Tiffany and Her Dad

Lord, Tiffany is so worried about her dad, who lives in Vermont and at least to my mind has a serious dual-disorder of substance abuse and mental illness.  Please intervene.  It causes her a lot of understandable anxiety, and she is powerless to do anything.  (Unfortunately, the system may be powerless to anything, either.)  But You are not powerless.  I know that You will never force Yourself on anyone, but please pester him and the people who need to step in to help him.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.
And PS~Please assure Tiffany that You are on the job.  Put her mind and her heart at rest with the Philippians 4 "peace that passes all understanding."  Again~Amen.

Lia

I am always honored when people ask for prayer, Lord, and I try to commit something to (in this case) cyber-writing so that I can say in truth that I have prayed.  Please comfort Lia and Manny in the loss, or the pending loss, of their pet dog.  Our fur-kids become so dear to us.  Thank You that they are people of faith and that their lives reflect service to others.  Make this parting easy, although any death brings a degree of pain to the loved ones left behind.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Fifteen

Lord God, I have NO idea why the number 15 sticks in my head.  I would like to enumerate 15 things that I want to bring into our conversation this morning.  I think I won't have any trouble getting to that number, and beyond. 

1. Lent: I want to do something memorable and meaningful for Lent this year (and, truth be told, every year).  What would You like?  (I almost said, "What would You suggest," but that would ot give You the respect that You deserve.)
2.  My dear, "curious" husband George; He just has to go to the Bahamas to see his brother this winter.  I am not certain whether the push is to go to the Bahamas, to get out of this snowy, stormy, winter in New England, or to see his only bro.  He admitted that part of his push to retire early is his fear that he, like his father and his grandfather, will die at a relatively young age.  Serious thoughts.  Is there something I need to do, under Your direction, to encourage him?
3.  My first: Amy and her job search and finishing graduate school.  And leading that trip to Mexico.  And, as I have for many years, essentially since her birth, her (possible, by Your will) future husband.
4.  My second: Julie and her finishing undergraduate school and her future job in inner-city Philadelphia.  That "inner-city" stuff strikes fear into my heart, which is of course indicative that I am not trusting You to direct her and protect her.  I do, Lord.  Please help her in particular to find an affordable and safe place to live--not in that order--and preferably by herself, at her own request.  And more than all of that, please keep her (or draw her) close to You.  She is disgusted with some of the modern church.  I was thinking "people, practices, arrogance, snobbiness, failure to reach out, failure to understand" but it is really all of the above.
5.  My mother: I will write about her in another place.
6.  Heritage: so frustrating!  I am not at all sure how to deal with this, and I definitely, more than ever, need You to bridle my tongue.  I could use a God-sized infusion of wisdom, too.  "Finesse...."  That comes from work, but it has never been my strong suit in any area of my life.
7.  Interpersonal relationships and friendships:  Horrible.  Again, as I look back over my life, this area has never been an area of strength.  I may need a bit of focus on this in my time with You.  I sometimes recall that You had people who adored You--and some who hated You.  Not sure what to make of that when it comes to Your being my example!  ;)
8.  More sins: Sarcasm...
9.  Judgmentalism...
10.  Laziness
11.  Disorganization...
12.  (Getting to 15!)  PRIDE, my worst...
13.  Carelessness with money...
14.  Failure to keep the 1st commandment 1st...
15.  Failure to keep the Sabbath?

 That "Sabbath" sin is a tough one.  "For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath."  Matthew 12:8  This, in the context of Jesus's plucking grain to feed His disciples....  I will try much harder, Lord, to "keep the Sabbath holy."


This darned cat is demanding my attention.  I will go play with her for a bit.  Later, Lord--please keep me to that promise.
 

Struggling at Work

About time I prayed about this, God.  I am growing--no, I think I already dislike, perhaps even hate, work.  The weird thing is that I love working with the patients.  And, humbly (!), I think I may be pretty good at what I do with them.

But since I did not get promoted, I have been bitter.  There.  I have said it.  And the craziest part of that is my dislike and even disgust at the responsibilities (if that is the correct term for the job duties) that a "D" has.  I get frustrated, even old-ladyish, at the silliness of the social workers who ... don't like me?  I get the sense that those who interviewed me are avoiding me.  With the exception of Tom (who, by the way, did not interview me), I don't think any of the Ds have said more than a dozen words to me at any time since the interview.  It sticks in my mind that Jackie completely ignored a scheduled supervision session with me when she is usually so particular about appointments and meetings--and I was parading right outside of the office where she was talking, and I was making a good bit of noise.

So no wonder, I guess, that I have decathected (haha) from work.  If I got another job at the same or higher salary, with similar benefits, I would take it instantly.  Retirement is not far from my mind most times.  I complain a lot.  I get angry at the unfair treatment of the patients.

And I recall Jack's accidental teaching on "nunc  dimitis."  At the time, I thought it referred to church--and perhaps it does.  But more and more, I wonder if it referred to work.  I am dismissed?  Am I dismissed?

But, Lord, You do say that "Whatever [I] do, work at it with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.":Colossians 3:23  Please make it so.  I can't.

In Jesus's name~Amen.

Hi, Lord

Yes, I am tired.  No excuse, though, for not spending a little time with You!

Sometimes I think that a "Quiet Time" or "devotions" means making a prayer list, as if it were a to-do list for You.  And I fear that many people treat prayer like that.  What I want, dear God, is to use these times to listen, to learn, to let You let me get to know You better.  What makes Your heart beat?  "Break my heart for what breaks Yours."  And help my heart to beat in synchrony with Yours.

Oh, Psalm 1:1-3 captures it.  How blessed...  am I.  Help me to be like that blessed man. Please draw me away from the counsel of the wicked, and direct my steps away from the path of sinners.  May I not sit in the seat of scoffers.  (What would that mean, anyway?)  Make me like that tree, firmly planted and fruitful.  Water me with the living waters from You.  May my leaf not wither, and may I prosper, not for myself but to bring glory to You and You to the world.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Ten Short Minutes

Not enough by a long shot, Lord.  But something.  And I have believed more lately than earlier in my life that something is far better than nothing at all.

This one should go under the Tricia's Trivia blog, but I just wrote about the confirmation about prayer in Julie's Guyana trip examples.  Did prayer help those New England Patriots win last week?  Two come-from-behind examples with the capstone of the win.  Exhausting emotionally, and yes, spiritually.  Why on earth did it matter so much to me?  I had to open my hands, literally, and surrender my deep desire for them to win.  And then they won.

It does not feel as intense, Lord, this week.  Perhaps I was just wrung out of most of the fan emotion last week and I have not replenished.  However, it would be delightful, and again symbolic, for the Patriots to come out on top in this AFC Championship.  It would be even nicer since Julie is home this weekend and she and her father so bond over football.  It is NOT great that Amy is in Indiana, where the "enemy" resides.  Protect her!  I don't think she is in any physical danger, but emotionally and socially it might be a tough ride whether the Pats win--or lose.  (It might make it a little easier for her to be gracious if they win, though?)  So, please let them win!

My verses to memorize, in reflection on my prayers for my daughters (and, for that matter, my husband): Psalm 91:9-12

9  Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place--the Most High, who is my refuge--

10  no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

11  For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways

12  On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.

Amen and amen!!

Various and Sundry

Lord, those dang Patriots!!  I get so anxious about them!  So I decided on the way home tonight to commit them and the next game to You in prayer.  I don't really know how to pray for a football team.  Do I pray that they win?  I'd like that, of course!  I pray that they play well.  That they do their best.  As the posts all over Facebook say, that they would each "do their job" and be a shining example that it is not just a superstar in any position but the sum of all the parts that brings success.  I do ask that You protect everyone from injury--even the Ravens--and it just seems symbolically fitting in this difficult season of world history that Patriots and patriotism be honored.  Not the kind of patriotism of the fanatical and extremist religious terrorists, but a faithfulness to a collective entity that upholds peace and respect and fair play.  So--Could they win?  :)

Martha from work: She is going to be out for 5-6 weeks, which sounds a lot like recovery from surgery.  She seems to have some faith in You, Lord.  Whether or not, though, would You bless her during this time?  Her "irreverence" is charming at times, maybe annoying at a few, but I will miss her and it.

Stephen from work: Prostate cancer.  Having surgery sometime next week.  Avoiding me, I think.  Oh, well, no matter--would You bless him, too?  He has two sons who still need him around.  Give him grace and relief from anxiety.   Take that cancer totally out of his body, please, and don't allow it to come back.

All for the sake of the name of Jesus, and in His name!  Amen.

Thankful for My Daughters

Lord, I know that I have a very limited time here.  I definitely want, however, to lay the travels of my girls before You.  Both will be traveling today, and early tomorrow morning the rain/snow is supposed to start and change over to snow.  By plan, both will be home by the time things get started.  And by plan, both parents may be home as well.

But "the mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9.  Please direct the steps of my daughters as they come home for Thanksgiving.  And then both of them will be traveling over the next 6-7 weeks to other countries.  Please direct their steps in those journeys as well.  What excitement for them!  Seeing how You are at work abroad is just part of their preparation, I believe, for their service to You.  But--my protective mother's heart strains at letting them go so far.  Did You feel that way when You let Jesus come to earth, where You were certain that *we* would kill Him?  

I have much to do, and little time to do it.  Thank You for the blessing of this computer and this blog, where I can capture my thoughts.  Isn't that another verse?  2 Corinthians 10:5 "...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  May my thoughts be obedient to You.  Amen!

Punch List of Prayer

• Bobby and Heather and the pregnancy
• Mom's eyes, her grief on this anniversary
• Terri and her endurance with Mom
• My husband, sometimes crazy and forgetful and not always intuitive
• My daughters
• Amy: trip to Wales and Europe, direction on post-graduation job
• Julie: endurance for the rest of the semester, Guyana, TFA Philadelphia
• MOPS, church, Junior Church

Be Careful What You Pray For

Yup.  I asked for it.

In my previous post, too long ago, I asked You, Lord, to help me with my pride.  (Why has it taken me so long to get back here?)  Well, You did.  Perhaps one of the biggest slams to my self-confidence has occurred.  I "pride" myself on being a good clinical social worker.  I applied to become a Clinical Social Worker D, thinking in the back of my mind that I would be a shoo-in for it.

And I didn't get it.

(So, to rub salt into my own wound, I just checked my work email.)

Humility and humiliation are close relatives.  I do feel humiliated.  I also feel rejected, unappreciated, misunderstood, and lonely.  Yes, lonely.  I can't explain that feeling--or maybe I can--but it's there.

The reasons that I was given:

• I didn't "present well."
• I didn't speak about my weaknesses.  ( I KNOW this to be untrue.  I brought them up myself in the first interview.)
• I "didn't want the position as much as my competitor did."  (How did they know that?)

Oh, and a fourth--I was" feeling pretty confident."  Again, untrue, and how do they think they know that?

Okay, my anger is showing.  Back to humility and pride and being put in my place.  In many ways, I am reaping what I have sown.  I have said on several occasions that I did not want to work in close proximity to the director.  I have been very blunt in my criticisms of the administration.  I have called out the people in charge on several, if not many, stupid decisions.  I deserved NOT to get this position.

To continue in a position of humility will require more than I have, Lord.  I cannot do it in my own strength.  Please tamp down my anger and allow me to respond in a Godly way.  I keep thinking of Joseph and the incredibly unfair and undeserved treatment he received.  (I deserve mine, and perhaps in his innocence and inconsideration for others he deserved a piece of his, too.)  What did Joseph say?  Genesis 50:20

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

May it be so, Lord.  May it be so.  May it be for good to accomplish Your will and Your work not only in me--perhaps most necessarily in me--but in saving many others as well.

Session with God

No clients tonight, Lord.  This is not a bad thing!  I rather look forward to a night to spend talking a bit to You.

I guess I have a laundry list of prayers.  Sorry.  When I say I will pray, I mean to keep my word.

• Bobby and Heather and baby conceived: Dearest Father, You love life.  You have gifted us with life, especially eternal life.  As Bobby and Heather cling to the beginning life they have helped You to create, please protect the tiny one inside.  It's early in the process--only 5 or 6 weeks.  (Progesterone injections appear to be indicated only for those who have "preterm births" which I didn't think was the same as a miscarriage.) 
• Mom and Jennifer (Power-Penwell): What??!?  She is "anonymously" calling Wanda and calling her a b****, wishing for her death, accusing Wanda of ruining her life?  As if Jen isn't fully -- hasn't already done a bang-up job on her own.  

Lord, I also have not recovered yet from the insult from the pastor of the church.  I am better, though.  I still cannot sit through his sermon, but with having to substitute in Grade 2 this week, I didn't have to.  (And I SO enjoyed teaching that small class of 7!)  Humility, Lord, right?  <grimace>

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves."  Philippians 2:3

So, in reality, I am smarter than many people but that does not necessarily mean that I am better.  I am ... what?  Faster-thinking?  More logical?  Oy.  This humility thing is a little more complicated than I would have thought.  Correct assessment is not the same as being proud, or humble.

My head is getting confused.

All right, Lord.  It is getting later, and I should go get some food and get home.  Help with humility, dear God.  I do want to abandon my pride.  Yes--and no.  To be honest.  But I want to be close to You, and You don't like pride.

Darned Keys

Lord, so often I say that I will pray, but then I get busy and distracted and don't actually do it.  So, I have lost my work keys.  Or You have hidden them from me so that I can sit here and actually trust You to show me where they are.  My eyes hurt.  My head is cluttered.  When this happens, I typically just waste time with games.  But no, not this time.  Please help me to think clearly, to retrace my steps, to use wisdom and grace in dealing with others who might have told me in error that my keys were not there when (hopefully!) they are.

I need a day off anyway.  Maybe I have a virus?  A retreat would be nice.  :)  A retreat at home would be even nicer....

Please, dear Father, send an angel to bring me my keys, or bring me to my keys~

I, of course, want to end this prayer in the traditional, good-Christian way: "In Jesus's name."  In this case, it is for Jesus's sake and by the omniscience of the Holy Spirit, please?  Amen!

Nunc Dimitis? ... And Then Came Robyn

Prayer time, Lord, and it must be serious because I am having trouble concentrating.

I am hurt, deeply, by Tim's reaction and email regarding a class for 5th and 6th graders.  I don't know how to capture these feelings in words, which makes it hard to pray.

I was so sure he would get it.  My heart for children, that is.  That he would understand the urgency of addressing the readiness, the eagerness, the availability of these young hearts to meet the Lord in their own culture, language, learning styles, and lives.  He claims to be "developmentally aware" or aware of the specific developmental needs and issues of the 10-12 year old.  I challenge that, but silently now.  I don't want to outline my arguments, or more properly speaking, the evidence for my position, in this entry.  I need to focus on my heart, my hurt.  I am as close to ready to quit as I have been since coming to this church.

The big, huge, enormous question really is this: What are You saying, dear God?  In the preceding week, the cute interaction that I had with Jack at work around defining the Latin term "nunc dimitis" seemed like just a coincidental exercise of our mutual interest in the Scriptures.  (It came out of my sharing a Latin legal term, nunc pro tunc, "now for then.")  I am not one for making too much of coincidences.  However, this one continues to haunt me.

Nunc dimitis is "now released."  Am I now released from this ministry at this church?  It would actually be a huge relief.  My darling husband has been ready to surrender this work for a while now, and I believe he has hung on only for the sake of my conviction.  Would You humor my fledgling attempts at interpreting Your messages by confirming this in some way?  Even as I type that, I cringe, because the most definitive confirmation would be the request of the elders to have us step down.

And that would hurt.

Part of what also hurt a lot from Tim's email was the hint that we might just go ahead without the support of the church staff to have a class for these kids.  Honestly, we wondered about it.  But the overt accusation of insubordination--would that be the correct term?--is insulting.  What is even more disturbing is that we are not only not employees of the church, but we are also not members.

So what?  My thoughts are swirling.

So, to have a discussion about the merits of the proposal seems like the respectful thing to do.  What irks more than I would probably admit publicly is that NO ONE talks to us.  For years this church has used our passion for children, and even our money and our time, without stopping us to ask us about our own lives.  They have not cared how we think, feel, live, or value the next generations.  Maybe that's unfair.  Maybe I have no right to decide that they have not cared.  What I can say unequivocally is that they have not shown that they care.

And then came Robyn, and her phone call on Sunday.  :)  Just thinking about her makes me smile.  Only eighth grade and way too mature.  But still a child!  I ask, Lord, was her phone call out of the blue another one of those "coincidences"?  Were You pointing out to me, or rather were You pointing me, to the bottom-line issue: the hearts and souls of the individual children?

(Which caused me to remember that I needed to give Pam the contact information for therapy with Beth A, and then I also responded to Parlee's jazz performance invitation.)

Robyn is a dear one, Father, and her grandmother (and step-grandfather) already have a profound influence on her and her spiritual life.  I am frankly honored to be included in her circle of influential adults.  I need to ask the Holy Spirit, please, to tenderize her heart to a spiritual conversation, but I don't want to force one.  That she reached out is amazingly touching.  So, Lord, I know You want to rescue her.  She reminds me a little of coaxing Chloe, our kitten, into the house.  Enticement, patience, understanding, more patience, and some natural desire to "come home" all play into it.  Give Robyn the desire to "come home" to You, and use me to help, if I can.

Back to the original question: Am I now released?  Would You allow the confirmation to be gentle, if it is so?  As it was so sweetly done for Simeon, Lord.

Honored

Dear Heavenly Father, I am very honored to be taken into Stephen's confidence about his prostate cancer. Now, having said that, permit me to focus on him. Please be gracious to him and allow treatment to be completely effective in removing all trace of cancer from his body. Keep him calm and reassure him that You have a good plan for his life. In his typical way, he asked me to pray also for his son, who lost his job either on the same day or in the same week as this news of cancer came. So, please bless his son with confidence that another job awaits him. And of course for his wife Bonnie--peace, trust, love, and steadfastness. Let Stephen have wisdom as he listens to treatment options and chooses the one that is best for him. In all of this, dear Lord, turn his heart toward You. He already identifies himself as a "spiritual" man; he does not embrace the doctrines of Catholicism but is, by his own report, interested in "Christianity." Use me. I have a great fondness for this guy. In Jesus's name, by which we are saved~~Amen.

Prayers Near and Far

Rick Sacra
Tiffany Fontaine and her father
Katie Raley
Anna Harvey
Tim Cochrell and his family--and our church
My own mother
My daughters
My husband!
MOPS and its future in Princeton
The world--Ebola, ISIS, weather events--Maranatha!

That's what comes to mind in two minutes.  I think I will add Junior Church and Mary Ann to that list, and then of course the Nicols 5.  Oh my goodness.

No wonder there is not enough time to pray!

Well, Tiffany first.  Dear Heavenly Father, Tiffany's father is a mess.  I don't know the entire story, nor do I have to.  I know that Tiffany worries about him, goes up to Vermont to rescue him, and over all dreads the high probability that on one of those rescue trips it will be too late and she will find him--dead.  Her husband is, to our knowledge, not a believer in You.  Tiffany yearns to share her burdens with him for spiritual support, but of course he can't provide it since he does not have a relationship with You.  So, Father, bless Tiffany in ways that I may not be able to imagine.  I ask for her that she may be "strengthened through [Your] Spirit in her inner being" "with power" "so that Christ may dwell in her heart through faith."  I also pray that she might understand that "in this world [she] will have trouble...but [she can] take heart because [You] have overcome the world."  She did a bold and courageous thing by backing out of MOPS--but she may be one of the mothers who needs MOPS the most!  If I can be an encouragement to her, use me.  Today, let her "see the King!"  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Who next?

For Rick and Debbie, dear Great Physician, I ask for supernatural healing and grace.  They really have lost their lives for You in many practical ways.  Bless them for continued work in the harvest; the time appears to be shorter than ever.  Restore Rick's health not only for him, or for Debbie and their sons, but also for the sake of the Gospel and the reputation of Your name.  Your name is a strong and mighty tower; Your name is a shelter like no other.  Nothing has the power to save but Your name.

My family: husband, daughter, mother (and I forgot to include my sister #2 who has gastritis and a pretty devastated relationship life).  Just got a text from Amy about her left leg cellulitis.  Thank You so much that it is so much better.  Please make time for her to get to the clinic to get a clean bill of health.  Thank You that I knew enough to help her through the decision to have it seen and diagnosed--correctly, including the cutaneous mastocytosis.  And for Julie, who is less in touch and somewhat more independent (how we say that when Amy lived in Mexico for 7 months, I cannot explain), please get her to church and/or Bible Study--soon?  For George, peace and a clearer mind.  I fear that his fatigue is way too much, not only physically but emotionally and cognitively as well.  (Maybe we can ask Charles Raley to help us with Junior Church database management?)

Dang it, Lord, there is never enough time.  I pray that even though I have not specifically written about all of the things on the list above, You know that I am bringing them before the Throne of Grace.  I need to scoot.  I have a couple of birthday cards to ready since the birthdays are tomorrow.  (Bless those two, one of whom is the sister I mentioned earlier.)

I also want to take a look at the Scriptures and put another memory verse on my list.  Which one?  "Pray without ceasing!"

I love You, Master and Father and King and Savior...and Friend.  :)

Prayer for MOPS and Anna

Before I write out my thoughts for Tim (our pastor--God, bless him!), I really want to pray about this situation.  I am not at all sure that there could have been any other outcome.  But I digress.  I need to focus on my own responsibility, my own culpability, in the events of last Thursday night.

First: I did hijack the meeting, or at least the devotional time.  I might do well to include the link to the suggested MOPS theme reflection, since it so perfectly addressed our group's situation.  But I did hijack the topic.

Second: Lord, do I love Anna?  I find her annoying and shallow.  Katie said something...I wish I could remember her exact words...that Anna does not like me, either.  What is it?  She's not my enemy.  I started to say that she means well, but I am not even sure about the truth of that statement.  I guess I question her motives for being a MOPS coordinator.  There is little depth...okay, I am getting away from the main point, which is me.  So what if she isn't perfect?  That doesn't let me off the hook for loving her. God 1, Patricia 0. 

Third: What is my role as mentor mom?  It might be wise to include the mentor responsibility description for Tim as well.  I know I am supposed to be able to share the Gospel and my own experiences.  I am supposed to attend the meetings, not as a voting member but as a support and an observer.  I overstepped.  Perhaps--perhaps--I had "good" reasons.  That does not change the fact that I overstepped.

Father, forgive me, for I knew not what I did.  Part of it I did knowingly, willingly, and willfully.  Overall, I did not know how this would affect Anna.  I hoped to open up a conversation, a brave and courageous conversation, about what each of the steering members were thinking and feeling about themselves and about their role in MOPS this year.  I hit a mine.

(And Tiffany didn't help by quitting precipitously.)  (I just sent her an apologetic email for not have caught the problem sooner.)

Okay, Lord.  I need to get to it--the email to Tim.  Bless me with grace, truth, and love!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Ebola

As You know, Father, I hate to say that I will pray unless I make good on the promise and document it.  I am not close to Dr. Rick Sacra, but he is someone in my extended circle of acquaintance, and as a missionary to Liberia for Your sake, he is a brother.  And he has Ebola.  I ask You simply to heal him.  Show Your great love and power in and through his life.  He has many people asking You to work a healing miracle, and I join my prayers to theirs.  "If anyone asks anything in My name...if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask...."  Well, dearest Great Physician, we are asking in Your name, and many more than two of us are agreeing about this.  Please restore him completely to full, serving health.  He would not be happy with anything less.  In Jesus's name and by the power of the Holy Spirit and for the kingdom of God!  Amen.

Oh, To Pray!

Dang!  Lost much of what I wrote--no, I lost ALL of what I wrote!  

Okay, in brief:

Ephesians 3:16-19 for Sharron Smith from HBC and for my daughters.  Sharron because I told her I would pray for her, and my daughters because I want them to be prayed for often and intensely.

I shall close this now before I mess it up again.

Be Me, Bravely

Courage to Fly!

Oh, Lord, what a perfect lead-in for the MOPS Steering Meeting tonight!  How to hijack it?  If, of course, that is what You want, Lord.

Be gracious to us.  The hearts of these dear women have been hurt.  There is much misunderstanding, perhaps some correct but hard understanding, and without much question in my mind a lot of self-esteem damage being lived out in this MOPS context.  Please help me, as mentor, to be supportive and loving and wise.  Tall order!



Maybe we can start by reading this first page of the Leadership section.  Just bookmarked it.  It is powerful.  Thank You, dear Lord!  I will need to override Anna, which is never easy.  It may just have to be done.  She is intimidated, Lord.  She has dodged me on several occasions, and the awkwardness is--well, awkward.  Her oldest daughter is in my PreK class and is so sweet and delightful.  Weird!  I am pretty sure this is a remnant of the Ali fiasco of some years past.  Let's put that on the table, too, if necessary.  Those hard conversations--that's what the intro to the theme mentioned.

Be glorified, Lord.  Be glorified!  In Jesus's name, by the work of the Holy Spirit, for the kingdom of God~~Amen.

Aarrgghh!

I had good intentions, Lord, really I did.  Why did I have to get interrupted first by my mother and then by my husband?  On the phone, of course, but here comes the third call.  "Epilepsy Foundation of New England"--a truck in the area on August 16 for donations of clothing.  What is going on?

I really need to spend some retreat time with You, Lord.  That "Soul Care" thing that Grace Chapel did not even one week ago was so appealing to me.  If I could just go and be in a bubble but still hear and soak up all the teaching~~ahhh.  That would be wonderful.  I know I think about retreats, but the fellowship part is not attractive to me.  Why?  Not sure, but I think it's because I listen to people and perhaps analyze them too much.  It would be nice to have someone listen to me, make me feel the way I hope I make others feel, but not be condescending or patronizing.  That, I think, is the hardest part of being a good listener/therapist: the not taking on a know-it-all, superior stance.

I am a lousy peer.  I do not do this peer thing very well at all.  And now, I may have 5-10 minutes before my husband arrives, and I cut my mother off "to make my husband some dinner."  Aarrgghh!  For some retreat time~~without making my husband feel unwanted~~without abandoning my mother (whom I just saw yesterday for about 4 hours)~~without a to-do list of tasks with timelines and deadlines~~maybe someday, and maybe too soon I will have this time, and then I won't like it.

But for now...maybe....

Off to make that dinner!