Waiting on God: Previewing and Reviewing

Good morning, dear Lord of my heart.  Today is the appointed day for my colonoscopy.  The prep wasn't as bad as I anticipated, although the overflooding of my stomach with the liquid did cause me to vomit.  

So that is the preview!  Steve Macchia's piece on Reflective Journaling for the Waiting on God Soul Care Retreat captured the balance of reflection which I would describe as anticipatory reflection and retrospective reflection,  How can I project into my plans and schedule for the day what You may lead me to do?  Yeah, that is not reliable.  Interruptions happen, flexibility is required, and grace over all the unexpected "divine appointments" that surprise me.  

Reviewing my past three weeks here at home on the administrative leave has been informative.  I am not at all excited to return to work; I am also not completely sure that returning is the plan that You have for me.  I find that I hesitate to call myself a "social worker" anymore.  I confess that I felt a prompting that I overrode to move away from the hospital and the professional role there; I believed that I was being noble and considerate in staying so that my colleagues would not be even more overwhelmed and overworked than they are.

And then this.

I decided, just now, to listen to some worship music.  Because I thought it might be wise to avoid a tear-jerking song--"Word of God, Speak" came to mind--I chose the more upbeat "My Jesus" ("Let my Jesus change your life").  A hummingbird came to the feeder, probably having waited for the rain to stop.  And "Word of God, Speak" followed that first chosen song.  Yes, I cried.  You are so good to me even in the smallest things.

Getting to be time for me to leave for that appointment.  I do love You, dearest God Adonai, but imperfectly and not enough.  Please help me get better, purer, and holier in You.  Amen.