Wrapping Up "Hide and Seek"

Lord, I have already pulled out the draft of my talk for MOPS.  It's unfinished, and I would like to finish it soon so that I can read, re-read, meditate, and allow it to seep into my heart.  First, though, I want to ask for Your inspiration.  This talk will be nothing unless You infuse it with Your Holy Spirit.  Would You do so, not for my sake, but for Yours and for the sake of the women who have to listen to me?

Let me read about Your "hiding" in the tomb, and then Mary Magdalene and the "other Mary" coming to seek You.

And listen to a few beautiful songs of worship~Carrie Underwood and Vince Gill's duet "How Great Thou Art," Sandi Patty's "Was It A Morning Like This," and Casting Crowns's "Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)."

Lord, I think I am going to use the "Glorious Day" YouTube for the MOPS talk.  

And thank You for tonight's time of worshipping You through this talk and through the music.  :)

It's Not Over Yet

I feel great.  I have NO symptoms, no more hematuria (at least visible).  However, the scare goes on.  I will have a CT scan next Monday (2/27) and a cystoscopy on Wednesday, March 7.  My best strategy for managing what could be crippling anxiety is to stay in this moment and do whatever I would normally be doing.  My self-talk goes, "Today, nothing is different."  This bit of wisdom, undoubtedly from You, evidenced itself in my having to teach Grades 3 & 4 in Junior Church yesterday.  What a wonderful, flat-out, superb, tremendous blessing.  I always love it.  Daniel's faith in doing what was right even when the law made it wrong was inspiring.  May I have that kind of unwavering faith, and may it operate in this stressful time of my life.

Now, I need to begin preparing my MOPS talk for Easter.  I don't want to say anything without hearing from You first.  Please give me some ideas, or rather one really inspired idea.  This is my next chance to focus not on myself, but on You.

Compassion Equals Anger?

In yesterday's Bible reading, Lord, You were compassionate to the leper.  Interestingly, an alternate translation of "compassion" offered the word "anger."  I don't have a lot of time right now to plumb this, but it intrigues me.  Then, today's reading indicated that You were somewhat irritated again.  Maybe You were mad more than we once thought!  I have to run now to get ready for my appointment, but I hope to come back to this idea with You.  Love You!

Follow-up on Cancer

Lord, so far there are no abnormal results from the various tests the doctor has ordered.  Today is the urology appointment (with the nurse practitioner-<smile>-) and a possible appointment for a CT scan.  I'm continuing to trust You in whatever the outcome is.  Be glorified, dear Lord, in my life--or in my death, if that would be Your will.

Sister-in-Law and 100-Day Cough

(Tigger wants to rub his face against the edge of the computer screen.  I wonder if that was the damage that happened to our other laptop.)

Dear Lord, Beth continues to suffer with pertussis, also known as the 100-day cough.  Since she was already into it at Christmas, and it is now mid-February, that's about 47+ days already.  Amy reports that she (Beth) looks tired and sick.  Please support her during the remainder of her illness, give her strength and relief from the awful, racking coughing, and perhaps miraculously shorten the duration of this illness?  Thank You that Bruce is now "working," albeit not at a salaried position but on commission.  It's what he loves, and I ask that you bring him some success to support his family and regain the dignity and respect that (I think) he may have lost during his lengthy period of unemployment.

Lovin' the Time Off

It's already 9:30 a.m. and I have a few more things to do before I go off to the ultrasound appointment.  Lord, thank You SO much for the reassurance of the doctor's news last night.  It's not over yet, and I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I was "encouraged" (her word).  The urinalysis and cytology results were negative.  What was going on?  There has been no bleeding since Saturday morning.  What should I change about my lifestyle?

The title of this post says a lot.  I really do love having the time to do this writing/praying, and I want to write/pray about a few other things and people as well:

• Robyn, my 10-year-old friend from HBC whom I took to lunch on Sunday.  Reminder: her birthday is April 17th.  :)
• MOPS and my "Hide and Seek" speech
• Work--the psychiatrist on my ward, and my difficulty with him
• My daughters: OD for guidance for next year, and YD for fellowship while she is in NY.



Cruising to Nassau and other places for our 25th anniversary

• My husband of almost 25 years!  Our cruise!!  What a guy, and what a blessing!!

This is a short entry, Lord.  I need to go get showered and do maybe one or two more things before going to the appointment.  I may come back and spend more time here later.  I love You!

Cancer?

(Lord, I just clicked on my other blog, Tricia's Trivia, and said to myself, "No, this prayer and this issue are far from trivial!!"  I don't know, really, whether I was serious or kidding.)

It continues to be hard to wrap my brain around the idea that I may have cancer.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow, and a urology appointment (with a nurse practitioner/physician's assistant) on Friday.  In my experience, some NPs or PAs are more competent than MDs!  However, when I analyze this appointment and the speed with which my doctor wants me seen, I realize that she thinks this really is cancer.  Yuck, boo, and fie!  I have stopped, at least temporarily, looking up information on the Internet.  It's all the same information, and there is nothing else that I can do today to learn anything new or to change the outcome.

This situation in my life makes the words that we say and sing about "our lives being in Your hands" so much more poignant.  Do I really believe that?  Can I really be at peace with whatever the outcome is?  Can I say truly that I look forward to being with You?  (That's a yes.)  I also realize, however, that it is very difficult to imagine leaving my husband and my daughters. My mother, too, counts on me for her future.  That might require a different tactic if I am, in fact, diagnosed.

Incidentally, I had the gum grafts yesterday.  I did take one Vicodin Plus shortly after the procedure, but so far have not needed another one.  I am pretty swollen--well, not "pretty" in either sense!--but I don't have much pain, thank YOU.

I need a friend.  You are the BEST.  I think of spilling this onto someone else, and no one else can do anything more than You are doing and would do so much less. So for now, You're it!  DH is being remarkable.  I wonder, and worry a little, that he is scared.  He may have reason to be.  Both of us, dear Lord, are learning what it really means to live by faith each day.  Be glorified in my life, and if necessary, in my death.  I still and always will love You.

Hematuria

Whoa, Lord.  Friday night into Saturday morning I experienced "gross hematuria."  I had no warning, no other symptoms, which is ironically a very bad sign.  The big word here is cancer.  So I take a big breath and go forward with all the other things in my life.  The most immediate event is my gum grafts tomorrow morning.  (Reminder: Find the stent!  I just did.)

Cancer-everyone thinks it happens to other people.  It is sobering to consider that it might be true for me.  I have no risk factors, and I feel pretty good.  I am looking at a very busy week since I will probably have an ultrasound on Wednesday or Thursday, probably a CT scan this week or early next week, and an appointment with a urologist.  Wow.  One bloody urine and my social calendar just got very busy.  (Actually, there were probably 4-5 bloody urines in all.  The crazy thing is that I haven't had one since midday Saturday.)

Lord, when we pray, "Not my will but Yours be done," we often do not know what we are praying.  I think I am still in great denial.  This cannot be happening to me!  I am staying in the moment, just doing what I need to do today, and practicing--practicing, since I am not an expert at this--the "radical acceptance" that is taught in DBT.  Help me, Lord.  My blood pressure was up by 20-30 points.  My pulse rate was okay, though.  Whatever happens to me, bless and strengthen my husband and my daughters.  Please ... please ... may this ordeal glorify You, and may others see You through me during this time.  Amen.



Prayer for MOPS

Good evening, Lord!  It's 7:38 p.m., and DH is not home yet.  He should be home within about, oh, 35 minutes; so, I will hurry a little.

Lord, I sometimes feel that I need to document my prayers!  Funny, huh?  I guess I've been working in hospital/psychiatry for too long.  "If it's not written down, it never happened."  (Sad, but sometimes even if it is written down, it didn't happen.)  Well, no matter.  I want to ensure that I pray about the MOPS meeting tomorrow and about MOPS and the young ladies there in general.

"I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.”  Matthew 26:13



The former MOPS president wrote a book based on this story.  Elisa Morgan, I think I remember, and I believe it was called, She Did What She Could.  That's what I want to have said about me.  So, tomorrow, even if it is not what I want to do--which is spend time with the adult women--let me do what I can, and what I can do is help with MOPPETS so that Michelle particularly can go to listen to Colette.  God, there aren't enough MOPPETS workers!  Is there something else that you want us to do to get some more help?  Or do you want us to share the work?  I know that some of the steering members are loath to have the mothers rotate through the MOPPETS rooms.  I'm not quite as reluctant as they are, but then, I don't live in their shoes.  I am reminded of Pat Lencioni's, or rather his group's, recent email about building people paradoxically by asking them to help.  Hmmm?  Well, something to continue to ask You, no?  So...would You give us some inspiration about what to do so that our women can get what they need?  Please help us.  Some of the women, perhaps me included, are not getting to receive all that You have to offer through MOPS.

By the way, however, thank You for the older women who have committed to us.   Kathy, Carol, Diana, and even Jessica at times, are Your provisions for us, I believe.

Would you also speak through Colette to the women who do get to sit through the talk tomorrow?  She is funny yet deep.  Please strengthen many marriages and families through her talk,

Bless me, indeed, and enlarge my territory!  Let Your hand be with me!  Keep me from harm that I might neither cause nor suffer pain.  (My version of the Prayer of Jabez, 1 Chronicles 4:10)