidentiality rules repeatedly, even after I had asked her to stop prior to this interaction.  I wonder whether that feedback was shared with her.  I think I handled the feedback shared with me better than I have in the past.

My own weaknesses and, yes, sin, "are ever before me."  Where does that line come from?  Psalm 51:3 NASB.  That is where my mind has been dwelling,  Then I think it is You who interrupts me and reminds me that all of that sin is forgiven--and forgotten?  It is a strange contradiction to embrace, Abba.  Would You make that sin diminish, please?  It is not enough to have it all forgiven if the character flaw it represents is not healed and repaired.

I probably have to go now.  I am so thankful even for this short time.

Love!

So Many Titles

 Father God, I have had many titles of posts that I want to make here, and now I cannot remember any of them.  Such is busyness and my memory!  We have had a very productive day, though, haven't we?  Bailey is staring at me right now.  He had better chill because I intend to do his teeth again before DH gets home in 15 minutes or so.

Reflecting on the Scripture readings for today, from 1 Samuel and featuring David and Saul, I see the personal relationship that the former had with You and the fearful relationship that the latter had.  (Did Saul have bipolar disorder?)  I also keep bumping up against the "gross misconduct" termination finding and my emotional distress over the failure of justice.  Or is it just?  In many of the commentaries from The Bible Recap, TLC emphasizes that we deserve all the worst things that befall humanity, sometimes at the hands of others and sometimes at Your hands.  I will accept that I am a terrible human being, that I have not lived up to my own exalted image of myself in my own mind!  Making peace with that notion in this latter stage of my life is going to be a challenging task, I think.  But--You have redeemed me, although I don't think I am such a bargain, Lord.  Keep renovating me.  You are always at work, as the song Way Maker emphasized on my walk with Bailey today.  

Love You but never as much as You deserve.  

Retreat for 20 Minutes

Good morning, Abba, even though it is already almost 11:15 a.m. My client canceled today, with my blessing and understanding; it is an accomplishment of therapy that she chose to use her time for her important task, and believed my repeated offers to her to skip a session. So, would you bless her efforts today?

I have put this "journaling" or retreat time on my to-do list for several days. You know that I don't like to write here because my DH can be nosy, and this is our private space. As I sit here now, and calm my heart and mind, I find tears coming to my eyes repeatedly. I have a lot on my mind, and I need to make all those things get in line, even if not in order of importance.

(My beagle Bailey is sleeping next to me--and he is snoring. Love that boy.)

1. My skeptical son-in-law Tue. What a conversation -- actually, two -- we had on Palm Sunday in Harrisburg! He is in love with my daughter, and he wants to support her return to a church community, but oh my, a healthy church is hard to come by these days. He is, by his own description, looking for a "progressive Christian" church, which I think for him means one that will accept homosexual people. (That is another point that I might need to explore either today or at another time.)  "I am looking, Patricia!" is what I remember his response was when I (twice) quoted the Scripture that promises that "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). To be fair and balanced, he also pushed back on some of the things that he has trouble believing and accepting. I just don't think those "things" are you.

2. My immigrant son-in-law, or yerno, Christopher.  He is working hard to earn his Nurse Practitioner certification, and he is in love with my daughter (different daughter, of course). He is understandably frightened by the immigration "enforcement" actions of the current administration, and I am, too. For him, Abba, I ask for your divine and extraordinary protection. That he is going on the civil rights bus tour with Amy and the Messiah group is wonderful and scary. I love his heart and his passion for what he calls "socialism," but feels more like widespread compassion for people. May this awful time in the nation's lifeline resolve soon so that Christopher and Amy can relax a little, or a lot.

3. With limited time remaining, perhaps that bridge to my concern about this nation is the next logical point. Oh, God, deliver us from evil. There is evil afoot and abundant in this country, and some of it has gripped your people's hearts and minds. Help me, Abba, not to be arrogant but to be discerning. I remember a reading earlier this week in 1 Samuel where I thought to myself, "How blessed was Samuel to hear directly from you about the arrival of Saul to see him.   want that relationship with you where I hear directly from you, frequently, clearly, and unmistakably."  

Now I will go listen to today's Scripture, dry my hair, and do a few other tasks around the house. Thank you for this time. You are worthy of all praise, "blessing, honor, glory, power / For the battle you have won." It feels like we are still fighting, and we are, with the assurance of real victory.  

Amen!

Praying for the People

 "As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you.  And I will teach you the way that is good and right." 1 Samuel 12:23

Far be it from me also, Lord, that I should sin against you by failing to pray for your people and for this nation (who seem to be following a king of sorts, as the people in the Bible passage requested, too).

Without Consulting God

Abba, there was something that struck me powerfully when I contemplated Jesus's passion in Gethsemane. He prayed, he pleaded, he begged to be delivered--I am not sure that is the correct word, but I cannot think of a better one right now--from the suffering that he was fully aware that he would be experiencing imminently.  

You did not answer his prayer "favorably."

At least, you did not answer his prayer with a yes. It was a favorable answer for us, of course, and ultimately it was honoring and glorifying to him and to you. But in that moment, you did not give Jesus what he was asking.

I need this lesson for my own life. What I, in my humanness, ask for is not always, and truthfully not usually, what Your will is. I will intentionally set my mind and my prayers to include "Not my will but Yours be done" as many times as I remember. This practice will help me, Abba, in our current global crises as many people cry out for Your intervention in the evil, violent, murderous situations across the world and even in this very nation.

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Then today, in my TBR devotional, the commentator noted that there was SO much sin in the Scripture passages in Judges, which she suggested directly resulted from those people living lives and making decisions "without consulting God." For someone like me, and to be humble, for ME, this strategy is characteristic. I chalk my decisions up to being wise, intelligent, and even spiritually faithful. In this space, I will also intentionally set my mind and my prayers to consult with you and to consult you. In all things, in all ways, in all decisions, please let me seek your will. You and I both know I will fail hard and often, but may it be less often as I become "holy because [You] are holy." (Leviticus 11)

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(I didn't see it before, but these two entries seem to have a common theme!)

I love You, Abba, I love You, Jesus, and I love You, Spirit. I can't imagine my life without You.