Be Careful What You Pray For

Yup.  I asked for it.

In my previous post, too long ago, I asked You, Lord, to help me with my pride.  (Why has it taken me so long to get back here?)  Well, You did.  Perhaps one of the biggest slams to my self-confidence has occurred.  I "pride" myself on being a good clinical social worker.  I applied to become a Clinical Social Worker D, thinking in the back of my mind that I would be a shoo-in for it.

And I didn't get it.

(So, to rub salt into my own wound, I just checked my work email.)

Humility and humiliation are close relatives.  I do feel humiliated.  I also feel rejected, unappreciated, misunderstood, and lonely.  Yes, lonely.  I can't explain that feeling--or maybe I can--but it's there.

The reasons that I was given:

• I didn't "present well."
• I didn't speak about my weaknesses.  ( I KNOW this to be untrue.  I brought them up myself in the first interview.)
• I "didn't want the position as much as my competitor did."  (How did they know that?)

Oh, and a fourth--I was" feeling pretty confident."  Again, untrue, and how do they think they know that?

Okay, my anger is showing.  Back to humility and pride and being put in my place.  In many ways, I am reaping what I have sown.  I have said on several occasions that I did not want to work in close proximity to the director.  I have been very blunt in my criticisms of the administration.  I have called out the people in charge on several, if not many, stupid decisions.  I deserved NOT to get this position.

To continue in a position of humility will require more than I have, Lord.  I cannot do it in my own strength.  Please tamp down my anger and allow me to respond in a Godly way.  I keep thinking of Joseph and the incredibly unfair and undeserved treatment he received.  (I deserve mine, and perhaps in his innocence and inconsideration for others he deserved a piece of his, too.)  What did Joseph say?  Genesis 50:20

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

May it be so, Lord.  May it be so.  May it be for good to accomplish Your will and Your work not only in me--perhaps most necessarily in me--but in saving many others as well.