...isn't very good.
There, I have said it. Lord God, I look back over most of my life and realize that my relationships have been problematic for decades. This area of life is not one of my strengths. I don't really know what to do about this difficulty; of course, if I did, I would probably be doing the right things and I wouldn't be dealing with this weakness.
So, what do I do about my own stubbornness? I have argued in my own mind several justifications for my behaviors and choices. What do I value over relationships? Truth? Being right? I want a spiritual adviser...but I am cynical and/or paranoid enough to distrust the motives of such people.
In the most recent situation, totally without meaning to do so, I apparently "offended" a young female patient by calling her out on her yelling at another, more fragile patient. I pointed out that the young woman's behavior resembled that of someone she dislikes intensely (most people don't like that "someone") and whose words had hurt, even traumatized, her. For reasons that I have examined over and over, the young woman has chosen to focus on me rather than on her inappropriate, even bullying, behavior.
I have not backed down or apologized. I am getting quicker and more willing to apologize when I am wrong--I think. I am resisting this situation. I don't believe that I was, or am, wrong. Am I missing something? I know this young woman is "traumatized." (Now, I ask myself, why did I put that word in quotes? Is this something I doubt is related to her trauma?)
Lord, please make--keep, when it happens--me humble. Show me the error in my thinking, and help me to do the right thing. In Jesus's name~~Amen.
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