Trying to Be Faithful in Prayer

Lord, not very long ago I confessed (in the journal Julie gave me, at that) that I had stopped praying as fervently and regularly for Tue's salvation.  Well, I got surprised that ... that ... I guess that the relationship went farther and faster than I anticipated.  Why that should have surprised me is another issue for another post, though.

For now, please allow me to redouble my prayer commitment for Tue's salvation.  I am recalling that Julie once told me, only two short years ago, that she would not marry Tue unless he became a Christian.  Moreover, I found journals in her room that bemoaned her loneliness for a boyfriend and also her desire/decision to await a Christian man.  (Boy, are they in short supply--but that, too, is an issue for another post.)

So, here we are.  I am not surprised that they are so compatible.  I am not surprised that they are attracted to, and attractive to, each other.  I want badly for Tue to become a Christian, a child of Yours, not only because he may become my son-in-law but also because I really like and respect this young man.  Even his faithful filial love for his parents is so honorable.  It reminds me of the Scripture:

Many people were traveling with Jesus.  He said to them, "If you come to me but will not leave your family, you cannot be my follower.  You must love me more than your father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters--even more than your own life!  Whoever will not carry the cross that is given to them when they follow me cannot be my follower.  (Luke 14: 25-27)

Would You please redouble YOUR efforts to pierce that wall that keeps him enslaved?  

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Please come! 

Dang

So, Heavenly Father, it has all but happened.  Tue called my DH to ask to have dinner with us next week, ostensibly to discuss a marriage proposal to Julie.

BUT we don't yet know about his salvation, his relationship with You.  That's important.  I am so conflicted about my own feelings on the issue.  I *know* how important it is--to You!--that Tue is saved.  I know that You prefer, or command, that believers not be unequally yoked to unbelievers.  (I admit I don't exactly know what that entails, but I do know what the Christian church has interpreted it to mean in the context of marriage.)  I review the many "Christian" marriages that I have known that have fallen apart, some very quickly and others later on.  I ponder the numerous "believers" who profess Your name but somehow my spirit, and perhaps the Holy Spirit in me, doubts the reality, the depth, the sincerity of their relationship with You.  They know doctrine; I am not certain that they know You.

I respect Tue's honesty.  I find myself thinking that if I could just get him into an Alpha group, or into the YouVersion daily reading plans for Your Word, or some other venue in which he can 1) be exposed to Your Word regularly and personally and 2) ask honest and hard questions in a safe and accepting (are those the same?) environment.  But it is not my game plan; it is Yours.  What is Your "big idea" for him?  I want to help.  I *don't* want to mess it up.

So, my (haha) short prayer is for discernment.  Please lead me into what to say, and perhaps more importantly, what not to say.  This is critical not only for Tue but for Julie's long-term happiness.  I am not sure if one is any more critical than the other.

Please, Father, save this young man for a number of compelling reasons, not the least of which by far is Your great love for him.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!

Evangelism!

Dear God, I have never been a great "evangelist."  I am, I think, a pretty good lover--of some people, not all--and as a counselor I speak truth into people's lives.  So here I am, wanting more than ever before the salvation of a loved one--Tue--and I feel so stuck.  If I only had a chance to sit with him, one-on-one, without being afraid that I will offend Julie or without Tue's being afraid of saying the "wrong" thing....

Is that the right thing to ask?  Is there someone else RESPECTABLE (please) who would be a better choice?  I am confident that You are on Tue's trail, hounding him.  I wish I could see some of Your work there.  The work of the enemy has been far too evident.

Song on my mind--and it brings tears to my eyes:

What a beautiful Name it is
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus Christ my King

What a beautiful Name it is
Nothing compares to this
What a beautiful Name it is
The Name of Jesus

You didn't want heaven without us
So Jesus, You brought heaven down
My sin was great, Your love was greater
What could separate us now

Amen, dear Jesus.  My mother's heart beats for her children, and that is NOTHING compared to the Father's heart.

Two Big Things on My Mind

Lord, I am going to set the timer and stay here for 10 minutes.  :)  There are two huge issues about which I want, and need, to talk to You:

1. Tue, and Tue-and-Julie: In some ways, important spiritual ways, this one is life and death.
2. The United States of America: I cannot believe how blind many of my countrymen are!

Number 1, the first in order and in importance~Why are You taking so long about Tue?  Even as I thought that, I changed it.  Why is Tue taking so long about You?  I wish I could have a heart-to-heart with him, just him and me, so that I could understand the issues and questions and resistances he has.  I do know one of them: He wants to honor his Buddhist father.  I guess my question about that is how does his even dating Julie fit into that picture?  Tue does not go to a Buddhist temple and does not practice Buddhism.  There is virtually no chance that he intends to embrace Buddhism.  Is this more about his Vietnamese heritage and national identity?  That might even make a little more sense.  Tue's brother Tony is, at least, involved with (and engaged to) a Vietnamese woman even if she is also not practicing Buddhism but Catholicism (at least nominally, but I don't know the depth of her faith, so I will not speculate).  I wonder whether that is the rub.

Number 2, the craziest time in the history of this country?  What is up??  Presumably intelligent and high-functioning people, mostly in the Republican Party, are missing huge and important and DANGEROUS factors in the life and times of this president.  His stupidity is topped only by his supporters' justifications for it.  Why, God?  ...and to add insult to injury, he is endorsed by...YOUR PEOPLE (or at least many of them).  Is righteousness being promoted by his policies and choices?  More importantly, are YOU being honored and presented (correctly) to the world?  

Which brings me to my mission, and my theme word for this year: love.  Keep me from being so judgmental and critical and help me to love.

(For another time, I am not doing so well about that at work....)

Love You so much, Lord.

\

PS My mother fell on her face yesterday.  Could I ask on her behalf for a quick healing--and an evident one, because she is a little vain.  

Why So Long, Lord?

Dear Heavenly Father, I know that the "birth" of one of your new children does not always happen on a schedule in the same way that a birth of a human takes 9 months, or 40 weeks, give or take a couple of weeks.  But--why is it taking so long to bring Tue into the kingdom?  

I think I know part of the answer, but I would love to have confirmation from you.  There are two (?) verses that come to mind when I evaluate the process that Tue has lived through--and missed:

1. Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of God.  Romans 10:17
2. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7-8

Churches suck.  I hate to be so blunt, but you know what I think anyway.  I am so disappointed in the evangelical church and its insane, selfish support of a leader who is not only stupid (which I might be able to tolerate) but also evil.  That he has committed criminal acts is all but proven.  That he has committed immoral acts is proven, and even acknowledged by him and his supporters.

But again I digress.  This is about Tue.

Did I stumble on a connection?  Is one of the barriers to Tue's becoming a Christian this embrace between a corrupt...may I call him an idol?...and your people, or some of them.  Unfortunately the ones of whom I speak are the visible, public ones.  

So, Father, I am asking please for direction on what you would direct me to do next.  And please don't let me get ahead of you on this.  I know much of this is up to me; I can choose to ignore you.  I don't want to, and I don't trust myself.  I need you to hold me back, and I am surrendering to you so that you can do it.

I *know* that Tue's salvation is your will.  I want to work with you to do your will.  Please?  In Jesus's name, for Jesus's sake, for Tue's sake, and for Julie's sake?  Amen~~! 

Fervent, Faithful Prayer

Pray that God would remove Satan’s blinding influence . Unbelievers have been blinded by Satan and will only ever be able to see and appreciate the gospel if God works within them. So pray that God would give them sight—spiritual sight. “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).
Pray that God would open their hearts to believe the gospel. Once more, God must initiate and people must respond. So pray that God would open the hearts of these unbelievers so they can in turn believe, just as Lydia did. “The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul” (Acts 16:14).
Pray that they would come to Christ. If unbelievers are to come to salvation, there is just one way. They must come through Christ and Christ alone. “Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me’” (John 14:6). Remember, too, that he is the one who calls them to come and to be relieved of the burden of their sin (see Matthew 11:28-30).

(Thanks to Tim Challies. I did not agree with all of his prayer suggestions, but these are good ones with which I can join him in prayer for Tue.)

Father God, You know that my heart is heavy with concern not only for this young man Tue but for my daughter Julie as well. Please--please!--soften both hearts toward You. Your people are not doing very well in representing You, the Gospel, and Your great love to a lost and frankly evil-controlled world. Help me not to be judgmental (I know I have prayed that before, and recently, and I will likely have to pray it many times more and frequently) and help me not be a bad ambassador for You. May I represent You not only to Tue--supremely importantly for his salvation--but also to Julie as one touched by Your unconditional love and eager to touch others with Your unconditional love. In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Wishing Prayer Worked Sooner

Dear Heavenly Father, I wish that we did not have to wait so LONG for our prayers to be answered.  Of course, in this particular instance I am referring to Tue.  And Julie, too.  For a long time, I have worried about Julie's negativity in general and toward church people in specific.  I have wished, and prayed, that she would find a place in Your body where she felt at home and loved and accepted and respected.  That does not seem to have happened, at least not yet.  I don't know how to plead with You to intervene here.  You know it is not Tue that is the real problem; it is, rather, that Your people are not doing a great job being Your ambassadors.  Yes, I just realized how judgmental that sounds--and is.  There are also big spiritual enemies battling for their souls and lives.  Maybe I also need to confront my disappointment in good people believing dumb things.  

I want to get back to not knowing how to beg You to step in.  This is what brings me to tears.  Again, it isn't Tue.  It is what is represented in their relationship and in the lack in the church: few high-quality Christian men.  The Audible book I am listening to, Lord of the Rings, addresses the treason of Saruman, a formerly good and honorable wizard.  (Is that what he and Gandalf are?  Something about their "order.")  This concept hit me squarely today in my travels, bringing to mind the people of the Christian faith who have sold out for power to the current administration.  Wow.  And the damage being wreaked on our evangelism!  How can I invite people--thinking, honorable people--like Tue to places that treated him as the Alton Bay congregant did?  He deserves better.  Julie deserves better, and she has been denied good experiences for many years now, probably since middle school.

I beg You!  Please step in!  Do something!

And after all that, I recall the devotional I stole from Facebook and sent to Julie today:

May 1

YOU ARE ON THE PATH of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life. Most people let their moments slip through their fingers, half-lived. They avoid the present by worrying about the future or longing for a better time and place. They forget that they are creatures who are subject to the limitations of time and space. They forget their Creator, who walks with them only in the present.

Every moment is alive with My glorious Presence, to those whose hearts are intimately connected with Mine. As you give yourself more and more to a life of constant communion with Me, you will find that you simply have no time for worry. Thus, you are freed to let My Spirit direct your steps, enabling you to walk along the path of Peace.

Luke 12:25-26
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"

Jude VV. 24-25
To Him Who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before His glorious presence without fault and with great joy--to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forever more! Amen.

Luke 1:79
To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace.

(Jesus Calling devotional by Sarah Young)

Blockbuster News

Julie loves Tue and Tue loves Julie.

That is not the blockbuster news.

What *is* the bombshell is their joint concern about "hurting" us because Tue is not (yet) a Christian.  I think that is sweet and just a bit scary.  The scary part is the uncertainty I have about how to respond.  

Lord, I am tempted--not in the best way--to say "Has the Lord really said...?"  I know what You say.  I also know that there are misinterpretations that demonize unbelievers.  (In fact, that is one of the several things that Julie and Tue react to so negatively in certain churches.)  Where is Your love?  Your oh-so-welcoming LOVE?

And Tue has made all the right promises about attending church with Julie, about raising their prospective children as Christians, about continuing to seek.  He is just not ready to "convert."  His father's faith seems to be something of a barrier, although Tue does not observe it (at least to my knowledge and outwardly).  

It is about You, Jesus.  Can we make it about YOU and not about stupid Christians?

...but I digress.  This is also about Julie and Tue.  In fact, Lord, it is in great measure about Tue, and in another perhaps equally great measure about Julie.  Individually and separately, their faith journeys have been rocky.  You don't have a lot of good ambassadors around the United States today.  (Let me be one.)  How would You address this sweet couple?  How do You want to use me in Your work here?  And, more importantly, how will You step in?  It so seems to me that they are inviting You.  Please, please lead them.  The path they have been taking to find a good (or good enough) church has been torturously twisted. 

Will the Alpha experience help?  I have done what I could.  Now, Lord God, I leave it up to You to nudge them toward it.  I see much about it that awakens hope in my heart, but they have to experience it.  All I can do is pray...which is, of course, not "all" in the sense of "so little."  

Can You and I make an agreement that I will document, if on my phone app, prayer every day for Tue's salvation and Julie's recommitment?  For the number of days that You choose, Lord.  Then I will welcome Tue into our family.  He is already in our hearts, or mine, at least.

(And do I email CityLife?  Emailing churches has not been good for me.)

 

Good Morning

This morning, as You know, Lord, I am at the Hyatt Regency in Boston for the second day of the "Treating Young Adults" conference.  The independence :) that I am experiencing and expressing is rather invigorating--even this, sitting here to write or journal or blog or whatever this is.  My DH would be over my shoulder prying into these entries, and You know that I *hate* that.  It is ... well, we can get into that later.  I love him.  And I know him.  And as one of the conference speakers addressed yesterday, a mature love understands the weaknesses and foibles and accepts them as part of the entire person.  Yes.

But I digress.  What shall we focus on today?  The entry in my devotional about fasting has gripped my heart and mind.  I am going to try--I certainly cannot promise in my own strength!--to stay away from my Homescapes and other games.  I find them a distraction, a way to capture my wandering distress, and a way to refocus.  We will find another way to accomplish those things, yes?  Perhaps by knocking off those memory verses on which I have fallen so far behind?  :)

I know it isn't about memorizing verses.  I know it is not about how much Scripture I read.  It *is* about how those things, and others, help me to know You more.  That is my prayer; that is my desire.  

You know, what I said earlier about DH is probably if not almost certainly what You say and think and feel about me.  You love me, understanding my weaknesses and foibles, and You accept them as a part of the complete "me."  Yes.  Yes?  

A Time Apart

"Treating Young Adults" at the Hyatt Regency in Boston, sponsored by Harvard Medical School, worth 14 CEUs.  And a night in this hotel.  I should--I will!--stop the silly games on the iPhone and concentrate for a little bit of time before going to bed.

The idea of Sabbath, "rest," is my devotional reading on YouVersion right now.  Start: 8:30 p.m.  Listen....

The air conditioner fan just came on.

Julie is texting me about an Easter gift idea for Tue (I initiated the conversation).

The conference is wonderful.

The idea of fasting is also mentioned in my YouVersion devotional.  Could I NOT play a game on my phone for a day?

It's only 8:32 p.m.

Just getting away to be alone is refreshing.  Not being home with all the distractions may force me to sit quietly.  (There *is* an awful lot to do at home over the next two weeks....)

I am discouraged by the government, and particularly by the president.  I am coming to believe that he is ill, possibly with a form of dementia, on top of an already-malignantly-narcissistic personality disorder.  His blithe lying, even about things such as his father's birthplace, is alarming.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Come quickly!

The USA Needs This

1 Timothy 2:1-3

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior. 

• Father, remove leaders and men of authority that you did not set up. Give our nations selfless leaders, men and women of wisdom and understanding; leaders who will not cause your people to err.
• Father, grant us wise leaders whose hearts will set to know and to search out and to seek true wisdom and the reason of things, and to know that wickedness is folly; to perceive the words of understanding; to receive the instruction of justice, judgment and equity.

https://www.prayerrelay.com/prayer-points-for-nations/

Yes.  Please.  For the sake of Your Kingdom and Your people and in Jesus's name and Spirit~~Amen.

New Year 2019 Sermon

“Deliver me from the liars, God!
    They smile so sweetly but lie through their teeth.” Psalm 120:2 MSG

Tom Sparling, pastor at The Journey, spoke about this text and the book "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" this morning (January 6,2019).  The Message and the book are both by Eugene Peterson, who died in his 80s in October 2018.  

This verse struck me like a slap.  I am so discouraged with the president of the United States (I started to type "our" president, but I cannot own him).  I am also discouraged, as I heard Tom also confessing, with the evangelical community who either support him--the president, that is--and/or hatefully promote his lying, unloving, and frankly immature positions.  How many lies so far?  

Combined with the rest of his presidency, that adds up to a total of 6,420 claims through Oct. 30, the 649th day of his term in office, according to The Fact Checker’s database that analyzes, categorizes and tracks every suspect statement uttered by the president.  

( Kessler, Glenn, et al. “President Trump Has Made 6,420 False or Misleading Claims over 649 Days.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 2 Nov. 2018, www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/02/president-trump-has-made-false-or-misleading-claims-over-days/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.777261a74ec8.)

 But I digress.

My prayer, since this is a prayer blog, is for 1) me--that I may repent and cast my concerns, my sinful judgment, and my frustrated blathering about this lying insanity and 2) the president and his followers--that they, too, may repent of their lying and unloving words and actions.

I'm in trouble!  I am crying to You, God; I am crying out.

"I’m in trouble. I cry to God,  desperate for an answer." (Psalm 120:1 MSG)

Election Day 2018

Over and over and over...May Your will be done, God.

I am concerned for this country.  I am concerned for Your church.  I am concerned for my children's generation and the future we are creating for them.

Be glorified, dear Lord!  Light shines brightest in darkness, and the darkness seems to be getting darker.  Let me shine Your light, be a light, and attract people's eyes to You.

In Jesus's name~Amen.

Urgent

The problems of this country *are* urgent, Father.  I have appreciated the stance of the denomination that our older daughter attends, the Brethren in Christ, regarding blind American patriotism (of course, they put it much more gently and effectively, but still....).  At the very same time, I am concerned.  We are commanded--ordered, mandated!--by You to pray for our leaders.  I even hate to call the President a leader, and yet he is leading a fair number of people known as his "base."  Leading them to racism, sexism and sexual immorality, hatred, pride, thoughtlessness, and mediocrity, inconsiderate selfishness, and isolationism.  Wow.  And many of the "leaders" of our churches are supporting him!

Will it take breaking us, Lord?  It may.  It probably should.  We have grown comfortable in our affluence.  We have grown comfortable in our sin!  Break my heart for what breaks Yours, as the song goes.  Break my hard heart.  I pray this first for myself, although I wish I could pray it for the American people.  But I know that no one can repent for another person.  

(PS  Speaking of that, may I bug You some more for the boyfriend of my younger daughter?  For him to commit to You, to follow You, to know You?)

Well, Lord, may Your kingdom come!  Love You.  Amen~~

Concern for My Country

Father God, I am worried about this nation.  I hesitate to call it "my" country any more; I know that my citizenship is secure in heaven.  Still, my earthly father served in the military in this country, and I cringe to see what it has become.  So, in short (because this is a secret blog and husband is coming home in minutes), please intervene.  The evil, the lies, are more than disheartening.  I can imagine that our enemy--our enemies?--and our Enemy are enjoying this debacle.  Please intervene, for Your glory and the good of Your kingdom and Your people.  In Jesus's name, Who belongs to all nations~Amen.

A Trump-Free Day?

Father God, I sometimes act as if You are not still in full control and command of the world.  I am so sorry for my lack of faith.  I do know that at times You allow things to "get out of control" to show rebellious people (like myself) that we would do so much better to submit to Your ways of doing things.  I also know that You love Your people and have done--and will do--amazing things to protect and rescue them in the middle of those out-of-control teaching moments.

So, strengthen my faith, please.  The GDP report was just released, and it is good.  I can celebrate that!  I also ask that You weaken my anger and my frustration and my preoccupation with the next stupid thing done by the President.  Yes, a Trump-free day would be refreshing.  Let me rest in knowing YOU.

El Pais y El Mundo

I got stuck, Lord, regarding what I really wanted to spend time here talking about with You.  I have been charmed by the Harry Potter stories, despite some of the concerns about witchcraft.  (BTW, I thought it wasn't nearly as bad as many may have described, and I thought there were surprising references to Christian and Biblical holidays and principles and, on a couple of occasions, quoted Scripture.)  So, I initially wanted a post to be titled "The Pensive," a nod to the container of memories in Dumbledore's office. 

But then...my deep and deepening concern about this country and the world.  I almost said "my" country, but I corrected myself.  I no longer identify with the United States of America.  Some of my disconnect has been prompted by my daughters, particularly the older one who worships in a Brethren in Christ church.  Another huge piece of my disillusionment comes from the weirdness, the craziness, of the current government and especially its leader (aka the President).  I get angry; I refer to him by unflattering, even insulting, terms; I want him to fail.  Then I realize that I am not praying for him as You have commanded.  I am also supposed to "love" him.  How?  He is, I am convinced, leading the nation astray!  He is a liar, an adulterer, a selfish and ungodly person.  And still, the President.

How did that happen?  I wonder, truly, if anyone else sees the possibility that the election interference so widely discussed and all but proven did have an effect.  Or, in another vein, are Americans that evil and stupid?  It certainly seems that he caters to the darker side of human nature--the racism, the sexism, the selfishness, the xenophobia.

So much darkness, so much sin.  Light needs to shine, and if this is a time for Your light to be carried by Your people, then Lord, let me be one of the lightbearers.  I fear that some of Your people are being misled, in the words of Matthew 24:24--"so as to mislead, if possible, even the elect."

May I not be among the misled.  "Teach me to pray!"


"When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?" —Psalms 11:3

The President

I cannot even call him "our" President.  I saw a title of a news article that claimed he "is not your president."  (The Washington Post, June 1, 2018, Greg Sargent)  Unfortunately, I agree.

And I have put off writing in this prayer journal, despite many promptings in my spirit to pray for him.  It is hard to pray for someone that you believe is an idiot, and an evil one at that.  But I am under compulsion, out of obedience to the Word:

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving [choke!] be made for all people--for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

Oh, my.

I think sometimes he believes he is more king than president.  I *know* that he has little to no idea about law, protocol, even the idea that he represents ALL of the citizens of the United States, and not just the ones called "his base."   

So, dear God, Ruler of everything--truly, and not because of some false belief--please bless him.  Somehow, work Your will through him though he is a faulted, fallible, possibly even corrupt leader.  You have done it before!  Please bring him to repentance.  

...which brings me to another request: Your name is being besmirched.  Because (for reasons that I fail to comprehend) evangelical leaders are embracing this president, Convict them--us--of our hypocrisy and shallowness.  Let Your Spirit loose among us to bring us to our knees in the sadness of conviction.  Include me as well, God.  And don't let me shrink back from speaking truth, but do let me say true things lovingly.

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Prayer for Grievance

So, Lord, tomorrow I face a giant:  Someone in a position of power and political clout, a bully, a taunter.  I know I don't have a lot of time here to pray, and I want to ask You for ... peace, confidence, eloquence, and justice.  I am not in this for revenge but for justice.  The favoritism at work is destructive and disheartening, and the opposite of it, which is the condemnation and bullying, is also destructive and disheartening.

Please allow me to be calm and fully in Your presence during the hearing.  May I speak only the words that You put in my mouth, and may they be truth and healing.  The purpose is that: truth and healing.

May You be glorified!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

My Secret Place of Joy

Lord, before I check on that stupid Super Bowl score, I ask You to calm me.  I love YOU.  Nothing else matters.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.