Waiting on God: Silence

Silencio. Appropriate for me without my hearing aids. In the Waiting on God Soul Care Retreat, I skipped ahead to the Silence and Solitude section. This spoke to my heart:

“There are few things that help so much for conversing with Christ as silence. The silence I

speak of is, obviously, the inner silence of the heart without which the voice of Christ will

simply not be heard. This inner silence is very hard to achieve for most of us: close your

eyes for a moment and observe what is going on within you. The chances are you will be

submerged in a sea of thoughts that you are powerless to stop-talk, talk, talk (for that

is what thinking generally is, me talking to myself )-noise, noise, noise: my own inner

voice competing with the remembered voices and images of others, all clamoring for my

attention. What chance does the subtle voice of God stand in all this din and bustle?…Your

tolerance of silence is a fairly good indicator of your spiritual (and even intellectual and

emotional) depth.” - Anthony de Mello  (De Mello, Anthony. Contact with God: Retreat Conferences. Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1991, pg. 39-40.)

That is so very true. The silence and solitude of these days on leave have been busy, but for the most part, despite the presence of DH at home (and the ever-present beagle!), largely quiet and isolated. I admit to looking forward to DH's various absences on errands because those times are the ones I grab for these entries. The suggestion is to unplug, but for me, the security of a password-protected online journal is safer.  

The visits of the hummingbirds still fill me with hope, and the many -- too many to count today! -- have been sweet and touching. Lord, it is silly, and I know it, to interpret too much into the visits of these littlest of the bird kingdom. Yet, Your word does point to a huge truth that my heart needs: if You care for the birds of the air, how much more You care for me!

Let me not worry about the hearing next week.  I will trust that You will put the correct words into my mouth, if I even need to speak.  I see that DH is worried about the damage to my reputation and I don't blame him for his concern even as I fight back against it.  My only goal is pleasing You, and the only source of my self-esteem is Your description of me as "precious in Your sight" -- sins, mistakes, and all the gunk and junk in me included but not being left there.

The bird feeder needs refilling.  Amen!