About time I prayed about this, God. I am growing--no, I think I already dislike, perhaps even hate, work. The weird thing is that I love working with the patients. And, humbly (!), I think I may be pretty good at what I do with them.
But since I did not get promoted, I have been bitter. There. I have said it. And the craziest part of that is my dislike and even disgust at the responsibilities (if that is the correct term for the job duties) that a "D" has. I get frustrated, even old-ladyish, at the silliness of the social workers who ... don't like me? I get the sense that those who interviewed me are avoiding me. With the exception of Tom (who, by the way, did not interview me), I don't think any of the Ds have said more than a dozen words to me at any time since the interview. It sticks in my mind that Jackie completely ignored a scheduled supervision session with me when she is usually so particular about appointments and meetings--and I was parading right outside of the office where she was talking, and I was making a good bit of noise.
So no wonder, I guess, that I have decathected (haha) from work. If I got another job at the same or higher salary, with similar benefits, I would take it instantly. Retirement is not far from my mind most times. I complain a lot. I get angry at the unfair treatment of the patients.
And I recall Jack's accidental teaching on "nunc dimitis." At the time, I thought it referred to church--and perhaps it does. But more and more, I wonder if it referred to work. I am dismissed? Am I dismissed?
But, Lord, You do say that "Whatever [I] do, work at it with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.":Colossians 3:23 Please make it so. I can't.
In Jesus's name~Amen.
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