Waiting on God: Silence

Silencio. Appropriate for me without my hearing aids. In the Waiting on God Soul Care Retreat, I skipped ahead to the Silence and Solitude section. This spoke to my heart:

“There are few things that help so much for conversing with Christ as silence. The silence I

speak of is, obviously, the inner silence of the heart without which the voice of Christ will

simply not be heard. This inner silence is very hard to achieve for most of us: close your

eyes for a moment and observe what is going on within you. The chances are you will be

submerged in a sea of thoughts that you are powerless to stop-talk, talk, talk (for that

is what thinking generally is, me talking to myself )-noise, noise, noise: my own inner

voice competing with the remembered voices and images of others, all clamoring for my

attention. What chance does the subtle voice of God stand in all this din and bustle?…Your

tolerance of silence is a fairly good indicator of your spiritual (and even intellectual and

emotional) depth.” - Anthony de Mello  (De Mello, Anthony. Contact with God: Retreat Conferences. Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1991, pg. 39-40.)

That is so very true. The silence and solitude of these days on leave have been busy, but for the most part, despite the presence of DH at home (and the ever-present beagle!), largely quiet and isolated. I admit to looking forward to DH's various absences on errands because those times are the ones I grab for these entries. The suggestion is to unplug, but for me, the security of a password-protected online journal is safer.  

The visits of the hummingbirds still fill me with hope, and the many -- too many to count today! -- have been sweet and touching. Lord, it is silly, and I know it, to interpret too much into the visits of these littlest of the bird kingdom. Yet, Your word does point to a huge truth that my heart needs: if You care for the birds of the air, how much more You care for me!

Let me not worry about the hearing next week.  I will trust that You will put the correct words into my mouth, if I even need to speak.  I see that DH is worried about the damage to my reputation and I don't blame him for his concern even as I fight back against it.  My only goal is pleasing You, and the only source of my self-esteem is Your description of me as "precious in Your sight" -- sins, mistakes, and all the gunk and junk in me included but not being left there.

The bird feeder needs refilling.  Amen!

Waiting on God: Contemplation and Insight

Still waiting...still (while) waiting.  I grab the moments when DH is out of the house to have my quiet time, my "still" devotional time, because it is so deeply personal and moving that I could not explain it to him.  Sometimes I feel judged by him; sometimes, maybe, his judgment could be correct.  I don't think so, but how would I know?  Only by Your Spirit, Lord, can I discern what is "true, noble, right..." and all the other things that You (and the apostle Paul) outline in Philippians 4:8.

So, that is my prayer for today: that You would show me all that is "true, noble, and right" and all the other things so that I may not only think on those things but also exemplify those things.  Big ask, tall order.  But You are a big God, and You are transforming me into the likeness of Jesus.  May it be so.  Amen.

Waiting on God: Reflection

 "Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me in the shadow of Your wings."  Psalm 17:8

The prompt from the Waiting on God devotional referenced other Psalms, but this one started my time off because it is the coloring page I have been working on, little by little, for some time. It also reflects my sitting in my own Apple Room (our porch) on Appletree Lane. Furthermore, I am sad and rejected. (A hummingbird just came to the feeder; thank You, Lord.) 

I have been off work for over two weeks now, and I have no assurance that I will be going back. If I do, how will I explain my absence?  

I also note and have noted for a long time now, my short temper with my DH. (Confession)  I am annoyed easily by him; I don't respect his intellectual grasp of many of the contemporary political and social (and sometimes spiritual) issues; I become frustrated with his illogical opinions on various issues that affect me and my future (e.g., how to be involved in our daughters' and our future grandchildren's lives). To a great degree, I feel very lonely. His questions and suggestions to me feel condescending, and I respond with sarcasm. Many of our squabbles over the past 2-4 years have never been discussed thoroughly, let alone resolved. We just brush them aside and plod on. I don't want to enumerate them here; that would be even sadder. Lord God, let this time with You touch that lonely part of my heart and soul.  DH is a good man; he has provided well for me and for our daughters.  Please remove the greedy part of me that wants more.  You are my Provider, ultimately.  Make me grateful for all that I have.  (Which is way too much.)

What does it mean to be the apple of Your eye? That You are "extremely fond and proud" of me.  Even though I screwed up at work?  Those accusations leading to this administrative leave make me sound evil and incompetent.  Ah!  Maybe the leave has severed my tie to my work and my profession and has even affected my self-esteem to the extent that my self-esteem was based on my identity as a social worker.  May that not be so, Lord Jesus.  May my identity be based only on what You have called me and made me.

Little Blessings

•  Lauren Nguyen, MD, came all the way from Foxborough via Los Angeles just to worship with us at the Journey today!  
• The Bible verse in the "Making Sense of God" devotional was way too perfect for me during this "administrative leave" season:
• I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself.  My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.  It is the Lord who judges me.  (1 Corinthians 4:3-4)
• The Leadership Transformations retreat guide intrigued me last night,  I thought, correctly, that this is the work of Stephen Macchia, formerly a pastor from Grace Chapel.  I was initially attracted to the full-day Sabbath soul care retreat guide, but as I looked at others, particularly the half-day ones, I became interested in one or more of them.  Maybe while I am still off?  (https://lti.christianbook.com/waiting-god-retreat-guide-individual-pdf/pd/32908DF?event=TCG|1012418)
• The sure and certain knowledge that even in the season of destruction and exile, as Maureen titled her sermon today, You, O Lord our God, are still constant and working.  May I work in concert and cooperation with You--always.

My Partner in the Yoke

 "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

(I digressed into looking for the NASB 1977, then the 1971, versions, my first Bible for memorization purposes.  Funny, Lord, how the versions over time have changed; e.g., "weary and heavy-laden" is the way I recall this verse.)

I am weary and burdened, Father God.  Even in my weariness, I think about the Lord's Prayer/Our Father, and pray that Your name would be "hallowed" in my situation.  I still cry easily, and grieve the reputational damage the "administrative leave" has caused me.  However, for the sheer heaviness of my burden, I am NOT in competition with the many people in the world suffering from the wildfires in Maui, the extreme heat in the South, the kidnapping in Haiti (thankfully now resolved), the deaths from COVID and inadequate health care, and the many crimes against humanity perpetrated by evil people and especially those in power.  Small potatoes, my little burden.  

I think I will squeeze in my Spanish lesson before noon for the extra points.  Keep me in Your yoke, Lord, because it is easy and light.

Amen.

Truth Cannot Die

 

This morning I became somewhat cynically discouraged and Googled (unsuccessfully, which seems auspicious) "the death of truth."  I know better.  Jesus, You said and continue to say that You are the truth.  You cannot die!  Hallelujah!

I know it is not right to lose hope.  Yet, I reflect on many of the Psalms in which the writer--usually David--came close to losing hope, too.  He never completely lost it.  I can not come close to imagining how stressed he must have been in his various escapades and encounters with near-death.  I get stressed over a 3-week paid leave!  (Although, always in the Spirit of Truth, I am enjoying it quite a bit.)

Remember the Holden Christian Academy "theme" verse?  Psalm 25 says "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day."  Interestingly, in the NASB 1995, the beginning of Psalm 25 says that it is a "Prayer for Protection, Guidance, and Pardon."

Yeah.  We need that.

Lord God, thank You for bringing that silly little hummingbird to the feeder while I was there.  It is a small thing, and I know that when the season changes those little ones will not come to the feeder.  Still, I felt a little bit of Your hand on my shoulder, a smile from You, an acknowledgment that my heart is a bit raw and sensitive.  Small love in the background context of the BIG love of Jesus's sacrifice!

You are Truth--"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."  Amen!!

Hummingbird Hope

"Hello, Hummer!"  Lately, seeing a hummingbird at our deck feeder brings me to tears and to lifting my heart to You, Lord.  Those little ones bless my heart and seem like a sent reminder of hope from You.  Just this morning, *just* as I walked into the kitchen and had barely passed the wall beside the refrigerator, a lovely female hummingbird came to the feeder.  She lingered there a bit, filling her little belly.  Coincidence?  Perhaps, but I think not.

I cried.

I am still crying.

Lord, I know You know what it is like to be falsely accused.  You know what it is like to be an outcast.  "Outcast."  This is the first time I have used that term, and it pierces.

I also know that I have examined my heart and my recollection of the event, and I cannot find anything malicious or illegal, at least as I understand the law.  The hearing on the 24th is a Show Cause hearing, which sounds awful and threatening.  

I also checked on my timesheet, which has an unknown DET code.  Thankfully, it is all with pay.  Curiously and forebodingly, I found it marked that way until after Labor Day.

Should I initiate retirement?

It hurts that my own husband, who is unfailingly cheerful and relatively basic in his thinking about life, issues, and words, fails to get the underlying messages in the words he chooses.  He said this week that when listening to a person describe a life event such as a divorce, one needs to assume (one of my least favorite words or concepts) that the speaker "always presents the other person as the guilty one."  He also takes a both-sides-ism in many situations, seeming to want to present himself as balanced but often, to my mind, presenting himself as unwilling to think critically and carefully about the underlying situation.  He declined to take my car to the WARM English classes this morning because "How will I explain that you are not at work?"  He forgot that earlier in his retirement, he took my car at least twice to the English classes while I was at work, leaving me to drive his car.  

I cannot find the logic.

On top of all this, the crisis in the United States breaks my heart, and its effect on the Christian church breaks my heart into even smaller pieces.  I would almost describe it as shattering.  I finished listening to Russell Moore's "Losing Our Religion" on Audibl,e and I want to revisit the book on Kindle, where I can mark it up and comment on it.  Interestingly, Russell Moore was also an outcast from his position with the Southern Baptist Convention due to ... well, political differences may be the best way to describe the explanation.  In many ways, I have also been caught in the politics of the "workplace discrimination and violence" initiative.  Me.  I have a hard time wrapping my head around the allegation.

Ah, next to me is Bailey, my faithful shadow these past days of being at home.  He badly wants to lounge on the sofa upstairs when I sit there!  Hence, coming to the futon to spend some obviously "quality time" with him while he naps.  

Retreat of a Sort

 What would a spiritual retreat look like for me?  Maybe this "administrative leave" is a form of retreat for purposes of reflection.  Show me what to reflect on, dear Lord.

Persecution and Prayer

 Day 2 of my exile (aka Administrative Leave)

Oh, my.  Holy Spirit, I see You!  This is a perfect reminder to keep my heart and my mind focused on whatever You are doing through this crazy situation.  I know, having examined my own heart, that my motivation for my behavior in the accused event was neither malicious nor hostile.  It may well have been ignorant and even perhaps a violation of boundaries.  As my union representative has said more than once, "You cannot know what you did not know."

So how, dear Spirit, do I calm my heart and WAIT for You and the events to unfold?  Ah, that is my challenge.  Knowing how much work there is to do, and feeling so bad about putting it all on the supervisors, is hard on me.  But, of course, this is where I am now, and I will rest in the knowledge that You either planned this OR that You have a plan in this.

I will BLESS those who put forth this false accusation ("cursed me") and I will PRAY for those who are "mistreating me."  May my behaviors not only not detract from Your reputation but also enhance it.  Please allow me to show Your different way of doing life and love.  You have the rest of the job.  In the name of Jesus Christ, the Anointed Savior, Amen!

PS I am listening to/reading Russell Moore's book "Losing Our Religion," and it is sometimes bringing me to tears.  More on that in another post.

War, Warfare, and Warrior Child

This title was considered this morning before today's events occurred.  In fact, my new YouVersion devotional is named "The Spiritual Warfare Battle Plan."  So pertinent.  

In the meantime, I am stunned.  It feels quite a bit like the Pharisees accusing Jesus of breaking tiny little rules that really have little to do with true spirituality, true faith, true relationship with God.  In my case, I apparently violated a "religious" or "cultural" practice, and in the recounting of my violation, there are some blatant untruths. 

The good part, if there is one, is that I get a paid vacation!  It is called an administrative leave, and at the most inconvenient time possible for the hospital.  Oy vey.  But I will pay attention to how Jesus behaved in the face of false accusations.  Father, help my self-control and my tongue, which has historically got me into so much trouble.

Until then.  Lord, what shall I do with my time?

No Lie

"I am thankful before You, Living and Enduring King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me.  Great is Your faithfulness."

One early morning (7:50 a.m.) entry while DH is away at his family's places in NH, and a quick capture of what has been on my mind and in my heart lately: Lies and truth.  Father God, it has not escaped my notice that You mention "truth" 137 times in the Bible, and that does not include any variations of the word.  After a recent sermon by Len Cowan, after which I described my frustration to him about the difficulty of discerning truth in a culture characterized and corrupted by lies, he pointed me back to the only source of truth--You as You have revealed yourself to us in the Bible.

You are the Voice of Truth. (Casting Crowns)
 

Dear God

Sometimes, Lord, that is all I can pray.  "Dear God."  I look around the world and see so much evil, brokenness, frank sin (and yes, even my own), and bleakness.  Maybe, just maybe, I see it because it is there.  What sometimes seems to happen is a wish for a rosy world where peace and love reign, and I am catastrophizing.  Am I?  Or are we--the world--really in the throes of childbirth, and the pain and problems are really powerfully there?

So today's verse from YouVersion punched me in the gut again.  Happening a lot this week!  

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.  James 5:16 NIV

I get it, Lord.  I need to reach out to family.  I tried this past weekend, and it didn't go well.  I will write because I can be more -- no, not more, but less reactive.  I am still so saddened by the "alternate reality" (I just read that term) that many people, including my own family members, are embracing. I also ask You to be ruthless in removing any deception from me, and in protecting me from an alternate reality.  I want to see the world with Your eyes, from Your perspective, in light of Your truth and Your goals.  I know that all is not what it seems to be.  But "Dear God," (again!) the juxtapositioning of truth and lie is so head-spinning that I cannot keep up.

Grace and graciousness, please, dear God, for my communication with my family.  I don't want to compromise truth; I am afraid that in my stubbornness I just don't want to compromise.  I ask for Your inspiration for my writing, and I really don't want to write without it.  

BTW, the YouVersion plan about Elisabeth Elliot is a little over-the-top.  I am skeptical of any human who can so unerringly choose faith and be such a remarkable believer.  (Jealous?)  I respect her and the hard life she had.  I have some admiration, a word I use cautiously, for the way in which she struggled to choose to submit to You.  However, whoever wrote this devotional edges up to a form of idolatry with her!  Help me to find that take-away nugget in these lessons from her life that You mean for me.

Struggling with a Mirror

Lord, the sermon yesterday by Father Len Cowan was a gut punch.  "The End for Israel" hit so close to our USA home, detailing many of the same issues in Israel that led to their downfall and that are present and prevalent in the USA in 2023.  The bottom line, however, was his point that the "cure" is not political or even religious but individual revival.  

Then Mom called last night after I sent a brief text noting my grief over the effect that lies are having on "my country, my family, and my church."  In her effort to steer a (lukewarm) middle course, she said, "I don't even know if you are telling me the truth."  That hurt deeply.  "This is why I am not ready to talk with you."

How?  Is this a Scripture coming true before my very eyes?  "Deceiving even the elect" is one verse that came to my mind, but there may be an even more pertinent one:

but understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.

Avoid such people.  

(2 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV)

Oh.  My.  Goodness. 

So, of course, in the spirit and the Spirit of individual revival, what does this mean for *me*?  That leads to the mirror reference.  (James 1: 23-27)

Please, Holy Spirit, work in me.  Make me like You, Lord, as the song prays.  In Jesus's name and for the sake of these last days~~Amen.

 

Mini Staycation

 The theme for the month in Sunday School (Grow curriculum) is "Staycation."  Apropos!  The family, including the young men, are in New Hampshire for the Independence Day/Family Reunion.  Bailey and I are home, though, and quite possibly more comfortable here.  :)

I was sitting in the living room thinking about what I was going to write here.  In that moment of quiet reflection, I heard the birds outside the house, probably in the holly bushes.  "Ah, that's the mindfulness exercise," I thought.  And a little while later, a hummingbird appeared but got frightened by my movement, I think.

I have not regretted not going.  They spent ~6 hours on the road getting to Logan, getting fireworks (before or after ...), stopping by the gift store selling his wares, and then (finally) getting to the Lake House.  That sounds awful!  Meanwhile, I stripped beds, prepped for Sunday School, saw a client, had a client cancel (!), napped, watched an episode of The Chosen and an episode of SWAT, and generally enjoyed being home.  I even put on some makeup!  Now it is almost 9 p.m. and I am thinking of getting ready for bed.  Ahhh.....

Father, thank You for this opportunity.  It was better for DH to be undistracted not only by me but by Bailey, who would not like the fireworks but would be driven to distraction by the s'mores and other food--and the chocolate is poison for him!  Bless me tomorrow so that I can bless the kids and their parents.  I think that is the Big Idea!  Love You so, so much.

So Many Prayer Needs

Good morning on this Lord's Day, Father God, and this Father's Day.  I am here at Appletree watching the worship service on the downstairs television, via AirPlay (neat program!), at the invitation of our silly beagle.  He is not allowed on the upstairs sofa, but he is allowed on the downstairs futon.  Hence, this location.

My Father in heaven, Your name is most holy.  May Your Kingdom come and may Your will be done.  It is so hard for me to see what is happening in the United States as Your will--but then again, You have said that Your kingdom is *not* of this world, haven't You?  One of the things that saddens my heart so deeply is the deception of people who claim to follow You.  Sometimes I fear that I am the one being deceived.  May it not be so, Father.  May I stay so close to You, to Jesus, to the Spirit that You will tell me what is truth and what is falsehood.

The title of this post reflects my feeling overwhelmed by all the issues requiring prayer: those of which I am aware, and SO many that dodge my awareness.  Just for some kind of accountability, please allow me to free-associate here for prayer needs:

• My own little family: my husband and my two daughters and all their various life needs
• My family of origin: my mother (age, blindness, peace in her needs and pains), my sister with dementia, my sister with a daughter caught in alcoholism.
• My sons-in-law: Tue and his journey to a relationship with You, Chris (technically not yet my son-in-law, but...) and his immigration hurdles and potholes.
• My in-laws through my husband: the urgent medical problems of my brothers-in-law Cliff and Bruce, my own challenging emotional disconnection from the others in the family.
• My church, its pastors and staff and ministries.
• This country--I can no longer say "my" country.  (Tom is preaching about idols, and he rightly points out that some idolatry may look a bit like patriotism or loyalty to a person or party--my interpretation, but I believe a valid one.)
• Our Ice Cream Outreach next week--weather, attendance, etc.
• MY OWN HEART, which is feeling crusty.  I grow impatient, frustrated, and sometimes arrogant regarding my own grasp of complicated concepts when others are slower to understand if they understand at all.

Why?

"For false messiahs and false prophets will rise up and perform great signs and wonders so as to deceive, if possible, even God's chosen ones."  Matthew 24:24

Father God, my Father in heaven, Your name is holy.  I have been pondering the theme of "truth" in my devotional times, in conjunction with my annual theme of "peace."  I looked up the number of times the word "truth" occurs in the New International Version--and not any variation of the word or related synonym--and the number is 137.  I would learn from this that truth is very important to You.

I titled this post "Why?" because I am troubled by the deception of good people by the blatant lying of the former President.  It grieves my heart deeply that people, some of whom I love, are blinded and fooled by a shameless charlatan.  You would think that with 37+ years of experience in psychiatry, I would know how useless it is to reason with a deluded person.  That is what I see: delusion, psychosis, paranoia, arrogance, magical thinking, and circular reasoning.  Remember when I took a logic class in undergraduate school?  I still remember much of the content.  Now, I fear, the folie a deux is really a folie a beaucoup, and the presentation of any truth by any responsible, trustworthy person would be torpedoed as "rigged" or "tainted" or "biased."

Your kingdom come, Your will be done.  Is this Your will?  Maybe it is?  As we get closer to the end times (maybe not "imminent" in my desired understanding, but maybe "imminent" in the sense that seems to be happening in the political world), no matter how faithful Your people are, things are going to be bad.  But light shines brightest in the darkness, doesn't it?  I fear that my own light, and perhaps the light of the Church, is a low-wattage light.  I need to have You power up my lumens and clean my vessel so that You shine through me.

Lead me not into temptation, Father.  My biggest temptations occur in my heart, soul, and mind.  I get sarcastic, snarky, angry, condescending--and not loving, not reflective of You.  

For Yours is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever and ever~~Amen!

Prompt for My Family

 Jesus, mostly because I was stuck regarding how to spend this time alone (well, with Bailey) in a prayerful posture, I looked up prayer journal prompts.  The suggestion for today is "My Family" and the Biblical anchor is Psalm 103:17-18--

"But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting

On those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children's children,

To such as keep His covenant,

And to those who remember His commands."

I started to list my family members in my head before I read these verses.  Then I saw "His righteousness to children's children" and those words touched this old woman's heart!  Yes, Lord Jesus, I would love to see grandchildren.  Before that--mainly because that is *so* not in my control--I would love to have a plan to...well, see my grandchildren often and lovingly!  So here is my ask, my request: Would You show me, show us (DH, not as easy to convince), how to arrange this?  Then give us both the courage to take the steps that You direct.

I also find myself thinking about my son-in-law Tue.  (He is a focus of a separate blog.)  How long, Lord Jesus, until You look him in the eyes and into his soul, convincing him of Your love and perfection and turning his attention to You and away from the misled and corrupt Christians in historical times and in modern times?  Please do this soon.  I am convinced that time is short until Your return, and times are uncertain.  

I need to close my own eyes until DH gets home from his act of service to his mother on her birthday weekend.  I want more time, but as You said, "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."

I love You so much!

 

 

Reflection

 

Good morning, Lord.  My DH is at the Men's Breakfast, learning about one of the latter fruits of the Spirit.  My canine companion is beside me on the futon.  I have stripped one bed; the cat is snuggled up on the other, unmade, which of course, means I can't finish taking those sheets.  I have taken a table to the dining room in preparation for our Easter Saturday Supper (and may have hurt my toe in the process, but whatever).  I am getting ready for one client at 11:30 a.m.  

And so distractible.  Lots to do, and I play word games.  (Did well in them, though!)

The world and the country are at war, both actually in Ukraine and Russia, and philosophically between ideologies in the USA.  I grow angry at the patent stupidity of the side calling itself Christian.  How, Lord, can this be?  Are You not "the Truth," and does not all wisdom come from You?  The blindness is obvious, and then I wonder whether I am being blinded.  The times are confusing.  I am so blessed by The Chosen, seeing through another person's eyes that You, Jesus, encountered many of the same personalities: the self-righteous, the Pharisaic, the ones more interested in power, and the ones interested in the promotion of their people.  Even the apostles talked about bringing the message to the Jews--their people--and did not, at least at the beginning, see that the message is for everyone, even though You foretold it in Isaiah.

So make my heart less angry, less judgmental, and much, much more loving, please.  Grow my patience with those who are not as quick to see logic and reason and especially with those who cannot see spiritual truth until You remove the scales from their eyes.  I want to "glow," as someone recently described me, because the Light of the World is inside me shining out.

Blessed are You, Lord our God, Lover of the Universe, Who offers to whoever would believe in Jesus the gift of eternal life, forgiveness, redemption, and the greatest love of all.

Where Do I Begin?

 Dearest Father God, it did not occur to me that I was missing a golden opportunity to do some prayer journaling while DH and our Little Beastie were visiting a relative. At least, it only occurred to me late in the day. But here I am now.  

My post's title says a lot about me and how overwhelmed I am feeling. Perhaps at another very private time, with more time to dig really deeply, we can talk about this new and unfamiliar stage in my marriage and in our lives. Right now, the urgent stuff right in my face has to do, mostly, with my younger daughter and her dear husband.  

• They are closing on a house in four days! Even for me, this event is the fulfillment of a dream. As I hinted above, it is also an indication of a new stage in my life. Father, it is a father's job, is it not, to provide a place to live for his children. Thank YOU for bringing them to this place so quickly and affordably (at least relative to current housing prices and certainly relative to prices in Philadelphia). May the closing go smoothly; we have hit a few bumps in the road with the gift money we gave them. 
• My son-in-law is taking the bar exam, again, in about 10 days! There is no lack of advice on the Internet about how to do the second exam successfully. He is taking advantage of support and advice. Now he will take advantage of my prayer. He said so!  

God of all knowledge and God of good laws that bring justice and good life, You are also the God of mercy. In that mercy, and in recognition of Tue's heart for justice for the underserved, I ask you to show mercy to him in the taking of the exam. Clear his mind of distractions and distractedness; give him extraordinary and even supernatural recall of facts, principles, concepts, and details; organize his thinking and his writing so that he sees the answers clearly and correctly and presents them effectively. Most of all and above all else, he needs to know that You are the giver of wisdom and knowledge as well as of salvation and eternal life and great love. May he succeed because You lead him, and may he recognize Your graciousness. In Jesus's Name and for His sake--ever more urgent as the Day draws near!--Amen.

• One more thing that has been lurking in my heart and mind: my older daughter and her relationship with that quite excellent man. This issue also reflects my concern about moving into a new stage in my own life; however, my deeper concern is her happiness and, really, their happiness. Not only their happiness, Father, but their effectiveness in being blessings--more effective together, perhaps! (Thanks for his passing his NCLEX exam, too. That was big.)

May You be glorified. Time is short, and the urgency of salvation has never been greater. Give me wisdom and endurance to be a good example and a good witness to Your love and mercy. In Jesus's name, for the sake of the Kingdom, and in the power of the Holy Spirit, may I pray and go forth. Amen.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Solitude and Silence

 Good morning, Father! It is currently 9:13 a.m., and DH is at the church's Men's Breakfast. I have a client at 11:30 a.m. on Zoom (virtual),  and I am not ready as far as grooming and hygiene.  But of course, this time with You is more important, and the opportunity does not always or often present so well.

I have chosen to remain "deaf" for this time to make the experience of silence more real, too.  

Funny coincidence that is probably not a coincidence: My YouVersion plan reading *and* the lesson I am teaching in Sunday School tomorrow are both from Matthew 5:13-16, "Salt and Light." Hmmm.

A little stream of consciousness? I am fairly sure You don't mind--and are not surprised by anything I am thinking anyway.

There are a bazillion things that swirl in my head for prayer.  Catching any one of them sometimes makes me feel worse rather than better because then I feel that I have neglected the others, which are perhaps more "important."  How do You define importance, Father?  There are my beloved daughters and their men, my husband, my mother, my sister with dementia, the war in Ukraine, our future with retirement looming, the Afghani family my DH is helping, my clients, my patients...

And then I look back on the list and note that I forgot DH's side of the family, our church, our neighboring city and its social problems.  

The story of Tending the Mountain Spring from the Grace Chapel pastor, Bryan Wilkerson, comes to mind.  (Someday I will find it and copy it into a format where I can reference it directly.) These times of solitude and silence don't present often enough, but at least on a daily basis I have been getting Word time and on a more frequent basis I am practicing and documenting prayer in my YouVersion app. That is, by the way, where I feel guilty praying for one thing and then not another.

Jesus, when You were limited by time and humanity, how did You make those choices?  I see that You took those times away.  Did You pray for Your apostles one by one? Did you pray for the cities and the people You had just left?  Did You anticipate Your next visit in prayer? 

Well, I see, Father, that it is now 9:37 a.m. and I probably need to (relative of the word "should") start with my ablutions.  After all this, I may end with the Prayer of Jabez from 1 Chronicles 4:10 

"Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain."

(Not really comfortable with the "free from pain" thing, although in a moment of pain, I am sure that I would be pleading for it.) 

I love You, Lord.

9:44 a.m.