Wrapping Up "Hide and Seek"

Lord, I have already pulled out the draft of my talk for MOPS.  It's unfinished, and I would like to finish it soon so that I can read, re-read, meditate, and allow it to seep into my heart.  First, though, I want to ask for Your inspiration.  This talk will be nothing unless You infuse it with Your Holy Spirit.  Would You do so, not for my sake, but for Yours and for the sake of the women who have to listen to me?

Let me read about Your "hiding" in the tomb, and then Mary Magdalene and the "other Mary" coming to seek You.

And listen to a few beautiful songs of worship~Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill's duet "How Great Thou Art," Sandi Patty's "Was It A Morning Like This," and Casting Crowns's "Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)."

Lord, I think I am going to use the "Glorious Day" YouTube for the MOPS talk.  

And thank You for tonight's time of worshipping You through this talk and through the music.  :)

It's Not Over Yet

I feel great.  I have NO symptoms, no more hematuria (at least visible).  However, the scare goes on.  I will have a CT scan next Monday (2/27) and a cystoscopy on Wednesday, March 7.  My best strategy for managing what could be crippling anxiety is to stay in this moment and do whatever I would normally be doing.  My self-talk goes, "Today, nothing is different."  This bit of wisdom, undoubtedly from You, evidenced itself in my having to teach Grades 3 & 4 in Junior Church yesterday.  What a wonderful, flat-out, superb, tremendous blessing.  I always love it.  Daniel's faith in doing what was right even when the law made it wrong was inspiring.  May I have that kind of unwavering faith, and may it operate in this stressful time of my life.

Now, I need to begin preparing my MOPS talk for Easter.  I don't want to say anything without hearing from You first.  Please give me some ideas, or rather one really inspired idea.  This is my next chance to focus not on myself, but on You.

Compassion Equals Anger?

In yesterday's Bible reading, Lord, You were compassionate to the leper.  Interestingly, an alternate translation of "compassion" offered the word "anger."  I don't have a lot of time right now to plumb this, but it intrigues me.  Then, today's reading indicated that You were somewhat irritated again.  Maybe You were mad more than we once thought!  I have to run now to get ready for my appointment, but I hope to come back to this idea with You.  Love You!

Follow-up on Cancer

Lord, so far there are no abnormal results from the various tests the doctor has ordered.  Today is the urology appointment (with the nurse practitioner-<smile>-) and a possible appointment for a CT scan.  I'm continuing to trust You in whatever the outcome is.  Be glorified, dear Lord, in my life--or in my death, if that would be Your will.

Sister-in-Law and 100-Day Cough

(Tigger wants to rub his face against the edge of the computer screen.  I wonder if that was the damage that happened to our other laptop.)

Dear Lord, Beth continues to suffer with pertussis, also known as the 100-day cough.  Since she was already into it at Christmas, and it is now mid-February, that's about 47+ days already.  Amy reports that she (Beth) looks tired and sick.  Please support her during the remainder of her illness, give her strength and relief from the awful, racking coughing, and perhaps miraculously shorten the duration of this illness?  Thank You that Bruce is now "working," albeit not at a salaried position but on commission.  It's what he loves, and I ask that you bring him some success to support his family and regain the dignity and respect that (I think) he may have lost during his lengthy period of unemployment.

Lovin' the Time Off

It's already 9:30 a.m. and I have a few more things to do before I go off to the ultrasound appointment.  Lord, thank You SO much for the reassurance of the doctor's news last night.  It's not over yet, and I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I was "encouraged" (her word).  The urinalysis and cytology results were negative.  What was going on?  There has been no bleeding since Saturday morning.  What should I change about my lifestyle?

The title of this post says a lot.  I really do love having the time to do this writing/praying, and I want to write/pray about a few other things and people as well:

• Robyn, my 10-year-old friend from HBC whom I took to lunch on Sunday.  Reminder: her birthday is April 17th.  :)
• MOPS and my "Hide and Seek" speech
• Work--the psychiatrist on my ward, and my difficulty with him
• My daughters: OD for guidance for next year, and YD for fellowship while she is in NY.



Cruising to Nassau and other places for our 25th anniversary

• My husband of almost 25 years!  Our cruise!!  What a guy, and what a blessing!!

This is a short entry, Lord.  I need to go get showered and do maybe one or two more things before going to the appointment.  I may come back and spend more time here later.  I love You!

Cancer?

(Lord, I just clicked on my other blog, Tricia's Trivia, and said to myself, "No, this prayer and this issue are far from trivial!!"  I don't know, really, whether I was serious or kidding.)

It continues to be hard to wrap my brain around the idea that I may have cancer.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow, and a urology appointment (with a nurse practitioner/physician's assistant) on Friday.  In my experience, some NPs or PAs are more competent than MDs!  However, when I analyze this appointment and the speed with which my doctor wants me seen, I realize that she thinks this really is cancer.  Yuck, boo, and fie!  I have stopped, at least temporarily, looking up information on the Internet.  It's all the same information, and there is nothing else that I can do today to learn anything new or to change the outcome.

This situation in my life makes the words that we say and sing about "our lives being in Your hands" so much more poignant.  Do I really believe that?  Can I really be at peace with whatever the outcome is?  Can I say truly that I look forward to being with You?  (That's a yes.)  I also realize, however, that it is very difficult to imagine leaving my husband and my daughters. My mother, too, counts on me for her future.  That might require a different tactic if I am, in fact, diagnosed.

Incidentally, I had the gum grafts yesterday.  I did take one Vicodin Plus shortly after the procedure, but so far have not needed another one.  I am pretty swollen--well, not "pretty" in either sense!--but I don't have much pain, thank YOU.

I need a friend.  You are the BEST.  I think of spilling this onto someone else, and no one else can do anything more than You are doing and would do so much less. So for now, You're it!  DH is being remarkable.  I wonder, and worry a little, that he is scared.  He may have reason to be.  Both of us, dear Lord, are learning what it really means to live by faith each day.  Be glorified in my life, and if necessary, in my death.  I still and always will love You.

Hematuria

Whoa, Lord.  Friday night into Saturday morning I experienced "gross hematuria."  I had no warning, no other symptoms, which is ironically a very bad sign.  The big word here is cancer.  So I take a big breath and go forward with all the other things in my life.  The most immediate event is my gum grafts tomorrow morning.  (Reminder: Find the stent!  I just did.)

Cancer-everyone thinks it happens to other people.  It is sobering to consider that it might be true for me.  I have no risk factors, and I feel pretty good.  I am looking at a very busy week since I will probably have an ultrasound on Wednesday or Thursday, probably a CT scan this week or early next week, and an appointment with a urologist.  Wow.  One bloody urine and my social calendar just got very busy.  (Actually, there were probably 4-5 bloody urines in all.  The crazy thing is that I haven't had one since midday Saturday.)

Lord, when we pray, "Not my will but Yours be done," we often do not know what we are praying.  I think I am still in great denial.  This cannot be happening to me!  I am staying in the moment, just doing what I need to do today, and practicing--practicing, since I am not an expert at this--the "radical acceptance" that is taught in DBT.  Help me, Lord.  My blood pressure was up by 20-30 points.  My pulse rate was okay, though.  Whatever happens to me, bless and strengthen my husband and my daughters.  Please ... please ... may this ordeal glorify You, and may others see You through me during this time.  Amen.



Prayer for MOPS

Good evening, Lord!  It's 7:38 p.m., and DH is not home yet.  He should be home within about, oh, 35 minutes; so, I will hurry a little.

Lord, I sometimes feel that I need to document my prayers!  Funny, huh?  I guess I've been working in hospital/psychiatry for too long.  "If it's not written down, it never happened."  (Sad, but sometimes even if it is written down, it didn't happen.)  Well, no matter.  I want to ensure that I pray about the MOPS meeting tomorrow and about MOPS and the young ladies there in general.

"I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.”  Matthew 26:13



The former MOPS president wrote a book based on this story.  Elisa Morgan, I think I remember, and I believe it was called, She Did What She Could.  That's what I want to have said about me.  So, tomorrow, even if it is not what I want to do--which is spend time with the adult women--let me do what I can, and what I can do is help with MOPPETS so that Michelle particularly can go to listen to Colette.  God, there aren't enough MOPPETS workers!  Is there something else that you want us to do to get some more help?  Or do you want us to share the work?  I know that some of the steering members are loath to have the mothers rotate through the MOPPETS rooms.  I'm not quite as reluctant as they are, but then, I don't live in their shoes.  I am reminded of Pat Lencioni's, or rather his group's, recent email about building people paradoxically by asking them to help.  Hmmm?  Well, something to continue to ask You, no?  So...would You give us some inspiration about what to do so that our women can get what they need?  Please help us.  Some of the women, perhaps me included, are not getting to receive all that You have to offer through MOPS.

By the way, however, thank You for the older women who have committed to us.   Kathy, Carol, Diana, and even Jessica at times, are Your provisions for us, I believe.

Would you also speak through Colette to the women who do get to sit through the talk tomorrow?  She is funny yet deep.  Please strengthen many marriages and families through her talk,

Bless me, indeed, and enlarge my territory!  Let Your hand be with me!  Keep me from harm that I might neither cause nor suffer pain.  (My version of the Prayer of Jabez, 1 Chronicles 4:10)

Quick!

Hello, God.   My DH will be home in 15 minutes or so, and I don't like to have this up when he's around.  So.....

1. OD's applications to grad school: Guidance and direction for her, please?
2. YD's incredibly busy schedule and desire for Christian fellowship: Redeemer?
3. My student: her (and my) need for more effective supervision.

Okay, I will end with reading today's New Testament selection.  Love you, Lord!

Praying for My Husband

Lord, how does he do it?  It's 8:45 pm and he is still at work.  He will be crazy-exhausted when he gets home.  He'll also (maybe) have work to do over the weekend at home.

I know he does it out of love.  He wants to provide for our family in the best way possible.  What did he say to me many years ago?  "All I really want in life is to be a good husband and father."  I think, and maybe correctly, that he includes being a good provider in that desire.

But he is tired.  (There's the phone!  He's 25 minutes from home.  Meaning--he'll get home around 9:30 p.m.)  Lord, is there a better way for him and for our family?  He has said that he would like to "retire" to an easier job closer to home.  The girls are in college, and the oldest is considering grad schools (this weekend, but that's another prayer), which costs a LOT of money.  We are spoiled, and You have provided so well for us.

I ask for him strength, endurance, joy, enjoyment of his work, a sense of the importance of his place at his job and in the lives of his co-workers.  I ask for him a very clear and deeply held belief that his job is Your call in his life.  Please give him rest when he is at home.  May our home be a place of peace and restoration for him.

And thank You for him.  He is a wonderful partner.  In Jesus' name, Amen!

Annual Report

Thought: What if we each had to write an annual report on our lives?  The thought makes me smile.

There is a serious prayer here, though.  We have been asked, once again for the nth time, to write the annual report on the Junior Church ministry at our church.  So it behooves me to ask the Lord to inspire my writing.

Lord God, You know that my deepest desire is to please You.  At least I hope and want that!  So I suppose my first prayer is that it would be true.  Now, for the specific need of the moment, please help me to bring glory to You in the annual report this year.  Give me something of value to say, although I suspect that few people read the report.  :)  I have thought of the WHO idea: who we teach, who we are, and who we serve and love.  What do You think of that, Lord?  I guess, until You give me something else, I will go with that and see where it, and You, lead me.

PS  Jennie is having a lymph node removed tomorrow, and I sense that she might be somewhat frightened, although she puts on such a brave, spiritual front.  Give her a deep peace that penetrates into the parts of her heart and mind that cannot be reached by humans.  I do pray that nothing of terrible nature would be found, but perhaps if something must be found, that it would be easily treatable and curable.

Bless me, Lord!  Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that I might not sin against You and that I might not cause pain!  (My abridged version of the Prayer of Jabez.)  Amen!

Amy's Request

This morning my daughter Amy texted me.  Now this is not an unusual occurrence.  What makes it noteworthy, however, is that I received it at 9:41 a.m. EST, and Amy is in Tijuana, Mexico, which would make that time 6:41 a.m. PST.  :)  She is not a morning person, but on this trip she has had to get up early to lead the group.

She asked specifically for prayer for the last day of their VBS with the Esperanza kids.  I will include her quote here:

Hi Mom  :)  Miss you lots.  Could you please pray for VBS today?  Were talking about some deeper issues with the kids and were really praying for God to open their ears and make them think...Love you Mama!

So, I will pray!

Lord, it is a wonderful feeling for a mother to see her daughter serving You so devotedly.  I join my heart to hers, and to all the team's hearts, asking for you to open the ears and hearts of the young people at the orphanage.  Many of them have not had easy breaks in life, and they could be bitter.  On another hand, they could be calloused about spiritual things.  In any case, please soften them to hear Your words spoken through Your missionaries, the kids from Gordon.  I ask this, and I am sure the Gordon team is asking this, in the name of Jesus the Son of God and the Messiah.  Amen!

Prayer Time!

Good thing I pray more than I document praying....

Lord, I just spent 15 minutes or so cruising around random websites.  I think I'm being distracted, and I also think I don't know where to start.  I'd like to think that I pray enough about most things that I'm not way out of touch with you.  I hope that's true.  So, instead of talking to You about the many things, activities, and issues in my life, may I do something else?

May I talk to You about me?

In some ways, that may seem selfish.  However, it's not about asking things for myself.  I find that I am a complaining, discontent woman lately.  Because my heart is deceitful above all things, as You say (in Jeremiah 17:9), I really can't trust it.  The problem is that everyone else's heart is also deceitful, and I can't really trust them either.  What a dilemma!

So, how do I manage these complaints and this discontent?  How do I know when I am wrong?  Arrogant as I may sound, I may be too smart for my own good.  I often make sense.  :)  I can reason things through.  I certainly don't know everything, but I know a good many things.

Love, love, love!

If my ... 1 Corinthians 13 just popped into mind.  "If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal."  Am I loving the people--the leadership?--at Heritage?  Am I loving my husband's family?  How about my own sister?  What does it mean to love those people?  To NOT see their flaws?  Well, that can't be right, because You love us and You know all our flaws.  To not count their flaws against them?  That's much more like it.  The problem with that comes in the application.  To listen to them graciously...to see them with YOUR eyes and Your heart...to want the best for them, and to work to make that happen.  Yes!  That's what You have done for me.

Of course, Lord, I am finite and You are infinite.  If You listen to me so graciously, would You help my deaf ears to listen to You graciously on a daily basis?  Who am I supposed to "love" each day?  I really like my oldest daughter's focus on intentionality.  (I just looked that up, and it is in fact a word.)  Each day, may I "love" someone of Your selection for that day.  Something active and intentional.  Someone unexpected?  Someone for whom You have to give me the energy!!

Right now, I should go home and love my dog, who is awaiting his supper.  :)



Other Daughter!

Lord, now it's time to pray for my younger daughter.  I get the sense that she is doing really well at college, and for that I am so grateful.  Please bless her studies.  I have done the Jesuit education "thing," and I know it's challenging.  I also know that she can rise to the challenge!  Please bless her relationships and allow her to be a shining light for You in that place.  THANK YOU for having led her to a church where she can be comfortable.  I cannot wait to hear about it!  Please keep her physically and spiritually safe in the city.  You live there, too!  In fact, an urban ministry is something right up her alley, I think.  Meet her every need, and thank You again for providing for this wonderful education.  (P.S. It's expensive, Lord, and the savings in her college account have taken a big hit in this recession.  We are leaning on Your promise to provide where You guide.)  In the most excellent name of Jesus.  Amen!

Praying for Daughter

Lord, one of the wonderful things I love about my older daughter (not that this is not true for younger daughter as well, but that is another post) is her dependence on prayer.  She frequently texts me and asks me to pray for her tests at college.  I am in every instance honored and humbled.  So it is today as well.  She has a Developmental Psychology test today, a big one, since it is in the middle of the semester.  She mentioned it when we were up at the college for Homecoming/Family Weekend, and I remembered it last night and offered to pray for her.

The test happens in 11 minutes, Lord.  Please bless her faithful, trusting heart.  Thank You that she knows that her success ultimately comes from You and not from her own efforts.  Please grant her outstanding recall of the material as well as, and maybe more importantly, an ability to apply the material creatively and competently.  Help her to breathe deeply, to release any anxiety into Your hands, and to know that all her paths are directed by You.  For Your sake as well as for hers, may she please earn a great grade.  Most of all, may her strengths always be used by You for Your glory and the extension of Your kingdom.  Please encourage her, dear Lord, by success in this test and in this course.  In the name of Jesus Christ, in Whom all wisdom and knowledge resides.  Amen!

For Husbands

In the past week or so, the adventures of my youngest daughter have underscored the renewed urgency of praying for Godly husbands for my girls.  The ongoing friendships of my oldest daughter have prompted wonderings along that same line in the recent past.  Wow.  How did I get to this point in life?

That's a facetious question, of course.  As we adults raise our children to adulthood, we need to be very mindful of their eventual marriages.  I know I have prayed for their future husbands before, but I certainly have never been so impressed with the imminence of the need for that prayer than I am right now.  Better start praying in earnest!  I am a little more concerned about the pool of applicants for my younger daughter since she is not attending an openly Christian school.  Then again, I didn't go to a Christian college, either, and I didn't even meet my own husband in school at all.

Lord, You are Lord.  You are Lord of my daughters' lives.  I know they both love you with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength.  Please lead each of them to the life partner that You have already chosen for them, and in the event that the life partner doesn't yet have a relationship with You, then please take my prayer and use it to lead him to Yourself.  In Jesus's name and for the sake of Your kingdom, Amen.

Answer to Two Prayers

My mother, a little on the elderly side but just about as sharp as ever, called yesterday.  That in itself is not unusual.  She asked about the girls, of course, but then she interrupted herself - that was funny - and announced that for the second month in a row, she has not needed an injection for her AMD.  Answer #1!  In fact, just a couple of months, or maybe three months, ago, she experienced a sudden decline in her vision.  We were both frightened.  I recall praying very hard for her over those few days, and begging the Lord to have mercy on her.  She was quite philosophically resigned to whatever the Lord's will for her might be, but there was a deep, disappointed sadness.  I couldn't blame her or preach to her.  I felt it myself.

Answer #2 was perhaps more surprising.  She said, in recalling her discussion with her ophthalmologist over this great news, "I wanted to ask him if he was a believer."  Haha!  She knows where this blessing originated!  And she is being prompted by the Spirit to make it public.  She was too unsure to ask the question--this time.  I think she might ask it on a future visit.

Outstanding, Lord.  SOOO cool not just that You do heal, even today, but that You are changing my elderly mother and making Yourself real in her life.  Thank You so much!  When the inevitable happens, we will have comfort.  Now--her husband, please?  ;)

Also, I want to piggyback on this prayer and ask for a good, strong, believing church in the Bronx for my YD.  Alternatively, a great Christian campus ministry would be completely acceptable.  She needs fellowship in order to stay close to You, Lord.  I know this is dear to Your heart as well.  Please lead her unmistakably to the right place.  In Your name and for Your sake I'm praying this.  Amen!

My Girls

(Just wiped out an entry.  Grrr!)

My daughters are growing up and away.  I don't hear from them often any more, although I think of them every day.  That's as it should be, I know.  It is an adjustment!  I come home exhausted, and I don't get many tasks done in the evenings.  :(  Even as I sit here and type this, I know I should get up and do a load of laundry.  So I just did!

It surprised me that my allrecipes.com blog received comments!  Someone even said, "Great blog."  I am both proud and disapppointed by this reaction to my posts.  The pride is self-explanatory, I suppose.  The disappointment comes from now being aware that others are reading my writing.  That is why I keep this blog secret!  It's therapy for me.  May I be for myself what I want to be for my clients: accepting, nonjudgmental, wise, insightful, loving, understanding.

Lord, I titled this "My Girls."  They, of course, are important to me and perhaps two of the few most important people in my life.  I want them to be certain always that I am interceding for them with You.  I want them to be secure in that certainty.  Most of all, though, I want them to have an intimate, obedient relationship with You.  Will you grant my request?  Especially right now, will you lead YD to the right church in the big (bad) city?  I think that's my "worry" since I know how tempting it might be for her to become lazy in her faith.  Bless them both bunches.  In Jesus's name, AMEN!

Mentoring the Coordinator

Dinner with Christine at Olive Garden on Monday, September 12:

• She is confident!
• She is insightful.
• She is a little prideful.  (This may come from being the youngest of four.)

Will flesh this out another time.