Hematuria

Whoa, Lord.  Friday night into Saturday morning I experienced "gross hematuria."  I had no warning, no other symptoms, which is ironically a very bad sign.  The big word here is cancer.  So I take a big breath and go forward with all the other things in my life.  The most immediate event is my gum grafts tomorrow morning.  (Reminder: Find the stent!  I just did.)

Cancer-everyone thinks it happens to other people.  It is sobering to consider that it might be true for me.  I have no risk factors, and I feel pretty good.  I am looking at a very busy week since I will probably have an ultrasound on Wednesday or Thursday, probably a CT scan this week or early next week, and an appointment with a urologist.  Wow.  One bloody urine and my social calendar just got very busy.  (Actually, there were probably 4-5 bloody urines in all.  The crazy thing is that I haven't had one since midday Saturday.)

Lord, when we pray, "Not my will but Yours be done," we often do not know what we are praying.  I think I am still in great denial.  This cannot be happening to me!  I am staying in the moment, just doing what I need to do today, and practicing--practicing, since I am not an expert at this--the "radical acceptance" that is taught in DBT.  Help me, Lord.  My blood pressure was up by 20-30 points.  My pulse rate was okay, though.  Whatever happens to me, bless and strengthen my husband and my daughters.  Please ... please ... may this ordeal glorify You, and may others see You through me during this time.  Amen.