My Prayer Today

Day after day, I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, you're always there

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But, I won't last a day without you

So, many times when the city seems to be
Without a friendly face, a lonely place
It's nice to know that you'll be there if I need you
And you'll always smile, it's all worthwhile

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

Touch me and I end up singing
Trouble seems to up and disappear
You touch me with the love you're bringing
I can't really lose when you're near
When you're near, my love

If all my friends have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind, just hard to find
One look at you and I know
That I could learn to live without the rest
I've found the best

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you

When there's no getting over that rainbow
When my smallest of dreams won't come true
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without you
Won't last a day without you, without you

Prayer for My Country

I always say that I need to pray about this election, dear God, but I have not put anything down that can be seen as proof that I have prayed.  This post is that evidence.

Please, please intervene.  The man to whom so many of my fellow citizens are flocking is ... what is he?  He is evidently not a Christian, but that is not a requirement for the job.  That he has claimed to be a Christian, has butchered a reference to a Biblical book, and has boasted that he has never asked You for forgiveness most emphatically leads to the conclusion that he does not know You.  His policies are immature and inflammatory, and his ability to navigate domestic and international relationships and agendas is poorly developed.

Yet people are attracted to him.

Save us from ourselves, dear God.  Of course, we deserve what we may be getting, and perhaps You are delivering us to our own sins.  Still I plead with You to save us.  There are still many who know You who shudder at the prospect of a presidency with this man in office, and I realize that there are many who claim to know You who are endorsing him.  This is so confusing.  Keep me praying and please reveal to me Your will for me and for my family.

In Jesus's name and in anticipation of His return--soon!--Amen.

Tuesday, Tuesday

(This is, of course, a follow-up or completion to yesterday's post which I had to close suddenly.)

And today, Tuesday, is the day I have set aside to pray for my curious husband.  So where was I?  Yes, perhaps I am a wee bit anxious about his trip to Israel.  I am also a wee bit jealous.  My medical issues (should I call them problems?) would not make me a good tour-group member.  Maybe someday.  But for Dear Husband, this is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream.  So, dear God, please bless this trip for him and for all of his fellow travelers.  Give the pastor and the assistant pastor grace and wisdom during the extended time away.  I ask specifically for safety because that is what I am most worried about, which is not unusual for me. 

And!  Earlier today I was imagining a post in which You and I have a conversation.

And dang.  Call for a client session that I was not planning on having.  Oh, well!  Maybe this is a way to clear out next week for another client who contacted me today.

I get so distracted.  :( 

Monday, Monday

Sweet little surprise: my older daughter called out of the blue for no (apparent) other reason than to say hello and check in!

(I had sent two text messages to my younger daughter earlier today.  One was a response to a request for information about the Board of Appeals for the at-fault insurance claim from December.  While I am thinking of that, Lord, may I pray for Your gracious favor in that situation?  It would be very hard to afford the surcharge, and in my heart I recognize that my youngest is not always the best driver, but in this accident I truly do not think that she was more than 50% at fault.  Please forgive her this time.  I believe she has learned a hard lesson.

Oh, the other message was just a Bitmoji about Mondays.)

Dear Husband is leaving two short weeks from tonight to visit Your homeland on earth.  Yes, I am a wee bit ....

(Sudden publication.  Dear Husband came home about 10 minutes earlier than I expected and he predicted.  I will start another entry: Tuesday, Tuesday!)

Privacy, Please

Today's New Testament reading in the One Year Bible was perfect justification for this "private" journal.  Give in private; pray in private; fast in private.  (Matthew 5)  Keep this site private!

So much to pray about:

• Alex Power's mother died today.
• Sarah Robertson's grief over her stillborn son
• Amy
• Julie
• George
• Mom
• Work
• Ministry

 So much work to do in the world.  I said a couple of times today, "We did what we could.  We will do what we can."  That was the idea behind Elisa Morgan's small book. (Elisa was the former president of MOPS.  I rather wish she still was.)  So I will do what I can, and that may be for today only to offer these people to You to bless as only You know best how to bless them.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.
 

Prayers in Need

(Just to be clear and a little defensive, I want to state that I have been praying both silently and in other journals for loved ones.)

• For the Robertson family in Lebanon, please give them extraordinary peace and comfort during this awful time.
• For Sandy (and Rick), please give them comfort, too, and wisdom and helpfulness to their daughter and grandsons today--and safe travel tomorrow.
• For my husband, please give him stamina and perseverance.  If there is something wrong that is driving him to early retirement, please reveal it, not for any reason but to help us get help and to help me to understand.
• For my daughters--our daughters, with George and with You--for protection in their jobs and in their spiritual lives (especially Julie).  And maybe for their future spouses, if that is Your will for them?
• For me, please clarify this recurring hematuria.  I still feel that there is Your work to do in the world, and I look forward to doing some of it as long as You give me health and life.  (What a drag to go through this when so many people have little to no good health care.)
• For my mother, please give her peace in her (partial) blindness.  As Alex's mother passes away with such a terrible diagnosis, my mother understandably anticipates her own passing.  I don't think she is concerned about dying; she appears to know You, at least with regard to salvation.  (I do wish she had a deeper relationship with You that could help with her lifelong anxiety.)  Please bless her with Your felt presence in ways that her old Catholic heart will find surprising!

 I have to get ready for an appointment.  I would stay longer if the tasks and responsibilities of life were not so demanding.  I love You, God, and I want to love and know You more this year.  In Jesus's name and by the indwelling energy of the Holy Spirit~~Amen.
 

First Day

Happy New Year, Lord!  One day closer to being with You.

 Confession: I am having trouble being respectful to DH.  I see signs of slippage, both hearing and thinking.  He is still sweet-tempered but not making great judgments.  Help me to be more understanding and supportive, please.  I wish he would take this seriously.  And, of course, I will pray constantly for his safety, and the safety of the whole group, as they tour the Holy Land.  Please protect them all and make this the trip of a lifetime.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

For Myself

Lamentations 1:1-2:22

My take-away: Lord, You get ANGRY when Your people turn away from You.  "He wove my sins into ropes to hitch me to a yoke of captivity." (1:14)  That is a powerful but disturbing word picture!  It is we who provide the Lord--You--with the materials to fashion our own bonds.  Conversely, of course, we cannot NOT sin, not without the help and empowerment of the Holy Spirit.  Whence comes Your anger, then, Lord?  From not having us turn to You and be in relationship, devotion, with You.  You do deserve all my worship (song!) and all my (pitiful) life (no bargain there) but You love to take things such as me and redeem them by recycling and renewing!  Do that with me, please?  I am on the edge of a new decade in my life, and I wonder about finishing strong and perhaps in a different direction.  And do whatever needs to be done about my sins.  I don't want to have them made into ropes to hold me in captivity.  

In Jesus's name~~Amen.  (Holy Spirit, do Your thing in my life!)

The Most Awful Thing

My Heavenly Father, how can anyone bear the pain of what the Hicks family is enduring right now--the accidental death of a little boy by the mistake of his father?  I cannot even begin to wrap my head and heart around this.  Please bring supernatural comfort to the parents and grandparents (and Aunt Amanda, who babysat for our daughters so many years ago) because that is the only kind of comfort that is possible.  Groanings...Holy Spirit, these prayers are indeed too deep for words.  Somehow, bring something out of this that will bring glory to You (cannot see how right now, though) and peace to the parents.  In Jesus's precious name, for the sake of that precious young life~~Amen.

I Know ...

"I know I need to be in love
I know I've wasted too much time
I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
And fool enough to think that's what I'll find."

(Lord, my husband texted me, "Home by 8."  It's 6:54 p.m. now.  :)  This entry was started on vacation to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania because on the drive he brought CDs, one of which was a Carpenters one with this song on it.)

 Sometimes You speak to me through songs, and this one hit me squarely between the eyes.  The church that we attend has been an enormous frustration to me over the years (as You know well).  The "love" that this song references is, to me, not the romantic love between a man and a woman but the love that I think You want me to have for the church.  I cannot honestly claim to love it.  I tolerate it; I serve You and the children there; I genuinely enjoy and appreciate the people with whom we serve; but "love" that church?  No.  It bothers me.  I sense a spirit of divisiveness, of division, or whatever You might call it.  One website calls it a spirit of "darkness and disharmony, that seeks to divide and tear apart."  Another site outlines a sermon on the spirit of division, citing two verses from 1 Corinthians~

 ^1:10 I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.

 ^3:3 You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?

 Agreeing with one another *in what you say* means...what?  And what about "perfectly united in mind and thought"?  It seems humanly impossible to agree all the time and to be "perfectly" anything.  

And with regard to the message from the Holy Spirit about my needing to be in love with the church--show me how, dear God.  You see all of my (I almost said "our" but that is not personal enough) crap and sin and You love me.  How can I see crap and sin in the church and still love it?  "I know I ask perfection of a quite imperfect [church]...and fool enough to think that's what I'll find."

Fool~interesting that such is the word that Paul uses in 1 Corinthians to challenge those who think they are wise.  May I become more foolish in my love for the church.  Amen!

 

Hard to Pray

This title is misleading, perhaps.  I don't really find it hard to pray; I find it hard to make the dedicated time to pray.  Life is busy, I get tired, and distractions attract my attention.  So here I am, and another part of the difficulty is prioritizing.  Intercession?  Worship?  Confession?  Oh, my.  It could take hours--and probably should.

The issue that drove me to this site today was the need to keep praying for my younger daughter teaching in a school in Philadelphia (in class at UPenn tonight).  I could have entered a prayer on her blog site, but then I realized that I want to pray for my older daughter, too.  Instead of switching between sites, I decided to use this blog.  Then I thought that it has been way too long since I intentionally prayed for my husband (who has his own site, too).  And then the crisis in the church...and as I sit here I can come up with other people about whom to pray as well (my mother, my sister, my nephew to sell his house, my brother-in-law and a possible MS diagnosis....).

Dear God, I want to be a woman of prayer.  I want to be intentional in my relationship with You.  I want to be someone who is close to You, who has Your ear, and who will intercede on behalf of my loved ones--and Yours.  So please bless my daughter Julie with protection (yes, selfish of me but I am a mother, after all) and inspiration and creativity and genuine love for her students.  Please bless my daughter Amy with wisdom and love and effectiveness as she invests herself into students who are intent upon serving You and reaching many people in the world for You.  Please bless my dear (sometimes "curious") husband with endurance, extra energy and cognitive flexibility to keep up with a demanding IT position, and a close relationship with You.  My mother--relief from the ever-present anxiety.  On and on....

And the church.  I don't even know how to pray in this situation.  I release my curiosity about the details, not wanting to be caught up in gossip.  I ask You to keep my focus on doing what You have called me to do and not being distracted by this extraneous issue (or issues).  Somehow, please glorify Yourself in this muddle.  Bless all the hurting souls that have been involved in this awful situation.

For now, Lord, that's all.  I will try to do this more often.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Focus on Me

That sounds so selfish, Lord, but the truth is that my recent prayers have focused on outside problems rather than the condition, the state, of my own heart.  If I don't stay in "condition" as an athlete or a soldier does, then I am not as useful to You as I want to be...and as I believe You want me to be.

So, dear God, where are my weaknesses?  What are the things that I need to address?  One rather obvious one is my "addiction" to games.  Another one is my sharp tongue.  My "unloving" heart needs fine-tuning; I have found it difficult if not impossible to be discerning in my assessments, which sometimes include accurate identification of another person's weaknesses (or a church's....), without sounding critical and judgmental.  Oh, to have Your heart!  (Be careful what I wish for!!  Your heart hurts a lot because it is so loving.)

In Jesus' name! 

"He's Been Waiting for You..."

"...to call on His name; so, come.  Come as you are."

Beautiful song, and a lovely call to prayer this morning.  It did not even come to me through my outer ears; the song was brought to my mind (by the Holy Spirit, I suspect) and this line was a direct communication from You, Lord!  

So, on Word I wrote out an entry that I will copy and paste here:
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HBC’s Trials

PRAY!!  These are times of testing and difficulty at the church.  I have not been a fan of this church for some time, but that will not stop me, Lord, from asking You to bless it.  I surrender my human desire (I almost said “need” but that would not be true) to figure it out and to know all the deep details.

So, God, what is the focus of this prayer?  Give me some Scripture for this?

1 Corinthians 1:10 - Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and [that] there be no divisions among you; but [that] ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment. (KJV)

“It was morally impossible, considering the diversities of their educations and capacities, that they should all agree in opinion; nor could he intend that, because he does not urge any argument to reduce them to such an agreement, nor so much as declare what that one opinion was in which he would have them agree. The words must therefore express that peaceful and unanimous temper, which Christians of different opinions may and ought to maintain toward each other; which will do a much greater honour to the gospel, and to human nature, than the most perfect uniformity that can be imagined.” — Doddridge

In this case, since I do not know the exact nature or arguments surrounding the disagreements, I wish to focus on what I do know and on what I can do—love and serve.  I will continue to love the PEOPLE if not the “church” (or is that not possible?) and I will continue to work for the purpose of blessing the children and their families and most of all the Lord God.

However-----are You smiling, Lord?-----I will also ask, simply and humbly, that the Holy Spirit would bring us to the truth and would knit our hearts together in a beautiful tapestry, a weaving, of our differences to show the image of Jesus in these darks and lights, highs and lows.  There CAN be coexisting truths!  Is truth “situational?”  My example: my hypertriglyceridemia, others’ diabetes—fruit is good (truth) but for me and those others, it can be dangerous.  Or allergies—is there anything really “bad” about sesame (truth—no) but for one who has a life-threatening allergy, it is very bad.

Please be glorified, dearest God, during these stormy times at this church.  In Jesus’s name~~Amen.

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Prayer #2, but not in importance: Julie's work at Strawberry Mansion.  My first and maternal prayer is, of course, for her safety.  I also ask You, Lord, for encouragement for her.  This was a difficult first week.  She is not getting great or frequent supervision, and my supervisor's heart wants to help by sharing some of (what I hope is) the wisdom I have gained from my years of experience.  Refresh her this long weekend!  Maybe I can send an email outlining some of my ideas, noting that she can choose to ignore the whole thing, pick and choose what to consider, and never risk offending me by refusing any of my thoughts.  I will--I must, I suppose, with the tasks on our plate today--await the opportunity to put this missive together :) and I will trust that by asking You to negate the idea firmly and unmistakably if it is NOT according to Your will, You will communicate that clearly to me.  Thank You in advance!

On to serving You with Promotion Sunday tomorrow!  Thanks for "waiting for me."  With much love and devotion~in Jesus's name and always trying to follow the Holy Spirit's guidance~~Amen.

Very Funny!

So, dear Father God, "be careful...you might get what you pray for!"  I prayed for a job for Julie, and she got it.  "It" is a job in a very dangerous school.  ???  Oh, boy.  As my title says, "Very funny!"

But this is her passion.  I, of course, being the sinner that I am, shake a little with anxiety.  Why that one?  Well, You are teaching me what it was like for You to release Your Son into a very dangerous world--and You and He knew the ultimate outcome, which would be His death.

 First, then, let me thank You for providing for her.  She has a job, and a pretty decent one.  She also has a great principal to work for.  This experience will undoubtedly be a very profound one for her.

Secondly, let me intercede for her and for all the staff and students at that school.  Please keep them ALL safe in a treacherous neighborhood.  Those of us in the safe comfort of suburbia have no idea how draining it is to live in such a place.  Surround that school, and each of the brave people who works there, with a protective bubble, an armor if You will, and a whole fleet of angels to guard them better even than the officers who are assigned there.

Thirdly, let me partner with Julie and the school in prayer to change these young lives.  Your heart beats, and has always beat, for people.  You "so loved the world" one person at a time, and I know I need to keep that in the front of my mind.  It is all about You and all about the one that You wish to reach to bring into the fold of Your family, Your kingdom.

Again, thank You.  And may You get glory and may Jesus be exalted and may the Holy Spirit do wonderful and miraculous things at Strawberry Mansion over the next two years.  Amen--and Amen~!

Hope!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40:31

"Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary.  And His understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."  Isaiah 40:28-29

"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God" 2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Dearest Father God, your daughter and ours, Julie, is "0 for 9" in the interview department.  Please, please bring her to the right and divinely-appointed teaching job for her--perhaps even today, in the public school where she would so love to work and serve.  Give her confidence not in herself but in Your leading and Your direction, taking her on this path to the perfect position for her and for Your work in the youth of Philadelphia.  May she hear something quickly and promptly!  Let this experience of interviewing with this important person (and a woman) be affirming and encouraging for her.  In Jesus's name and for the sake of His work in that city and in Julie's life~~Amen.

2:43 p.m. Addendum: Romans 5:5 "And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

I prayed that the principal who is interviewing Julie would recognize the Holy Spirit, even if she (the principal) does not realize that it is He.  If she is going to continue doing the great work in that school that has been started, she will need the Spirit--and, hopefully, Julie.

Family Prayers Part 2

Lord, I guess I thought Kathryn was a bit farther along in her faith than she is.  Not a judgement; just a realization.  Please calm her anxieties about her son.  Not only is she a mother, which I totally get, but she is also a nurse, which makes this a bit harder for her.  Bless her, too.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Family Prayer

Dear God, it is a little bit of an honor to be asked to pray.  Family members seem to recognize that we believe in You and have a relationship with You.  My cousin Kathryn apparently asked, through my mother, that we pray for her son Michael's stage 2 melanoma.  And so, I pray.  I ask You not just for healing, but for a wake-up call that life is much more than we experience here on earth.  I ask that Michael looks more deeply into his life and his heart and sees his spiritual poverty--and then turns to You, the King of Kings and the One Who gave it all up for him.  Let this turn his eyes upon Jesus.  Let his experience be that of many in the Gospels: "Go.  Your faith has saved you."  And then, almost incidentally, you are physically healed, too.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

A Little Time

I just read the devotional for "Nurturing Great Kids" on the Bible app on this computer.  :)  Proverbs 18:19 is the day's reading.  " A brother offended...."

I am relatively sure that this verse will come back to me sometime soon.  My Bible reading is like that.  But for today, I have something else on my mind.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/23014798/ns/health-behavior/t/your-marriage-going-get-worse-study-says/#.VYs5IEYYFnk

Lord, I first went to Today's Christian Woman, and the article there seemed superficial and bland.  The article above was more helpful to me.  In essence, it summarizes what I am feeling: that DH's idiosyncrasies and "weirdnesses" are more annoying to me than they used to be.

I have taken, and am taking, an emotional beating this year.   Job satisfaction and appreciation in my profession are at a low.  I am not as "good" as I once believed I was.  There have been a lot of criticisms this year.

And I am feeling it.

So do these two things connect?  I will leave that question open and I await Your answer.  I really will await it.  I will be alert to those messages that busy-ness may otherwise cause me to miss.

And I need to finish now because DH will be home in a very few minutes.

Help, Lord.  I don't like the way I have become.

Contemplating Change

When I stop to pray, dear Father, I almost always find my mind believing that whatever ELSE comes into my head is more urgent than prayer.  What a lie.  I just went hunting for my resume, which I was told was NOT a requirement for today, instead of staying here with You.

So, first, let me thank You for a splendid, spectacular day for the girls' graduation party.  It seemed like it included the entire wide span of ages well.  Most significantly, You appeared to divert the rain and thunderstorms that were clearly forecast for that day.  Until the day before, it looked like a wet party.  You are gracious in even the small and seemingly unimportant details of our lives--a party??--and we need (I need) to trust You in the big ones.

And perhaps this change that I am contemplating is one of those big ones.  I am tired of DMH and WRCH.  I feel useless, hopeless, and very much unappreciated (maybe not so much that last one, but I may need to deal with that issue separately).  I don't feel that the gifts of psychological healing that You seem to have given to me are being used most effectively.  I feel that I am fighting powers of darkness--oh my, what did I just say?--and I am not winning.  

Or are we?

Nevertheless, I look at this opportunity to take a different path as an exploration arranged by You.  I hope that is accurate.  Here I am at the cusp of my 59th birthday.  I have long planned to do more private practice in my later years, and the landscape of private practice has changed enough that being in a group practice with prescribing psychiatrists and team backup is wise.  

Lord God, You know that I want to be where You direct.  This foray into a new possibility may be nothing more than confirmation that I need to stay put, or it may be the next step in my professional life and ministry for You.  I don't know how to prepare.  I will leave to You (the Holy Spirit) to put the words in my mouth that are appropriate for the moment.  I will leave the outcome in Your hands.  I--no, You--are the focus of this endeavor, and may You be glorified even with people of different cultures and backgrounds in that practice.

May Your will be done and may You be lifted up and glorified.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Top Secret

Lord God, I am becoming either very irritable OR irritated by my husband.  I will try to outline the issues at a later time, but in this post I am confessing.  It has been very hard.  I don't know whether he is just making stupid decisions lately or whether he is losing some of his mental sharpness and speed or whether I am the one at fault.  It isn't pretty.  Please, please help me.  How to react or respond in a loving manner and not be obsequious or blindly accepting of certain choices and behaviors is the challenge, I think.  It would likely get old to be wrong most of the time.  For me to have to be so emphatic in order to have him take me seriously is--the word for the first day of our New York graduation trip--disrespectful.  I don't want to be that way!  It seems, however, that making my point in any less forceful way is impossible.  In the language of deafness, his threshold of hearing is pretty high.

In Jesus's name, please make my marriage stronger!  Amen.