A Time Apart

"Treating Young Adults" at the Hyatt Regency in Boston, sponsored by Harvard Medical School, worth 14 CEUs.  And a night in this hotel.  I should--I will!--stop the silly games on the iPhone and concentrate for a little bit of time before going to bed.

The idea of Sabbath, "rest," is my devotional reading on YouVersion right now.  Start: 8:30 p.m.  Listen....

The air conditioner fan just came on.

Julie is texting me about an Easter gift idea for Tue (I initiated the conversation).

The conference is wonderful.

The idea of fasting is also mentioned in my YouVersion devotional.  Could I NOT play a game on my phone for a day?

It's only 8:32 p.m.

Just getting away to be alone is refreshing.  Not being home with all the distractions may force me to sit quietly.  (There *is* an awful lot to do at home over the next two weeks....)

I am discouraged by the government, and particularly by the president.  I am coming to believe that he is ill, possibly with a form of dementia, on top of an already-malignantly-narcissistic personality disorder.  His blithe lying, even about things such as his father's birthplace, is alarming.

Maranatha, Lord Jesus!  Come quickly!

The USA Needs This

1 Timothy 2:1-3

I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior. 

• Father, remove leaders and men of authority that you did not set up. Give our nations selfless leaders, men and women of wisdom and understanding; leaders who will not cause your people to err.
• Father, grant us wise leaders whose hearts will set to know and to search out and to seek true wisdom and the reason of things, and to know that wickedness is folly; to perceive the words of understanding; to receive the instruction of justice, judgment and equity.

https://www.prayerrelay.com/prayer-points-for-nations/

Yes.  Please.  For the sake of Your Kingdom and Your people and in Jesus's name and Spirit~~Amen.

New Year 2019 Sermon

“Deliver me from the liars, God!
    They smile so sweetly but lie through their teeth.” Psalm 120:2 MSG

Tom Sparling, pastor at The Journey, spoke about this text and the book "A Long Obedience in the Same Direction" this morning (January 6,2019).  The Message and the book are both by Eugene Peterson, who died in his 80s in October 2018.  

This verse struck me like a slap.  I am so discouraged with the president of the United States (I started to type "our" president, but I cannot own him).  I am also discouraged, as I heard Tom also confessing, with the evangelical community who either support him--the president, that is--and/or hatefully promote his lying, unloving, and frankly immature positions.  How many lies so far?  

Combined with the rest of his presidency, that adds up to a total of 6,420 claims through Oct. 30, the 649th day of his term in office, according to The Fact Checker’s database that analyzes, categorizes and tracks every suspect statement uttered by the president.  

( Kessler, Glenn, et al. “President Trump Has Made 6,420 False or Misleading Claims over 649 Days.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 2 Nov. 2018, www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2018/11/02/president-trump-has-made-false-or-misleading-claims-over-days/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.777261a74ec8.)

 But I digress.

My prayer, since this is a prayer blog, is for 1) me--that I may repent and cast my concerns, my sinful judgment, and my frustrated blathering about this lying insanity and 2) the president and his followers--that they, too, may repent of their lying and unloving words and actions.

I'm in trouble!  I am crying to You, God; I am crying out.

"I’m in trouble. I cry to God,  desperate for an answer." (Psalm 120:1 MSG)

Election Day 2018

Over and over and over...May Your will be done, God.

I am concerned for this country.  I am concerned for Your church.  I am concerned for my children's generation and the future we are creating for them.

Be glorified, dear Lord!  Light shines brightest in darkness, and the darkness seems to be getting darker.  Let me shine Your light, be a light, and attract people's eyes to You.

In Jesus's name~Amen.

Urgent

The problems of this country *are* urgent, Father.  I have appreciated the stance of the denomination that our older daughter attends, the Brethren in Christ, regarding blind American patriotism (of course, they put it much more gently and effectively, but still....).  At the very same time, I am concerned.  We are commanded--ordered, mandated!--by You to pray for our leaders.  I even hate to call the President a leader, and yet he is leading a fair number of people known as his "base."  Leading them to racism, sexism and sexual immorality, hatred, pride, thoughtlessness, and mediocrity, inconsiderate selfishness, and isolationism.  Wow.  And many of the "leaders" of our churches are supporting him!

Will it take breaking us, Lord?  It may.  It probably should.  We have grown comfortable in our affluence.  We have grown comfortable in our sin!  Break my heart for what breaks Yours, as the song goes.  Break my hard heart.  I pray this first for myself, although I wish I could pray it for the American people.  But I know that no one can repent for another person.  

(PS  Speaking of that, may I bug You some more for the boyfriend of my younger daughter?  For him to commit to You, to follow You, to know You?)

Well, Lord, may Your kingdom come!  Love You.  Amen~~

Concern for My Country

Father God, I am worried about this nation.  I hesitate to call it "my" country any more; I know that my citizenship is secure in heaven.  Still, my earthly father served in the military in this country, and I cringe to see what it has become.  So, in short (because this is a secret blog and husband is coming home in minutes), please intervene.  The evil, the lies, are more than disheartening.  I can imagine that our enemy--our enemies?--and our Enemy are enjoying this debacle.  Please intervene, for Your glory and the good of Your kingdom and Your people.  In Jesus's name, Who belongs to all nations~Amen.

A Trump-Free Day?

Father God, I sometimes act as if You are not still in full control and command of the world.  I am so sorry for my lack of faith.  I do know that at times You allow things to "get out of control" to show rebellious people (like myself) that we would do so much better to submit to Your ways of doing things.  I also know that You love Your people and have done--and will do--amazing things to protect and rescue them in the middle of those out-of-control teaching moments.

So, strengthen my faith, please.  The GDP report was just released, and it is good.  I can celebrate that!  I also ask that You weaken my anger and my frustration and my preoccupation with the next stupid thing done by the President.  Yes, a Trump-free day would be refreshing.  Let me rest in knowing YOU.

El Pais y El Mundo

I got stuck, Lord, regarding what I really wanted to spend time here talking about with You.  I have been charmed by the Harry Potter stories, despite some of the concerns about witchcraft.  (BTW, I thought it wasn't nearly as bad as many may have described, and I thought there were surprising references to Christian and Biblical holidays and principles and, on a couple of occasions, quoted Scripture.)  So, I initially wanted a post to be titled "The Pensive," a nod to the container of memories in Dumbledore's office. 

But then...my deep and deepening concern about this country and the world.  I almost said "my" country, but I corrected myself.  I no longer identify with the United States of America.  Some of my disconnect has been prompted by my daughters, particularly the older one who worships in a Brethren in Christ church.  Another huge piece of my disillusionment comes from the weirdness, the craziness, of the current government and especially its leader (aka the President).  I get angry; I refer to him by unflattering, even insulting, terms; I want him to fail.  Then I realize that I am not praying for him as You have commanded.  I am also supposed to "love" him.  How?  He is, I am convinced, leading the nation astray!  He is a liar, an adulterer, a selfish and ungodly person.  And still, the President.

How did that happen?  I wonder, truly, if anyone else sees the possibility that the election interference so widely discussed and all but proven did have an effect.  Or, in another vein, are Americans that evil and stupid?  It certainly seems that he caters to the darker side of human nature--the racism, the sexism, the selfishness, the xenophobia.

So much darkness, so much sin.  Light needs to shine, and if this is a time for Your light to be carried by Your people, then Lord, let me be one of the lightbearers.  I fear that some of Your people are being misled, in the words of Matthew 24:24--"so as to mislead, if possible, even the elect."

May I not be among the misled.  "Teach me to pray!"


"When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?" —Psalms 11:3

The President

I cannot even call him "our" President.  I saw a title of a news article that claimed he "is not your president."  (The Washington Post, June 1, 2018, Greg Sargent)  Unfortunately, I agree.

And I have put off writing in this prayer journal, despite many promptings in my spirit to pray for him.  It is hard to pray for someone that you believe is an idiot, and an evil one at that.  But I am under compulsion, out of obedience to the Word:

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving [choke!] be made for all people--for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

Oh, my.

I think sometimes he believes he is more king than president.  I *know* that he has little to no idea about law, protocol, even the idea that he represents ALL of the citizens of the United States, and not just the ones called "his base."   

So, dear God, Ruler of everything--truly, and not because of some false belief--please bless him.  Somehow, work Your will through him though he is a faulted, fallible, possibly even corrupt leader.  You have done it before!  Please bring him to repentance.  

...which brings me to another request: Your name is being besmirched.  Because (for reasons that I fail to comprehend) evangelical leaders are embracing this president, Convict them--us--of our hypocrisy and shallowness.  Let Your Spirit loose among us to bring us to our knees in the sadness of conviction.  Include me as well, God.  And don't let me shrink back from speaking truth, but do let me say true things lovingly.

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Prayer for Grievance

So, Lord, tomorrow I face a giant:  Someone in a position of power and political clout, a bully, a taunter.  I know I don't have a lot of time here to pray, and I want to ask You for ... peace, confidence, eloquence, and justice.  I am not in this for revenge but for justice.  The favoritism at work is destructive and disheartening, and the opposite of it, which is the condemnation and bullying, is also destructive and disheartening.

Please allow me to be calm and fully in Your presence during the hearing.  May I speak only the words that You put in my mouth, and may they be truth and healing.  The purpose is that: truth and healing.

May You be glorified!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

My Secret Place of Joy

Lord, before I check on that stupid Super Bowl score, I ask You to calm me.  I love YOU.  Nothing else matters.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

I Hate Anxiety

Week after week during football season, I suffer.  I know, Lord, that it sounds trivial and stupid.  It is.  And yet, I suffer.

Tomorrow will be no different.  Well, on second thought, it might be different.  It might be worse.  The quarterback for "my" team was (slightly) injured during practice a few days ago.  The injury (throwing-hand thumb knuckle) is not, in and of itself, serious, but anything could affect accuracy.  And I have already started to obsess and feel sick in my stomach.

Please, dear Lord, when so many are burdened with far more serious, even life-and-death problems, take this silly anxiety away from me.  I have considered the possibility, maybe even the probability, that this accidental injury was part of Your will for this team this year.  How else to think about this freak event?  Maybe this is not supposed to be "their" year.

Show me, please, how to cope with the anxiety.  Even better, please, take it away from me!

And may Your will be done in everything.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Back By Noon"

Ah, those words, Lord, give me a deadline.  🤣  I do NOT want anyone, including my DH, to have access to this private prayer place. 

So, here I am.  Thank You for the blessing of this "journal" online.  It is more private than a written journal, although I would not mind such a diary of my communications with you (if computers ever become impossible to use).  

There continue to be many things about which to pray.  Sometimes I think, and sometimes I have thought, that there are too many things!  It is impossible for a human--a mere mortal--to pray about "everything" that warrants prayer.  

In my reading so far this year, much of it in the Old Testament, I notice that the patriarchs were just plain "faithful."  They had to take care of their daily affairs in a much more time-cumbersome way than I do!  But that left them little time to "pray" about "everything."  They had to pray differently, and I expect that it came down to 1) worshiping You, and 2) asking for Your help with those daily affairs.

On a slightly different note, since I titled this post after my DH's message, I need to ask You to reduce my irritation at him.  He is such a loving guy.  Sometimes, though, he is not a thinking (not to be confused with thoughtful) guy.  He does not consider the meta-message of his words or actions.  But the heart!  Oh, his heart is good.  Help my irritation, please.  I--not so much he, but I--need to change.

So!  I am racing the clock, and he did say "...by noon."  I love You, God, and I want to be more -- well, as I said earlier in this post, just plain faithful.  

In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Could Use a Little Extra Prayer"

Music to my mama-heart!  My YD sent me those words yesterday to ask for prayer support for her classroom observation this week.  I want to be faithful to the request and the promise to pray; thus, this entry.

Dear Heavenly Father, I have poured out my heart to You for my daughters.  I have recently shared with You my (mild) concern about the "unequally-yoked" relationship this daughter has with her boyfriend, an admittedly high-quality, loving, superb man.  (And still seeking You, I hope.)  But I digress.  This prayer is for YD and her performance in the classroom during the evaluation.  I ask confidence for her.  I request clarity and command of the material.  I petition You to intervene in her students' hearts and minds to calm them and to make them receptive to her instruction.  I beseech (what a strong, lovely word!) You to shine Your light through her, Your vessel, for the purpose of declaring Your power and glory.  

"This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth..." (an old version that I once memorized)  A newer translation is this:

Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.  Joshua 1:8

May this be so for her!  In Jesus's name and for the sake of His reputation~~Amen.

One month

Yes, Lord, it has been 4 weeks since I last posted here.  Oy.  To the day.  (I think I took that Wednesday off for my medical appointment--physical.)

When this happens, I don't really know where to begin.  

First, I promised my client (KB) that I would pray for her although I was going to pray during our canceled appointment time.  Father God, she lost her son to an opiate overdose.  I feel really helpless to help her; that grief cannot be traditional or standard in any way, although more and more deaths are occurring because of it.  Before I ask You for help to help her, let me ask You to help her directly.  She mentioned that her husband was in the hospital overnight.  I didn't ask specifically, but it would stand to reason that there was something concerning to warrant admission.  She has a remarkably important job as a SPED director for Webster: "Director of Student Support Services."  AND, in addition to all that, she is allowing her deceased son's girlfriend and their child, a 5-year-old kindergartener, to live with them.

You, of course, know all of this.  Please bless her in a way that only You know will be most "blessing."  To my knowledge, she is a woman of the Catholic faith, and she might not know You in the born-again personal way.  Bless her so that she knows incontrovertibly that it is YOU.  Not only for her sake, but for Yours as well.

Second, then: Would You help me find the Fordham Christmas sweatshirt?  Silly request, of course.  It's sentimental.

Third: the reason it is sentimental is my second daughter.  She is in a relationship with a stellar young man--but by his own confession, he is not (yet) a Christian.  I really like him.  I imagine that You do, too!  In fact, I am quite sure that You love him.  He is a quality guy, a person who loves sacrificially, and a thinker who is not going to take this faith lightly.  For those reasons, I consider him a better Christian than many of my fellow brothers and sisters.  BUT--he is not (yet) a Christian, and I am concerned as my daughter's mother that she is heading toward heartbreak and heartache and frank disobedience.  

There.  I have said it.  I want her to follow Your instructions.  I cannot do that for her, though.  Please intervene in Your wise way.  It is fairly certain <smile> that You want that young man more than I do.  You know whether he is good for my daughter (although, as the cliche goes, no one is good enough for one's daughter).  You will not force my daughter to do the right thing.  I will not pretend to know what the right thing is for her. 

(The furnace maintenance person just arrived.  Thank You for this time.  I guess this is all for today.)

Confessing and Reflecting

Wow.  Has it really been three months since I wrote here?  The last post was dated 8/19/17, I think.  Again, wow.

A little stream of consciousness before I can settle down, I suspect.  I am in a bit of a funk.  Definition of funk: a state of depression; synonyms a bad mood, a low, the dumps, the doldrums.  Yep.  That's about right...or wrong.

I am not entirely sure what started this period of the blues.  I am not sure that knowing the beginning matters.  I just know that I don't like myself very much and that I am crabby and irritable and dissatisfied.  I don't know where to start chronicling the ... I don't know what to call the list of issues.  The one, however, that is most recent and most current is DH.  I guess I will start there.

The dissatisfaction around DH is confusing and disruptive.  I know that part of my annoyance has to do with his [thoughtless] support of the Religious Right and its support of our current President.  It bothers me that he does not appear to think critically about the issues but automatically, even reflexively, accepts what certain leaders promote.  To be completely honest, I am confused, even befuddled.  I don't want to fall into heresy; and I don't want to be a Pharisee.  I am torn, bemused, and tired of thinking.  But I digress.  I get annoyed, even angry, at DH for what I perceive to be stupid and simplistic generalizations.  I also react strongly, vehemently, vigorously, and automatically to being treated like a second-class citizen, a child, a person who has significant deficits and cannot think for herself.  When I stop--if I stop--to think, I would venture that DH is not a deep enough thinker to recognize the subliminal messages that he is sending.  But "a man speaks from what fills his heart."  Is DH feeling a need to be superior?  Is he feeling a decline in his own cognitive functioning?  He is forgetting a bunch of things, and then remembering the most surprising of other things. 

I have stopped telling him a lot about work and about my medical problems for two significant reasons: one, he forgets them; two, he judges me for having them.  There is not an acceptance of a supportive nature.  In fact, with regard to work, he once said something about "you are always right," and he did not mean it in any way but sarcastically.  The curse.  With due humility, I think I might be right much of the time.  But people in positions above me are not always affirming and are sometimes incompetent.  I grew up believing that the teacher was always right, and the promotions went to the most deserving and the best qualified.  Nope.  I don't think that anymore.

So with DH, I feel disappointed.  The partnership is not so much a partnership.  For example, yesterday he insisted that our daughters are "independent and *should* not need support (such as a bit of financial help or a wake-up call)."  But then he said that he would "have" to wake up at 5:30 a.m. on his day off because he "needed" to wake me up at 6:00 a.m.  So, the impression is that I am not capable at my age of waking myself up.  Or making gifts of a helpful nature to our daughters.  Or reasoning?  I am in a bind with this situation.  Giving feedback or advice seems to contradict him, which then feels like I am disrespecting him.  I know I need to learn how to give feedback better.  (Maybe my next learning adventure?)

Pause.  Another confession.  I am burned out with churches.  I see the same problems of incompetence and hard-heartedness and lack of love in the leadership of so many churches, including the one we just left.  I see that arrogance and NOT-Christ-likeness in much of the Religious Right, including some of the people that I considered my friends.  I am confused and, honestly and frankly, disgusted.  I just want to crawl into a solitary faith and focus just on me and my relationship with God (You!).  I can see why monastic life has an attractiveness to it.  I remember, though, someone who said that we cannot escape from ourselves and our sinful attitudes, even when we are alone.  We are meant to live in community--and it is not easy.

I did not tell DH that I am taking the day off.  He, to my knowledge, does not know about this blog.  I wouldn't be able to dump my honest junk here if he did.  That judgment again....

Help me, Lord.  I am stuck in a deep, deep rut.  I ache, both physically and spiritually.  I want to be thankful during this month of Thanksgiving, and I have fallen WAY behind.  (I am going to stop here and try to catch up a little while I have this lull before my 2 p.m. appointment.)

You know I love You, right?

Continuing in Prayer

In honor of Tue's trip to India and beyond with his father, I have taken to reading Ravi Zacharias's book "Jesus Among Other Gods" as my prayer for Tue's salvation. 


(I am enjoying it and being challenged by it.  My recent favorite quote is stolen, if you will, from G.K. Chesterton:

“Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am. Yours truly, G.K. Chesterton”)

But there are other parts of the book, of Zacharias's reasoning, that are meaningful to me as well with regard to Tue's salvation.  I want that man for You, Lord.  I respect his thoughtful consideration of Your claims.  I recognize, however, that the pull of his loyalty and love toward his father, a former Buddhist monk, is extremely powerful.

But You are more powerful.  I am counting on that.  And on the (so-called) power of prayer.

The verse that comes to mind with regard to this prayer and its alignment with Your will is 2 Peter 3:9b:

"Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance."

May it be so, Lord, according to Your will. For the sake of the expansion of the Kingdom of God in Christ Jesus~~Amen and amen.
  

Guy for God

Whew, Lord.  Day after Easter.  You did all the work!  I wonder whether You were "tired" after all that.  :)

I have set a reminder on my phone to pray for Tue every day.  I may not get a chance to post my prayer, but I know that You are aware of my prayerful intent.  When I can, I pause and ask.

I don't know whether there are "twinkles" there, mostly because I have not been able to watch them together for long in the short time that I have been with him.  Julie did not talk a lot about him over this holiday weekend; I wonder whether she talked about him with Ali and Jaime, especially since she spent more time with them than with us (except for sleeping).  (Yeah, slight dig, but I am trying to be gracious.)  

Sorry for the distraction, dear God.  Amy is late getting back to Messiah--no surprise, lots of traffic.

So back to Tue...

I know that You want him.  I searched for the verse, and 4 of them came up.  This was the first and the one:

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.  2 Peter 3:9

(There is another Peter verse!  My "endurance of harsh treatment" verse is from 1 Peter.)

So, based on this verse, I am claiming Your promise.  You are not slow to fulfill it; and You made it!  I will also remain patient with You and Tue--harder for me than for You--and I will continue to pray.  Daily.  Either by posting or clicking.

Dear Lord, please rescue Tue.  We don't have enough great guys in the Church for our daughters!  :)  Not only for the women, though, but also for the men and most importantly for You and Your kingdom, we need good guys for God.  For Your sake and in Jesus's name~~Amen!

A Wonderful Vietnamese Buddhist

Even as I wrote the title of this post, Lord, I realized that perhaps Tue Ho is not a Buddhist in the same fashion as not every child of a Christian is a Christian.  In any case, Julie herself has said--in the more distant past, not clearly stated recently--that Tue is still seeking.  She has also told me/us that he is sensitive to the effect that a decision for Christianity may have on his Buddhist monk-father.  I must respect a young man, a son, who cares for his parents.  I know that You have said that

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

Wow.  This is a dilemma that Tue faces.  He has been raised to be respectful, to honor his father and his mother--which is another of Your commandments--and to consider his actions (I think, on that last point).   To "hate his own father and mother" may not mean exactly that.  I hope not!  I just quickly read a commentary that put that word "hate" in a different context.  English can be harsh when it is used to translate a Biblical word.  Hate is more like loving far less, with far less preference, but NOT to treat badly or disrespectfully.


More on that another time.  However, Lord, for the sake of this post, please hear my heart's cry for Tue's heart.  May he follow You willingly, gladly, appreciatively for all that You have done for him.  And may I be bold enough to ask for the hearts of his parents as well?


In Jesus's redemptive name and nature~~Amen.

Prayer for NJ Relatives

Dear Lord, please bless with peace and harmony my extended family in NJ.  They are going through the decline and impending death of their mother, my aunt (not blood-connected but by marriage).  With 7 children, all of whom have children, there are many people and many hearts and many opinions involved.  Please make Yourself known to them and present with them during these stressful days.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

PS  Please touch my own mother's heart and spirit in this situation.  This is her sister-in-law, the wife of my mother's only brother (now deceased).  My mother is particularly close to the oldest of their children and will be affected by any strife in the family.  Keep Mom peaceful because she is faith-full.  In Jesus's name (again), Amen.