Even Perfect Jesus

 Even perfect Jesus could not or would not "ensure" that people would accept Him or listen to him.   However, that is the task I have been assigned.  I can only transmit; I can neither make others tune into my frequency or even turn on their receivers.  Lord, help me to communicate these thoughts to those who need to hear them.  Give me gracious words and a softened heart minister reconciliation.  As Jesus would!  Amen.

Enemy Love

 Scott Larson of Straight Ahead Ministries delivered a powerful sermon on May 16, 2021 titled "Enemy Love."  Ouch.  Love your...enemies.  But don't give them rent-free space in your head, your heart, your feelings, your focus!

Fellowship of Your Sufferings

 Dearest Lord, this phrase from Philippians 3:1to be 0 has been rattling around in my heart and mind and soul for a while now.  Work is the setting of the "suffering" and the suffer to b3e likring is the remarkable misunderstanding of my behavior and performance.  How did You manage?  People believed that You were evil, and You did not get along with the people in power.  You stayed the course, though, and You remained loving even while You sometimes called out hypocrisy.  I don't believe I am perfect, at all.  I do wish the certainty that You always had could be mine.  I need, when I doubt, to ... stay quiet, listen for the Holy Spirit, and perhaps hardest of all, not get angry.  

I love You, Jesus, and I really do want to be like You.  It's harder now than I ever imagined it would be.  Being misunderstood, maligned, and rejected--that is only some of what You suffered.  If You are as sensitive as I believe You are, with a heart that wanted people to love You, it may have hurt.  Did it?

Promotion Prayer?

 So, Lord, You did just remind me to pray for Amy and her final interview on Friday.  We are all asking for the grace to mean it when we pray that Your will be done.  We ask that You direct her path, that You lead her in the way in which she should go.  We trust that You see her heart for You and Your kingdom, and we (I) pray that You reward her in a felt way for her faithfulness.  We all pray for the extension of Your kingdom and the glory of Your name~~Amen.

Pray at All Times

 My heart and my mind are overwhelmed with the very long list of things that need prayer attention.  How did You mean this command, Lord?  "Pray about everything," "pray at all times."  I am only a finite human with finite time constraints and finite attention span.  How am I supposed to obey this command, Lord?

Distraction: Poor Chloe.  Her usual beds are not available to her because we are painting the living room.  My being home today (Presidents' Day) is also disrupting her, I think.  But she keeps showing up where I am.  The cat whisperers tell us that that behavior is a sign of love.

But back!  None of this is ordered according to importance.  I would not know how to prioritize these prayers:

• Mom
• Tue--and Julie
• Amy and her job opportunity
• This country, not necessarily "my" country
• The Journey church
• Kim Marie and her cancer treatment

"Lord" (as my British friends would pronounce it), "please calm and order my random and unsettled thoughts and concerns to come into line with Your will and Your ways.  Help me to capture some of the prayer progress, as with Tue and Julie, so that I can look back on it and celebrate Your work, no matter how slow and incremental it appears to me when I want a quick and quantum leap into an answer.  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus.  Come back!  We want You and we need You!

Miserable

 Yeah, I am pretty miserable these days.  NOTHING appears to be going right, and I am irritable and argumentative (even if I am sometimes right).  I have little motivation; I am anxious all the time; I cannot concentrate well for long.  Even while I am trying to get through this post, I get distracted.  I am headachy and lazy.  I am frustrated at the triumph of evil and the deception of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am having too much trouble remembering that YOU are still in charge!!  I am even at odds with my DH, upset at him for being so ignorant of politics and pandemic and for spouting platitudes like "be rooted in Scripture"--whatever that means.  He is more dependent than he has been in the past, and I find it annoying.  He does not take initiative except for household tasks--I can be very grateful for that--but he is growing more forgetful and more short-sighted in his future planning.  Except for his retirement plan!  I say "his"  because I honestly fear that he will enjoy retirement alone if I die early, which is unfortunately not so far an improbability with the pandemic and my essential worker status.

What am I missing, Lord?  My eyes hurt, sometimes from crying and sometimes from wanting to cry, I think.  I feel hopeless, even almost terrified.  I know that the psalms and especially the Psalms of Lament represent some of these feelings, and I will be going back to them.  You are still, and always, good and good to me.  Help me.

Because Jesus is always the victor, I pray in His name.

Taking Advantage

Having gone to Pennsylvania to celebrate Amy's upcoming 30th birthday (tomorrow, 9/23/2020), I am stuck at home awaiting the results of a COVID-19 test--but it does not feel like being stuck.  I am, frankly, enjoying the random accomplishments of the day, including this one.

So, Lord, in the interest and the spirit of praying, I am trying to focus in this age of anxiety, with the pandemic and the politic, on the eternal and the spiritual.  Today's YouVersion speaks of peace vs. worry.  How completely appropriate!!  I still wish to be informed.  I haven't quite figured out, though, how to get the information I need to read Your will in the situations without worrying.  It's all bad news, or so it seems on the surface.

But You are not a superficial God.  You work in the deeps.  (Is that a word?  Yep, I looked it up.)   Behind and underneath all that is going on in the world, there is the "invisible war" going on in the spiritual realm.  That is the title of the devotional I am reading, and it is also SO completely appropriate to these times.

The struggle for me is the internal anger and anguish that robs my own peace.  I also want to argue people into understanding the truth.  Persuasion, right?  Hah.  Even You have chosen not to push people into Truth, and You are the Truth.

Speaking of Truth, what are you doing behind the scenes with Tue?  I am curious, and I am waiting for Your opening.  If I may ask something, please put reins on me and a muzzle on my mouth.  I tend to think more of myself and my ability to know what to say and when to say it than is warranted.  

I think I will go finish that book The Lotus and The Cross.  Bless my reading and understanding?  I don't think it captures Tue very well, or his father, but I wonder how many "denominations" of Buddhism there are, similar to how many Christian denominations exist.  And please bless my own representation of You.  I am afraid to sound judgmental, and I fear that many representatives have done harm to Your message but not, of course, to You.  No one can harm You (despite what the president tried to pin on his opponent). Nevertheless, I don't want to be one of those people who turns others away from You.

Love You so very much and still not enough.

Since Last Year? Not good!

Oh, God, what I really mean is this: I have been praying, You know that.  I just haven't written anything in this location for SINCE LAST YEAR!  I know why.  I do not want to share this journal (my spell check almost chose "journey," which would perhaps be equally appropriate) with anyone, and my dear husband is nosy.  Some things, such as the ones between You and me, are supposed to be private.  

If I engaged in free association or stream-of-consciousness writing right now, I am not sure what would pop up first.  It was a day that I had hoped would be a day of silence in the spirit of the devotional I am doing on YouVersion right now: "Turning Off the Noise."  I considered not saying anything verbally until my dear feline coaxed some words out of me.  And then a phone call from my middle sister and mother regarding my recently widowed (#2) youngest sister.  It was not a great phone call.  "I don't want you to use your clinical skills, but what do you think...?"  She and mother did, indeed, want me to use my clinical skills BUT they--mostly sister--really wanted me to confirm what she believed.  

This segues into the other issue: the widowed sister.  The widowed sister who probably has a form of dementia.  The sister who doesn't like me very much, maybe because I am unable to coddle her.  It may also be because, in the eyes of both sisters and mother, I live a "charmed" (read: blessed) life.  I do.  They have had some awful, sad, disappointing events and relationships in their lives.  I get that, and I am sorry for them.

But I am getting away from that sister's very serious problems.  The current plan is bringing her to live with mother for "two weeks" which was the original estimate or "as long as it takes," whatever "it" is.  This plan is fraught with risks.  She has never been an easy person for mother or us, and I have trouble imagining that dementia and grief are going to improve her disposition and behavior.  Whew.  Oh, boy.

Then there is husband.  He is ... frustrating and frustrated at this point in his life.  He wants to retire before he even turns 59.  I don't know exactly what is prompting this desire, and he is not very good at talking emotionally.  In addition, there are some physical difficulties that are affecting our relationship, and he is not seeking help for them.  Finally, the political tensions are high.  Because this is a private entry, and You do not judge though You could, I will admit (confess) that I have a lot of trouble respecting anyone who supports the current President.  And my husband does.  

And this goes into another segue.  The political landscape is flat-out crazy, irrational, evil!  I shake my head at the deceitfulness, the selfishness, the disrespect for humans that this administration exhibits.  I wonder that anyone can support him--and worse, that many evangelical Christians support him!  I am disgusted.  Horrified.  And most of all, confused.  Why can reasonable people NOT see through these lies? Why can they not cling to the values that make us as Christians different, loving, wonderful citizens?  How long, oh Lord?

Well, the cat is out.  I would like to get her in early enough to go to bed early; I could use Your help with that.  But I have some other things to do before then.  I will try to write more this week while husband is off sailing the coast of Maine with his brother.  

I love You, Lord.  And I totally need You more than ever.

Don't Let the Prayer Down

Lord!  The conversation over the weekend with Tue was challenging but good.  We are not "there" yet, and those last few steps may be the most challenging.  Now, though, I believe I understand some of the stumbling blocks more clearly.  Over all, God, help us to keep the focus not on the Religious Right or the history of "missionary" mistakes but on Jesus.  He said he would keep an open mind.  Unfortunately, he also said that Buddhism makes more sense for him and that he might never become a Christian.  I believe that he is not seeing Jesus yet.  Only You can make his vision clear.  Please remove the spiritual scales from his eyes so that he can see Jesus.  Only You can bring that man's dead or deadened heart to life.  Please do a miracle for and in Tue.

There is another person for whom I want to ask Your intervention: my daughter Julie.  The past 10 years of her spiritual life have been disappointing; Your people in churches, New York, Philadelphia...pretty much everyone she has encountered.  This experience is almost surely spiritual battle, too, as is Your ... I wanted to say Your bringing Tue into her life.  I am not positive about that.  I hope that he sees You for who You are, perhaps because You brought Julie, and us, into his life.

But back to Julie.  Please reawaken her zeal for You.  Restore her spiritual vision.  Give her wisdom, discernment, mission, fellowship, and great teaching somewhere.

Please also help me to hear Your direction with regard to Epic Parkside and Tk.  I do not want to try orchestrating this situation before You have done the prep work, IF this is the situation You want to run.

Lord, the battle is indeed enjoined.  I am Your soldier.  Command me to do what You know is best.  In Jesus's name~~Amen

More Spiritual Battle by Distraction?

Dear God--I just went through Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit and decided to address all of You by saying "God"--I am aware that the charge of "hostile working environment" has knocked me off balance and has distracted me from the big issue of sharing You with Tue this weekend.  I think often of the Screwtape Letters play that we just attended earlier this month, and I am grateful for the reminder that the Enemy can, and does, use such distractions to keep me from PRAYING!

Prayer: Please, God, do something awesome and miraculous for Tue's saving faith this weekend.  Please soften his heart to ask deep questions, and perhaps more importantly, prepare my heart to share Your love clearly and boldly.  Relatedly--please help GN to see the forest for the trees, so to speak.  This is, of course, in large, large part our fighting for our daughter Julie; however, it is also in pretty large part fighting for Tue and his eternal life and relationship with You.

Can You (of course You *can*) or perhaps better said, will You help me understand the Buddhist faith?  I want to know how to be respectful and aware of its importance to Tue.

Prayer 2: HWE?  Really.  I can't even.  But help me to bounce and get back to business.  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus.  Soon.  But not until we--You and I and GN--have a shot at Tue?  :)

Amen!

Continuing to Pray for Tue

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, what will it take to get Tue's heart to turn toward You?  I am trying to "fast" from my phone games :) (which is such a silly thing (but harder than I thought it would be) to show You that I am serious about this prayer.  Please soften his heart and pave the way for GN and me to talk effectively and lovingly with him on Saturday.  

I don't know what else to say or what else to ask.  You know.

In Jesus's name~~please.  Amen.

Beginning a Letter to Tue

Dear Tue,

I think I knew it would come to this.  You are a good man!  My daughter Julie has not been loose with her affections, and when we learned that she was dating someone, we knew that he had to be a special guy.

Then we met you.  You were so nervous.  (I think?)  You were also so sweet.  I remember that somewhere along the way I heard that in past relationships the more difficult parent for you was the mother.  I don't want to be difficult, and it is my hope that you don't see me that way.

I really love you, not just because of your relationship with my daughter, but because you are an amazing person.  I have watched you over the nearly three years that you and Julie have been dating, and I see a person with the biggest heart I think I have seen in a person of your generation.  You love, and you love deeply and sacrificially.  You don't let go of many friendships.  You are tenacious.  You set a goal, and you go for it.  You are respectful.  You think critically and analytically.

So.  Here we are, and the most important thing on my heart is your relationship with Jesus.  I have no doubts about your relationship with Julie; you need to hear that, know that, believe that.  It is not because of some poorly-exegeted passage of the Bible that I have this concern on my heart (that is, the verse 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.").  It is completely because I want you to know how much Jesus loves you--and secondarily, because the Word of God says that a husband is supposed to love his wife THAT MUCH.  I want Julie to be loved that much!  But as I said, that is secondary although very, very important to me.

Primarily, though, I want you to know Jesus.  Not just know about Jesus, but know Him.  I want you to imagine His wearing a baseball hat backward on His head, watching the Eagles with you and saying, "You know, Wentz is a personal friend of Mine."  I want you to feel that you can ask Him hard questions and complain to Him about His people (I do, often).  I want you and Julie to have a common, firm, unshakable foundation for your life (singular) together, and your lives (plural)  together, because Biblically speaking you two will become one AND you two will continue to have your own personalities and purposes.  And, looking forward as I often do, I want to know without any question in my mind that when Jesus comes back for His people--which I believe is coming at a faster pace than I have ever before imagined in my 60+ years--you will be coming with us.

I am crying right now.  I didn't expect to shed tears when I began this letter.  I cry when God touches my heart, and I think that is why I am crying right now.

Tue, I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law.  I hope you know that the *only* reservation that I have about your marriage to my daughter is your relationship to Jesus.  It is all about Jesus.  All.

(PS I do see your respect for your father, your deep love for him.  What does he say about your intention to ask Julie to marry you?  (If you have talked to him about this?)  I have long had a feeling that your father is more accepting and, if I may say so, more like Jesus than many of my so-called brethren who call themselves Christian.  I sound judgmental when I say that, and for that I am sorry, but I believe that.  In my own relationship with Jesus, He has surprised me with the people who are not traditionally "believers" but have more love, more Christ-likeness, than many churchgoers.  Your father is one of those people.

But that is off topic.  Is your father's faith so important to him that your possibly embracing a relationship with Jesus would hurt him?  I would love to talk about this with you.  It somehow seems to me that your father has put you in the path of Jesus since enrolling you in a Catholic school--funny, but in the deep spiritual level of life, perhaps meaningful?  I also wonder if on that deep spiritual level of life your father's journey out of Vietnam and to "the City of Brotherly Love" and to a job at a Catholic school is a sign of God's loving hand on him and on your family.  Just wondering....)

I may well continue this letter at another time.  I have learned to let ideas percolate and simmer; this is so important that I don't think I can do the entire subject justice in one sitting.

And if you didn't get it yet, allow me to repeat that I love you--like a son, like a wonderful human being!

Trying to Be Faithful in Prayer

Lord, not very long ago I confessed (in the journal Julie gave me, at that) that I had stopped praying as fervently and regularly for Tue's salvation.  Well, I got surprised that ... that ... I guess that the relationship went farther and faster than I anticipated.  Why that should have surprised me is another issue for another post, though.

For now, please allow me to redouble my prayer commitment for Tue's salvation.  I am recalling that Julie once told me, only two short years ago, that she would not marry Tue unless he became a Christian.  Moreover, I found journals in her room that bemoaned her loneliness for a boyfriend and also her desire/decision to await a Christian man.  (Boy, are they in short supply--but that, too, is an issue for another post.)

So, here we are.  I am not surprised that they are so compatible.  I am not surprised that they are attracted to, and attractive to, each other.  I want badly for Tue to become a Christian, a child of Yours, not only because he may become my son-in-law but also because I really like and respect this young man.  Even his faithful filial love for his parents is so honorable.  It reminds me of the Scripture:

Many people were traveling with Jesus.  He said to them, "If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower.  You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters--even more than your own life!  Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower.  (Luke 14: 25-27)

Would You please redouble YOUR efforts to pierce that wall that keeps him enslaved?  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Please come! 

Dang

So, Heavenly Father, it has all but happened.  Tue called my DH to ask to have dinner with us next week, ostensibly to discuss a marriage proposal to Julie.

BUT we don't yet know about his salvation, his relationship with You.  That's important.  I am so conflicted about my own feelings on the issue.  I *know* how important it is--to You!--that Tue is saved.  I know that You prefer, or command, that believers not be unequally yoked to unbelievers.  (I admit I don't exactly know what that entails, but I do know what the Christian church has interpreted it to mean in the context of marriage.)  I review the many "Christian" marriages that I have known that have fallen apart, some very quickly and others later on.  I ponder the numerous "believers" who profess Your name but somehow my spirit, and perhaps the Holy Spirit in me, doubts the reality, the depth, the sincerity of their relationship with You.  They know doctrine; I am not certain that they know You.

I respect Tue's honesty.  I find myself thinking that if I could just get him into an Alpha group, or into the YouVersion daily reading plans for Your Word, or some other venue in which he can 1) be exposed to Your Word regularly and personally and 2) ask honest and hard questions in a safe and accepting (are those the same?) environment.  But it is not my game plan; it is Yours.  What is Your "big idea" for him?  I want to help.  I *don't* want to mess it up.

So, my (haha) short prayer is for discernment.  Please lead me into what to say, and perhaps more importantly, what not to say.  This is critical not only for Tue but for Julie's long-term happiness.  I am not sure if one is any more critical than the other.

Please, Father, save this young man for a number of compelling reasons, not the least of which by far is Your great love for him.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!

Evangelism!

Dear God, I have never been a great "evangelist."  I am, I think, a pretty good lover--of some people, not all--and as a counselor I speak truth into people's lives.  So here I am, wanting more than ever before the salvation of a loved one--Tue--and I feel so stuck.  If I only had a chance to sit with him, one-on-one, without being afraid that I will offend Julie or without Tue's being afraid of saying the "wrong" thing....

Is that the right thing to ask?  Is there someone else RESPECTABLE (please) who would be a better choice?  I am confident that You are on Tue's trail, hounding him.  I wish I could see some of Your work there.  The work of the enemy has been far too evident.

Song on my mind--and it brings tears to my eyes:

What a beautiful Name it is
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

You didn't want heaven without us
So Jesus, You brought heaven down
My sin was great, Your love was greater
What could separate us now

Amen, dear Jesus.  My mother's heart beats for her children, and that is NOTHING compared to the Father's heart.

Two Big Things on My Mind

Lord, I am going to set the timer and stay here for 10 minutes.  :)  There are two huge issues about which I want, and need, to talk to You:

1. Tue, and Tue-and-Julie: In some ways, important spiritual ways, this one is life and death.
2. The United States of America: I cannot believe how blind many of my countrymen are!

Number 1, the first in order and in importance~Why are You taking so long about Tue?  Even as I thought that, I changed it.  Why is Tue taking so long about You?  I wish I could have a heart-to-heart with him, just him and me, so that I could understand the issues and questions and resistances he has.  I do know one of them: He wants to honor his Buddhist father.  I guess my question about that is how does his even dating Julie fit into that picture?  Tue does not go to a Buddhist temple and does not practice Buddhism.  There is virtually no chance that he intends to embrace Buddhism.  Is this more about his Vietnamese heritage and national identity?  That might even make a little more sense.  Tue's brother Tony is, at least, involved with (and engaged to) a Vietnamese woman even if she is also not practicing Buddhism but Catholicism (at least nominally, but I don't know the depth of her faith, so I will not speculate).  I wonder whether that is the rub.

Number 2, the craziest time in the history of this country?  What is up??  Presumably intelligent and high-functioning people, mostly in the Republican Party, are missing huge and important and DANGEROUS factors in the life and times of this president.  His stupidity is topped only by his supporters' justifications for it.  Why, God?  ...and to add insult to injury, he is endorsed by...YOUR PEOPLE (or at least many of them).  Is righteousness being promoted by his policies and choices?  More importantly, are YOU being honored and presented (correctly) to the world?  

Which brings me to my mission, and my theme word for this year: love.  Keep me from being so judgmental and critical and help me to love.

(For another time, I am not doing so well about that at work....)

Love You so much, Lord.

\

PS My mother fell on her face yesterday.  Could I ask on her behalf for a quick healing--and an evident one, because she is a little vain.  

Why So Long, Lord?

Dear Heavenly Father, I know that the "birth" of one of your new children does not always happen on a schedule in the same way that a birth of a human takes 9 months, or 40 weeks, give or take a couple of weeks.  But--why is it taking so long to bring Tue into the kingdom?  

I think I know part of the answer, but I would love to have confirmation from you.  There are two (?) verses that come to mind when I evaluate the process that Tue has lived through--and missed:

1. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of God.  Romans 10:17
2. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7-8

Churches suck.  I hate to be so blunt, but you know what I think anyway.  I am so disappointed in the evangelical church and its insane, selfish support of a leader who is not only stupid (which I might be able to tolerate) but also evil.  That he has committed criminal acts is all but proven.  That he has committed immoral acts is proven, and even acknowledged by him and his supporters.

But again I digress.  This is about Tue.

Did I stumble on a connection?  Is one of the barriers to Tue's becoming a Christian this embrace between a corrupt...may I call him an idol?...and your people, or some of them.  Unfortunately the ones of whom I speak are the visible, public ones.  

So, Father, I am asking please for direction on what you would direct me to do next.  And please don't let me get ahead of you on this.  I know much of this is up to me; I can choose to ignore you.  I don't want to, and I don't trust myself.  I need you to hold me back, and I am surrendering to you so that you can do it.

I *know* that Tue's salvation is your will.  I want to work with you to do your will.  Please?  In Jesus's name, for Jesus's sake, for Tue's sake, and for Julie's sake?  Amen~~! 

Fervent, Faithful Prayer

Pray that God would remove Satan’s blinding influence . Unbelievers have been blinded by Satan and will only ever be able to see and appreciate the gospel if God works within them. So pray that God would give them sight—spiritual sight. “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).
Pray that God would open their hearts to believe the gospel. Once more, God must initiate and people must respond. So pray that God would open the hearts of these unbelievers so they can in turn believe, just as Lydia did. “The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul” (Acts 16:14).
Pray that they would come to Christ. If unbelievers are to come to salvation, there is just one way. They must come through Christ and Christ alone. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6). Remember, too, that he is the one who calls them to come and to be relieved of the burden of their sin (see Matthew 11:28-30).

(Thanks to Tim Challies. I did not agree with all of his prayer suggestions, but these are good ones with which I can join him in prayer for Tue.)

Father God, You know that my heart is heavy with concern not only for this young man Tue but for my daughter Julie as well. Please--please!--soften both hearts toward You. Your people are not doing very well in representing You, the Gospel, and Your great love to a lost and frankly evil-controlled world. Help me not to be judgmental (I know I have prayed that before, and recently, and I will likely have to pray it many times more and frequently) and help me not be a bad ambassador for You. May I represent You not only to Tue--supremely importantly for his salvation--but also to Julie as one touched by Your unconditional love and eager to touch others with Your unconditional love. In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Wishing Prayer Worked Sooner

Dear Heavenly Father, I wish that we did not have to wait so LONG for our prayers to be answered.  Of course, in this particular instance I am referring to Tue.  And Julie, too.  For a long time, I have worried about Julie's negativity in general and toward church people in specific.  I have wished, and prayed, that she would find a place in Your body where she felt at home and loved and accepted and respected.  That does not seem to have happened, at least not yet.  I don't know how to plead with You to intervene here.  You know it is not Tue that is the real problem; it is, rather, that Your people are not doing a great job being Your ambassadors.  Yes, I just realized how judgmental that sounds--and is.  There are also big spiritual enemies battling for their souls and lives.  Maybe I also need to confront my disappointment in good people believing dumb things.  

I want to get back to not knowing how to beg You to step in.  This is what brings me to tears.  Again, it isn't Tue.  It is what is represented in their relationship and in the lack in the church: few high-quality Christian men.  The Audible book I am listening to, Lord of the Rings, addresses the treason of Saruman, a formerly good and honorable wizard.  (Is that what he and Gandalf are?  Something about their "order.")  This concept hit me squarely today in my travels, bringing to mind the people of the Christian faith who have sold out for power to the current administration.  Wow.  And the damage being wreaked on our evangelism!  How can I invite people--thinking, honorable people--like Tue to places that treated him as the Alton Bay congregant did?  He deserves better.  Julie deserves better, and she has been denied good experiences for many years now, probably since middle school.

I beg You!  Please step in!  Do something!

And after all that, I recall the devotional I stole from Facebook and sent to Julie today:

May 1

YOU ARE ON THE PATH of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.

Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace.

Luke 12:25-26
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Jude VV. 24-25
To Him Who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forever more! Amen.

Luke 1:79
To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.

(Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young)

Blockbuster News

Julie loves Tue and Tue loves Julie.

That is not the blockbuster news.

What *is* the bombshell is their joint concern about "hurting" us because Tue is not (yet) a Christian.  I think that is sweet and just a bit scary.  The scary part is the uncertainty I have about how to respond.  

Lord, I am tempted--not in the best way--to say "Has the Lord really said...?"  I know what You say.  I also know that there are misinterpretations that demonize unbelievers.  (In fact, that is one of the several things that Julie and Tue react to so negatively in certain churches.)  Where is Your love?  Your oh-so-welcoming LOVE?

And Tue has made all the right promises about attending church with Julie, about raising their prospective children as Christians, about continuing to seek.  He is just not ready to "convert."  His father's faith seems to be something of a barrier, although Tue does not observe it (at least to my knowledge and outwardly).  

It is about You, Jesus.  Can we make it about YOU and not about stupid Christians?

...but I digress.  This is also about Julie and Tue.  In fact, Lord, it is in great measure about Tue, and in another perhaps equally great measure about Julie.  Individually and separately, their faith journeys have been rocky.  You don't have a lot of good ambassadors around the United States today.  (Let me be one.)  How would You address this sweet couple?  How do You want to use me in Your work here?  And, more importantly, how will You step in?  It so seems to me that they are inviting You.  Please, please lead them.  The path they have been taking to find a good (or good enough) church has been torturously twisted. 

Will the Alpha experience help?  I have done what I could.  Now, Lord God, I leave it up to You to nudge them toward it.  I see much about it that awakens hope in my heart, but they have to experience it.  All I can do is pray...which is, of course, not "all" in the sense of "so little."  

Can You and I make an agreement that I will document, if on my phone app, prayer every day for Tue's salvation and Julie's recommitment?  For the number of days that You choose, Lord.  Then I will welcome Tue into our family.  He is already in our hearts, or mine, at least.

(And do I email CityLife?  Emailing churches has not been good for me.)