I Knew....

(It's 5:47 p.m.  This is just to keep me honest about how much time I am praying.)

Father, I knew.  I knew that Bill has esophageal cancer.  It's "poorly differentiated and aggressive."  In a way, his Alzheimer's is a blessing.  As Randy (his son) said to me on the phone today, Bill may be comprehending only about 20% of the news.

But Mom...she's ... I don't know ... devastated.  I sent a Facebook message to Kathryn to inform her since I know how much she loves Mom and wants to be supportive in times like this.

Father, I'm still groaning.  I know that the Holy Spirit is interceding with groanings too deep for words.  

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for.  but the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

No, I don't know what You want me to pray for right now.  What can I say?  "Thy will be done."  That's radical, and I am still struggling with grasping the reality of Bill's diagnosis.  "Thy will be done." 

Yesterday evening's daily New Testament reading described Stephen's martyrdom.  I wondered why prayers for Stephen, even his own prayers, were "not answered" in that You chose not to allow him to live.  Yet just a couple of weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago, I taught the Pre-Kindergarten about Peter's miraculous release from prison while believers were praying together in town.  Why one and not another?  Or why not all?  I know the answer intellectually, but emotionally right now I admit that I cannot make any sense of this.

Please, Father, if I may ask a few favors, let them be these:

• Please strengthen Mom.  She can become like a battleax :) when she is anxious.  I know that's her way of covering up her profound sadness, but others may not be so aware.
• She asked for encouragement.  Would You use me to give her some?  I'm not sure what to say, or whether to say much of anything, but I am willing to be with her as much as possible.
• Would You use others to encourage her, too?
• Please let Bill have peace.  And no pain?  Let him enjoy these days, and let many who love him let him know that.  Please bring laughter and joy to him.

I'll have to start a to-do list, and hospice may be one of the top items on it.  Then contacting the parish priest?  Is there a better choice than the priest from St. Michael's?  Would you let me know?

I need to leave to see a client.  Lord God, these are heavy, difficult times.  "Thy will be done."