Hi, Father. I'm not sure how much time I have left on the Worcester Public Library computer. Help me, please, to organize my thoughts and my prayers. I have a fair number of things I would love to discuss with You!
(Just checked--27 minutes left. I spent some time in Wordpress.com on Bill's and Wanda's Journey.)
Random order--no particular significance:
Work: I meant what I said to Moin (Muttakin, MD). I am grateful that I still have, and will have, a job. The proposed hours are horrible, though. Father, I trust You to choose and arrange the right schedule for me and George. I would like to continue with my private client ministry and with MOPS, which is going to an evening meeting time. What do You want for me?
Church: How do I say this? Is it all right that George and I are glad to see the current assistant/associate pastor leaving in a month? We have not yet met the new pastor, who is remarkably young (32!) compared to us. :) Please, please bless him and the church and the new relationship between them that will be forming. Let it get established on a great foundation; let everyone get off on the right foot. And, particularly, please let him be sensitive to children's ministry. He has three preschool boys of his own; that's a good indicator, I hope. Which leads me to...
...Junior Church: Ah, yes, the times, they are a-changin'! We've got the month of July coming up when we will be having a large-group assembly followed by a split period for preschoolers and elementary schoolers. I chose Group Publishing's Kids' Own Worship curriculum mostly because a) it says it spans Preschool through Grade 6 and b) I had to make a decision in a hurry. Father, these are Your babies. Bless this ministry for the summer for the children, their parents, the teachers and helpers, and the entire Body of Christ, please?
Bill: Of course. And Mom, of course. Cancer--treatment--anxiety--energy and endurance--for them both.
My daughters: They are serving You at Lakeside, Father. Keep them close to You (and to each other, too, perhaps). I am particularly desirous of fellowship for Julie, who does not get as much spiritual support at college as Amy did (I think). Encourage and energize them both. Amy has a lot of responsibility on her young shoulders. I think this is fantastic experience for her, especially in preparation for her (currently) chosen professional path. And we'll see them this weekend!!! (Lord willing, of course. :) )
Mary Ann: Where did that come from? We're not sure where she is with regard to her relationship with You, Father. Any opportunities You bring we'll take. My prayer is that You bring opportunities and overcome the opposition of the enemy. It's been a long time since we have had a good, deep, spiritual conversation with her.
I think that may be enough for tonight. I need to get to the grocery store and get some ingredients for supper quiches. I still like doing this; it's like a date, it's documented, and it forces me to get serious and down to business because my time on the library computer is limited. So~thanks. For it all. "Everything I have for Your Kingdom's cause." In Jesus's name~Amen.
Father, I have grown slightly dependent on writing prayers. :) I hope that's okay with You. It's easier to remember that I did pray when I said I would. It also helps me to crystallize my prayer requests.
So...the sister of one of my patients is in a difficult situation with her daughter and her 11-month-old grandson. They are all living together in Grandma's home, and it is not very comfortable. Please help all of them to get along together, to be respectful and considerate of each other, and to be patient. Please help daughter to find an appropriate, safe, affordable place for herself and her baby VERY soon. Until then, support them, please? In Jesus's name~and, by the way, if You would open up an opportunity to share the Gospel with sister/mother/grandmother, I'll take it~Amen!
Lord, I have less than 15 minutes here, but I wanted to follow up with another prayer for my daughter Julie (and Amy, too, of course, but she doesn't need it as much--I think). Please reduce her feeling of being overwhelmed in some, or even many, ways. Please also help her to manage not only her difficult camper wisely but also her reaction to her difficult camper. Please encourage her in an obvious way today! She's serving You, and so it is not only for her sake but for Your sake that I pray this in Jesus's name.
Dear Heavenly Father, I think it significant and symbolic that Julie's (and Amy's) father on earth felt a pull toward them yesterday. (If You're willing, we'll visit them next Saturday at camp.) Last night, Amy--who carries her cell phone whereas Julie is not allowed--texted me that "[Julie]'s got a lot on her plate this week." A little later, after a request for clarification, she sent this: "I think she's just overwhelmed. She's got one really difficult camper and she's a team leader for the week."
The request? Just pray for her and for her energy. So, here I am, Father, asking You to infuse Julie with necessary additional energy from You. We know that Julie is not, by nature, an "energetic" person. She's is more calm, more laid back, more go-with-the-flow. Holy Spirit, move in and through Julie's life this week in supernatural ways to fill her with joy, patience (that difficult camper), and stamina. I pray additionally that this would happen in such a way that she comes by these thingssurprisingly! At the end of this week (and maybe this summer), could she look back on it with curiosity and wonder where all of this "unnatural" (to her) energy, patience, and joy came from--and then have her eyes opened to You standing there grinning?
Help her out, Lord. You and I know that she loves You and wants to serve You. "Sociology," right? Difficult people are unfortunately a part of society and, more unfortunately, of Your family. Touch her now (8:06 a.m.--she's probably awake) and encourage her. In Jesus's name, because this is all for His sake~Amen.
Lord, I will need extra patience and understanding with Mom during this cancer/Alzheimer's journey of Bill's. I already know--everyone who knows Mom knows--that she tends to express her anxiety in irritability. "Has anyone considered the interaction of Bill's Alzheimer's [diagnosis] and his cancer?" That was her question this morning (by the way, at 8:50 a.m. and as I was getting ready for a 10:00 a.m. client). In reality, that was NOT her question. She is angry at Randy, Bill's son, because...well, I am not really sure what her reason is. Randy does not know how far Bill's dementia has advanced, especially since the original suspicion to explain Bill's loss of appetite involved a known side effect of the Aricept.
I think I will be journaling elsewhere about Bill's journey (Wordpress, probably). For now, since this is my prayer blog, I will focus on praying. Dear Holy Spirit, do what You do. I will cooperate. Direct me as a puppet or a marionette in Your hands. Yet again I ask for mercy for Bill and, yes, for Mom, too. This is her journey as well. Show me how to be Your servant as I serve them. Lead me in ways that You have already marked and prepare; for example, what do You think of my asking for one day a week to be with them? Or having a cleaning service one day every two weeks to allow me to be with them more? Thank You, by the way, for an awesome husband who understands this period in the life of my family. He has been remarkably supportive for a guy who hates medical illnesses. :)
I am on limited time here, dear Father, but never on limited time for prayer. May Your will be done, as always. In the healing name of Jesus~Amen.
In the middle of my posting about the Ephesians puzzle at Mom's house, I receive a phone call from her. To keep this entry short--hubby should be home in 15 minutes or less--she asked me about Amy's favorite verse. Incredibly, she remembered or had just looked up somewhere that it comes from 1 Peter, but she couldn't recall the exact chapter and verse. She asked me what it was and said that she *could* look it up, but if I would...
It's 1 Peter 5:7~
Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.
She responded, "That's beautiful." It is. Even more beautiful is the comfort she is receiving from the Lord and His word.
Thank You, Father.
PS We're still praying for Bill. We need to add a request for his mind. Please be gracious and allow him to regain some of his old mental functioning, enough for him to get through these next 2 very stressful months. Please? For the sake of the work of Jesus in his life~~Amen.
Lord God of great mercy, I have only 14 minutes to enter this note of gratitude. THANK YOU. You once again showed Yourself to be the God of mercy by allowing -- is that correct? -- Bill's cancer to be localized, to have been contained only to his esophagus. not to have metastasized. Mom was "overwhelmed" and wasn't as obviously grateful as I thought she might have been, but as she said, she has to live with him, and with the Alzheimer's disease, every day. Still...
Yes, Heavenly Father, I am grateful. It may still be a wild two months. Bill will need a feeding tube and he will be receiving radiation every weekday for about 5 weeks. He will, in addition, get low-dose chemo one time per week to enhance the radiation. If this is Your will, gracious Father, would You open the way for me to have a 4-day work week for a season? I would work 10-hour days, but the additional day, perhaps for the chemo day, might be of help to Bill and Mom. This plan is just an idea, dear God, and if it is an idea from You, then I trust that You will pave the way.
How do I begin, Lord? I am committing to pray for Bill and against that horrible cancer in his body. Sometimes I see encouragement in my daily Bible readings, and sometimes I see that You allow people to die--Stephen in Acts, Margie Germagian from church just this week. How do I make sense of all this? Am I supposed to make sense of all this?
"When you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do." (I'm a Gentile. LOL!) "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." That's good, Father, because I don't know what I need, or exactly what Bill and Mom need. "Pray then like this:...."
Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done....
Bless Your name, Father. I know that Your home is in heaven, and that You have "summer homes" or second (and third...) homes in our hearts. Why do we fight so hard to go to Your home? I know the answer to this one for Bill. I need to know that he knows that he is going to Your home. Of course, I don't want to jump ahead here. Would You tarry--delay--and perhaps give us some news tomorrow that might help us to bless Your name? I hesitate to ask boldly for a staging number that is not "4." I don't really know why I hesitate. Hmmm....I want to ask in accordance with Your will: "Your will be done." I want "Your kingdom [to] come" in Bill's life (if it has not already). I want to be able to sing that song "Blessed Be Your Name" including the verse "...on the road marked with suffering...though there's pain in the offering...."
So, allow me to be bold here for just a moment and entertain a radical request from You. Would You please, please give us a piece of good news to keep us hoping? Would that be outside Your will? This is where those groanings of the Spirit too deep for words have to happen, because I cannot put into words what I am asking You. I am a bit afraid to ask You for the obvious--that Bill's cancer, though "poorly differentiated and aggressive," might not be Stage 4 and might respond to some treatment--but that is what I am fearfully, tearfully hoping. But "Not my will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22:42
My final prayer tonight (6:37 pm) is that, then. Please show me what to say, when to say it, when to say nothing, how to show love and how to show You tomorrow in the doctor's office and after. Thank You that Randy and Terri are planning to be there, too. I am glad that Bill is being shown how much he is loved. Embrace him, Father. Embrace Mom, too, and bring both of them peace and comfort no matter what the news is. (But if You would let the news not be too bad...please....)
Father, You already know that all of this I pray for Jesus's sake~Amen.
Hi, Lord. It would be so remiss of me to neglect praying for my daughters, especially in their work for You at Lakeside. For Amy, I ask for leadership. For Julie, I ask for fellowship. For both, I ask for a passionately close relationship with You.
Holy Spirit, do in their lives what will bring them close to You and what will glorify You. In the gardens of their lives--such different and both beautiful gardens!--please pull out the weeds that choke Your choice of plants and flowers, and nurture the growth in a well-designed piece of Your kingdom. I guess I want to pray this for me, too. Please use me, and to a great degree more than I will provide, my prayers to partner with You in this work. I love them much more than I could have imagined before I became their mother. Perhaps I understand You as Father God in a more complete way than I did as a single, childless woman. :) Thank You for them both, Lord. Guard them, please, in every way from every evil. In Jesus's name~Amen.
Dear Lord, I want to bring my stepdad Bill into Your throne room--or at least bring his name and his situation to You. I suppose it is up to You and to him to get the two of you together. I wish--I pray--for the opportunity to KNOW what his spiritual condition is. If I am to be one of the people that You use to share the Gospel with him, then please ensure that I know when and where, and please also ensure that I am there. I guess that might mean that I need to spend more time there. Yes?
So, precious Savior, please keep Bill alive long enough--and keep his mind "alive" long enough, too--for him to have the chance to respond to Your invitation to eternal life. Wednesday is the PET scan. Grant him and Mom Your favor, and may I be so bold as to ask for an encouraging result? Cancer is a terrible thief, and I know that You don't always intervene in the normal course of illnesses or other human tragedies (a la C.S. Lewis); so, apart from some miraculous action and a specifically God-exalting purpose, I won't expect a complete cure. I will expect, because You promise it, that You will "tarry" in order for Bill to come to repentance. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9 Please?
And for Mom, peace. Relief from anxiety. A radical acceptance of Your will. More peace. Please give her comfort from Your heart. I'll do whatever You tell me to do to accomplish Your will in their lives. In Jesus's name~Amen.
(It's 5:47 p.m. This is just to keep me honest about how much time I am praying.)
Father, I knew. I knew that Bill has esophageal cancer. It's "poorly differentiated and aggressive." In a way, his Alzheimer's is a blessing. As Randy (his son) said to me on the phone today, Bill may be comprehending only about 20% of the news.
But Mom...she's ... I don't know ... devastated. I sent a Facebook message to Kathryn to inform her since I know how much she loves Mom and wants to be supportive in times like this.
Father, I'm still groaning. I know that the Holy Spirit is interceding with groanings too deep for words.
And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. but the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
No, I don't know what You want me to pray for right now. What can I say? "Thy will be done." That's radical, and I am still struggling with grasping the reality of Bill's diagnosis. "Thy will be done."
Yesterday evening's daily New Testament reading described Stephen's martyrdom. I wondered why prayers for Stephen, even his own prayers, were "not answered" in that You chose not to allow him to live. Yet just a couple of weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago, I taught the Pre-Kindergarten about Peter's miraculous release from prison while believers were praying together in town. Why one and not another? Or why not all? I know the answer intellectually, but emotionally right now I admit that I cannot make any sense of this.
Please, Father, if I may ask a few favors, let them be these:
Please strengthen Mom. She can become like a battleax :) when she is anxious. I know that's her way of covering up her profound sadness, but others may not be so aware.
She asked for encouragement. Would You use me to give her some? I'm not sure what to say, or whether to say much of anything, but I am willing to be with her as much as possible.
Would You use others to encourage her, too?
Please let Bill have peace. And no pain? Let him enjoy these days, and let many who love him let him know that. Please bring laughter and joy to him.
I'll have to start a to-do list, and hospice may be one of the top items on it. Then contacting the parish priest? Is there a better choice than the priest from St. Michael's? Would you let me know?
I need to leave to see a client. Lord God, these are heavy, difficult times. "Thy will be done."
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28
Please, Lord, have mercy on Bill and on Mom. May the news today at the doctor's office be encouraging. I will be back on line, if possible, later this afternoon to pray more.
