Every Day and All Over Again

 “If anybody starts talking to me about religious commitment, I may listen politely, but what I’d like to answer him with is a few monosyllables that don’t bear repeating here in the midst of the holy community. If you tell me Christian commitment is a thing that has happened to you once and for all like some kind of spiritual plastic surgery, I say go to, go to, you’re either pulling the wool over your own eyes or trying to pull it over mine. Every morning you should wake up in your beds and ask yourself: ‘Can I believe it all again today?’ No, better still, don’t ask it till after you’ve read The New York Times, till after you’ve studied that daily record of the world’s brokenness and corruption, which should always stand side by side with your Bible. Then ask yourself if you can believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ again for that particular day. If your answer’s always Yes, then you probably don’t know what believing means. At least five times out of ten the answer should be No because the No is as important as the Yes, maybe more so. The No is what proves you’re a man in case you should ever doubt it. And then if some morning the answer happens to be really Yes, it should be a Yes that’s choked with confession and tears and… great laughter. Not a beatific smile, but the laughter of wonderful incredulity.” 

(Frederick Buechner, The Return of Ansel Gibbs p. 303-304)

I'm Sad

Good morning, Lord.  I am in a hotel room isolating from DH because *he* has COVID and he is really bad at isolating.  Since You already know my heart, I may as well confess that I have called him an idiot and a moron, but thankfully only in my thoughts.  I am angry at him for being careless.  I feel put-upon and inconvenienced and, frankly, threatened with illness: "It's not that bad.  You are being ridiculous."  But he is sick, and I am not.  I am also the oldest, with the most complex picture of medical conditions, and the one with the most responsible duties over the next weeks.  

Lord God, I get so distracted!  Please focus my mind to serve today in Kids' Church and to lead Huddle.  Please place a guard around me, and especially around my thoughts, because I can get VERY snarky and downright mean.  

Solomon's prayer for discernment has stuck with me.  (Funny how You pick the right words at the right times....)

So give Your servant an understanding heart [or "a heart that listens"] to judge Your people, to discern between good and evil.

The NIV says, "to distinguish between right and wrong." Yeah, that.  In these days of gaslighting and outright lying, this is such a needed gift from You.

Frederick Büechner died.  Max Lucado shared one of his quotes, noting that there may be so many great thoughts from which to choose.  The upshot is that if we pay attention to the broken and corrupt world around us, we might--no, we will--waver.  Each day we need to choose to believe *and apply* the Gospel. Today.  In this situation.  Now.  In my life.

Yes.  Amen. 

Irritated or Valid?

God!!  I am calling out to You because I am frustrated and stuck.  I have tried and I am trying to be patient and forbearing with DH.  It is not going well.  I feel like a popped balloon when he says something that provokes me.  It just hits me the wrong way, and my mouth responds.

He is not good at conflict resolution.  That isn't very unusual with husbands, at least as far as I know.  The quick return to cooperation and reconciliation appears in the research, too.  Then why am I feeling that the underlying issue remains active and unresolved?

I try to get into his skin, to feel his discouragement at working in high-stress and fast-paced IT.  I try to understand his desire to slow down and enjoy life and hobbies.  I am not empathic in the sense of feeling similarly; I am a more driven person, a more mission-oriented person, and ... what? a more professional person?  I have a profession that is more than just a job from which I can retire.  There is much more work to be done, and I have the professional skills and experience to help with that work.

And the issue of RESPECT.  Oh, my.  That is a trigger word and a trigger concept for me.  Boy, I don't feel understood by him.  I have known for years, perhaps decades, that projection is one of his primary defenses (think Freud's defense mechanisms).  In the sense that You, God, say that we are to treat others as we want to be treated, that isn't a terrible defense.  In the sense that it is usually negative unwanted feelings and traits that are projected, it isn't really the case.  In the sense that DH usually assumes that I want what he actually wants, without respect for my actual desires and traits, it is frustrating, annoying, and disrespectful.  How often have I said lately, with annoyance, "Do you actually know me?  Listen to me?

I have to go now.  There is more to say, and much more to pray about, and I will.  Please help me.  

Struggle

God, even though I try to push away my annoyance and I try to be gracious, I am not succeeding.  It seems like so many things--TOO many things--irritate me.  Is this a mood disorder or is it a spiritual disorder?

I am redoing the Dangerous Prayers devotional in YouVersion.   (The Craig Groeschel version).  I even find myself annoyed by the lame prayers that DH prays, and the comfortable lukewarm-ness of our lives.  Yet--it is comfortable, and I don't really know if I could give it up.

So the Scripture that sticks in my mind is Psalm 139.  Instead of just cutting and pasting, I am going to enter it intentionally and manually to help it stay on my heart:

Psalm 139:23

    Search me, God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

    See if there is any offensive way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Yeah, that is a dangerous prayer.  I am anxious; there is a lot about which to be anxious in the world right now.  I am offensive in several ways.  Those statements are not excuses.  They are confessions.  Hence, the title of this post--Struggle!  

I get frustrated when people are stupid and willfully blind.  I get angry when people, especially in Your church, God, are so unloving.  I get sad when those who observe Christianity from the outside do not see genuine Godliness but frank hypocrisy.  

Struggle!  Personally, spiritually, relationally--help me.  Tears are in my eyes right now.  I need to get ready to help others (my client today) and to get some money for that help (billing--haha).  I am distracted, I think psychologically because these topics are hard, deep, and sensitive.

But I genuinely want to pray dangerously but courageously.  Use me, Lord, and refine me no matter how painful it might be.  I want to mean that.  You did.

Deepest Parts of My Heart

I live in a kind of fear that the deepest parts of my heart will be revealed and not handled respectfully and gently.  I know that "Perfect love casts out fear," and I also know that there is no perfect love apart from You.  I am not (yet) made perfect in love because I still fear.

So, here goes, at least here with You.  I feel quite alone--no, that is not really true--I feel incompletely understood.  I know my husband "loves" me in the way that he knows how to love, and I know his love language is all about acts of service.  I know that he is not a philosopher-thinker.  He relies heavily on those in religious authority to direct him, sometimes not thinking critically about issues, and other times showing glimmers and glimpses of deeper comprehension.  For me, this is exhausting.  May I say these things without judgment?  (This is where I fear punishment.)

• I think more quickly than he does.
• I think more completely than he does.
• I have a better command of vocabulary and some science than he does.
• I am more generous than he is--and he is plenty generous!

Another area of sensitivity is our sexual relationship. He has moderate to severe erectile dysfunction, and the sildenafil (Viagra) does not work well.  He refused to address this problem for months, perhaps even more than a year.  I have my own sexual performance problems with prolapses interfering with several functional routes, but no matter how I try to explain my issues, he reacts with what feels to me like disgust.  It took us 20 years to figure out that I was not having orgasms, and now he seems to believe that it is a formula--same stimulation, same location, same irritation of much more delicate tissue in that area.  I recently had what felt like a urinary tract infection directly after intercourse, which might have resulted from another issue.  (More on that in another location.). Kissing is unpleasant.  He has a severe dental overbite that makes kissing "sloppy" and leaves me wiping my mouth.  I don't think that is how it is supposed to be.

We just celebrated 35 years of marriage.  We went to our daughter's home in Harrisburg, and in keeping with our tradition of being on the water every five years, we were "on" the Susquehanna River, or two blocks away.  We served; he did a lot of work around the townhouse, and I cooked, cleaned, and shopped.  That is what we do.  And we usually do it together.

Ah, dear Lord.  You are my refuge!  You know me in the innermost parts of my heart.  Nothing is secret from You, and I am glad that I can be honest without fear in Your love because Your love is perfect and casts out my fear.  I have to go now.  (Maybe in more ways than one.)

Memory Verse Review

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.  You shall teach them diligently to your sons [children] and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.  Deuteronomy 6:6-7

One of my favorite verses!  I consider it a mission statement of sorts for Children's Ministry as well.  

May it be true in my life, Lord God--in everything I do, may I "teach them diligently" Your words as I keep Your words on my own heart. 

Ukraine

Some believe that we have entered World War III.  One of them, someone who testified in an impeachment involving Ukraine, says that we are already in the middle of it.  I won't retrace her thinking here, although it is interesting and sobering.  I will PRAY.

When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you.  Deuteronomy 20:1

Father God, Almighty Lord of the Angel Armies, Lord of hosts, I ask this promise on behalf of the people of Ukraine.  To my knowledge, they have done nothing to deserve this evil attack by Russia, and not really by the Russian people but by the Russian dictator and autocrat.  It is commonly accepted that the Russian army is far stronger than the Ukrainian army, and yet You seem to have thwarted evil so far.  Be with them, Lord, because the Russian military is "greater" than theirs--but not greater than You.  May You be glorified in this conflict; may You point people to Yourself, to Jesus; may Your people see the fulfillment of many prophecies of Scripture; and may we Your people become excited and empowered to live for You in what arguably could be a foretold time of Biblical significance.  If these are the End Times, Lord, let me not minimize their consequence; if they are not the End Times, then there is no loss in living as if they were.

Yours is the victory, oh Lord my God!  Let not Evil triumph!  Give us more time to bring those You have called and chosen to Your throne and Jesus's cross!

My Mindfulness Mantra 2022

 
"May I be gracious.  May I be graceful.  May I be full of grace."

Yes, Lord, there is a theme of GRACE for my year.

I will digress to discuss one of the most serious areas of my life in which I need a lot of grace.  It is true, unfortunately, that my DH is annoying me a lot.  I cannot put one finger on the issue because there are at least a few.  Honestly, I don't know where to start.  Some issues are old; some are more recent.  I almost hesitate to put them in any sort of order because I don't know how, or whether, to rank them.  Willy-nilly it will be.

• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201901/help-im-in-love-trump-supporter

This could be one of the most upsetting features of my distress.  The passivity of being a Trump supporter without apparent critical thinking about the issues associated with his presidency--and I could take an entire entry to list them all and probably forget some--annoys me deeply.

• The disinterest in things political, or socially and spiritually controversial, or psychological in nature

Only here would I make this observation.  It seems to me that our daughters and our son-in-law discuss the deep and contentious things more with me than with him.  Similarly, I note that when our friend Charlie initially reached out, he reached out only to me.  I have wondered if these exclusions have hurt DH's feelings.

• The leadership that our church has invited us--me?--into

DH has made it exceptionally clear that he does not want a leadership role.  He is even thinking twice about his position as a Children's Ministry teacher.  He loves working with his hands, with tools, and with wood.  He is better than I am at casual conversations and learning things about people.  Is there some jealousy?

• His sexual ... I don't know what word to use

That it took us 20 years--on our 20th anniversary trip--to figure out that I was not achieving an orgasm is appalling to me.  I recall commenting on not feeling right, and I wondered about certain uncomfortable sensations after sex (probably undischarged excitement).  It is not a bad thing that DH was fairly inexperienced when we got married.  Now, though, after nearly 35 years, there isn't much oomph.  Even with sildenafil, the erection is soft and short.   I don't have enough energy, and I fear that he does not have enough creativity, to work as hard and/or as long as I need to have an orgasm.

• His lack of ambition or purpose
• His focus on retirement and finances

I will end for now because there is more to say but not more time in which to say it today.  Thank You, Lord, for listening.  Now, as for that grace that I was requesting?

Added 02/05/22: One of the other things that has bothered me for years is his ungracious (there is the root word GRACE) manner of receiving gifts.  I have been hurt--my feelings have been hurt--when he is not grateful for the thought behind my gifts.  He has even told me to regift those gifts in subsequent years--this year, in fact.

The other thing that came to mind is the "I'd rather be dead than deaf" comment a few years ago when he had an ear infection.  He is biased against people with disabilities despite his own, shall I call it, height handicap.  What is even more annoying to me is that he has shrunk approximately two inches during our marriage.  Could this be connected to low testosterone?  I am not a doctor, of course, and I don't wish to make a diagnosis, but oh my, it could explain much.

I will be done for now.  This turned into less a post about grace that griping.  I guess, though, I need a place to gripe, and God, You are my place.  So now, please, change my heart.  I have only You in whom to confide.  And I am content with that.

A Self Compassion Prayer

May God bless and keep you always; May God bless you with joy, peace, happiness; May God bless you & keep you safe; May God bless you with many more joyful years, good health & His sweet presence; May God bless you today & always!

Alone on Ethical Island

I need to capture my thoughts and anxieties about testifying (under subpoena) today.  My stomach is a mess; I am having difficulty concentrating; I am annoyed by the "games" (a word shared with me by an unnamed community provider) rather than the fulfillment of the mission of DMH: 

    "The Department, as the state mental health authority, assures and provides access to services and supports to meet the mental health needs of individuals of all ages, enabling them to live, work, and participate in their communities..."

The NASW Code of Ethics notes the following:

    "Instances may arise when social workers' ethical obligations conflict with agency policies or relevant laws or regulations. When such conflicts occur, social workers must make a responsible effort to resolve the conflict in a manner that is consistent with the values, principles, and standards expressed in this Code.  If a reasonable resolution of the conflict does not appear possible, social workers should seek proper consultation before making a decision."

This has been a lonely time in my work here at WRCH.  I have little respect for the administration of the clinical social work department or of the facility clinical director.  Neither of them has a lot of pertinent experience, and both of them are ambitious self-promoters.

There.  I have said it.  There is no one else, Lord, to whom I can share these intense thoughts and feelings.

May Your will be done!  And may I handle it with grace and graciousness.  For Your sake.

Even Perfect Jesus

 Even perfect Jesus could not or would not "ensure" that people would accept Him or listen to him.   However, that is the task I have been assigned.  I can only transmit; I can neither make others tune into my frequency or even turn on their receivers.  Lord, help me to communicate these thoughts to those who need to hear them.  Give me gracious words and a softened heart minister reconciliation.  As Jesus would!  Amen.

Enemy Love

 Scott Larson of Straight Ahead Ministries delivered a powerful sermon on May 16, 2021 titled "Enemy Love."  Ouch.  Love your...enemies.  But don't give them rent-free space in your head, your heart, your feelings, your focus!

Fellowship of Your Sufferings

 Dearest Lord, this phrase from Philippians 3:1to be 0 has been rattling around in my heart and mind and soul for a while now.  Work is the setting of the "suffering" and the suffer to b3e likring is the remarkable misunderstanding of my behavior and performance.  How did You manage?  People believed that You were evil, and You did not get along with the people in power.  You stayed the course, though, and You remained loving even while You sometimes called out hypocrisy.  I don't believe I am perfect, at all.  I do wish the certainty that You always had could be mine.  I need, when I doubt, to ... stay quiet, listen for the Holy Spirit, and perhaps hardest of all, not get angry.  

I love You, Jesus, and I really do want to be like You.  It's harder now than I ever imagined it would be.  Being misunderstood, maligned, and rejected--that is only some of what You suffered.  If You are as sensitive as I believe You are, with a heart that wanted people to love You, it may have hurt.  Did it?

Promotion Prayer?

 So, Lord, You did just remind me to pray for Amy and her final interview on Friday.  We are all asking for the grace to mean it when we pray that Your will be done.  We ask that You direct her path, that You lead her in the way in which she should go.  We trust that You see her heart for You and Your kingdom, and we (I) pray that You reward her in a felt way for her faithfulness.  We all pray for the extension of Your kingdom and the glory of Your name~~Amen.

Pray at All Times

 My heart and my mind are overwhelmed with the very long list of things that need prayer attention.  How did You mean this command, Lord?  "Pray about everything," "pray at all times."  I am only a finite human with finite time constraints and finite attention span.  How am I supposed to obey this command, Lord?

Distraction: Poor Chloe.  Her usual beds are not available to her because we are painting the living room.  My being home today (Presidents' Day) is also disrupting her, I think.  But she keeps showing up where I am.  The cat whisperers tell us that that behavior is a sign of love.

But back!  None of this is ordered according to importance.  I would not know how to prioritize these prayers:

• Mom
• Tue--and Julie
• Amy and her job opportunity
• This country, not necessarily "my" country
• The Journey church
• Kim Marie and her cancer treatment

"Lord" (as my British friends would pronounce it), "please calm and order my random and unsettled thoughts and concerns to come into line with Your will and Your ways.  Help me to capture some of the prayer progress, as with Tue and Julie, so that I can look back on it and celebrate Your work, no matter how slow and incremental it appears to me when I want a quick and quantum leap into an answer.  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus.  Come back!  We want You and we need You!

Miserable

 Yeah, I am pretty miserable these days.  NOTHING appears to be going right, and I am irritable and argumentative (even if I am sometimes right).  I have little motivation; I am anxious all the time; I cannot concentrate well for long.  Even while I am trying to get through this post, I get distracted.  I am headachy and lazy.  I am frustrated at the triumph of evil and the deception of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am having too much trouble remembering that YOU are still in charge!!  I am even at odds with my DH, upset at him for being so ignorant of politics and pandemic and for spouting platitudes like "be rooted in Scripture"--whatever that means.  He is more dependent than he has been in the past, and I find it annoying.  He does not take initiative except for household tasks--I can be very grateful for that--but he is growing more forgetful and more short-sighted in his future planning.  Except for his retirement plan!  I say "his"  because I honestly fear that he will enjoy retirement alone if I die early, which is unfortunately not so far an improbability with the pandemic and my essential worker status.

What am I missing, Lord?  My eyes hurt, sometimes from crying and sometimes from wanting to cry, I think.  I feel hopeless, even almost terrified.  I know that the psalms and especially the Psalms of Lament represent some of these feelings, and I will be going back to them.  You are still, and always, good and good to me.  Help me.

Because Jesus is always the victor, I pray in His name.

Taking Advantage

Having gone to Pennsylvania to celebrate Amy's upcoming 30th birthday (tomorrow, 9/23/2020), I am stuck at home awaiting the results of a COVID-19 test--but it does not feel like being stuck.  I am, frankly, enjoying the random accomplishments of the day, including this one.

So, Lord, in the interest and the spirit of praying, I am trying to focus in this age of anxiety, with the pandemic and the politic, on the eternal and the spiritual.  Today's YouVersion speaks of peace vs. worry.  How completely appropriate!!  I still wish to be informed.  I haven't quite figured out, though, how to get the information I need to read Your will in the situations without worrying.  It's all bad news, or so it seems on the surface.

But You are not a superficial God.  You work in the deeps.  (Is that a word?  Yep, I looked it up.)   Behind and underneath all that is going on in the world, there is the "invisible war" going on in the spiritual realm.  That is the title of the devotional I am reading, and it is also SO completely appropriate to these times.

The struggle for me is the internal anger and anguish that robs my own peace.  I also want to argue people into understanding the truth.  Persuasion, right?  Hah.  Even You have chosen not to push people into Truth, and You are the Truth.

Speaking of Truth, what are you doing behind the scenes with Tue?  I am curious, and I am waiting for Your opening.  If I may ask something, please put reins on me and a muzzle on my mouth.  I tend to think more of myself and my ability to know what to say and when to say it than is warranted.  

I think I will go finish that book The Lotus and The Cross.  Bless my reading and understanding?  I don't think it captures Tue very well, or his father, but I wonder how many "denominations" of Buddhism there are, similar to how many Christian denominations exist.  And please bless my own representation of You.  I am afraid to sound judgmental, and I fear that many representatives have done harm to Your message but not, of course, to You.  No one can harm You (despite what the president tried to pin on his opponent). Nevertheless, I don't want to be one of those people who turns others away from You.

Love You so very much and still not enough.

Since Last Year? Not good!

Oh, God, what I really mean is this: I have been praying, You know that.  I just haven't written anything in this location for SINCE LAST YEAR!  I know why.  I do not want to share this journal (my spell check almost chose "journey," which would perhaps be equally appropriate) with anyone, and my dear husband is nosy.  Some things, such as the ones between You and me, are supposed to be private.  

If I engaged in free association or stream-of-consciousness writing right now, I am not sure what would pop up first.  It was a day that I had hoped would be a day of silence in the spirit of the devotional I am doing on YouVersion right now: "Turning Off the Noise."  I considered not saying anything verbally until my dear feline coaxed some words out of me.  And then a phone call from my middle sister and mother regarding my recently widowed (#2) youngest sister.  It was not a great phone call.  "I don't want you to use your clinical skills, but what do you think...?"  She and mother did, indeed, want me to use my clinical skills BUT they--mostly sister--really wanted me to confirm what she believed.  

This segues into the other issue: the widowed sister.  The widowed sister who probably has a form of dementia.  The sister who doesn't like me very much, maybe because I am unable to coddle her.  It may also be because, in the eyes of both sisters and mother, I live a "charmed" (read: blessed) life.  I do.  They have had some awful, sad, disappointing events and relationships in their lives.  I get that, and I am sorry for them.

But I am getting away from that sister's very serious problems.  The current plan is bringing her to live with mother for "two weeks" which was the original estimate or "as long as it takes," whatever "it" is.  This plan is fraught with risks.  She has never been an easy person for mother or us, and I have trouble imagining that dementia and grief are going to improve her disposition and behavior.  Whew.  Oh, boy.

Then there is husband.  He is ... frustrating and frustrated at this point in his life.  He wants to retire before he even turns 59.  I don't know exactly what is prompting this desire, and he is not very good at talking emotionally.  In addition, there are some physical difficulties that are affecting our relationship, and he is not seeking help for them.  Finally, the political tensions are high.  Because this is a private entry, and You do not judge though You could, I will admit (confess) that I have a lot of trouble respecting anyone who supports the current President.  And my husband does.  

And this goes into another segue.  The political landscape is flat-out crazy, irrational, evil!  I shake my head at the deceitfulness, the selfishness, the disrespect for humans that this administration exhibits.  I wonder that anyone can support him--and worse, that many evangelical Christians support him!  I am disgusted.  Horrified.  And most of all, confused.  Why can reasonable people NOT see through these lies? Why can they not cling to the values that make us as Christians different, loving, wonderful citizens?  How long, oh Lord?

Well, the cat is out.  I would like to get her in early enough to go to bed early; I could use Your help with that.  But I have some other things to do before then.  I will try to write more this week while husband is off sailing the coast of Maine with his brother.  

I love You, Lord.  And I totally need You more than ever.

Don't Let the Prayer Down

Lord!  The conversation over the weekend with Tue was challenging but good.  We are not "there" yet, and those last few steps may be the most challenging.  Now, though, I believe I understand some of the stumbling blocks more clearly.  Over all, God, help us to keep the focus not on the Religious Right or the history of "missionary" mistakes but on Jesus.  He said he would keep an open mind.  Unfortunately, he also said that Buddhism makes more sense for him and that he might never become a Christian.  I believe that he is not seeing Jesus yet.  Only You can make his vision clear.  Please remove the spiritual scales from his eyes so that he can see Jesus.  Only You can bring that man's dead or deadened heart to life.  Please do a miracle for and in Tue.

There is another person for whom I want to ask Your intervention: my daughter Julie.  The past 10 years of her spiritual life have been disappointing; Your people in churches, New York, Philadelphia...pretty much everyone she has encountered.  This experience is almost surely spiritual battle, too, as is Your ... I wanted to say Your bringing Tue into her life.  I am not positive about that.  I hope that he sees You for who You are, perhaps because You brought Julie, and us, into his life.

But back to Julie.  Please reawaken her zeal for You.  Restore her spiritual vision.  Give her wisdom, discernment, mission, fellowship, and great teaching somewhere.

Please also help me to hear Your direction with regard to Epic Parkside and Tk.  I do not want to try orchestrating this situation before You have done the prep work, IF this is the situation You want to run.

Lord, the battle is indeed enjoined.  I am Your soldier.  Command me to do what You know is best.  In Jesus's name~~Amen

More Spiritual Battle by Distraction?

Dear God--I just went through Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit and decided to address all of You by saying "God"--I am aware that the charge of "hostile working environment" has knocked me off balance and has distracted me from the big issue of sharing You with Tue this weekend.  I think often of the Screwtape Letters play that we just attended earlier this month, and I am grateful for the reminder that the Enemy can, and does, use such distractions to keep me from PRAYING!

Prayer: Please, God, do something awesome and miraculous for Tue's saving faith this weekend.  Please soften his heart to ask deep questions, and perhaps more importantly, prepare my heart to share Your love clearly and boldly.  Relatedly--please help GN to see the forest for the trees, so to speak.  This is, of course, in large, large part our fighting for our daughter Julie; however, it is also in pretty large part fighting for Tue and his eternal life and relationship with You.

Can You (of course You *can*) or perhaps better said, will You help me understand the Buddhist faith?  I want to know how to be respectful and aware of its importance to Tue.

Prayer 2: HWE?  Really.  I can't even.  But help me to bounce and get back to business.  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus.  Soon.  But not until we--You and I and GN--have a shot at Tue?  :)

Amen!