Beginning a Letter to Tue

Dear Tue,

I think I knew it would come to this.  You are a good man!  My daughter Julie has not been loose with her affections, and when we learned that she was dating someone, we knew that he had to be a special guy.

Then we met you.  You were so nervous.  (I think?)  You were also so sweet.  I remember that somewhere along the way I heard that in past relationships the more difficult parent for you was the mother.  I don't want to be difficult, and it is my hope that you don't see me that way.

I really love you, not just because of your relationship with my daughter, but because you are an amazing person.  I have watched you over the nearly three years that you and Julie have been dating, and I see a person with the biggest heart I think I have seen in a person of your generation.  You love, and you love deeply and sacrificially.  You don't let go of many friendships.  You are tenacious.  You set a goal, and you go for it.  You are respectful.  You think critically and analytically.

So.  Here we are, and the most important thing on my heart is your relationship with Jesus.  I have no doubts about your relationship with Julie; you need to hear that, know that, believe that.  It is not because of some poorly-exegeted passage of the Bible that I have this concern on my heart (that is, the verse 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.").  It is completely because I want you to know how much Jesus loves you--and secondarily, because the Word of God says that a husband is supposed to love his wife THAT MUCH.  I want Julie to be loved that much!  But as I said, that is secondary although very, very important to me.

Primarily, though, I want you to know Jesus.  Not just know about Jesus, but know Him.  I want you to imagine His wearing a baseball hat backward on His head, watching the Eagles with you and saying, "You know, Wentz is a personal friend of Mine."  I want you to feel that you can ask Him hard questions and complain to Him about His people (I do, often).  I want you and Julie to have a common, firm, unshakable foundation for your life (singular) together, and your lives (plural)  together, because Biblically speaking you two will become one AND you two will continue to have your own personalities and purposes.  And, looking forward as I often do, I want to know without any question in my mind that when Jesus comes back for His people--which I believe is coming at a faster pace than I have ever before imagined in my 60+ years--you will be coming with us.

I am crying right now.  I didn't expect to shed tears when I began this letter.  I cry when God touches my heart, and I think that is why I am crying right now.

Tue, I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law.  I hope you know that the *only* reservation that I have about your marriage to my daughter is your relationship to Jesus.  It is all about Jesus.  All.

(PS I do see your respect for your father, your deep love for him.  What does he say about your intention to ask Julie to marry you?  (If you have talked to him about this?)  I have long had a feeling that your father is more accepting and, if I may say so, more like Jesus than many of my so-called brethren who call themselves Christian.  I sound judgmental when I say that, and for that I am sorry, but I believe that.  In my own relationship with Jesus, He has surprised me with the people who are not traditionally "believers" but have more love, more Christ-likeness, than many churchgoers.  Your father is one of those people.

But that is off topic.  Is your father's faith so important to him that your possibly embracing a relationship with Jesus would hurt him?  I would love to talk about this with you.  It somehow seems to me that your father has put you in the path of Jesus since enrolling you in a Catholic school--funny, but in the deep spiritual level of life, perhaps meaningful?  I also wonder if on that deep spiritual level of life your father's journey out of Vietnam and to "the City of Brotherly Love" and to a job at a Catholic school is a sign of God's loving hand on him and on your family.  Just wondering....)

I may well continue this letter at another time.  I have learned to let ideas percolate and simmer; this is so important that I don't think I can do the entire subject justice in one sitting.

And if you didn't get it yet, allow me to repeat that I love you--like a son, like a wonderful human being!

Trying to Be Faithful in Prayer

Lord, not very long ago I confessed (in the journal Julie gave me, at that) that I had stopped praying as fervently and regularly for Tue's salvation.  Well, I got surprised that ... that ... I guess that the relationship went farther and faster than I anticipated.  Why that should have surprised me is another issue for another post, though.

For now, please allow me to redouble my prayer commitment for Tue's salvation.  I am recalling that Julie once told me, only two short years ago, that she would not marry Tue unless he became a Christian.  Moreover, I found journals in her room that bemoaned her loneliness for a boyfriend and also her desire/decision to await a Christian man.  (Boy, are they in short supply--but that, too, is an issue for another post.)

So, here we are.  I am not surprised that they are so compatible.  I am not surprised that they are attracted to, and attractive to, each other.  I want badly for Tue to become a Christian, a child of Yours, not only because he may become my son-in-law but also because I really like and respect this young man.  Even his faithful filial love for his parents is so honorable.  It reminds me of the Scripture:

Many people were traveling with Jesus.  He said to them, "If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower.  You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters--even more than your own life!  Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower.  (Luke 14: 25-27)

Would You please redouble YOUR efforts to pierce that wall that keeps him enslaved?  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Please come! 

Dang

So, Heavenly Father, it has all but happened.  Tue called my DH to ask to have dinner with us next week, ostensibly to discuss a marriage proposal to Julie.

BUT we don't yet know about his salvation, his relationship with You.  That's important.  I am so conflicted about my own feelings on the issue.  I *know* how important it is--to You!--that Tue is saved.  I know that You prefer, or command, that believers not be unequally yoked to unbelievers.  (I admit I don't exactly know what that entails, but I do know what the Christian church has interpreted it to mean in the context of marriage.)  I review the many "Christian" marriages that I have known that have fallen apart, some very quickly and others later on.  I ponder the numerous "believers" who profess Your name but somehow my spirit, and perhaps the Holy Spirit in me, doubts the reality, the depth, the sincerity of their relationship with You.  They know doctrine; I am not certain that they know You.

I respect Tue's honesty.  I find myself thinking that if I could just get him into an Alpha group, or into the YouVersion daily reading plans for Your Word, or some other venue in which he can 1) be exposed to Your Word regularly and personally and 2) ask honest and hard questions in a safe and accepting (are those the same?) environment.  But it is not my game plan; it is Yours.  What is Your "big idea" for him?  I want to help.  I *don't* want to mess it up.

So, my (haha) short prayer is for discernment.  Please lead me into what to say, and perhaps more importantly, what not to say.  This is critical not only for Tue but for Julie's long-term happiness.  I am not sure if one is any more critical than the other.

Please, Father, save this young man for a number of compelling reasons, not the least of which by far is Your great love for him.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!

Evangelism!

Dear God, I have never been a great "evangelist."  I am, I think, a pretty good lover--of some people, not all--and as a counselor I speak truth into people's lives.  So here I am, wanting more than ever before the salvation of a loved one--Tue--and I feel so stuck.  If I only had a chance to sit with him, one-on-one, without being afraid that I will offend Julie or without Tue's being afraid of saying the "wrong" thing....

Is that the right thing to ask?  Is there someone else RESPECTABLE (please) who would be a better choice?  I am confident that You are on Tue's trail, hounding him.  I wish I could see some of Your work there.  The work of the enemy has been far too evident.

Song on my mind--and it brings tears to my eyes:

What a beautiful Name it is
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

You didn't want heaven without us
So Jesus, You brought heaven down
My sin was great, Your love was greater
What could separate us now

Amen, dear Jesus.  My mother's heart beats for her children, and that is NOTHING compared to the Father's heart.

Two Big Things on My Mind

Lord, I am going to set the timer and stay here for 10 minutes.  :)  There are two huge issues about which I want, and need, to talk to You:

1. Tue, and Tue-and-Julie: In some ways, important spiritual ways, this one is life and death.
2. The United States of America: I cannot believe how blind many of my countrymen are!

Number 1, the first in order and in importance~Why are You taking so long about Tue?  Even as I thought that, I changed it.  Why is Tue taking so long about You?  I wish I could have a heart-to-heart with him, just him and me, so that I could understand the issues and questions and resistances he has.  I do know one of them: He wants to honor his Buddhist father.  I guess my question about that is how does his even dating Julie fit into that picture?  Tue does not go to a Buddhist temple and does not practice Buddhism.  There is virtually no chance that he intends to embrace Buddhism.  Is this more about his Vietnamese heritage and national identity?  That might even make a little more sense.  Tue's brother Tony is, at least, involved with (and engaged to) a Vietnamese woman even if she is also not practicing Buddhism but Catholicism (at least nominally, but I don't know the depth of her faith, so I will not speculate).  I wonder whether that is the rub.

Number 2, the craziest time in the history of this country?  What is up??  Presumably intelligent and high-functioning people, mostly in the Republican Party, are missing huge and important and DANGEROUS factors in the life and times of this president.  His stupidity is topped only by his supporters' justifications for it.  Why, God?  ...and to add insult to injury, he is endorsed by...YOUR PEOPLE (or at least many of them).  Is righteousness being promoted by his policies and choices?  More importantly, are YOU being honored and presented (correctly) to the world?  

Which brings me to my mission, and my theme word for this year: love.  Keep me from being so judgmental and critical and help me to love.

(For another time, I am not doing so well about that at work....)

Love You so much, Lord.

\

PS My mother fell on her face yesterday.  Could I ask on her behalf for a quick healing--and an evident one, because she is a little vain.  

Why So Long, Lord?

Dear Heavenly Father, I know that the "birth" of one of your new children does not always happen on a schedule in the same way that a birth of a human takes 9 months, or 40 weeks, give or take a couple of weeks.  But--why is it taking so long to bring Tue into the kingdom?  

I think I know part of the answer, but I would love to have confirmation from you.  There are two (?) verses that come to mind when I evaluate the process that Tue has lived through--and missed:

1. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of God.  Romans 10:17
2. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7-8

Churches suck.  I hate to be so blunt, but you know what I think anyway.  I am so disappointed in the evangelical church and its insane, selfish support of a leader who is not only stupid (which I might be able to tolerate) but also evil.  That he has committed criminal acts is all but proven.  That he has committed immoral acts is proven, and even acknowledged by him and his supporters.

But again I digress.  This is about Tue.

Did I stumble on a connection?  Is one of the barriers to Tue's becoming a Christian this embrace between a corrupt...may I call him an idol?...and your people, or some of them.  Unfortunately the ones of whom I speak are the visible, public ones.  

So, Father, I am asking please for direction on what you would direct me to do next.  And please don't let me get ahead of you on this.  I know much of this is up to me; I can choose to ignore you.  I don't want to, and I don't trust myself.  I need you to hold me back, and I am surrendering to you so that you can do it.

I *know* that Tue's salvation is your will.  I want to work with you to do your will.  Please?  In Jesus's name, for Jesus's sake, for Tue's sake, and for Julie's sake?  Amen~~! 

Fervent, Faithful Prayer

Pray that God would remove Satan’s blinding influence . Unbelievers have been blinded by Satan and will only ever be able to see and appreciate the gospel if God works within them. So pray that God would give them sight—spiritual sight. “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).
Pray that God would open their hearts to believe the gospel. Once more, God must initiate and people must respond. So pray that God would open the hearts of these unbelievers so they can in turn believe, just as Lydia did. “The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul” (Acts 16:14).
Pray that they would come to Christ. If unbelievers are to come to salvation, there is just one way. They must come through Christ and Christ alone. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6). Remember, too, that he is the one who calls them to come and to be relieved of the burden of their sin (see Matthew 11:28-30).

(Thanks to Tim Challies. I did not agree with all of his prayer suggestions, but these are good ones with which I can join him in prayer for Tue.)

Father God, You know that my heart is heavy with concern not only for this young man Tue but for my daughter Julie as well. Please--please!--soften both hearts toward You. Your people are not doing very well in representing You, the Gospel, and Your great love to a lost and frankly evil-controlled world. Help me not to be judgmental (I know I have prayed that before, and recently, and I will likely have to pray it many times more and frequently) and help me not be a bad ambassador for You. May I represent You not only to Tue--supremely importantly for his salvation--but also to Julie as one touched by Your unconditional love and eager to touch others with Your unconditional love. In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Wishing Prayer Worked Sooner

Dear Heavenly Father, I wish that we did not have to wait so LONG for our prayers to be answered.  Of course, in this particular instance I am referring to Tue.  And Julie, too.  For a long time, I have worried about Julie's negativity in general and toward church people in specific.  I have wished, and prayed, that she would find a place in Your body where she felt at home and loved and accepted and respected.  That does not seem to have happened, at least not yet.  I don't know how to plead with You to intervene here.  You know it is not Tue that is the real problem; it is, rather, that Your people are not doing a great job being Your ambassadors.  Yes, I just realized how judgmental that sounds--and is.  There are also big spiritual enemies battling for their souls and lives.  Maybe I also need to confront my disappointment in good people believing dumb things.  

I want to get back to not knowing how to beg You to step in.  This is what brings me to tears.  Again, it isn't Tue.  It is what is represented in their relationship and in the lack in the church: few high-quality Christian men.  The Audible book I am listening to, Lord of the Rings, addresses the treason of Saruman, a formerly good and honorable wizard.  (Is that what he and Gandalf are?  Something about their "order.")  This concept hit me squarely today in my travels, bringing to mind the people of the Christian faith who have sold out for power to the current administration.  Wow.  And the damage being wreaked on our evangelism!  How can I invite people--thinking, honorable people--like Tue to places that treated him as the Alton Bay congregant did?  He deserves better.  Julie deserves better, and she has been denied good experiences for many years now, probably since middle school.

I beg You!  Please step in!  Do something!

And after all that, I recall the devotional I stole from Facebook and sent to Julie today:

May 1

YOU ARE ON THE PATH of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.

Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace.

Luke 12:25-26
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Jude VV. 24-25
To Him Who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forever more! Amen.

Luke 1:79
To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.

(Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young)

Blockbuster News

Julie loves Tue and Tue loves Julie.

That is not the blockbuster news.

What *is* the bombshell is their joint concern about "hurting" us because Tue is not (yet) a Christian.  I think that is sweet and just a bit scary.  The scary part is the uncertainty I have about how to respond.  

Lord, I am tempted--not in the best way--to say "Has the Lord really said...?"  I know what You say.  I also know that there are misinterpretations that demonize unbelievers.  (In fact, that is one of the several things that Julie and Tue react to so negatively in certain churches.)  Where is Your love?  Your oh-so-welcoming LOVE?

And Tue has made all the right promises about attending church with Julie, about raising their prospective children as Christians, about continuing to seek.  He is just not ready to "convert."  His father's faith seems to be something of a barrier, although Tue does not observe it (at least to my knowledge and outwardly).  

It is about You, Jesus.  Can we make it about YOU and not about stupid Christians?

...but I digress.  This is also about Julie and Tue.  In fact, Lord, it is in great measure about Tue, and in another perhaps equally great measure about Julie.  Individually and separately, their faith journeys have been rocky.  You don't have a lot of good ambassadors around the United States today.  (Let me be one.)  How would You address this sweet couple?  How do You want to use me in Your work here?  And, more importantly, how will You step in?  It so seems to me that they are inviting You.  Please, please lead them.  The path they have been taking to find a good (or good enough) church has been torturously twisted. 

Will the Alpha experience help?  I have done what I could.  Now, Lord God, I leave it up to You to nudge them toward it.  I see much about it that awakens hope in my heart, but they have to experience it.  All I can do is pray...which is, of course, not "all" in the sense of "so little."  

Can You and I make an agreement that I will document, if on my phone app, prayer every day for Tue's salvation and Julie's recommitment?  For the number of days that You choose, Lord.  Then I will welcome Tue into our family.  He is already in our hearts, or mine, at least.

(And do I email CityLife?  Emailing churches has not been good for me.)

 

Good Morning

This morning, as You know, Lord, I am at the Hyatt Regency in Boston for the second day of the "Treating Young Adults" conference.  The independence :) that I am experiencing and expressing is rather invigorating--even this, sitting here to write or journal or blog or whatever this is.  My DH would be over my shoulder prying into these entries, and You know that I *hate* that.  It is ... well, we can get into that later.  I love him.  And I know him.  And as one of the conference speakers addressed yesterday, a mature love understands the weaknesses and foibles and accepts them as part of the entire person.  Yes.

But I digress.  What shall we focus on today?  The entry in my devotional about fasting has gripped my heart and mind.  I am going to try--I certainly cannot promise in my own strength!--to stay away from my Homescapes and other games.  I find them a distraction, a way to capture my wandering distress, and a way to refocus.  We will find another way to accomplish those things, yes?  Perhaps by knocking off those memory verses on which I have fallen so far behind?  :)

I know it isn't about memorizing verses.  I know it is not about how much Scripture I read.  It *is* about how those things, and others, help me to know You more.  That is my prayer; that is my desire.  

You know, what I said earlier about DH is probably if not almost certainly what You say and think and feel about me.  You love me, understanding my weaknesses and foibles, and You accept them as a part of the complete "me."  Yes.  Yes?  

A Time Apart

"Treating Young Adults" at the Hyatt Regency in Boston, sponsored by Harvard Medical School, worth 14 CEUs.  And a night in this hotel.  I should--I will!--stop the silly games on the iPhone and concentrate for a little bit of time before going to bed.

The idea of Sabbath, "rest," is my devotional reading on YouVersion right now.  Start: 8:30 p.m.  Listen....

The air conditioner fan just came on.

Julie is texting me about an Easter gift idea for Tue (I initiated the conversation).

The conference is wonderful.

The idea of fasting is also mentioned in my YouVersion devotional.  Could I NOT play a game on my phone for a day?

It's only 8:32 p.m.

Just getting away to be alone is refreshing.  Not being home with all the distractions may force me to sit quietly.  (There *is* an awful lot to do at home over the next two weeks....)

I am discouraged by the government, and particularly by the president.  I am coming to believe that he is ill, possibly with a form of dementia, on top of an already-malignantly-narcissistic personality disorder.  His blithe lying, even about things such as his father's birthplace, is alarming.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Come quickly!

The USA Needs This

1 Timothy 2:1-3

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior. 

• Father, remove leaders and men of authority that you did not set up. Give our nations selfless leaders, men and women of wisdom and understanding; leaders who will not cause your people to err.
• Father, grant us wise leaders whose hearts will set to know and to search out and to seek true wisdom and the reason of things, and to know that wickedness is folly; to perceive the words of understanding; to receive the instruction of justice, judgment and equity.

https://www.prayerrelay.com/prayer-points-for-nations/

Yes.  Please.  For the sake of Your Kingdom and Your people and in Jesus's name and Spirit~~Amen.

New Year 2019 Sermon

“Deliver me from the liars, God!
    They smile so sweetly but lie through their teeth.” Psalm 120:2 MSG

Tom Sparling, pastor at The Journey, spoke about this text and the book "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" this morning (January 6,2019).  The Message and the book are both by Eugene Peterson, who died in his 80s in October 2018.  

This verse struck me like a slap.  I am so discouraged with the president of the United States (I started to type "our" president, but I cannot own him).  I am also discouraged, as I heard Tom also confessing, with the evangelical community who either support him--the president, that is--and/or hatefully promote his lying, unloving, and frankly immature positions.  How many lies so far?  

Combined with the rest of his presidency, that adds up to a total of 6,420 claims through Oct. 30, the 649th day of his term in office, according to The Fact Checker’s database that analyzes, categorizes and tracks every suspect statement uttered by the president.  

( Kessler, Glenn, et al. “President Trump Has Made 6,420 False or Misleading Claims over 649 Days.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 2 Nov. 2018, www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/02/president-trump-has-made-false-or-misleading-claims-over-days/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.777261a74ec8.)

 But I digress.

My prayer, since this is a prayer blog, is for 1) me--that I may repent and cast my concerns, my sinful judgment, and my frustrated blathering about this lying insanity and 2) the president and his followers--that they, too, may repent of their lying and unloving words and actions.

I'm in trouble!  I am crying to You, God; I am crying out.

"I’m in trouble. I cry to God,  desperate for an answer." (Psalm 120:1 MSG)

Election Day 2018

Over and over and over...May Your will be done, God.

I am concerned for this country.  I am concerned for Your church.  I am concerned for my children's generation and the future we are creating for them.

Be glorified, dear Lord!  Light shines brightest in darkness, and the darkness seems to be getting darker.  Let me shine Your light, be a light, and attract people's eyes to You.

In Jesus's name~Amen.

Urgent

The problems of this country *are* urgent, Father.  I have appreciated the stance of the denomination that our older daughter attends, the Brethren in Christ, regarding blind American patriotism (of course, they put it much more gently and effectively, but still....).  At the very same time, I am concerned.  We are commanded--ordered, mandated!--by You to pray for our leaders.  I even hate to call the President a leader, and yet he is leading a fair number of people known as his "base."  Leading them to racism, sexism and sexual immorality, hatred, pride, thoughtlessness, and mediocrity, inconsiderate selfishness, and isolationism.  Wow.  And many of the "leaders" of our churches are supporting him!

Will it take breaking us, Lord?  It may.  It probably should.  We have grown comfortable in our affluence.  We have grown comfortable in our sin!  Break my heart for what breaks Yours, as the song goes.  Break my hard heart.  I pray this first for myself, although I wish I could pray it for the American people.  But I know that no one can repent for another person.  

(PS  Speaking of that, may I bug You some more for the boyfriend of my younger daughter?  For him to commit to You, to follow You, to know You?)

Well, Lord, may Your kingdom come!  Love You.  Amen~~

Concern for My Country

Father God, I am worried about this nation.  I hesitate to call it "my" country any more; I know that my citizenship is secure in heaven.  Still, my earthly father served in the military in this country, and I cringe to see what it has become.  So, in short (because this is a secret blog and husband is coming home in minutes), please intervene.  The evil, the lies, are more than disheartening.  I can imagine that our enemy--our enemies?--and our Enemy are enjoying this debacle.  Please intervene, for Your glory and the good of Your kingdom and Your people.  In Jesus's name, Who belongs to all nations~Amen.

A Trump-Free Day?

Father God, I sometimes act as if You are not still in full control and command of the world.  I am so sorry for my lack of faith.  I do know that at times You allow things to "get out of control" to show rebellious people (like myself) that we would do so much better to submit to Your ways of doing things.  I also know that You love Your people and have done--and will do--amazing things to protect and rescue them in the middle of those out-of-control teaching moments.

So, strengthen my faith, please.  The GDP report was just released, and it is good.  I can celebrate that!  I also ask that You weaken my anger and my frustration and my preoccupation with the next stupid thing done by the President.  Yes, a Trump-free day would be refreshing.  Let me rest in knowing YOU.

El Pais y El Mundo

I got stuck, Lord, regarding what I really wanted to spend time here talking about with You.  I have been charmed by the Harry Potter stories, despite some of the concerns about witchcraft.  (BTW, I thought it wasn't nearly as bad as many may have described, and I thought there were surprising references to Christian and Biblical holidays and principles and, on a couple of occasions, quoted Scripture.)  So, I initially wanted a post to be titled "The Pensive," a nod to the container of memories in Dumbledore's office. 

But then...my deep and deepening concern about this country and the world.  I almost said "my" country, but I corrected myself.  I no longer identify with the United States of America.  Some of my disconnect has been prompted by my daughters, particularly the older one who worships in a Brethren in Christ church.  Another huge piece of my disillusionment comes from the weirdness, the craziness, of the current government and especially its leader (aka the President).  I get angry; I refer to him by unflattering, even insulting, terms; I want him to fail.  Then I realize that I am not praying for him as You have commanded.  I am also supposed to "love" him.  How?  He is, I am convinced, leading the nation astray!  He is a liar, an adulterer, a selfish and ungodly person.  And still, the President.

How did that happen?  I wonder, truly, if anyone else sees the possibility that the election interference so widely discussed and all but proven did have an effect.  Or, in another vein, are Americans that evil and stupid?  It certainly seems that he caters to the darker side of human nature--the racism, the sexism, the selfishness, the xenophobia.

So much darkness, so much sin.  Light needs to shine, and if this is a time for Your light to be carried by Your people, then Lord, let me be one of the lightbearers.  I fear that some of Your people are being misled, in the words of Matthew 24:24--"so as to mislead, if possible, even the elect."

May I not be among the misled.  "Teach me to pray!"


"When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?" —Psalms 11:3

The President

I cannot even call him "our" President.  I saw a title of a news article that claimed he "is not your president."  (The Washington Post, June 1, 2018, Greg Sargent)  Unfortunately, I agree.

And I have put off writing in this prayer journal, despite many promptings in my spirit to pray for him.  It is hard to pray for someone that you believe is an idiot, and an evil one at that.  But I am under compulsion, out of obedience to the Word:

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving [choke!] be made for all people--for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

Oh, my.

I think sometimes he believes he is more king than president.  I *know* that he has little to no idea about law, protocol, even the idea that he represents ALL of the citizens of the United States, and not just the ones called "his base."   

So, dear God, Ruler of everything--truly, and not because of some false belief--please bless him.  Somehow, work Your will through him though he is a faulted, fallible, possibly even corrupt leader.  You have done it before!  Please bring him to repentance.  

...which brings me to another request: Your name is being besmirched.  Because (for reasons that I fail to comprehend) evangelical leaders are embracing this president, Convict them--us--of our hypocrisy and shallowness.  Let Your Spirit loose among us to bring us to our knees in the sadness of conviction.  Include me as well, God.  And don't let me shrink back from speaking truth, but do let me say true things lovingly.

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Prayer for Grievance

So, Lord, tomorrow I face a giant:  Someone in a position of power and political clout, a bully, a taunter.  I know I don't have a lot of time here to pray, and I want to ask You for ... peace, confidence, eloquence, and justice.  I am not in this for revenge but for justice.  The favoritism at work is destructive and disheartening, and the opposite of it, which is the condemnation and bullying, is also destructive and disheartening.

Please allow me to be calm and fully in Your presence during the hearing.  May I speak only the words that You put in my mouth, and may they be truth and healing.  The purpose is that: truth and healing.

May You be glorified!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

My Secret Place of Joy

Lord, before I check on that stupid Super Bowl score, I ask You to calm me.  I love YOU.  Nothing else matters.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

I Hate Anxiety

Week after week during football season, I suffer.  I know, Lord, that it sounds trivial and stupid.  It is.  And yet, I suffer.

Tomorrow will be no different.  Well, on second thought, it might be different.  It might be worse.  The quarterback for "my" team was (slightly) injured during practice a few days ago.  The injury (throwing-hand thumb knuckle) is not, in and of itself, serious, but anything could affect accuracy.  And I have already started to obsess and feel sick in my stomach.

Please, dear Lord, when so many are burdened with far more serious, even life-and-death problems, take this silly anxiety away from me.  I have considered the possibility, maybe even the probability, that this accidental injury was part of Your will for this team this year.  How else to think about this freak event?  Maybe this is not supposed to be "their" year.

Show me, please, how to cope with the anxiety.  Even better, please, take it away from me!

And may Your will be done in everything.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Back By Noon"

Ah, those words, Lord, give me a deadline.  🤣  I do NOT want anyone, including my DH, to have access to this private prayer place. 

So, here I am.  Thank You for the blessing of this "journal" online.  It is more private than a written journal, although I would not mind such a diary of my communications with you (if computers ever become impossible to use).  

There continue to be many things about which to pray.  Sometimes I think, and sometimes I have thought, that there are too many things!  It is impossible for a human--a mere mortal--to pray about "everything" that warrants prayer.  

In my reading so far this year, much of it in the Old Testament, I notice that the patriarchs were just plain "faithful."  They had to take care of their daily affairs in a much more time-cumbersome way than I do!  But that left them little time to "pray" about "everything."  They had to pray differently, and I expect that it came down to 1) worshiping You, and 2) asking for Your help with those daily affairs.

On a slightly different note, since I titled this post after my DH's message, I need to ask You to reduce my irritation at him.  He is such a loving guy.  Sometimes, though, he is not a thinking (not to be confused with thoughtful) guy.  He does not consider the meta-message of his words or actions.  But the heart!  Oh, his heart is good.  Help my irritation, please.  I--not so much he, but I--need to change.

So!  I am racing the clock, and he did say "...by noon."  I love You, God, and I want to be more -- well, as I said earlier in this post, just plain faithful.  

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Could Use a Little Extra Prayer"

Music to my mama-heart!  My YD sent me those words yesterday to ask for prayer support for her classroom observation this week.  I want to be faithful to the request and the promise to pray; thus, this entry.

Dear Heavenly Father, I have poured out my heart to You for my daughters.  I have recently shared with You my (mild) concern about the "unequally-yoked" relationship this daughter has with her boyfriend, an admittedly high-quality, loving, superb man.  (And still seeking You, I hope.)  But I digress.  This prayer is for YD and her performance in the classroom during the evaluation.  I ask confidence for her.  I request clarity and command of the material.  I petition You to intervene in her students' hearts and minds to calm them and to make them receptive to her instruction.  I beseech (what a strong, lovely word!) You to shine Your light through her, Your vessel, for the purpose of declaring Your power and glory.  

"This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth..." (an old version that I once memorized)  A newer translation is this:

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Joshua 1:8

May this be so for her!  In Jesus's name and for the sake of His reputation~~Amen.

One month

Yes, Lord, it has been 4 weeks since I last posted here.  Oy.  To the day.  (I think I took that Wednesday off for my medical appointment--physical.)

When this happens, I don't really know where to begin.  

First, I promised my client (KB) that I would pray for her although I was going to pray during our canceled appointment time.  Father God, she lost her son to an opiate overdose.  I feel really helpless to help her; that grief cannot be traditional or standard in any way, although more and more deaths are occurring because of it.  Before I ask You for help to help her, let me ask You to help her directly.  She mentioned that her husband was in the hospital overnight.  I didn't ask specifically, but it would stand to reason that there was something concerning to warrant admission.  She has a remarkably important job as a SPED director for Webster: "Director of Student Support Services."  AND, in addition to all that, she is allowing her deceased son's girlfriend and their child, a 5-year-old kindergartener, to live with them.

You, of course, know all of this.  Please bless her in a way that only You know will be most "blessing."  To my knowledge, she is a woman of the Catholic faith, and she might not know You in the born-again personal way.  Bless her so that she knows incontrovertibly that it is YOU.  Not only for her sake, but for Yours as well.

Second, then: Would You help me find the Fordham Christmas sweatshirt?  Silly request, of course.  It's sentimental.

Third: the reason it is sentimental is my second daughter.  She is in a relationship with a stellar young man--but by his own confession, he is not (yet) a Christian.  I really like him.  I imagine that You do, too!  In fact, I am quite sure that You love him.  He is a quality guy, a person who loves sacrificially, and a thinker who is not going to take this faith lightly.  For those reasons, I consider him a better Christian than many of my fellow brothers and sisters.  BUT--he is not (yet) a Christian, and I am concerned as my daughter's mother that she is heading toward heartbreak and heartache and frank disobedience.  

There.  I have said it.  I want her to follow Your instructions.  I cannot do that for her, though.  Please intervene in Your wise way.  It is fairly certain <smile> that You want that young man more than I do.  You know whether he is good for my daughter (although, as the cliche goes, no one is good enough for one's daughter).  You will not force my daughter to do the right thing.  I will not pretend to know what the right thing is for her. 

(The furnace maintenance person just arrived.  Thank You for this time.  I guess this is all for today.)

Confessing and Reflecting

Wow.  Has it really been three months since I wrote here?  The last post was dated 8/19/17, I think.  Again, wow.

A little stream of consciousness before I can settle down, I suspect.  I am in a bit of a funk.  Definition of funk: a state of depression; synonyms a bad mood, a low, the dumps, the doldrums.  Yep.  That's about right...or wrong.

I am not entirely sure what started this period of the blues.  I am not sure that knowing the beginning matters.  I just know that I don't like myself very much and that I am crabby and irritable and dissatisfied.  I don't know where to start chronicling the ... I don't know what to call the list of issues.  The one, however, that is most recent and most current is DH.  I guess I will start there.

The dissatisfaction around DH is confusing and disruptive.  I know that part of my annoyance has to do with his [thoughtless] support of the Religious Right and its support of our current President.  It bothers me that he does not appear to think critically about the issues but automatically, even reflexively, accepts what certain leaders promote.  To be completely honest, I am confused, even befuddled.  I don't want to fall into heresy; and I don't want to be a Pharisee.  I am torn, bemused, and tired of thinking.  But I digress.  I get annoyed, even angry, at DH for what I perceive to be stupid and simplistic generalizations.  I also react strongly, vehemently, vigorously, and automatically to being treated like a second-class citizen, a child, a person who has significant deficits and cannot think for herself.  When I stop--if I stop--to think, I would venture that DH is not a deep enough thinker to recognize the subliminal messages that he is sending.  But "a man speaks from what fills his heart."  Is DH feeling a need to be superior?  Is he feeling a decline in his own cognitive functioning?  He is forgetting a bunch of things, and then remembering the most surprising of other things. 

I have stopped telling him a lot about work and about my medical problems for two significant reasons: one, he forgets them; two, he judges me for having them.  There is not an acceptance of a supportive nature.  In fact, with regard to work, he once said something about "you are always right," and he did not mean it in any way but sarcastically.  The curse.  With due humility, I think I might be right much of the time.  But people in positions above me are not always affirming and are sometimes incompetent.  I grew up believing that the teacher was always right, and the promotions went to the most deserving and the best qualified.  Nope.  I don't think that anymore.

So with DH, I feel disappointed.  The partnership is not so much a partnership.  For example, yesterday he insisted that our daughters are "independent and *should* not need support (such as a bit of financial help or a wake-up call)."  But then he said that he would "have" to wake up at 5:30 a.m. on his day off because he "needed" to wake me up at 6:00 a.m.  So, the impression is that I am not capable at my age of waking myself up.  Or making gifts of a helpful nature to our daughters.  Or reasoning?  I am in a bind with this situation.  Giving feedback or advice seems to contradict him, which then feels like I am disrespecting him.  I know I need to learn how to give feedback better.  (Maybe my next learning adventure?)

Pause.  Another confession.  I am burned out with churches.  I see the same problems of incompetence and hard-heartedness and lack of love in the leadership of so many churches, including the one we just left.  I see that arrogance and NOT-Christ-likeness in much of the Religious Right, including some of the people that I considered my friends.  I am confused and, honestly and frankly, disgusted.  I just want to crawl into a solitary faith and focus just on me and my relationship with God (You!).  I can see why monastic life has an attractiveness to it.  I remember, though, someone who said that we cannot escape from ourselves and our sinful attitudes, even when we are alone.  We are meant to live in community--and it is not easy.

I did not tell DH that I am taking the day off.  He, to my knowledge, does not know about this blog.  I wouldn't be able to dump my honest junk here if he did.  That judgment again....

Help me, Lord.  I am stuck in a deep, deep rut.  I ache, both physically and spiritually.  I want to be thankful during this month of Thanksgiving, and I have fallen WAY behind.  (I am going to stop here and try to catch up a little while I have this lull before my 2 p.m. appointment.)

You know I love You, right?

Continuing in Prayer

In honor of Tue's trip to India and beyond with his father, I have taken to reading Ravi Zacharias's book "Jesus Among Other Gods" as my prayer for Tue's salvation. 


(I am enjoying it and being challenged by it.  My recent favorite quote is stolen, if you will, from G.K. Chesterton:

“Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am. Yours truly, G.K. Chesterton”)

But there are other parts of the book, of Zacharias's reasoning, that are meaningful to me as well with regard to Tue's salvation.  I want that man for You, Lord.  I respect his thoughtful consideration of Your claims.  I recognize, however, that the pull of his loyalty and love toward his father, a former Buddhist monk, is extremely powerful.

But You are more powerful.  I am counting on that.  And on the (so-called) power of prayer.

The verse that comes to mind with regard to this prayer and its alignment with Your will is 2 Peter 3:9b:

"Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

May it be so, Lord, according to Your will. For the sake of the expansion of the Kingdom of God in Christ Jesus~~Amen and amen.
  

Guy for God

Whew, Lord.  Day after Easter.  You did all the work!  I wonder whether You were "tired" after all that.  :)

I have set a reminder on my phone to pray for Tue every day.  I may not get a chance to post my prayer, but I know that You are aware of my prayerful intent.  When I can, I pause and ask.

I don't know whether there are "twinkles" there, mostly because I have not been able to watch them together for long in the short time that I have been with him.  Julie did not talk a lot about him over this holiday weekend; I wonder whether she talked about him with Ali and Jaime, especially since she spent more time with them than with us (except for sleeping).  (Yeah, slight dig, but I am trying to be gracious.)  

Sorry for the distraction, dear God.  Amy is late getting back to Messiah--no surprise, lots of traffic.

So back to Tue...

I know that You want him.  I searched for the verse, and 4 of them came up.  This was the first and the one:

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.  2 Peter 3:9

(There is another Peter verse!  My "endurance of harsh treatment" verse is from 1 Peter.)

So, based on this verse, I am claiming Your promise.  You are not slow to fulfill it; and You made it!  I will also remain patient with You and Tue--harder for me than for You--and I will continue to pray.  Daily.  Either by posting or clicking.

Dear Lord, please rescue Tue.  We don't have enough great guys in the Church for our daughters!  :)  Not only for the women, though, but also for the men and most importantly for You and Your kingdom, we need good guys for God.  For Your sake and in Jesus's name~~Amen!

A Wonderful Vietnamese Buddhist

Even as I wrote the title of this post, Lord, I realized that perhaps Tue Ho is not a Buddhist in the same fashion as not every child of a Christian is a Christian.  In any case, Julie herself has said--in the more distant past, not clearly stated recently--that Tue is still seeking.  She has also told me/us that he is sensitive to the effect that a decision for Christianity may have on his Buddhist monk-father.  I must respect a young man, a son, who cares for his parents.  I know that You have said that

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

Wow.  This is a dilemma that Tue faces.  He has been raised to be respectful, to honor his father and his mother--which is another of Your commandments--and to consider his actions (I think, on that last point).   To "hate his own father and mother" may not mean exactly that.  I hope not!  I just quickly read a commentary that put that word "hate" in a different context.  English can be harsh when it is used to translate a Biblical word.  Hate is more like loving far less, with far less preference, but NOT to treat badly or disrespectfully.


More on that another time.  However, Lord, for the sake of this post, please hear my heart's cry for Tue's heart.  May he follow You willingly, gladly, appreciatively for all that You have done for him.  And may I be bold enough to ask for the hearts of his parents as well?


In Jesus's redemptive name and nature~~Amen.

Prayer for NJ Relatives

Dear Lord, please bless with peace and harmony my extended family in NJ.  They are going through the decline and impending death of their mother, my aunt (not blood-connected but by marriage).  With 7 children, all of whom have children, there are many people and many hearts and many opinions involved.  Please make Yourself known to them and present with them during these stressful days.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

PS  Please touch my own mother's heart and spirit in this situation.  This is her sister-in-law, the wife of my mother's only brother (now deceased).  My mother is particularly close to the oldest of their children and will be affected by any strife in the family.  Keep Mom peaceful because she is faith-full.  In Jesus's name (again), Amen.

President in Need of Prayer

It would not be a surprise to you, God, that I do not like the President of the United States.  Still, I want to obey Your Word to pray for those in authority in government.  He needs so much  prayer.  It disturbs me deeply that many of my countrymen and Christian siblings support him.  (I wanted to say, "He's an idiot."  That would not be very loving or consistent with Your character.)

So, for our sake, even more for Your sake, please bless him.  Not with material success--he has quite a lot of that--but with what DH called "a little humility."  I think he needs more than a little.  Please change his heart.  Please soften it toward people and toward You.  He is not giving much evidence of a spiritual maturity (but then, in another place, I just wrote that I am not giving much evidence in my own life at this time, either).  Please do what I would ask You to do for anyone: bring them close to You, whether for salvation or for sanctification.  Me, too.

In Jesus's loving name and in pursuit of His distinctive love in and for the world~~Amen.

Persecution vs. Sinfulness

Good evening, Lord.  Work has been more difficult than it has ever been in my life and career.  So, because I am in a hurry (DH is at the grocery store), please allow me to be brief, even terse.

Help.

I don't want to be proud.  I don't want to ignore my own problems and character flaws.  I do want to see what is happening with spiritually clear eyes--with Your eyes--and respond as You would.

In Jesus's name!  Amen.

I Hate Confrontation

So, Lord, another Sunday in the classroom.  I admit it is tiring me.  This week I served You in the girls' 3rd & 4th grade.  One young lady with whom we have had minor trouble since she was in Kindergarten came to class with a cast on her arm.  She is typically loud and distractible.  She was loud and distractible this week.  No change.

The curriculum talked about following rules and instructions, using Red Light Green Light the game to illustrate and have some fun. I admit it was a stretch, but the girls seemed to enjoy it.  The abovementioned young lady was doing fine until I directed all the girls to stay put for a moment while I debriefed them and tried to press home the point.  Off dashed Miss Casted One.  I sent her back to her mother.

Afterward, Mother came to me defensive and angry.

Points to consider:

• Miss Casted One collected all the extra Thanksgiving activity papers, folded them, and hid them in her coat.  Another student had to demand that she give one back for a student who came to class late.
• Historically as well as today, Miss Casted One has trouble not speaking out impulsively and off topic.   
• Most importantly, the impulsive dashing off in the Gym presents a danger.  Already, she has an injured arm.  Without warning and in the face of clear direction from me to stand with the other girls, she ran to the other side of the room.  This behavior meant that I could not trust that she would accept my authority.

I hate confrontation, dear Lord.  I am asking, begging, You to give me Spirit-directed words and perhaps even more importantly "ears" to hear what Mother needs to say.  Please also guard my mouth so that I do not speak "evil" or any hurtful thing.  To be sure, some of the thoughts that both my DH and I have shared would be hurtful if spoken to Mother.  (I hope none are true.)  But that is a topic for another time; this family has surely suffered and does not need too much confrontation--or maybe they do?  I will leave that to You to decide.

In Jesus's name, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and under the authority of the Father who disciplines us for our own good and His glory~~Amen.

My Own Interpersonal Effectiveness

...isn't very good.

There, I have said it.  Lord God, I look back over most of my life and realize that my relationships have been problematic for decades.  This area of life is not one of my strengths.  I don't really know what to do about this difficulty; of course, if I did, I would probably be doing the right things and I wouldn't be dealing with this weakness.

So, what do I do about my own stubbornness?  I have argued in my own mind several justifications for my behaviors and choices.  What do I value over relationships?  Truth?  Being right?  I want a spiritual adviser...but I am cynical and/or paranoid enough to distrust the motives of such people.

In the most recent situation, totally without meaning to do so, I apparently "offended" a young female patient by calling her out on her yelling at another, more fragile patient.  I pointed out that the young woman's behavior resembled that of someone she dislikes intensely (most people don't like that "someone") and whose words had hurt, even traumatized, her.  For reasons that I have examined over and over, the young woman has chosen to focus on me rather than on her inappropriate, even bullying, behavior. 

I have not backed down or apologized.  I am getting quicker and more willing to apologize when I am wrong--I think.  I am resisting this situation.  I don't believe that I was, or am, wrong.  Am I missing something?  I know this young woman is "traumatized."  (Now, I ask myself, why did I put that word in quotes?  Is this something I doubt is related to her trauma?)

Lord, please make--keep, when it happens--me humble.  Show me the error in my thinking, and help me to do the right thing.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.
 

Strawberry Mansion Tensions

Father God, You are the protector of the orphans.  Why do I start this post like that?  In some ways, I see the students of Strawberry Mansion in Philadelphia as orphaned by the city's school system and by the policies of poverty.  The public transit strike has contributed to their orphanhood; many of their parents cannot get to work without transportation, resulting in lost wages, lost jobs, lost food, lost opportunities for the families and especially for the students.

My daughter is caught up in this suffering as she serves those students.  She is also caught up in the dissatisfaction of the school's principal, who may herself be caught up in the suffering.  So, I said that I would pray for them both.  For my daughter, that she would know that You are BIG.  Bigger than all these problems, bigger than the principal, bigger than the forces of evil that we admit are loose in the world.  For that principal, that she would know the same things.  That she would be encouraged today by something, that she would say an encouraging thing--or two--and that she would (finally?) learn that leadership by intimidation is not as effective as leadership by love and example.

I need to get back to work.  In Jesus's name, and in the encouragement of the Spirit~~Amen.

Prayer for America

Spiritual Warfare Surrounding The Elections

Nothing is achieved in the Kingdom of God without warfare. That includes the election of righteous individuals to the leadership of one of the key nations on the planet. As we pray, we must expect the enemy to attack in many ways. There will be attacks on candidates and their families, on the media, the Church, and perhaps the nation itself. Some will be clearly spiritual, while other attacks may have physical manifestations. Our call is to have great discernment as we pray and stand in the strength of Christ’s victory

Pray today around the spiritual warfare issues involved in the election, such as:

Great awareness and discernment for the Lord’s praying people as they pray over the election.

Physical protection for all candidates and their families throughout this campaign season.

A strong hedge of protection around the nation itself during this time of decision.

The unleashing of the sword of the Spirit throughout the nation, judging the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12).

Election 2016

Good evening, Lord.  I have tried to put prayer on my daily schedule, and I am pretty good at reading the devotional from Ecclesiastes--which is, incidentally, just perfect for this election season--but I am not good at documenting my prayer here.  Of course, that is not what matters.  It just helps me to be consistent and to prove, if only to myself, that I have prayed.

So, here I am, Lord.  The biggest thing on my mind may be this nation's upcoming election.  The choices we have are terrible.  If there were only a respectable candidate who held the values that I hold, I would surely choose that one.  There is not.  How do I make a decision?

I liked Max Lucado's suggestion.  Maybe it was less a suggestion than his personal accommodation to this dilemma.  

On November 7, I'm going to look at the platforms of both parties. I'm going to think hard about the character of both candidates. I'm going to get on my knees. And then when I wake up on November the 8, I'm just going to cast what I'm considering to be a informed vote.

Max also talked about "failing the decency test."  Yikes.  He has not disclosed his choice, but this comment was said about Donald Trump.  Hillary Clinton may not be "decent" either; however, she is consistent and predictable, if wrong.  I get the wrong part.  :)  It is possible for me to disagree with someone (they would be the wrong ones) and still work with them, praying for a correct decision.

So, Father God, show me something.  Ecclesiastes is a wonderful reflection on this all being "vanity...meaningless."  Keep me in that mindset.  It is all about You, Jesus.

Max put this from Lamentations on one of his posts:
 

This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The LORD’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
(Lam. 3:21-23)

You are always faithful!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Unity and Division

"Is there disunity among believers anywhere that brings reproach on Christ?"  From John Piper's Desiring God, 30 Prompts to Pray.


Oh, Lord, I felt in my heart the direction to seek a prayer prompt for my time with You today.  This is the one that grabbed my attention.  Unity is such a wonderful, lofty concept, and perhaps only a concept as an ideal.

Of course, the first instance and example of this prompt is our church.  How my heart and mind churn with concern and even anger at the divisiveness that I ... what? ... perceive, discern!  But that is no good.  That makes me complicit in the enemy's scheme to divide.  The balance is a difficult one to achieve; to see truth, to see beyond the surface and into people's intentions and hearts, is to see sin.  It may also be filtered through my own sinfulness.  What a quandary.

A second instance is my marriage.  A good one, by almost all standards!  Sometimes, though, I get annoyed at the simplistic, judgmental attitude of my dear husband, even though he presents it in fairly loving ways.  He does not see beneath the surface much.  What he sees...is.  He rarely sees the spiritual battle that takes advantage of ignorance and innocence and lack of awareness.  And that frustrates me, causing me to hold my tongue and to refrain from sharing my deepest thoughts, observations, conclusions, and worries.  He trivializes them and then I feel very misunderstood.  Consequently, I don't open up a lot.  Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage touches on this issue a bit--but he is Tim Keller, not my husband.  Tim thinks deeply.  Tim's job is to see spiritual truths and untruths and to call them out.  My husband prefers superficiality, I think.  It is, after all, easier.
 
So, today my prayer is to hold my tongue and to refrain from judgment.  To choose love and understanding and sweetness.  To dwell in the secure knowledge that YOU understand me, and know even more than I do about this spiritual battle the world is in and the church is in and even my marriage is in. 


I rather think it humorous that my devotions are currently in Ecclesiastes, where "all is vanity."  All.  This election is meaningless; the conflict in the church is meaningless; any tension in relationships is, on the surface, meaningless.  "Do not let your mouth lead you into sin." Ecclesiastes 5:6  Great advice.  In Jesus's great and all-meaningful name~~Amen.

Prayer for This Country

Oh, dear Lord.  On this day after the presidential candidate debate, I am more disheartened than ever about the upcoming election and the future of this country.  Although we saw only the tail end of the debacle, it was a disaster.  In terms of presentation, the Democratic candidate clearly held her composure.  The Republican candidate did not.  In my reading today on various news sites, the country is more partisan than ever, and facts or truth make no difference in opinions.  This is a sad time for this country.  

I am reminded of a verse in Scripture: 

But our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:20)

Amen, Lord!  Maranatha!  Come, Lord Jesus!

In the meantime, I also recall that You instruct us to pray for our governments.  

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  (1 Timothy 2:1-4)

 So here I am, Lord, praying.  Please guide the course of this election to accomplish Your purposes, and please do not allow Your people, and me specifically, to lose sight of the overriding principles of Godly living--whether the government is Godly or not.  Fill me with love and dedication to prayer and most of all a commitment to Your kingdom of reconciliation.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

The Meaning of Marriage

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:3

I have been reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller and, though it is a bit erudite :) , I am learning much from it.  So, as I await the arrival of my husband from a visit to his family in NH, it is appropriate that I pray for him and for our marriage.

Dear Heavenly Father, some of the things in Keller's book are weighty.  The word "ezer" comes to mind, a strong and faithful helper, a word used in connection with You in Scripture and in connection with a wife as well.  There is another word as well that hasn't made the same impression -- yet -- on my mind, but I want to emphasize it so that I do remember it.  Please work with me and on me to be the kind of wife that Keller referenced in the quote I put on Facebook:

 “Within this Christian vision of marriage, here's what it means to fall in love. It is to look at another person and get a glimpse of what God is creating, and to say, "I see who God is making you, and it excites me! I want to be part of that. I want to partner with you and God in the journey you are taking to his throne. And when we get there, I will look at your magnificence and say, 'I always knew you could be like this. I got glimpses of it on earth, but now look at you!”

Show me those glimpses of what You are creating in my husband, and show him glimpses of what You are creating in me!  I wouldn't mind a few glimpses of what You are doing in me, though.  :)

In Jesus's name~~Amen. 

My Prayer Today

Day after day, I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But, I won't last a day without you

So, many times when the city seems to be
Without a friendly face, a lonely place
It's nice to know that you'll be there if I need you
And you'll always smile, it's all worthwhile

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

Touch me and I end up singing
Trouble seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
When you're near, my love

If all my friends have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind, just hard to find
One look at you and I know
That I could learn to live without the rest
I've found the best

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
Won't last a day without you, without you

Prayer for My Country

I always say that I need to pray about this election, dear God, but I have not put anything down that can be seen as proof that I have prayed.  This post is that evidence.

Please, please intervene.  The man to whom so many of my fellow citizens are flocking is ... what is he?  He is evidently not a Christian, but that is not a requirement for the job.  That he has claimed to be a Christian, has butchered a reference to a Biblical book, and has boasted that he has never asked You for forgiveness most emphatically leads to the conclusion that he does not know You.  His policies are immature and inflammatory, and his ability to navigate domestic and international relationships and agendas is poorly developed.

Yet people are attracted to him.

Save us from ourselves, dear God.  Of course, we deserve what we may be getting, and perhaps You are delivering us to our own sins.  Still I plead with You to save us.  There are still many who know You who shudder at the prospect of a presidency with this man in office, and I realize that there are many who claim to know You who are endorsing him.  This is so confusing.  Keep me praying and please reveal to me Your will for me and for my family.

In Jesus's name and in anticipation of His return--soon!--Amen.