More Exciting than a Date!

Dearest God, I mean that.  Ever since I realized that I could take advantage of some time here on this prayer-journal, I have been excited.  Oh, how my soul needs this resting time in Your presence!  And how the world around me needs You, hopefully called upon through my intercessory prayers.

• Jenny: She deserves, and may get, a post of her own.  Dear God, what is going on with her?  And her mother?  Please prevent me from any judgmental condemnations or quick prescriptions.  I totally believe that Jenny is a complex and intricate young woman who may have challenges that I cannot comprehend, or maybe do not comprehend because I don't know all the details.  In any case, would You please bless her?  Show her how much You love and accept her.  I do believe that she has an attachment disorder, as I believe other professionals who have evaluated her also think.  Her mother, Kim Marie, is poorly equipped emotionally and "informationally" to handle Jenny's unique personality.  Please intervene in both lives to bring peace and love---peace to their family and true, deep, unconditional love between them.  Give Cliff and Kim Marie more than enough wisdom to navigate through these difficult days.  Please prevent them from being too harsh on Jenny, which will only reinforce her attachment reluctance.  Most of all, please shout into Jenny's heart Your deep, accepting love for her.
• My mother, Wanda: As she navigates this second holiday since Bill's death, please comfort her.  My girls have been SO good with her!  (Thank You for them.)  Turn her toward Yourself for companionship when she feels lonely and when those who do love her have other obligations that prevent them/us from spending as much time with her as ... well, as she might want and as we might want but cannot.  Give her some purpose, some joy, some reason to keep on.
• Me!  I just drifted over to FB to see whether anyone particular came to mind for more intercession.  Paradoxically, I came to my own mind.  :)  I am tired.  Much to do today--but You are my strength!
• Amy: that resistant dry socket.  Please, dear Great Physician, touch that place in her mouth and cause it first to stop hurting and secondly to heal.
• The Haydens: They are going through the losing process with Lorraine, and it is never easy.  Please, Father, lead them, energize them, strengthen them for challenging days ahead, and give them some rest.  This request may also be reflected in the Jenny item above.  Jenny may need more attention than Daddy in particular has time or energy to give right now.  Please comfort the entire Hayden family, including the extended relatives, and give them moments of connecting with Lorraine and even Clayton as they await what seems to be inevitable--her death.

I have only 3 minutes left.  I will need to get off in a hurry so I don't lose this post.  Love You!!!!

Julie's Final in Science

Heavenly Father, please do what You do to help people in my Julie's life.  This is her last final for the semester--her only final for the semester!--and the last possible time slot.  Help her to place her confidence in You and in the blessing that You pour out on Your faithful ones.  Calm her, help her not only to recall  everything she has learned but also to be able to deduce and induce things -- inspire her.  May she finish strong and enjoy her evening with her sister and her cousin (Kayleen).  In Jesus's name and in Your Spirit~Amen.

Julie's Finals

Please, Heavenly Father, bless Julie during this last week of her college semester.  Make her papers clear and meaningful.  Help her to get enough sleep, particularly by making her studying efficient.  Give her confidence not only in her own abilities, but most importantly in Your great omniscience.  Bring them all home safely!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Newtown

Oh, dearest God, "there are no words" is the most frequent thing I have seen on Facebook, and I would have to agree.  There aren't.  How could this unthinkable tragedy happen?  Just 11 days away from the birthday of Your Son, a holiday that is so closely associated with childhood, and 20 children will...well, they will be celebrating with You in heaven, but their parents will be crying.  Comfort these dear people, God.  Please.  As a Father who had His Son killed, You of all people understand the grief.  The heartwrenching, heartbreaking grief. 

There are no words.  So, Holy Spirit, You intercede for us all in this terrible tragedy.  There are no words! 

Taylor MAHE

Dearest God, whom we serve out of love, please direct Amy's experiences at Taylor today.  Please also lead her in the path in which she should go.  In Jesus's name~Amen!

Laura's Daughter #3

For Paige, Lord...details later.

Membership?? Maybe Not

...or, dear God, maybe so, if You so direct.  I don't want to go into prayer with my mind already made up.

Please show us what You want us to do.  I know that I have many reservations about HBC that are coloring my opinion.  I certainly don't feel that I can join my life to this church with as many concerns as I have.

• Started from a split
• The parade of elders and deacons who have stepped down, with no explanation
• The very first comment that "Women do not participate" - nothing to clarify that statement
• The NANC focus (as with many things, this is not black or white)
• The Ezzo class (as above)
• The 5-point Calvinism divide
• The early emphasis on "spank first, ask later"
• The hurtful email about my "frustrating" (or some synonymous word) someone
• The Master's Christian Academy fiasco
• Ignoring Amy's and Julie's missions trips
• Ignoring the older children's needs for teaching
• ...and more, but not right now.

(Right now, dear Father, I'm going to get something to eat and then go find Amy in recovery!)

PS  For earlier indications of my discomfort with membership and this church, see my post of 9/27/2010.  Over two years ago!

Worship!

Good morning, Lord.  Here I am on a Sunday morning at home.  I have only a cold, but it is Christmas season (Happy Earth-Birthday!) and giving a virus to children and/or their parents is not my idea of a gift!

I have looked forward to this time for maybe two weeks or more now.  Having gone back to work (thank You for the job), I don't have as much time as I did during my recovery, and even then I did not have much time because of Bill's deterioration and death.

So..."Here I Am to Worship."  I wanted to choose a worship song to make this "service" complete.  I think You brought that one to mind.  (The video I wanted to include was Tim Hughes's, with scenes from The Passion of the Christ.  However, it wasn't a YouTube video, which seems to be permitted here.)  Tears streaming down my face....

Prayer: The Nicols 5 asked us to pray for Jeremiah, who has strep throat and an ear infection and is now at Disney World with them.  Please, dear Father, in your healing way touch that boy's body and allow the entire family to have an amazing time of family bonding.

Scripture: From the Advent calendar-December 9th, Isaiah 42:1-4

“Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
He is my chosen one, who pleases me.
I have put my Spirit upon him.
He will bring justice to the nations.
² He will not shout
or raise his voice in public.
³ He will not crush the weakest reed
or put out a flickering candle.
He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
⁴ He will not falter or lose heart
until justice prevails throughout the earth.
Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction.^[a]”

 

(Footnotes: Isaiah 42:4 Greek version reads And his name will be the hope of all the world. Compare Matt 12:21.)

How does this prophecy further clarify what the Messiah will accomplish? He will bring justice to the nations; He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (which I think means that He will preserve and protect even the weakest person with even a tiny amount of faith); again, He will bring justice, and He will not stop or become discouraged (as I sometimes do) until justice prevails! 
How does the Messiah’s activity in these verses reflect the character of God?  This one is easy to answer.  God is just and desires justice.  He also pursues justice gently (not shouting or raising His voice, and watching out for the weak and "flickering"). 

Dear God, it's almost 10:45 a.m. and I would like to use this time wisely.  That is not to say that being here with you is not using time in the wisest possible way.  :)  Make me efficient today, please.  I do love you with all my heart.

Wisdom (Teeth) for Amy

Dearest Heavenly Father, today I am at St. Vincent’s Hospital with my daughter (our daughter—George’s and mine, and Yours and ours) Amy to have her wisdom teeth extracted.  Most times, it is not necessary to be in a hospital setting for this procedure, but her cutaneous mastocytosis scares people.  I am grateful for caution!  So, this is what I am asking: Please protect her from any reactions AND allow her recovery to be smooth, uncomplicated, and as painless as possible.  (We expect a little pain, but since she cannot take some of the pain relievers such as ibuprofen and morphine-related drugs, I especially ask for Your supernatural intervention to treat her pain.)

She has done well so far, dear Lord.  She is so beautiful, inside and out.  It seems to this proud mother that people just gravitate toward her lovely spirit.  The doctors: Peter Drob, DMD, and Neeru Oberoi, MD for anesthesiology.  The nurses: Ann Marie in the prep area (whose Catholic school teachers at Benedictine told her she’d never amount to anything—terrible), Ellen for the first anesthesia nurse, James the attending anesthesia nurse, and the other nurse who will be 38 on December 23^rd.  It seemed like a good team!  Please cover them all with blessing and grace, especially since they will be taking care of our daughter.

God, please also lead Amy in the path in which she should go.  She will need to reapply at Taylor for the MAHE program, IF that’s what You are calling her to do next year.  Oh, the parting from Casa is going to be painful.  She is already talking about going back on vacations.  Between working, paying back loans, saving for plane fare, rent, car expenses—well, Lord, we know that if returning to Tijuana is Your will, You will provide.

It’s only 8:21 a.m.  I’ll go upstairs around 8:50 to wait for the report.

Father, thank You that You care at least as much as I do for this young lady whom You have given me.  You have more power than I do to keep her safe.  You also understand my mother-heart and its desire to shield her from pain and suffering.  (Gives me pause to realize that You essentially violated that natural wish to save Your own Son in order to save me.  Wow.)  Please let this be an uncomplicated course at least in part so that Amy can return to Mexico to love those ninos for Your sake.  In Jesus’s name~Amen!

9:42 a.m.  Waiting in the Family Waiting Room; no news yet.  Getting a little bit anxious.  My mother/Amy's grandmother called already asking for an update.  Dear Lord, please let the delay be benign.  Please....

Ahhhh

9:42 a.m. at Worcester Public Library

I needed this time, dearest God.  I have looked forward to spending some time with You, alone, in secret for days now.  I love having my daughters and my husband at home with me, even though I feel protective of our time together and don't feel comfortable "praying" with them around.

So, here I am.  My eyes have overflowed--leaked, as the girls would say--at least two times this morning with grief over Bill.  I cannot imagine how Wanda feels.  I think it will be a hard time adjusting to her widowhood, not only for her but for all of us who support and love her.  We all will need extra grace from You for the task.  I'm really glad Amy will be home until after Christmas, although she will have her own recovery from oral surgery for part of that time.  She is a good companion for Wanda, as is Julie, who will be home from mid-December to mid-January.

I go back to work on Monday next.

I'm overwhelmed thinking about Christmas.

I have a lot to think about with Junior Church, and I desperately need Your intervention.

It takes a lot of work to love people.

I just want to sit with You in silence and be in Your presence.

Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works. (James 2)

I just sent Debbie a message apologizing for omitting her grandson from the list of Bill's great-grandchildren.

I have only 6 minutes left.  Lord God, I am learning to walk one step at a time with You.  I always think, and have always thought, that there is something else that I "should" be doing to serve You.  (You know I don't like the word "should.")  Sometimes now I realize that I am doing what I can and that I need to do that faithfully.  Be glorified in my life, dearest God.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Who Do You Want Me to Love for You Today?"

~Esther Ahn Kim, Christian in prison 1939-1945

Holy God, my mind is skittish today.  It is the day after Bill's funeral, and life is not yet back to normal.  I have probably 6 things already clamoring for top priority on my mental to-do list.  I chose to read (or finish?) a chapter in Forgotten God to start.  That's where I encountered the quote that I made the title for today's entry.

So!  Back to a new reality--an oxymoron, really.  Dear God, as I navigate this next 10 days before I return to work, help me please to focus on the really important priorities.  We have Thanksgiving coming up in less than a week, and my mother is characteristically choosing to host it at her house despite her recent loss of Bill.  That will mean a fair amount of cooking and transporting for me, but I can do all things [that You call me to do] through Christ.

Please, Lord, as I make my reading way through Forgotten God, allow me to practice living by the Spirit in a way that I have never done before now.  (Detour: controversy about the uncertain "gender" of the Holy Spirit)  As a mother, I understand more deeply than ever before the uncanny connection that I have with my daughters, a connection that their father almost envies.  May the Holy Spirit and I have that connection and more.  There is an almost intuitive understanding, a resonance, that I sometimes glimpse with my girls and that I desire even more fully with the Holy Spirit.  So particularly today, as I try to make my way through my list of tasks, could the Holy Spirit direct me?  (Of course!)  More properly, could I be allowed to see and feel the Holy Spirit's direction?  You know that I pray this as Scripture teaches, in Jesus's name~~Amen.

Election

Dear God, all-knowing and all-powerful, my husband said last night that he was experiencing anxiety over this election.  This is a pivotal time in the life of our nation and our world, to be sure.  Is there much doubt, if any, that the day of Your return is imminent?  The signs multiply and occur more rapidly than ever before. 

The leadership of this country is not Godly, if I may share my opinion openly here without fear of offending someone.  Perhaps that is a necessary condition for repentance and for Your coming!  However, dear Lord God, there are many souls yet to be saved.  Would You allow a miracle and put into the presidency a man who (at least) acknowledges You and has served You?  My opinions intrude here...may Your will be done, and may we Americans take seriously the responsibility that we have to work with You in accomplishing Your great will for salvation for the world.

I'm going to vote now.  Bless this day, bless the candidates, and please, may Your chosen man be chosen by this wayward, selfish people.

Promised Prayer for NJ

 

Dear Father in Heaven, I did promise my New Jersey relatives that I would pray for them and for their neighbors affected by Hurricane Sandy.  So many are without power and heat and fuel.  Some are without homes.  It is natural, but not right, to blame You for the tragedy.  We--myself included, unfortunately--do not pay attention to You, and then we feel entitled to Your blessing.  But enough pontificating for now; the people in NJ are suffering, and many of them may not have heard the truth about You.  Please relieve their suffering and at the same time please do it in a way that reveals You to them.  Just relieving their problems and allowing them to go back to lives that ignore You is not my prayer.  Thank You for those of my family who have some awareness of You!  Please magnify that awareness into a personal confrontation and conversation with You, and may they find you as attractive as You are.  I pray this, dear God, for Jesus's sake in this world and in the next~~Amen!

Closer Attention

First, Lord, confession. I feel mysteriously inhibited when my husband is at home! I would "normally" do a number of things, some frivolous and some quite serious, with my time that I somehow and for some reason am unable to do when he is around. ??? What is that all about?


One of the things that I cannot do, but I think I have talked this over with You before, is write here.  For me, this is important.  (I don't want to contemplate what I would do if I could not write.)  This journal is a way for me to harness my prayers and to make a record of them.  I do thank You for providing this venue.  I suppose that You will be as gracious as always if this discipline of writing is removed from my life.  I won't think about that right now, though.  Just thanks.

Hebrews 2 today: Pay closer attention!  Always.  "...lest we drift away from it."  If we are not rowing against the current (of society, of our own sin, and/or of Satan), we will drift backwards.  Pay closer attention!  Much closer attention.

     I'm not sure where this takes me.  "Attention to what we have heard" includes some poor theology or poor Christian practice, too, I suppose.  I do NOT want to focus there, though.  I think it was our former pastor, Dan Curtis, who opined that we really need to focus thoroughly on the truth and the Truth, and the distortions and falsehoods will become evident.  So, let me focus on the truth.

I have mentioned this elsewhere: The Holy Spirit, the "Forgotten God" (as coined by Francis Chan).  I read last night that there may be some evidence that the Holy Spirit could be considered feminine!  This thought makes me smile.  I won't make a controversy of it, and I will probably keep it to myself, but it apparently has Biblical back-up in the original languages.  It makes sense.  So much of what we women do and are seems to be embodied in the person and work of the Holy Spirit.  :)

Lord God, my time is so limited.  There is a grocery-list of people and situations to pray about.  For right now, I want my time to be devoted just to You.  We'll do the intercession later.  You are amazing, God.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

PS  Thank You that I did NOT need a dental crown today!

Just Relating to You

I am liking Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. I'm not sure I understand it well yet, though. Please help me to get to know You better!  Amen.

One of My Boys

Father, I promised Holland that he could count on my praying for him.  He particularly asked for wisdom in managing his (rather meager) salary.  Please provide for him in so many other ways that the cash does not seem paltry to him.  Give him richness of experience and lots of time to study for LSATs if that is what You are calling him to pursue.  He sometimes befuddles me, dear Lord, but he is a good young man.  Call him into a much deeper relationship with You.  I am quite confident that of all the requests in this prayer, that one is most definitely part of Your will for him.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

My Daughter Amy

I long to see you again, for I remember your tears as we parted.  And I will be filled with joy when we are together again.  I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice.  And I know that same faith continues strong in you.  This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  (2 Timothy 1)

I don't think Julie cried when we left her.  :)  Amy did.  Of course.  We were leaving her in a "foreign" country, and for a much longer period of time.  So this Scripture reminds me of her.  I do long to see her again.  I will be filled with joy when we are together again.  I do remember, and even celebrate, her genuine faith that continues strong in her.  So now, Lord, teach her how to "fan into flames the spiritual gift [You] gave her."  You have given her a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.  You have done, and continue to do, amazing things in her life, and I am humbly grateful for her and for Your work in her.  Use me in whatever way I can help with that work.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

 

Daily Prayer

1 Timothy 3:1-16 has to do in almost its entirety with elders and deacons.  I don't really know the exact difference between them.  Hi, Lord.  You know that my first unholy thoughts when I read these words concern those who don't meet these criteria.  I confess this, and I really do want You to redirect my thoughts to the proper place.

One not-quite-proper place may involve women in these roles.  There is so much that we women can (and do) offer in the responsibilities that elders and deacons carry.  I know...this is an area of great controversy in the church, dear Lord.  I don't mean to focus on controversy; so, I will pray that You will show me what I am supposed to see from this passage and from this controversy.

For Julie: endurance until this play is over!!  I think that will be Saturday night.  Bless her and cause her to be a great example to others that following You is exciting, meaningful, fulfilling--and often times, fun!

For Amy: continued patient faithful performance of the roles and responsibilities that she fills at Casa.  Bless those ninos, please.  Protect all of them spiritually, emotionally, and physically from every harm and evil.

I have a slight headache, Lord.  Just recovering from surgery, I am sure.  I'm going to take some medication.  Keep me faithful!  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Today's Scripture

2 Thessalonians 3:1-18~

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we ask you to pray for us (Paul, Amy's young charge). Pray that the Lord’s message will spread rapidly and be honored wherever it goes, just as when it came to you.  Pray, too, that we (he) will be rescued from wicked and evil people, for not everyone is a believer. But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you (him) and guard you (him) from the evil one.  And we are confident in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we commanded you.  May the Lord lead your hearts (his heart) into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

Lord, I will have to copy this prayer into the Friend of Stitch prayer blog for Paul.  I need this prayer for myself, and for my daughters as well.  I pray that we all will be rescued from wicked and evil people...............................it's an election year.....................................!!

I do also pray that Your message will spread rapidly and be honored wherever it goes.  I know it has reached TJ and NYC!  I am confident in You that my daughters, my husband, and I are doing and will continue to do the things that You command us in Your word.  Now please, according to Your word, lead our hearts into that full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.  In His name~~Amen!

It's All About You, Jesus

A wonderful praise song, Lord!  It is all about You!

I'm at home on this Sunday morning at 10:35 a.m. because I am only 4 days post-op.  The surgery on Wednesday went well, if the evidence so far is indicative.  Thank You that I don't have very much pain at all.

Uncle John's wake is today, and his funeral and burial are tomorrow.  Mom is on her way with Terri and Angie to southern New Jersey.  Please give them especially safe travel with the wind and the rain.  Mom gets so anxious.  I just drifted over to her FB page to ensure that Philippians 4:6-7 was posted there.  I hope she sees it.  Will You bring it to her attention?  Having sat through the seminar on anxiety with the psychologist who almost certainly was a Christian, I understand a little more that she has been programmed, hard-wired, to respond to life anxiously.  Please calm her.  Bless her.  She is a very loving woman, although bossy and difficult at times.  :)

My girls....  What have I done to deserve them?  That's the point, I think.  I don't deserve them.  Thank You for claiming their lives at a young age. 

Amy: what a ministry she has going on down in TJ.  She is learning so much about sharing her life and her faith through "lifestyle evangelism."  I don't even know what to ask for her, except the usual motherly things like safety and health.  Please open the hearts of the people--both kids and adults--at the orphanage to Your leaving Your home in glory (hardly like Holden!) to live among us and bring us the fantastic news of God's love for us.
 

Julie: her ministry at Fordham is no less important.  She has such a heart to serve the children of the city.  Please guide her in the Jump Start program with the preschoolers and the civics class with the high schoolers.  She's my social worker, although I don't think she knows it yet.  :)  Protect her, too, in the city.  Please set at least one brawny angel to guard her and to demonstrate to the forces of darkness that You will not allow her to be hurt as she goes about Your work.  Keep her up-to-date in her studies.  Keep her faith in You strong.

 My husband!  Thank You!!  He's at church, hopefully hearing the sermon and not having to intervene too much in the running of Junior Church.  Please give him strength, stamina, and insight into the work problem that he is trying to solve.  Thank You for giving me a partner with whom to serve You.  We've had a pretty great year in which to celebrate our 25 years of marriage.  He is the right choice for me, and I thank You that I waited for him.  :)

Okay, I am going to write on Paul's blog for a bit, then I think I'll go get ready for George to come home.  There is much more, no?  MOPS...Junior Church...work....  All about You, Jesus!  For Your sake~Amen.