Be Me, Bravely

Courage to Fly!

Oh, Lord, what a perfect lead-in for the MOPS Steering Meeting tonight!  How to hijack it?  If, of course, that is what You want, Lord.

Be gracious to us.  The hearts of these dear women have been hurt.  There is much misunderstanding, perhaps some correct but hard understanding, and without much question in my mind a lot of self-esteem damage being lived out in this MOPS context.  Please help me, as mentor, to be supportive and loving and wise.  Tall order!



Maybe we can start by reading this first page of the Leadership section.  Just bookmarked it.  It is powerful.  Thank You, dear Lord!  I will need to override Anna, which is never easy.  It may just have to be done.  She is intimidated, Lord.  She has dodged me on several occasions, and the awkwardness is--well, awkward.  Her oldest daughter is in my PreK class and is so sweet and delightful.  Weird!  I am pretty sure this is a remnant of the Ali fiasco of some years past.  Let's put that on the table, too, if necessary.  Those hard conversations--that's what the intro to the theme mentioned.

Be glorified, Lord.  Be glorified!  In Jesus's name, by the work of the Holy Spirit, for the kingdom of God~~Amen.

Aarrgghh!

I had good intentions, Lord, really I did.  Why did I have to get interrupted first by my mother and then by my husband?  On the phone, of course, but here comes the third call.  "Epilepsy Foundation of New England"--a truck in the area on August 16 for donations of clothing.  What is going on?

I really need to spend some retreat time with You, Lord.  That "Soul Care" thing that Grace Chapel did not even one week ago was so appealing to me.  If I could just go and be in a bubble but still hear and soak up all the teaching~~ahhh.  That would be wonderful.  I know I think about retreats, but the fellowship part is not attractive to me.  Why?  Not sure, but I think it's because I listen to people and perhaps analyze them too much.  It would be nice to have someone listen to me, make me feel the way I hope I make others feel, but not be condescending or patronizing.  That, I think, is the hardest part of being a good listener/therapist: the not taking on a know-it-all, superior stance.

I am a lousy peer.  I do not do this peer thing very well at all.  And now, I may have 5-10 minutes before my husband arrives, and I cut my mother off "to make my husband some dinner."  Aarrgghh!  For some retreat time~~without making my husband feel unwanted~~without abandoning my mother (whom I just saw yesterday for about 4 hours)~~without a to-do list of tasks with timelines and deadlines~~maybe someday, and maybe too soon I will have this time, and then I won't like it.

But for now...maybe....

Off to make that dinner!

True to My Word

So, Lord, after telling my client about my journaling my “devotions,” I thought I really should do some.  I told the family that I had two “appointments,” and one of them is with You!

What is on Your heart to tell me today, dear One?  It was a tired day.  I had a lot of trouble staying awake and alert.  I also had a lot of trouble not eating candy—partly because I had a lot of trouble staying awake and alert.

I texted Pastor Tim but did not get a response yet.  It was a simple text.  “How’d it go Sunday?”  Is he away at camp this week?

I have a LOT of memory verses to rehearse and practice and test.  If I do two a day, I will catch up soon and won’t treat it like a chore.

God, I am very tired.  I want to get Amy’s medication sent to her in Indiana; so, I should go.  I love You even when I don’t have much to say!

Bless Her, Indeed!

Ahhh.  It is 9:24 a.m. and here I am, Lord!  Later than I had hoped, but I am keeping this “appointment” with you here in my office on Sever Street.  I have SO little time to spend in devoted, undistracted time with You.  (Not complaining—more confessing.)  So, let me get to the most pressing issue on my heart today: my younger daughter going to Morocco in just 5 days.

How do I feel about this trip?  It’s a funny mix of emotions.  I admit to a bit of fear and anxiety, and I wished (yes, past tense) that she would have gone to Eastern Europe instead.  However, I also think this is an adventure of a lifetime.  I am excited for her!  She has such a lot to do before Thursday, and I would please ask Your assistance to get it all done.  Sometimes she is not organized with regard to timing.  (I wonder if she inherited that from her father.  Haha!)  We need a couple of specific acts of grace from You: she needs her World Health Organization form signed before she leaves, and … okay, now I forget.  Oh, yeah.  She needs her contacts for 15 weeks.  Oy.  Grace, dear understanding Father.  Please?

Moreover, please pursue her during this time away from a lot of Christian fellowship.  I know, I am sometimes too arrogant about the weaknesses in many of my Christian family members.  Maybe even more than “sometimes.”  The sin of pride, right?  L  Well, I digress.  My prayer/desire/request for Julie is this: that her relationship with You might be strengthened and deepened during this time away, a relatively solitary and individual time for her faith.  Of course, humanly and maternally I ask for safety for her.  (I wonder what Your mother must have gone through, releasing You to danger and death.  I feel for her!)

And now, what?  It’s 9:49 a.m., and I expect my client in 10 minutes.  Bless her, too.  That’s an entry for another page.  J

I love You more than anyone else, and not enough, at the same time. 

In Jesus’s name~~Amen.

PS  Scott Hassett and Gail, Shayna, and the other daughter whose name I don’t think I ever put in my memory—Scott is dying of pancreatic cancer, and likely soon.  Do You remember Andrew, the Angel of Death from Touched By An Angel?  (Of course You do.)  They could use some angels to bring comfort, humor, and grace during Scott’s homegoing.  Make it wonderful, as wonderful as the death of a loved one can be, please?

My "Session" with You

I am treating some time with You, Lord, as an appointment; so, when hubby asks how many "clients" I have, I add one to compensate for documentation time and my "session" with You.  You, however, are the Wonderful Counselor and I am Your client.  :)

So, what are You working on with me?  What is Your treatment plan for me?  In the last post, I talked about digging deeply into some of my nastier characteristics.  Yesterday, I was again confronted with my pulling-away from intimacy with my husband.  I no longer wish to share with him about my thoughts and feelings and experiences.  I am not entirely certain that we value many of the same things.  He wants to retire; I want to keep working and serving and ministering.  I would jump at the chance to bring Jovan, or some other youngster in need, into our home; he grimaces.  I talk about landscaping our sloped yard to be more hospitable and user-friendly; he mocks this idea.  Things around the house--toilet, kitchen switchplate to name only two--are falling apart, and he says he is going to work outside today, or picks up every book to put it back on the bookshelf in his newly-decorated office.

So, yes, I am complaining.  Not pretty or attractive, and I am not proud of it.

(PS PLEASE bring Patches, the cat, back to my mother!)

I do not feel understood by him--husband, not Patches.  :)  I won't--note the defiance in that word choice!!--tell him anything about work anymore.  When I had ranted about work, of course putting myself in the best and smartest light, he made a degrading comment about my always being right.  Sting!  I don't feel that I can share compliments that I receive.

Okay, I better stop.  I am in a public place, and my eyes are tearing up.

I am trying to get through the book Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands.  Some of it, even much of it, is challenging to me, because while it acknowledges the roles of biology and trauma and relationships with others who are sinful and imperfect, it also places responsibility for sinful reactions squarely on the "victim."  Eeee.  No real justification!  What this means for me is confusing, and I get myself caught in a Catch-22 circular argument.

(It got too deep and too threatening.  I just checked Facebook and email.)

Lord, help me, please.  I don't want a bad relationship with my husband.  It's not frankly adversarial or conflictual.  In very many ways, it is a good marriage.  You, however, are my closest friend.  Maybe that's how it is supposed to be.  He cannot understand me very well, for any number of possible, probable, and pointed reasons.  If I "need" to be understood, then I come to You.  Help me to take more risks, not willy-nilly, but wisely, with respect to sharing some parts of me.

Tears in the eyes again.  I think I will end now.  When will be our next session?  :)

Love~~in Jesus's name, Amen.

Digging Deep

(I wish I had a computer at the ready every time I thought of a title for a prayer post.)

This post is a difficult one to write, Lord.  I am trying to confront my terrible-ness without blaming anyone else for my sin.  It's harder than I thought it would be.  In the effort to be brutally honest, I am not pleased with myself and consequently withdraw into isolation.  What is even worse, I suspect, is that I withdraw from relationships (You know which one, mostly) that are supposed to be my best and deepest connections.

So, how do I start this attempt?  To recall one of the more painful recent events, I go back to DH's birthday.  Through my own disorganization--and it is necessary both to say that and to emphasize that--he found the receipt for the gift that I really wanted to be a surprise for him.  I was hurt, and I was angry--no, not angry as much as annoyed--and I was VERY disappointed.  I withdrew.  I am still withdrawn.  I wanted to blame him for not having the graciousness to pretend to be surprised (<very slight smile/grimace>), but I am trying not to blame him.  It was my own fault.

Back some time ago, I also vowed that I would not share anything about work with him.  I get annoyed with his lack of compassion.  I also got upset when he challenged my presentation of stories that "always" described me in the right.  I know that I am a powerful debater, and I also know that I become impatient with others who do not see things my way.  Pure and simple, that is pride.

(Distraction: I thought I would try to download a Bible onto my computer.  Nope.  Guess I am supposed to keep at this.)

I am struggling to reveal many things to my DH.  He, to my knowledge, does not know about one of my prescriptions for cream.  I did not tell him about the computer that *I* purchased last year, or about the Notes 444 program that I bought to keep client notes.  I am considering a separate account for my private practice.  I did not tell him when I applied to the VA (and by the way, dear God, thank You for saving me from that fiasco.)   In the back of my mind, I recognize the signs of pulling away and living an independent life.

On our trip abroad, I was so short-tempered with him that even our daughter spoke up in distress about it.  To be completely fair, I have noted both of them becoming slightly perplexed by some of his responses lately in much the same way that I do, and did, but that is NOT an excuse for my poor behavior.

I saw this same pattern of interaction between my mother and my Alzheimer's stepfather.  I have wondered.  Is it typical of marriages, even "good" Godly/Christian marriages, for the wife to have her private strengths that sometimes override the husband's imperfections?  It was true for Abigail and Nabal, or at least I see it that way.  I feel like I want to go back and listen to the recent sermon that was preached at our church about that relationship.

Okay, I know I digress.  This is not easy.  I don't like doing this.  "I was wrong."  I recall a distant past attempt to apologize and take responsibility that was handled (by the other person) so ham-handedly that it still stings and causes me to be reluctant to say those words to certain people.  But I can say them to You.  I was wrong.  I am wrong.  I am so sorry for not trusting You to protect, or not protect, me according to Your will.   This is not about my comfort, but about my development.

Last week in my Building Self Esteem Group I focused on passions and calling.  The material that I shared revealed something to me: that I am most alive at work, in children's ministry, and not so much in certain relationships that I would have thought would be affirming and empowering.  Ouch.  Even when I have a prayer time, it is not at home with DH in the house.  I am freer here, at Barnes and Noble, to write and pray.  I would not dream of sharing these posts with him!  OMG!!  Pretty sure he would not understand.

I need to wrap up soon, dear God.  I know this wasn't a good attempt, but I hope You recognize that it was an attempt.  To recognize sin and not to be judgmental about it is really a tenuous balancing act.  Even truer may be the challenge not to be defensive and rationalizing about it, when it is my own sin.

In my very imperfect way, I love You.  I want to love You more, better, and more deeply.  Help me.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

The Stuff for Prayer

Lord, it's almost 5 p.m. and I stayed home from work today.  I really did ache, but the paradoxical thing is that I finished the stenciling in the office and feel better.  I still find my eyes bleary, but the ache in my upper back is gone.  :P

The topic for this entry has to do with my prayer requests, and in fact probably many people's prayer requests.  Dawn from MOPS just posted a request for salvation for her husband, who is meeting (maybe even still, right now) with an elder from church.  Dawn is a young Christian, though she is middle-aged, and like many young Christians, she uses super-spiritual, holy terminology.  But you know what?  That prayer request is right on the money.  Her husband, Mark, is a military veteran with problems with addiction and probably PTSD.  The clinician in me knows a lot about how to treat these problems.  Sometimes I get frustrated that people over-spiritualize the approach to these psychological problems; if the plumbing is broken, don't pray over it, call a plumber!  But I guess that having a spiritual sensitivity in the midst of these problems is good.

But that brings me to something that has niggled at my mind and heart for a while now.  The church prayer chain, and in fact most Christian prayer requests, are just too much for me.

"Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done."  In everything.  Especially in the salvation of sinners and the redemption of the people You have called.

And for that, I will ask You to soften Mark's heart and to unclog his spiritual ears, because without the preliminary work of the Holy Spirit, no one comes to You.

PS  Julie's spiritual direction for next year; Amy's wrapping up with Casa de la Esperanza; George's strengthening and stamina for work and ministry.  Amen!

Listening

John 16:1-33

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trial and sorrows.  But take heart; because I have overcome the world."

So I started to listen, and got distracted by emailing the Junior Church staff.  Typical.  Reflections on the passage?

• I can now talk directly to the Father.
• The Holy Spirit will teach me everything true.
• Jesus tells me these things so that I won't abandon my faith, so that I will remember His warning.
• There are many things that I, like the disciples, want to ask Jesus, and He invites me to ask!  He promises to speak clearly and not in puzzles or riddles or figurative speech.

Listening~not something most people do well.  I may be a little better than many, but I have a LONG way to go, especially listening to You, Lord.  I know in my head that "listening" to You means reading Your Word and meditating on it, thinking about what You are telling me--just me, no one else.  I don't have many of those aha! moments, but more often I have experienced something in the course of my life that reminds me of a Scripture or a spiritual song.

I did say that I would review some of my memory verses today, which I haven't done yet.  The next one is 1 Thessalonians 4:13, a very sad verse because it deals with death.  "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope." 1 Thessalonians 4:13  I think of my mother, and the great-grandsons' recent recollection of Bill ("I am going to pay my bills" and "But Bill is in heaven!")  Oh may the reality of heaven make all grief bittersweet!  Of course, loving someone means missing them when we are apart, as I do my daughters.  (Speaking of which, I need to go home for a phone call from Julie.)  But knowing that they are happy and with You, and longing to be with You and with them, makes the missing-them part tolerable.

Since it is a little late, and I do want to get home for a phone call, I will end this post now but with regret.  Thanks, Lord.  I do love You more than anything.

Ephesians 6:18

...says, "Keep on praying."

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

(In the interests of time and efficiency, I am going to pray for all of the family members on my heart here in this post.  I have separate accounts for each of them, but switching back and forth with my limited time will cost me precious minutes on this busy day.)

So, dearest Lord, where do I begin?  My daughters, my husband, and my mother are the people most immediately on my mind right now.

• Amy: the big decision yesterday involved her accepting a $10/hour, 40-54 hour per week, 6 week position at San Diego State University as an RA for a summer program for high schoolers.  To my surprise, she said no.  To her surprise, I supported her going.  My support was my attempt to be open-handed with her future and her independence.  She is, dear Lord, my homebody, and she discovered how much she yearns to be at home with her family.  I am not unhappy about this.  :)  Please provide for her in every way.  As an aside, and not to pressure You or her, please also be developing the young man whom You may choose to be her husband someday--if indeed You call her to marriage.
• Julie: no time to recover from the jet lag of returning from Morocco and making a whirlwind trip to Rome and Paris with her parents!  And now she is in Atlanta getting ready for her internship/job with Teach for America operations/communication coordinator.  Please, Lord, bless her with multiplied rest and a reconnection with You there.  Morocco was a Christian desert for fellowship; Atlanta is more likely to have some good believing churches but may also be superficial and sociopolitical in their faith.  And for her, too--the husband prayer.  :)
• George:  Healing from that cough/cold, please?  And fulfillment of his need for rest and refreshment during this Vistabreak.  I think he spent way too much money on vacation, and now we are planning to go to the Maddox wedding in June and possible mini-vacation in July.  This does not even count the home improvements, granted largely funded by family, that he is planning.  Whew!  I hear some frustration from our daughters that mimics mine.  I hope I have not influenced them negatively about him.  On the other hand, help me, please, to be patient and understanding and loving toward him even when he is opinionated and ignorantly prejudiced.  He is, at heart, a really good man, and he loves YOU and his family a real lot.
• Wanda: my mother--she will go, and has gone, way out of her way for family members, sometimes when perhaps she would be wiser to attenuate her generosity.  Now, with Terri living with her, she is struggling to adjust to having someone in her home again.  Please be her closest companion, confidante, and counselor.  Help her to deepen her relationship with You, and help me to help her to the degree that I can and You empower me to do so.  

Church is also a bit of a concern.  Please inspire my scheduling of the summer for Junior Church.  I shall move to that task for 10-15 minutes now, trusting that You will help me to pull that together.  I love YOU!!  Thanks for my very wonderful, crazy family--both biological and spiritual.

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Prayer for Amy

Dear Heavenly Father, I just told Amy that I would pray for her.  She has a difficult and hasty decision to make, although  would like to remove the word "hasty" there.

I don't believe, Lord, that it is ever a good idea to make impulsive, emotional decisions.  In DBT, they talk about "wise mind" being a good blend of emotion and reason.  Right now, Father, Amy is running on poor sleep, excitement, emotional and relational overload, and insufficient counsel.  Please grant grace to her.  She needs a night to sleep well and time to talk over this decision with trusted advisers.  She needs more than anything to hear Your guidance.  Please speak to her loudly and unequivocally.  Let her know what You are leading her to do, and give her the courage -- either way -- to do it.  I know her heart is turned toward You, and she wants to please You and do Your will.  Honor that, I ask, not only as her mother but also as Your daughter supporting and loving another daughter of Yours.  In Jesus's name I ask these things~~Amen.

Random Prayer on a Sleepless Night

Wow.  So much on my mind, Lord, that I have trouble sleeping.  If I can get these things off my mind and onto Your broad shoulders, maybe I can rest.

"Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

Here goes:

• MOPS meeting with Pastor Tim tomorrow-Anna, Katie are the primary contestants
• My daughters' final papers
• Our trip abroad to be with Julie
• Work--so much work--the discharges, the preparation for groups
• My mother, especially in our absence
• My clients--a couple with some surprise distresses (relatives with cancer and anxiety attacks and marital problems)

Keys for Ali for house-sitting; Scavi tour reservations; pedicure; luggage; medications, including antibiotics for possible travelers' GI distress

Junior Church coverage!

I think that is all for right now.  Maybe I can rest now!

Alleluia! Christ Arose!

"Up from the grave He arose/With a mighty triumph o'er His foes!  He arose a victor from the dark domain/And He lives forever with His saints to reign."

A favorite Easter song, dear Lord.  I'm not very good at "reigning" so I hope that verse means that YOU are reigning and I am just being with You, doing whatever You want me to do.

A small victory?  Lori "helped"--really, a lot--with the Junior Church assembly yesterday.  And as far as I can tell, I didn't offend her and I didn't get ticked off by her.  There was one moment when John Lambert was "helping" with the sound system, and she got all freaked out because it is Nate's, no one knows how to use it, etc., etc.  I think she calmed down, though, when I reminded her that this Easter thing was a bit of a pilot program and that we would be facing "course corrections" all along the way.  I also reminded her that John was trying to help--a pro-social behavior for him.  I'm not entirely sure she got that, but maybe it impressed her a little

So--Scripture!!  For April 21, today, there is the reflection on Sadducees' interaction with Jesus during Holy Week.  They didn't believe in any resurrection, He pointed out that when we humans try to understand eternal, supernatural, Divine, spiritual truths by interpreting them within our own limited, finite, earthly models of experience, well, no wonder we mess up.  The Sadducees could not fathom how a dead person--dead in the bodily sense--could come back to life somewhere else, somehow else.  Where were they when Lazarus was raised?  So, they came up with this complicated, again earth-bound model of marriage as if that (marriage) was the epitome of fulfillment in the resurrection.  :)  (No offense to my darling husband!)

I love Jesus's answer, dear God.  The people of this age...those worthy of taking part in that age."  He pointed out that Moses somehow believed that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob were (are) still alive and enjoying themselves with You.  I don't completely follow His logic, since I am a Westerner and Jesus definitely reasoned from a Middle Eastern/Jewish pattern, let alone from His and Your divine philosophical basis.  But I think that's what it means.

So next Sunday is Heaven Sunday at HBC.  If You want Mom there, can You work something out?  Stupid question--of course You can.  I guess what I really mean is, will You show me what I need to do to partner with Your plan?  Thank You!

I have dawdled for a long time now, Lord.  I would like to get a few more things done before I get too tired.  I love YOU so much.  PS Thank you an enormous amount for allowing our oldest daughter to spend Easter with us.  What a blessing.

Amen!

South Korean Ferry

Lord! This is too much. Please rescue the remaining missing, many of whom are only high school kids on a school trip, from the ferry that is sinking off South Korea. My stomach is upset just imagining what the parents are experiencing, because I would be a wreck. Please, dear God, have mercy! Hosanna, Lord, save [them]!

Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!

Such a stupid, silly thing about which to be so grateful, and at the same time a sweet and charming reminder of how You love us and care about even the smallest issues in our lives....

We are caring for our neighbors' cats this week.  They lost both of their beloved dogs, one through a weird and unusual accident involving their dishwasher (!), since January.  Before they left, Judy told me the whole sad story and emphasized that it was completely all right with her if the cats stayed in the house all week.  :)

Roger is not a domesticated, tame type.  He slipped out yesterday morning, and he did not come home last night...or this morning.  Yes, I was a bit anxious.  This is where the sweet "miracle" happened.

I usually see clients on Tuesday nights, but through a weird quirk, no one needed me today.  Lord, I wanted to have an appointment with You (I hope You consider this it!), but I had a strong urging to come home because I felt that Roger might be there.  As I drove up, a little deflated because I did not see him right away, I planned to check quickly and, if he wasn't here, go out to have that appointment with You.  But...I looked out of the driver's side window and saw ~~ a hunkered-down camouflage-patterned hulk that made my heart leap.  There was Roger, under our bump-out.  He came readily to me and allowed me to love on him.  I fed him one of Chloe's Fancy Feast cans.  (Which, incidentally, he polished off.)  He almost came into our house with me, but I walked over to his house and he came quite nicely!

So, he is back and both cats are safely locked up.

Moral:  You care, and You still speak through the urgings in our spirits.  This is both comforting and reassuring.  How lost we would be if You didn't intervene in our lives even in these modern times!

Pastor Tim preached on Acts 10 this week, and though I did not hear the entire sermon, I understood that it was largely about Your impartiality--and our tendency toward favoritism.  I just read the chapter.  My part, the section that connects to this post, is in verse 19: "the Spirit said to him."  Indeed!  You do still speak to those who are listening.  Thank You.  

Better close up shop here.  My secret is still safe, and my promise to have time with You is kept again.  Love You, Lord!

A Promise Kept

Lord, I did say that I would spend some time with You.  I also think I need to talk to You about the church discipline event expected tomorrow.  I have already looked at the Matthew 18 passage; now I wonder about the Ananias and Sapphira passage in Acts.  Where is that?  Acts 5.  In that case, A&S lied to the church.  It was very clear that they could have kept some of the profit from their property sale for themselves.  That was not the infraction.  The problem was the lie.

And what harsh consequences!  Whew!  I wonder whether they were older and already infirm.  This might be reasonable to consider (not assume) since they had property to sell.  They also wanted to keep a cushion for themselves, which might be another reasonable consideration if they were older and no longer working.  I don't want to gentle the problem in their hearts, though.  Sin is still...sin.

Still, Lord, I am loathe to subject myself to church authorities whose judgment I don't trust.  Help me, please, not to think more highly of myself than I ought.  Help me to be brutally honest with You in all things.  It is ridiculously easy to explain away some of my own behaviors, and sometimes I might even make sense.  Oh, to have someone like the therapist/mentor/life coach that I try to be for my clients!!  :) 

Julie's going to call soon.  I promised, Lord!  And I kept my promise.  Bless my daughters and my sometimes-weird husband.  (More on that another time~~not always logical!!)  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Church Discipline

I am not entirely comfortable with this topic, Lord, but due to our positions as Junior Church coordinators, we have been informed about the membership meeting on April 6 for a church discipline issue.

I don't want to know who, or what.  I do want to ask You to spread Your mercy over the offender(s) and over the leadership.  What I want, what I ask, is that people would be drawn to You in this situation.  Too often these situations breed hurt and hardness in people's hearts, and instead of repentance, these "offenders" are often lost, sometimes for years and occasionally for life.

So, I ask for blessing, gentleness, restoration, and true repentance.  May the leadership handle this in a wise and Godly way, not lording it over anyone.  May they not rest on being "right" but much more on bringing lost sheep back into the sheepfold.  Please, dear Father, may Your magnetism work here to bring glory to Yourself by bringing people back into Your family.

In Jesus name, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, may You direct the script~~Amen.

Katie Raley's Father In Law

Lord, our MOPS acting coordinator, Katie Raley, just sent an email requesting prayer for her father in law who is having what looks to me like neurological events.  I assured her that she could consider him "prayed for," and I want to be good to my word!

So, would you bless him?  How?  Any way You deem appropriate.  The most important thing, I would suggest (not that I can tell You what to do), would be that he and Katie and her husband Charles would have an overwhelming peace that comes from Your being in the rooms with them.  I know, and I believe she knows, that You are always there.  It is perhaps truer for me to ask that they would be aware of You.  You bring peace.  You bring a sense of knowing the future, although we don't.  I think of Martha, who knew that if You had been there when Lazarus was dying, things would have been different.  You allowed Lazarus to die to reveal Your power; but what is more striking to me is that Martha wanted Your presence.

So, please make them aware of Your constant omnipresence and allow that to give them peace.  In Jesus's name, Amen!

Hi, Lord

Not to be too informal, dear Lord, but here I am, finally.  I don't know exactly where to start, but as I often told my daughters, and sometimes my clients, just start anywhere.

I am frustrated and angry about my work.  My own work is deeply satisfying and rewarding; it is the crazy, stupid, shortsighted political environment that gets me so annoyed.

(Random stream of consciousness: just drifted over to Haitian Creations, the designers and producers of two of my tote bags--really, my daughters' bags--and discovered they are diversifying and going online!)

So, dear Lord, prayer--remember Malachi's Message from Adventures in Odyssey?  At the end, Malachi offers Whit an answered prayer.  I think Whit asked for inspiration.  I could use that, too.  What I think I need as well, and I believe I have asked You before, is stamina and endurance.  I am getting tired (and I think my husband is, too).  Please keep us going.  There is much work to be done for our daughters, our Junior Church children, our mothers, our families--heck, just about everyone.  Use us!  Keep us focused on hearing from You and following Your leading.

So, back to work.  Is government inherently evil and opposed to Your purposes?  :)  I am not entirely sure that I am joking about that.  I do feel that our efforts (Yours, and mine and the Christians who are working at WRCH) are often suppressed rather than supported.  Still, there is some good work going on in people's lives and therapy.  There is also some stupid stuff happening.  I guess that is the nature of spiritual warfare.  Help me, please, not to get discouraged.  If You still want me there, I will stay there.  And that brings me to...

...applying for the VA job that Judy Lancey forwarded to me.  Why does she keep thinking of me for these kinds of jobs?  :)  I hope it is a vote of confidence.  I shall apply and see what happens.  It may shake me out of these doldrums, and it certainly is enticing because it could pay more though the benefits like vacation may revert to entry-level.  Hmmm.  Well, I don't have to accept.  Let's see what You say.

For now, dear Lord, I want to pray for family and record those prayers.  I love You, too, as I shared the Moms in Prayer International Facebook post today for my children.  "Because You pay attention to [me], [I will] pray to You as long as [I] live." Psalm 116:2

Amen!

Day Off and Busy

Hi, Lord.  I do have a lot of things on my mind, but I have completed a few things on my to-do list already.  I am going to pause here to go put my sheets in the wash.

They're in.

So now, Lord, I need to sit quietly for about 8 minutes and just let my mind settle and listen to Your leading for the next thing to do.  I did check on Mom's cell phone: $40/month, free phone, not a flip but not a smart phone.  We would need to do something like an "assumption agreement" or similar phrase.  It may well be worth it.

I worked in Julie's room a little today.  It is exhausting!  We have so much STUFF.  Which brings me to another thing to put on my to-do list: take some of the unused clothing/gloves/scarves to the Salvation Army before work on Wednesday.  (What time is my podiatry appointment again?)

I really liked the Praying for Your Husband entry for Day 17 for the mind.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord look at the heart.  I also liked the part of Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage section that I read today.  We are all--no matter how wounded--really self-centered at our core.  Challenging!! How can I apply that to my own life?  It's not very easy to think so radically differently....  The tension between serving and being un-self-centered *and* knowing that my husband (every husband) just may also be self-centered is not an easy tension to manage.  Hmmm....

I think I need a nap.

So, baked chicken breasts tonight?  With rice and salad?

My Family

Lord, I thought about entering different posts in the various accounts for my family members.  Maybe I will cut and paste the appropriate parts of this entry into the right places later, if I have time.  For now, I just want to get some prayer time before the MOPS steering meeting, which is supposed to happen here (Barnes & Noble Worcester) in a little over an hour.

George: I have become interested in the idea of praying for him "head to toe," as the title of the book suggests.  Up until now, I had only the sample.  I just ordered the full Kindle version, and I look forward to using February to go through the book and the prayer discipline.  He said via text that he was on his way home--already!!--to feed MY dog, Rocky.  :)  Yeah, right.  Rocky is tethered to George all weekend long, and rightly so.

I just took a peek at the prayers.  They are quite wonderful!  May they become my prayers for George, and may You grant them to bless him and draw him closer to You and us closer to each other.

Amy: Ahhh...I went over to Facebook to look at her page and posts, and tears come to my eyes.  She is so loved by the Mexicans at La Casa, and she so loves them right back.  I know, Lord, that she is praying about spending at least the summer in San Diego and spending much of that time over the border.  My prayer for her is this: that You would guide her and lead her in the way You want her to go, and that she would follow.  I know she mentioned not wanting to upset "Grandma," and that is a wonderfully loving consideration.  Let Your will be done!  Grandma is worried about losing Amy to the West Coast not for any really selfish reason, but because she loves her (both ways round) so much.  Please work this out, and provide for Amy's financial needs according to Your riches in glory!

Julie:  ThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYouThankYou!  Her 1st week in Morocco--which, after all, is not quite over yet--sounds like You just dumped a bucket of blessings on her.  By extension, we feel blessed, too!  The flights went smoothly, the first hotel was wonderful, the car/shuttle driver from the airport was anointed by You, and best of all, her home-stay family sounds WONDERFUL!!    (With Western toilets and showers--LOL!)  She is thinking deeply about some potentially upsetting issues about children and poverty, which thrills me and scares me at the same time.  Please allow the remainder of her time in Morocco to be just as blessed, and ... I am not quite sure I have the authority to ask You to use her to expand Your boundaries, since everyone needs to invite You to do that for themselves.  Still, my mother's heart begs for Your protection, for Your leading, for Your teaching her deep and wonderful things, and most of all, for Your continued work IN her life.

Okay~~wandering time over to the MOPS website!  Please use me in this meeting, and grant me much wisdom about what to say, if anything, and when to say it, and most of all, how to say what You want me to say.

Amen!

Bless Her, Indeed!

Bless Her, Indeed!

 

 

Julie's destination

Ahhh.  It is 9:24 a.m. and here I am, Lord!  Later than I had hoped, but I am keeping this “appointment” with you here in my office on Sever Street.  I have SO little time to spend in devoted, undistracted time with You.  (Not complaining—more confessing.)  So, let me get to the most pressing issue on my heart today: my younger daughter going to Morocco in just 5 days.

 

How do I feel about this trip?  It’s a funny mix of emotions.  I admit to a bit of fear and anxiety, and I wished (yes, past tense) that she would have gone to Eastern Europe instead.  However, I also think this is an adventure of a lifetime.  I am excited for her!  She has such a lot to do before Thursday, and I would please ask Your assistance to get it all done.  Sometimes she is not organized with regard to timing.  (I wonder if she inherited that from her father.  Haha!)  We need a couple of specific acts of grace from You: she needs her World Health Organization form signed before she leaves, and … okay, now I forget.  Oh, yeah.  She needs her contacts for 15 weeks.  Oy.  Grace, dear understanding Father.  Please?

Moreover, please pursue her during this time away from a lot of Christian fellowship.  I know, I am sometimes too arrogant about the weaknesses in many of my Christian family members.  Maybe even more than “sometimes.”  The sin of pride, right?  L  Well, I digress.  My prayer/desire/request for Julie is this: that her relationship with You might be strengthened and deepened during this time away, a relatively solitary and individual time for her faith.  Of course, humanly and maternally I ask for safety for her.  (I wonder what Your mother must have gone through, releasing You to danger and death.  I feel for her!)

And now, what?  It’s 9:49 a.m., and I expect my client in 10 minutes.  Bless her, too.  That’s an entry for another page.  J

I love You more than anyone else, and not enough, at the same time. 

In Jesus’s name~~Amen.

 

PS  Scott Hassett and Gail, Shayna, and the other daughter whose name I don’t think I ever put in my memory—Scott is dying of pancreatic cancer, and likely soon.  Do You remember Andrew, the Angel of Death from Touched By An Angel?  (Of course You do.)  They could use some angels to bring comfort, humor, and grace during Scott’s homegoing.  Make it wonderful, as wonderful as the death of a loved one can be, please?

Joey's ASVAB

(ASVAB stands for Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery.)

Father, that dear nephew by Bill, Joey, posted his ASVAB score on Facebook today.  It is a below average score, not surprising for those of us who know and love Joey.  The specific subtests seem to be important to indicate what kinds of jobs he might have, should the military still take him.

What do I want to talk about with You?  About Joey?  Well, let's see.  I would so much like to see him feel secure and loved, not only by us but by You.  I am afraid that his parents and their example and influence in his life have hardened his heart to spiritual things.  So perhaps that really ought to be the first focus of prayer--softening his heart.  YOU are the One to do this, and as Your child/minister/servant, I am willing to be used by You to assist in this work.  It is a great work!  Rescuing lost souls is a harder job than I ever thought, and much more subtle than just preaching on a street corner.  Ahhhh.

So, if only by virtue of my telling him that I am talking to You about him, please assure him that You are interested in his life.  That You care deeply about his future and his happiness.  That You are so committed to him that You even died in his place for his sins which, unforgiven, would keep him in hell forever.  In Jesus's name, by the work of the Holy Spirit, and to Your glory~~Amen.



Prayer for CE?

Hello, Lord.  Don't take the dates difference between these posts to indicate that I have not prayed.  You know that!  Just now on Facebook, one of the Junior Church teachers with a learning disabled (maybe) daughter, Kassidy, asked for prayer for Kassidy's midterm exam tomorrow.  I am honored to partner with You in prayer in Kassidy's life.  So....

Dearest Heavenly Father, how often we humans fail the "tests" that You place before us.  Too often.  For a young person with learning challenges, the struggle with tests is not only academic but spiritual.  Lord, would You honor Kassidy by allowing her a decently passing grade?  More importantly, dear God, would You calm her heart in an extraordinary Divine way that can come only from You?  Help her to pass the test to "be anxious for nothing."  But--remind her to pray with thanksgiving!  We love her and her mom, Lord God.  Please use this trial to prove Yourself to her, to strengthen the bond that she has with You, and to be exalted and glorified.  In Jesus's wonderful name~~Amen.

Another thing, dear God.  This one has the potential to be twitchy.  I think I need to communicate with the pastor of our church about the state of CE, specifically Junior Church but touching on Nursery as well.  I am NOT good at this.  In fact, I am actively avoiding writing this letter.  Maybe I will keep it 95% newsy and positive.  Please inspire me.  I don't think I will write it tonight.  I will, however, continue to ask Your thoughts and direction on it.  Please give me an outline of what to say.  I also need You to help me, my Ezer, with the annual report due next week.  I would continue to embrace these ministries with zeal and excitement if I did not have so many distractions in my life, you know.  I wish HBC would hire a Children's Ministry Coordinator.

Okay, I told our daughter that I would try to be home by 7:30 p.m.  I don't have much time left.  Sometimes I just need to sit long enough for the distractions in my head to drift off and allow the important, heavy issues to remain behind.  A whole day...what a dream!

I love You so much!  Be exalted!  Jesus, the most beautiful name that I know.

Scott Hassett, HBC Elder

Scott has been on my heart lately, dear Father.  What a blow to him and his family to be diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer!  I am without words to pray.  I just posted a picture of the tree pin that I got from Scott.  I hope that others will respond and pray for him, remember his struggle and the suffering of the family, and bring him--as I am doing now--before Your throne of grace.

Pray for one another.  Didn't You say that a few times in Scripture?  Yup, in James 5:16 and specifically "so that you may be healed."  I could use healing, too, Lord, but Scott needs some physical miracle so much more than I do right now.  Again, though, I have no idea exactly what to ask You to do.  Bring him relief of pain; bring Gail relief of anxiety; bring them both amazingly, so much closer to You through this awful time.  Be glorified!  In Jesus's most powerful name, Who healed bodies to show that that's the easy part, and that healing souls and forgiving sin is the way harder thing to do~~Amen.

Ending 2013

Lord, I may have only about 10 minutes, if that, for this entry.  It's Your birthday week!  What a whirlwind it has been, and it's not over.  Still, it was a good week, but I am tired.  I just wanted to connect with You briefly before the craziness of the weekend and the New Year commences.

So, I didn't do as well as I wanted in keeping an Advent journal, but I did read the Advent devotional almost every day.  It was John Piper's "Good News of Great Joy."  He quoted Tim Keller at the end, and I cannot get the quote out of my mind:

"Humility is so shy.  If you begin talking about it, it leaves."

Oh, yes.  John Piper's final meditation talked about Jesus's humility and servanthood as noted in Philippians, which he called a Christmas text.  Well worth pondering, which I guess is what I am doing.

Well, not to be rude, but I really should get going.  The family won't understand the huge delay.  If only they knew that I need some time alone to journal...but George particularly would want to read what I write, and it is intended ONLY for You.

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

My Nephew Joe

Dear Father, my impulsive but courageous and good-hearted nephew Joe did something incredibly stupid recently.  He totaled a police cruiser that he was driving to a domestic dispute by running a red light.  Please, in Your great mercy so powerfully illustrated in the Christmas story, spare him the awful consequences of losing his job.  He was foolish.  We all know that--even he knows that.  But we have all been foolish.  Let this be an example of great grace, or wonderful forgiveness, of second chances and the opportunity to start again.  Please allow him to hold on to his job because he loves it, because his family needs it--and him, and because You are trying to get into his life.  We know that this is something that we can give to You to weave into Your plan for his life and ultimately his relationship with You--his salvation.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Mommy's Mad!"

Dear Heavenly Father, I contracted with myself to spend some time in prayer before I returned to working on the talk for MOPS on Thursday.  Here I am.  I'm a little bit tired, but tonight was a gift.  My only client canceled (although for a horrible reason--her daughter is in jail and the father of the grandkids committed suicide in jail), and I came to Barnes and Noble to spend some time with You.  It's a date!  So would You meet me here?

(I took a moment or two to look for an old worship song I knew.  I couldn't find it, but the idea was "I'm here...Meet me here.")

Who but You knows how many women will be with us on Thursday?  Please bring the ones that need to come.  Let me be sensitive to them and to Carra's desire to get the wrapping done early--maybe by 8 p.m. so that she can leave.  Let me be both Biblically sound and clinically competent, which has been my career-long prayer.  Please give me exactly what someone needs, or several someones need, to be effective mothers and excellent examples of emotion management.

This is an honor to speak, of course, and I want to point women to You for their strength and wisdom in parenting.  I hope that I speak from the experience of relying on You for that strength and wisdom.  What would my daughters say?

Okay, the timer went off.  I will do a bit of research now and get a PowerPoint up, mostly for myself to stay on track.  "Bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory (my influence), and [may] your hand ... be with me, and [may] you ... keep me from harm!"  1 Chronicles 4:10

Urgent: Kimberly's Aunt

Dear Lord, I never again want to promise to pray without actually praying. Kimberly's Aunt Barbara is in a coma secondary to anoxia for 12 minutes (somehow related to hip replacement surgery). What is the appropriate prayer in a situation like this? Grace...comfort...wisdom...mercy! Lord, have mercy. I don't know how old Barbara is, but that doesn't really matter. Have mercy on her, on the family, and (from my perspective) specifically on Kimberly. Give her safe travel and the knowledge and experience of your presence. In the healing name of Jesus~~Amen.

The Best Daughters

Father God, I think this topic came to my mind because one of the deaf patients at the hospital recently lost her son to a gang shooting.  I began to wonder how I would feel, how I would cope, if my children made bad choices.  How grieved would I be?  How self-loathing, because at some level the thoughts almost always turn to blame for the parents for not raising the child properly?  How much time would I spend in pleading prayer for my babies?

I am amazingly grateful for the wonderful, Godly daughters I have.  Wow.  You done good, God!  :)  I think Julie is a bit more "liberal" than Amy, but she seems to be well grounded in the Word and in her relationship with you.  They both have big hearts for others, with the overriding purpose of loving them into the Kingdom.  Thank You.  That's all.  Just thank YOU.  And I will try to pray for them as much as I might if they were wayward.  They deserve that much of my prayer protection and attention, maybe more, to keep them close to You.

Barrington Nicols & Granny

I will have to make this super-quick, but I promised Kimberly I would pray, or had prayed, for Your will for "coverage" for Mary Ann while they sail the Caribbean next year. Please provide the right situation for Mary Ann. Kimberly is trying to be responsible for her while still being responsible for her own family. ???

George's Back

Lord, I probably "should" have done this earlier, even days ago.  The short story: making lasagna for George's family because we are going north to visit his mother (and everyone else) today.  So, I am sure you understand.

George's spine is sick.  Without boring you with the details that you already know thoroughly, I want to ask you officially to intervene.  He is painstakingly (and there is an emphasis on "pain") compliant with his stretching exercises.  He is also stubborn with respect to taking a pain reliever.  The best case scenario would be complete healing.  Is that in Your will?  In whatever way you step in, please bring him relief and a certainty that you have touched him.  Please reduce the pain.  I am impressed with how he hides his discomfort, but I do wish he would take something to help with it.  Especially today, with all his family, please make him comfortable.  He isn't terribly "comfortable" with them in the first place, and having pain is likely to make it less so.

In Jesus's name, out of love for my Godly and wonderful husband, and in the modern-day power of the Holy Spirit--Amen.

My Baby is Sick

Is there a way to make this work? I keep seeing "Error on page" at the bottom of this post. :(For the moment, I will write in HTML and not the Compose pane. So... Dear Father, You are the Healer. Healing is in Your hands. Please be merciful to my youngest daughter, Julie, and restore her health quickly. She is so responsible, and she takes seriously the commitments that she has to her education and her volunteer positions. Would You honor that and give her the rest, the healing rest, that she requires to allow You to fix her? Please strengthen her immune system and allow it to knock out the virus that I suspect has attacked her. This is for her and for You and Your kingdom. In Jesus's name, Who healed a bunch of people during His earthly ministry...and by the work of the Holy Spirit, Who heals today~~Amen.

Daughters Serving the Lord

• Amy: First day as "Graduate Assistant for Women's Programming" at Taylor University.  Please, Lord, let her ... what? ... "succeed" according to Your will, make disciples of the women students, feel Your presence in her work.
• Julie: Last week at Lakeside Christian Camp.  Please, Lord, let her also succeed according to Your will, make disciples of the campers with whom she has worked, and feel Your presence in her work.

All in Jesus's name!  Amen.

Moment

Lord, it is a Thursday night.  Right now, Julie's at Lakeside, Amy's at Samantha's, and George is...who knows?  Dear Lord, I am not very focused right now.  If I were to sit quietly for a bit of time, I know that I would think of several if not a dozen things to bring to You.

90 seconds from home!  That's George.  Later, Lord.  Love you!

Sydney Allen

Oh, God!  How tragic this event that took a 3-year-old baby girl's life!  1 Thessalonians 4:13 says,

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

May we not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  May we, and especially the Allens, grieve with the comfort that comes only from You.  Supernatural, extraordinary comfort that is next to impossible for the human mind to comprehend but which our regenerate hearts can glimpse.

Wishing for a Long Time

Lord, it's just before 10 a.m. today, and I will have to get to work on time for 11:30 a.m.  :(  In between, I need to package some things for Julie and send out a quick invitation to the MOPS gals for Sunday.  I am still dripping wet from my shower!  Thank You that You are master of time, and the number of minutes I spend here is not indicative of my prayer or of Your love.

So--Do I have a blind spot when it comes to that patient at work?  I seem to butt heads with the psychiatrist over him.  He is a pain; that is not the issue.  In fact, in general it seems that we are ("we" meaning the professional staff) failing to treat most of our patients with dignity and respect.  However, I digress.  My initial question concerned a blind spot.  If I have one, dear Lord, reveal it to me and open my eyes.  This stalemate, this conflict is not comfortable (although my comfort is not the goal here).

Please bless both my daughters, but especially Julie this week at Lakeside.  Please give her extra wisdom, maturity, patience, love, and endurance.  Show her a glimpse of Yourself?  That will keep her going!  She's a special one.  May she bless You right back.

I wish I didn't have to go.  I have SO much more to pray about.  Accept this small entry as a token of my praying without ceasing, but having no evidence to support that.  :)  I love You!  Amen.

In the "Garden"

That may not be the best title for this post, Lord, but it reflects my wish to spend time in the quiet place in my heart--Your garden--with You.

Today's One Year Bible reading is Paul's testimony to ... Jerusalem?  In this part of the story, he speaks Greek to the commander of the barracks and Aramaic to the crowd.  This made me think of Franklin, and his interest in languages for the purpose of translating Scripture for those who have no version for themselves.  Please bless that young man, Lord, and preserve his life and health for the furtherance of Your Kingdom.

One part of the passage that I wondered about was this: "The God of our fathers has chosen you to know his will and to see the Righteous One and to hear words from his mouth."  Would this mean me, too?  "You will be his witness to all men of what you have seen and heard.  And now what are you waiting for?"  This fits well with the premise of David Platt's book Follow Me, that our only purpose and Your overriding will is to tell all people the message.

Oh, to spend more time here with You.  It's almost 9 a.m., and I have to mail that Keurig K-cup holder today, and I haven't showered yet, and I have to be at work by 11:30 a.m.  For a day alone....

Love You, dear Lord!

PS  Blessings on Julie!  She is probably exhausted in her work at Lakeside.

Thoughts from Follow Me

Hi, Lord.  I took a sick day from work today, and in truth I feel a little off.  Despite that, I accomplished a great deal today, not the least of which is making this entry.

David Platt's premise in Follow Me is a very powerful argument: that our only and most important calling in life is to follow Christ "radically" (related to the title of his other book).  Nothing else matters.  That does not, paradoxically, mean that we become spartan or that we quit our jobs to "minister" full time.  It does mean that everything is subjected to the ultimate purpose of evangelizing.

So, here I am.  I am about to make cupcakes for Amy's friend Samantha's bridal shower on Saturday. Of course, it is about 80 degrees in the house.  :)  Sacrifice!!  Love you, Lord, and may You be glorified by me at the shower, at work, everywhere!

One Thousand Dollars

Oh, my goodness, Lord.  I wish my husband had been more understanding about our daughter's desire (call?) to return to Mexico for a week of celebration for all the ones whom she has grown to love.  However, he did it.  We are contributing half of the above amount to make this trip happen.  Please bless this step of faith and obedience.  How does one ever really know what You are calling her to do?  Paul--you, the after-apostle--you seemed to know even when it didn't make "sense."  Lord, please confirm this in some way.  We are not very experienced at this following thing, certainly not as much as our years of living with You might suggest.  And bless her trip, her friends, and most of all, her.  In Jesus's name and by Your Spirit~~Amen.

Praying Julie Home

Ahh, Lord!  The weather for flying is terrible.  Please help.  I started to try to specify how I want You to help, but I believe You already know what to do.  Please bring all those young people to the ground safely and return them all to their families.  I beg You to be gracious and redirect the storms OR the flight to ensure their safety.  Please.  In Jesus's name~Amen

For Junior Church

The weight of responsibility for Junior Church is sometimes heavy, dear Lord.  Please touch some people's hearts to help this Sunday.  I need to put together the June schedule, but we have to get this Sunday set immediately.  I'm pleading.  I'm not just asking.  This is for You and Your work in the lives of these precious children.  In a minute or two, I will send out another email.  Would You bless it with fruit?  In Your wonderful name, so worth sharing~~Amen and amen.

Julie in Montana

Lord, I checked the weather forecast for Ashland, MT, and it looks like thunderstorms today and rain until Friday.  :(  And the team is camping.  I remember a "camping" trip with Crossroads many (many) years ago that was wet and miserable, and You impressed James 1 onto my heart:

Consider it all joy, my brethren (and sisters), when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  (verses 2-4)

Well worth memorizing for myself, and  I will also pray this for the GO West team.  Please guard Julie's heart from any bitterness over the bad weather, and shine Your Spirit through her joy.  This is an amazing adventure that she is on!  Open the eyes of her heart, Lord.  She wants to see You.  Please grant that desire of her heart.

And from my mother-heart, please bring her home safely and well.  I am really looking forward to the trip home with her (although I suspect she will sleep some or most of the drive).

Holy Spirit, I ask You for special work in Julie's life during these last few days of this ministry.  Do Your thing.  You know that I am asking this for Julie's sake, of course, and also for the sake of the spread of the Kingdom--Your Kingdom--through Jesus Christ and for the glory of God.  Amen!!

Julie GO'd West

Father God, I have been holding Julie in my thoughts since she left a week ago for Colorado on the Global Outreach (GO) trip to the West.  I haven't had as much time to write, though.  Please accept this prayer for her retrospectively and prospectively.  The messages that the team members are posting on the information line seem positive and even fun!  I ask for her a chance to share You with the others, a glimpse of Your call on her life, and an experience that will stay in her memory as a wonderful time.  Please keep all of them from sickness and exhaustion.  Refresh their bodies as they camp even as You refresh their spirits every day.  I can hardly wait until I can hear all her stories, told in her funny, pithy way.  Guard her closely and protect her from every evil.  In Jesus's name and in the leading of the Holy Spirit, for the sake of Your kingdom in Julie's life and through her as well~~Amen.



My Alone Time

God, I know my time is extremely limited this afternoon.  Without going into all the details of the tasks awaiting me, please allow me to spend this completely necessary time alone with You to refresh.  I am uncomfortable even doing this at home.  Interested "nosy" eyes look at what I am writing, and sometimes this is intensely personal stuff.

And that is, after all, what prayer is supposed to be.  As I sit here and think about that statement--"what prayer is supposed to be"-- I also recall that prayer is supposed to be a time of devoting myself to You, to adoring You, to appreciating You.  You really have been amazing (more so than normal, which is amazing) throughout our trip to pick up Amy in Tijuana.  I, on the other hand, have not been so amazing.  Man, has my sin appeared.  I leap to justifying my behaviors, of course; after all, I am a normal human in that regard.  I don't think I can even begin to acknowledge the specifics; I still have an emotional reaction to the situations.  I will surrender, God.  I am an inappropriate, imperfect, sinful woman, and I have quick and judgmental reactions to people.  I need much more "tolerance" (though I hate that word) for people who are less than perfect, too.  (My DH falls into that category, of course.)

So, over the past month I have been...lonely.  There are not very many, if any, people to whom I can talk openly and without fear of judgment.  I have retreated into my relationship with You even more.  I don't think that's all that great.  Not that it isn't wonderful to tell You everything, and hopefully to listen to You and learn.  I run the risk of becoming "right in my own eyes" but not in the views of others.  And then, to complicate matters even further, I run the risks (plural) of measuring my success by others' opinions of me OR of not caring to verify my truths with others.  Oy.  My head begins to hurt.

Ideally, God, I would be in such close communication with You that only Your approval and direction would matter to me.  Would You allow that for me?  I'd really like it.

Oh, for more time!  In Jesus's name and in the fullness of the Holy Spirit~Amen.

For My Babies

Lord, I am rushing.  Sweetly and simply, may they (my daughters) both finish strong.  Julie: clear mind through exhaustion.  Amy: grace and love through sorrow over leaving La Casa.  In Jesus's name and in the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen~

Daughters

Amy: THROWING UP!  Tijuana version of Montezuma's Revenge?  We face-timed after her message about the vomiting; so, I know that she is all right, if a little dizzy/queasy.  Dear Father, this last week of her time there is precious--and emotionally weird.  It sounds like she has learned a lot, some of which she may not have wanted to learn.  Help her to integrate these lessons into her life and into herself in a way which testifies to Your love and makes her a better minister of the Gospel.  And...let's bring her home safely!

Julie: GO retreat this weekend, final classes next week, and some final exams before May 10th.  I'm tired just typing this.  Dear Father, bless her with efficiency and a wonderful closeness to You such that she knows as she has never known before the filling and power of the Holy Spirit.  Thank You for her ministry in a more secular environment.  Please give her opportunities to share not only her "faith" but You Yourself.  Be glorified~

~in both my daughters' lives and in my own as well.  What gifts, what blessings they are to me!  I am so eager to be with them over the San Diego trip.  Please make our time together sweet fellowship.

And PS, a selfish request: and I will understand if You say no: Could we get that 2-bedroom condo while we are there?  (In the face of the poverty that both girls have been and will be witnessing, this is a strange thing to ask, I know... )

Sophomore Year Finals

Dear Gracious and Omniscient Father God--yeah, I sound like Eugene Meltsner or Spencer Reid, don't I?--please bless my daughter Julie during these last days of her sophomore year.  She is sending me a 15-page research paper to review tonight, and then she goes into finals week.  Give her rest, even if she shorts herself on sleep.  Please make her studying very efficient, her retention of the material almost "anal" (haha), and her ability to recount what she has learned effective and persuasive on papers and finals.  I am excited to have her coming with us to get Amy from the orphanage!  I can't pray here for much longer since I am at work, but I did want to get this off my mind and into Your heart (although I really do know I can do that without writing it.)  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

For Julie

Julie's my more silent daughter, Lord.  :)  Please bless her during these last 2-3 weeks of school with clear thinking, learning, efficiency, faithfulness, and joy.  I trust that You are pursuing her (not that she is running away from you) since the cares of this world can interfere with anyone's relationship with you.

Miguelito's Eye

Father, please bless the surgeons who are operating on Miguelito's lazy eye.  Give them steadiness, focus, extra skill, and extra grace.  Please touch Miguelito's little heart as well as his little body with Your loving and healing hands.  Fill Amy with such grace and love and wisdom that it effortlessly pours from her all over him.  May he be blanketed with peace as You heal him, and I ask a special guard against anything that could interfere with or interrupt this wonderful work that is being done--that You are doing--for him.  In Jesus's name and by the healing work of the Holy Spirit in this age~~Amen.

Daughter's Medical Ignorance

Dear Heavenly Father, You are the Great Physician, and my oldest daughter is so ignorant.  Please protect her from her lack of knowledge about medications and restore her from having taken the Naproxen, an NSAID, when she is "allergic" to that category of drugs.  I want to wake her up way out in Tijuana, but it is only 6:20 a.m. there and I would imagine that she is sound asleep, perhaps even more because she is sick.  This is incredibly hard for me as Mama, You know.  My heart races to reach her and educate her and get her to an epi-pen!! Or at least Benadryl or some other antihistamine.  But here I sit, Lord, forcing myself to pray.  Please...please protect her and heal her.  This is one act of faith on my part.  You graciously indulged my anxiety last night by having her respond to me.  Now, please, wake her up just enough to respond again, if I may be so bold--actually, so weak--to ask.

I know...I get a little bit annoyed with all the people who pray for medical problems and healing.  This is hypocritical of me.  Forgive my two-faced hypocrisy, I ask, since You, too, have the heart of a parent and understand the desire to keep Your children from harm--even if the harm is brought on by their own stupidity.  In fact, maybe especially because of their own stupidity!

Lord, there is so little time to pray.  I would do this for hours--pray, that is.  But I have responsibilities and I must attend to the rapid passage of time.  Please make time for our praying soon?  I love You, and I trust that You love my daughter and will keep her in Your hands until her body can get rid of the medicine.  In the power of the Holy Trinity who love and serve each other~~Amen.

Bold Speech

Luke 11:37 Jesus Criticizes the Religious Leaders

Oh, my goodness, Lord!

Luke 12:1 A Warning Against Hypocrisy

Double-oh, my goodness, Lord!!

This is a minefield for me.  I am quick to criticize "religious leaders," and then I do find myself wondering at my own hypocrisy.  Please work in my heart to see as You see, to hold everything including myself up to Your high standards, but not to judge.  That responsibility belongs to You alone.  Just because others do not see things as I see them does not (necessarily) mean that they are wrong.  That is the normal way of interpreting the world, though.  How does one know when one is right?  Holy Spirit, You need to lead me into all truth, and that must include the truth about being right--and wrong.  I will listen, though I know it will take practice and humility.  I don't have enough of either.  In Jesus's name, for the sake of the kingdom of God, and by the tutelage of the Holy Spirit I pray~~Amen.

Two Months!

My last post here, Lord, was almost two months ago!!  Yikes.  No excuses, since You know everything already.  :)  What do busy people do for prayer time?  I really dislike the pace that prohibits a lengthy, or lengthier, time of prayer.  (And just now, I had to run to the bathroom.)  I wonder...whether the Devil interferes with times of prayer on purpose.  It would make sense that he would want to interrupt communications between You, our commander, and us, your soldiers.

I don't have very much time even now, because I have a podiatry appointment within the hour (plus 4 minutes, according to the computer clock).  One quick prayer: MOPS Ladies' Night at our house on Friday.  Please bless it all.  I need to prepare, clean, and "mentor."  Dearest Lord, this is all for You and the spiritual growth of these young women.  I am Your handmaiden, maidservant, and obedient daughter.  Thank You for all of those privileges.  In Jesus's name and by the indwelling Holy Spirit's power and guidance~~Amen.