Verge of Tears

Abba, I am on the verge of tears today.  Whenever I stop to think, to allow myself to think for any length of time, the tears well up.  Much of my angst today and yesterday has come from my DH, with whom I have been disappointed for some time.  If I let my mind go, I can go back over 15 years and find examples of his disregard for me.  There is also the issue of his disrespect for issues and matters of importance to me.  Some of these issues involve racist, sexist, and judgmental attitudes toward people who are disadvantaged or different.  Yet, he serves often and willingly with the refugee ministry, and he serves often and willingly in task-oriented opportunities at church.  Such mind-bending contradictions!  He has provided so well for me and for our daughters.  On the other hand, he is so (annoyingly!) focused on every retirement-advising podcast or publication that he can find that he misses the big picture of what is going on in the world and how it reflects what You are doing in the world.  His interpretations of events and philosophies and political positions enrage me!  How can he be so ill-informed, so bad at critical thinking and evaluation?  Not that a whole lot of people in the US don't embrace those same interpretations...and not that their short-sightedness doesn't similarly enrage me....

I need to move along.  I do love You a lot, and I do acknowledge with a contrite heart that my rage is not pleasing to You.  I have not been very successful (yet, anyway) at stifling my emotional response.  I could use Your help with that.  Of course, and I don't want to use this as an excuse, You also responded angrily at quite a few points in the history of Your people when they were stupid, rebellious, defiant, and disrespectful to You.  Show me when and how, please, to release the anger.  In all things may I reflect You, Your love, Your character.  

Maranatha!  Come, Lord Jesus, and soon!