My Alone Time

God, I know my time is extremely limited this afternoon.  Without going into all the details of the tasks awaiting me, please allow me to spend this completely necessary time alone with You to refresh.  I am uncomfortable even doing this at home.  Interested "nosy" eyes look at what I am writing, and sometimes this is intensely personal stuff.

And that is, after all, what prayer is supposed to be.  As I sit here and think about that statement--"what prayer is supposed to be"-- I also recall that prayer is supposed to be a time of devoting myself to You, to adoring You, to appreciating You.  You really have been amazing (more so than normal, which is amazing) throughout our trip to pick up Amy in Tijuana.  I, on the other hand, have not been so amazing.  Man, has my sin appeared.  I leap to justifying my behaviors, of course; after all, I am a normal human in that regard.  I don't think I can even begin to acknowledge the specifics; I still have an emotional reaction to the situations.  I will surrender, God.  I am an inappropriate, imperfect, sinful woman, and I have quick and judgmental reactions to people.  I need much more "tolerance" (though I hate that word) for people who are less than perfect, too.  (My DH falls into that category, of course.)

So, over the past month I have been...lonely.  There are not very many, if any, people to whom I can talk openly and without fear of judgment.  I have retreated into my relationship with You even more.  I don't think that's all that great.  Not that it isn't wonderful to tell You everything, and hopefully to listen to You and learn.  I run the risk of becoming "right in my own eyes" but not in the views of others.  And then, to complicate matters even further, I run the risks (plural) of measuring my success by others' opinions of me OR of not caring to verify my truths with others.  Oy.  My head begins to hurt.

Ideally, God, I would be in such close communication with You that only Your approval and direction would matter to me.  Would You allow that for me?  I'd really like it.

Oh, for more time!  In Jesus's name and in the fullness of the Holy Spirit~Amen.

For My Babies

Lord, I am rushing.  Sweetly and simply, may they (my daughters) both finish strong.  Julie: clear mind through exhaustion.  Amy: grace and love through sorrow over leaving La Casa.  In Jesus's name and in the power of the Holy Spirit, Amen~

Daughters

Amy: THROWING UP!  Tijuana version of Montezuma's Revenge?  We face-timed after her message about the vomiting; so, I know that she is all right, if a little dizzy/queasy.  Dear Father, this last week of her time there is precious--and emotionally weird.  It sounds like she has learned a lot, some of which she may not have wanted to learn.  Help her to integrate these lessons into her life and into herself in a way which testifies to Your love and makes her a better minister of the Gospel.  And...let's bring her home safely!

Julie: GO retreat this weekend, final classes next week, and some final exams before May 10th.  I'm tired just typing this.  Dear Father, bless her with efficiency and a wonderful closeness to You such that she knows as she has never known before the filling and power of the Holy Spirit.  Thank You for her ministry in a more secular environment.  Please give her opportunities to share not only her "faith" but You Yourself.  Be glorified~

~in both my daughters' lives and in my own as well.  What gifts, what blessings they are to me!  I am so eager to be with them over the San Diego trip.  Please make our time together sweet fellowship.

And PS, a selfish request: and I will understand if You say no: Could we get that 2-bedroom condo while we are there?  (In the face of the poverty that both girls have been and will be witnessing, this is a strange thing to ask, I know... )

Sophomore Year Finals

Dear Gracious and Omniscient Father God--yeah, I sound like Eugene Meltsner or Spencer Reid, don't I?--please bless my daughter Julie during these last days of her sophomore year.  She is sending me a 15-page research paper to review tonight, and then she goes into finals week.  Give her rest, even if she shorts herself on sleep.  Please make her studying very efficient, her retention of the material almost "anal" (haha), and her ability to recount what she has learned effective and persuasive on papers and finals.  I am excited to have her coming with us to get Amy from the orphanage!  I can't pray here for much longer since I am at work, but I did want to get this off my mind and into Your heart (although I really do know I can do that without writing it.)  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

For Julie

Julie's my more silent daughter, Lord.  :)  Please bless her during these last 2-3 weeks of school with clear thinking, learning, efficiency, faithfulness, and joy.  I trust that You are pursuing her (not that she is running away from you) since the cares of this world can interfere with anyone's relationship with you.

Miguelito's Eye

Father, please bless the surgeons who are operating on Miguelito's lazy eye.  Give them steadiness, focus, extra skill, and extra grace.  Please touch Miguelito's little heart as well as his little body with Your loving and healing hands.  Fill Amy with such grace and love and wisdom that it effortlessly pours from her all over him.  May he be blanketed with peace as You heal him, and I ask a special guard against anything that could interfere with or interrupt this wonderful work that is being done--that You are doing--for him.  In Jesus's name and by the healing work of the Holy Spirit in this age~~Amen.

Daughter's Medical Ignorance

Dear Heavenly Father, You are the Great Physician, and my oldest daughter is so ignorant.  Please protect her from her lack of knowledge about medications and restore her from having taken the Naproxen, an NSAID, when she is "allergic" to that category of drugs.  I want to wake her up way out in Tijuana, but it is only 6:20 a.m. there and I would imagine that she is sound asleep, perhaps even more because she is sick.  This is incredibly hard for me as Mama, You know.  My heart races to reach her and educate her and get her to an epi-pen!! Or at least Benadryl or some other antihistamine.  But here I sit, Lord, forcing myself to pray.  Please...please protect her and heal her.  This is one act of faith on my part.  You graciously indulged my anxiety last night by having her respond to me.  Now, please, wake her up just enough to respond again, if I may be so bold--actually, so weak--to ask.

I know...I get a little bit annoyed with all the people who pray for medical problems and healing.  This is hypocritical of me.  Forgive my two-faced hypocrisy, I ask, since You, too, have the heart of a parent and understand the desire to keep Your children from harm--even if the harm is brought on by their own stupidity.  In fact, maybe especially because of their own stupidity!

Lord, there is so little time to pray.  I would do this for hours--pray, that is.  But I have responsibilities and I must attend to the rapid passage of time.  Please make time for our praying soon?  I love You, and I trust that You love my daughter and will keep her in Your hands until her body can get rid of the medicine.  In the power of the Holy Trinity who love and serve each other~~Amen.

Bold Speech

Luke 11:37 Jesus Criticizes the Religious Leaders

Oh, my goodness, Lord!

Luke 12:1 A Warning Against Hypocrisy

Double-oh, my goodness, Lord!!

This is a minefield for me.  I am quick to criticize "religious leaders," and then I do find myself wondering at my own hypocrisy.  Please work in my heart to see as You see, to hold everything including myself up to Your high standards, but not to judge.  That responsibility belongs to You alone.  Just because others do not see things as I see them does not (necessarily) mean that they are wrong.  That is the normal way of interpreting the world, though.  How does one know when one is right?  Holy Spirit, You need to lead me into all truth, and that must include the truth about being right--and wrong.  I will listen, though I know it will take practice and humility.  I don't have enough of either.  In Jesus's name, for the sake of the kingdom of God, and by the tutelage of the Holy Spirit I pray~~Amen.

Two Months!

My last post here, Lord, was almost two months ago!!  Yikes.  No excuses, since You know everything already.  :)  What do busy people do for prayer time?  I really dislike the pace that prohibits a lengthy, or lengthier, time of prayer.  (And just now, I had to run to the bathroom.)  I wonder...whether the Devil interferes with times of prayer on purpose.  It would make sense that he would want to interrupt communications between You, our commander, and us, your soldiers.

I don't have very much time even now, because I have a podiatry appointment within the hour (plus 4 minutes, according to the computer clock).  One quick prayer: MOPS Ladies' Night at our house on Friday.  Please bless it all.  I need to prepare, clean, and "mentor."  Dearest Lord, this is all for You and the spiritual growth of these young women.  I am Your handmaiden, maidservant, and obedient daughter.  Thank You for all of those privileges.  In Jesus's name and by the indwelling Holy Spirit's power and guidance~~Amen.

Random Prayer Promises

• David Huillca: trabajo!
• Kassidy Jones: application to Monty Tech

My Sick Baby Girl

Dear Father God, I need to pray quickly because my time is running out on this Ash Wednesday.  My baby (age 20, but still....) is sick.  She has flu, strep, ear infection, and now apparent conjunctivitis.  Please heal her.  Bring her rest and relief from her discomfort and pain.  (On a side selfish note, it is nice to have her home.)  Restore her to life and ministry for her sake and, more importantly, for Your sake.  In Jesus's powerful healing name~~Amen!

Just to Be With You

Good morning, dear sweet Lord.  It's a grey, foggy day today.  However, it is still "the day the Lord has made" and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  (Psalm 118:24)

I often try to have a topic of some sort to talk over with You.  Today, there is either too much--or nothing, depending on how I look at it.  I could not even begin to sort through the myriad points on my prayer list; there are so many.  Many of them are dear people in my life, and some are situations or issues that I would really love to discuss with You.  But I feel bogged down.  Bogged down by the "list," I think, as if it is important to check off each item when it is done.

I don't think that's what prayer is supposed to be.  Is it?  I try to get into the skin of the great heroes of the Bible and (impossibly) into Jesus's own heart and imagine their prayer lives.  Did they have lists?  I can imagine Jesus praying for each of his disciples when there were only a few of them, but when there were thousands, did He spend all that time talking about each one of them with You?  I suspect not in the way that we often "pray" for people.  Hospitalizations, illnesses, marriages and divorces, wayward children, cars and money and jobs...

The pastor in Iran, Saeed Abidini, who was recently convicted and sentenced to 8 years imprisonment, most definitely warrants prayer, though.  Last night I was drifting off to sleep and was praying for him.  What was I praying?  I wasn't sure what was most aligned with Your will, although from a human and compassionate place I asked (and still do, by the way) that You might spare him this almost certain persecution and suffering.  Then I wondered whether Your way of praying would focus on strengthening him and shielding his heart and spirit from the attack of evil as he passes through these very deep and dark times.  In either case, or both, dear Heavenly Father, please accept my prayer joined with many others, I hope, for my unknown brother.

My children at Heritage...what a powerful letter from Kim Russo about Sara and Sam!  To You be all the glory!!

My biological daughters, one being a "mother" in Tijuana and one being a student and volunteer in the Bronx...would You encourage them today and guard their hearts, minds, souls, and very lives in places that my mother's heart finds dangerous.

My own mother, recently widowed and living relatively successfully with macular degeneration: she had dental work on Monday, and may I pray that she is recovering with minimal pain?

My mother-in-law, who frustrates me many times, who is living much more unsuccessfully with macular degeneration (from 20/60 to 20/400): soften my heart and hers, please.

My dear husband, faithful in every way (but dieting, but even for this period of time he is "counting points"): What can I say?  He is a true gift.  He needs a sharp, quick mind in his job, and he grows tired.  Fuel him, please?

See what I mean?  The list has so many items on it.  I think I might rather just sit, or kneel (for as long as I could), with You and feel Your eyes looking into mine and only by the grace of Jesus have the boldness to look back into Your eyes, and melt.  Boldness not from myself, I emphasize, but boldness and confidence because of the blood of Christ all over me:

Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus (Hebrews 10:19)
 

 So, dear God, time's a-wastin'.  I am blessed to have a job that in most ways and at most times I really love.  Make my remaining time this morning exceptionally efficient, please, to bring glory to You.  In Jesus's name, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and for the sake of the Gospel and the Kingdom~~~Amen

Maestra and "El Arbol Generoso"

Dearest Holy God, my "Mexicana" daughter is concerned about the woman co-director of the orphanage.  As she describes Maestra, I see a frustrated, angry woman whose life has not turned out the way she had hoped.  Is this vision from You?  She has become a Giving Tree (Shel Silverstein) who might not be a willing one....

Maestra, as my daughter sees, is harsh, punitive, and sometimes even violent in her discipline of the ninos.  At one time, my daughter reported that the Mexican style of discipline is largely harsh, and the poor residents of the orphanage cannot expect any softness or affection in life anyway; so, almost to prepare them for a hard life, there is little in the way of love.


Is that what happened to Maestra, Lord?  Was her childhood difficult?  She married Profe many years ago, and perhaps she expected a more middle-class life since they are both educators.  Now...52 children at this time, and more have been there at other times.

Father, soften her heart.  I suspect that she has not really experienced Your gracious and forgiving love.  Please remove the veil from her eyes and her heart to see how gently and still firmly You discipline, and to what end--repentance and restoration of relationship!  May this become true for her and then through her may this become true for the ninos.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Mary Ann

Oh, dear God, Mary Ann is also a cause for concern.  Her vision is dramatically worse, and she was dizzy and vomiting earlier this week.  Of even greater concern is her distortion of the Gospel.  Please, dear Lord, touch her body and especially her soul and spirit with divine healing.

What we didn't know...current smoking increases the risk of AMD 6.6-fold.  Past smoking, 20 years before the exam/AMD, shows no increased risk.  Former smoking increases risk 3.2-fold.  Oh, Lord.  Even if she quit now, it won't help without your blessing.

Please, God, strengthen Dan and especially Kimberly.  They have been amazingly supportive of Mary Ann, almost to the point of being the only, exclusive supports--not to put down Kim Marie's and Beth's loving attentions when possible.  These are hard times for Mary Ann, and by their close proximity and relationship, for Kimberly and Dan, too.  Guide them to the right doctors; give everyone (and most importantly Mary Ann) wisdom to choose the correct course of action and treatment; and soften Mary Ann's heart toward You.  I hope that she won't become hardened or bitter toward You because of this difficult blow.

Donna and Tom

Aww, come on, Lord.  I don't mean to be disrespectful.  Why did Tom have to lose this job?  It appears from Donna's account that it was a change of ownership and no fault of Tom's.  And Maine won't pay him unemployment benefits because he collected from another state within the past 12 months?  This really doesn't help Donna's anxiety.

And there is an intervention.  Please give me a verse to send to her.  What should it be?

There's Philippians 4:6-7 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 

And there's 1 Peter 5:7, my older daughter's favorite verse

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
 

Father God, You are the giver of all good gifts.  Here we have Tom, a man who is motivated to provide for his family--both his wife and daughter AND his elderly father.  Please honor his heart and lead him to the job that You have already known.  In the meantime, please help Donna to trust You. Show them both, or perhaps more accurately, make it exceptionally obvious to them that You love them and have their needs close to Your heart.  Give them peace, and provision, and grow their faith--Tom's especially, but also Donna's as a way to reduce her anxiety.   I promised Donna I would pray right now, and so I am.  I ask in Jesus's name and for His sake in their lives and in the world~Amen.

Holy Spirit

Dearest God, I have been a bit stuck in composing the annual report for Junior Church.  Please inspire me.  There have been so many crazy and new situations this year that have frustrated and annoyed and stretched me.  I do not wish to quench the Holy Spirit, and I definitely want the Holy Spirit to empower my life and my (measly) work for You.

Hurry!

Lord, my husband is in the shower, we are taking the tree down today, my mother is coming over...help!

• Wanda's eyes: restoration?
• Julie at FCRH: "success"
• Amy at Casa: ministry with love
• George: healing from this flu

...and many other things.  Have to run now.  Love you so much!

Convicted But Not Condemned

Dearest God, You know what this is about.  Thank You for pointing out my sin, and thank You even more that You no longer condemn me for it.  Give me what I need--more of Your Spirit--to keep me from falling into this sin again (and again...).

Wanda's Eyes

Please, dear God, have mercy on Wanda and preserve or even restore her vision.

Flu

Dear Great Physician, my husband is sick.  Even though he may exaggerate his sickness, the reality is that he has a flu, and it is not fun.  Please allow me to be more supportive and compassionate.  Please also strengthen him and heal him quickly.  He would not do well with a chronic illness!  May this illness soften his heart toward those who struggle with illness on a daily basis and find that Your strength is made perfect in weakness.  May he learn not to judge those who become ill as if the illness was their fault or a result of poor choices on their parts.  And thank You once again for the blessing of being able to "pray" through this blog/journal in private.  It does help me to focus and to really talk to You.

On that note, I think I will try to get to bed by 10 p.m. tonight, to ward off flu for myself.  We are vey fortunate to have such good health care, Lord.  Let me (especially) not forget that You really are the ultimate Great Physician.  In Jesus's name and in the Holy Spirit's power~Amen!