More Exciting than a Date!

Dearest God, I mean that.  Ever since I realized that I could take advantage of some time here on this prayer-journal, I have been excited.  Oh, how my soul needs this resting time in Your presence!  And how the world around me needs You, hopefully called upon through my intercessory prayers.

• Jenny: She deserves, and may get, a post of her own.  Dear God, what is going on with her?  And her mother?  Please prevent me from any judgmental condemnations or quick prescriptions.  I totally believe that Jenny is a complex and intricate young woman who may have challenges that I cannot comprehend, or maybe do not comprehend because I don't know all the details.  In any case, would You please bless her?  Show her how much You love and accept her.  I do believe that she has an attachment disorder, as I believe other professionals who have evaluated her also think.  Her mother, Kim Marie, is poorly equipped emotionally and "informationally" to handle Jenny's unique personality.  Please intervene in both lives to bring peace and love---peace to their family and true, deep, unconditional love between them.  Give Cliff and Kim Marie more than enough wisdom to navigate through these difficult days.  Please prevent them from being too harsh on Jenny, which will only reinforce her attachment reluctance.  Most of all, please shout into Jenny's heart Your deep, accepting love for her.
• My mother, Wanda: As she navigates this second holiday since Bill's death, please comfort her.  My girls have been SO good with her!  (Thank You for them.)  Turn her toward Yourself for companionship when she feels lonely and when those who do love her have other obligations that prevent them/us from spending as much time with her as ... well, as she might want and as we might want but cannot.  Give her some purpose, some joy, some reason to keep on.
• Me!  I just drifted over to FB to see whether anyone particular came to mind for more intercession.  Paradoxically, I came to my own mind.  :)  I am tired.  Much to do today--but You are my strength!
• Amy: that resistant dry socket.  Please, dear Great Physician, touch that place in her mouth and cause it first to stop hurting and secondly to heal.
• The Haydens: They are going through the losing process with Lorraine, and it is never easy.  Please, Father, lead them, energize them, strengthen them for challenging days ahead, and give them some rest.  This request may also be reflected in the Jenny item above.  Jenny may need more attention than Daddy in particular has time or energy to give right now.  Please comfort the entire Hayden family, including the extended relatives, and give them moments of connecting with Lorraine and even Clayton as they await what seems to be inevitable--her death.

I have only 3 minutes left.  I will need to get off in a hurry so I don't lose this post.  Love You!!!!

Julie's Final in Science

Heavenly Father, please do what You do to help people in my Julie's life.  This is her last final for the semester--her only final for the semester!--and the last possible time slot.  Help her to place her confidence in You and in the blessing that You pour out on Your faithful ones.  Calm her, help her not only to recall  everything she has learned but also to be able to deduce and induce things -- inspire her.  May she finish strong and enjoy her evening with her sister and her cousin (Kayleen).  In Jesus's name and in Your Spirit~Amen.

Julie's Finals

Please, Heavenly Father, bless Julie during this last week of her college semester.  Make her papers clear and meaningful.  Help her to get enough sleep, particularly by making her studying efficient.  Give her confidence not only in her own abilities, but most importantly in Your great omniscience.  Bring them all home safely!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Newtown

Oh, dearest God, "there are no words" is the most frequent thing I have seen on Facebook, and I would have to agree.  There aren't.  How could this unthinkable tragedy happen?  Just 11 days away from the birthday of Your Son, a holiday that is so closely associated with childhood, and 20 children will...well, they will be celebrating with You in heaven, but their parents will be crying.  Comfort these dear people, God.  Please.  As a Father who had His Son killed, You of all people understand the grief.  The heartwrenching, heartbreaking grief. 

There are no words.  So, Holy Spirit, You intercede for us all in this terrible tragedy.  There are no words! 

Taylor MAHE

Dearest God, whom we serve out of love, please direct Amy's experiences at Taylor today.  Please also lead her in the path in which she should go.  In Jesus's name~Amen!

Laura's Daughter #3

For Paige, Lord...details later.

Membership?? Maybe Not

...or, dear God, maybe so, if You so direct.  I don't want to go into prayer with my mind already made up.

Please show us what You want us to do.  I know that I have many reservations about HBC that are coloring my opinion.  I certainly don't feel that I can join my life to this church with as many concerns as I have.

• Started from a split
• The parade of elders and deacons who have stepped down, with no explanation
• The very first comment that "Women do not participate" - nothing to clarify that statement
• The NANC focus (as with many things, this is not black or white)
• The Ezzo class (as above)
• The 5-point Calvinism divide
• The early emphasis on "spank first, ask later"
• The hurtful email about my "frustrating" (or some synonymous word) someone
• The Master's Christian Academy fiasco
• Ignoring Amy's and Julie's missions trips
• Ignoring the older children's needs for teaching
• ...and more, but not right now.

(Right now, dear Father, I'm going to get something to eat and then go find Amy in recovery!)

PS  For earlier indications of my discomfort with membership and this church, see my post of 9/27/2010.  Over two years ago!

Worship!

Good morning, Lord.  Here I am on a Sunday morning at home.  I have only a cold, but it is Christmas season (Happy Earth-Birthday!) and giving a virus to children and/or their parents is not my idea of a gift!

I have looked forward to this time for maybe two weeks or more now.  Having gone back to work (thank You for the job), I don't have as much time as I did during my recovery, and even then I did not have much time because of Bill's deterioration and death.

So..."Here I Am to Worship."  I wanted to choose a worship song to make this "service" complete.  I think You brought that one to mind.  (The video I wanted to include was Tim Hughes's, with scenes from The Passion of the Christ.  However, it wasn't a YouTube video, which seems to be permitted here.)  Tears streaming down my face....

Prayer: The Nicols 5 asked us to pray for Jeremiah, who has strep throat and an ear infection and is now at Disney World with them.  Please, dear Father, in your healing way touch that boy's body and allow the entire family to have an amazing time of family bonding.

Scripture: From the Advent calendar-December 9th, Isaiah 42:1-4

“Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
He is my chosen one, who pleases me.
I have put my Spirit upon him.
He will bring justice to the nations.
² He will not shout
or raise his voice in public.
³ He will not crush the weakest reed
or put out a flickering candle.
He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
⁴ He will not falter or lose heart
until justice prevails throughout the earth.
Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction.^[a]”

 

(Footnotes: Isaiah 42:4 Greek version reads And his name will be the hope of all the world. Compare Matt 12:21.)

How does this prophecy further clarify what the Messiah will accomplish? He will bring justice to the nations; He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle (which I think means that He will preserve and protect even the weakest person with even a tiny amount of faith); again, He will bring justice, and He will not stop or become discouraged (as I sometimes do) until justice prevails! 
How does the Messiah’s activity in these verses reflect the character of God?  This one is easy to answer.  God is just and desires justice.  He also pursues justice gently (not shouting or raising His voice, and watching out for the weak and "flickering"). 

Dear God, it's almost 10:45 a.m. and I would like to use this time wisely.  That is not to say that being here with you is not using time in the wisest possible way.  :)  Make me efficient today, please.  I do love you with all my heart.

Wisdom (Teeth) for Amy

Dearest Heavenly Father, today I am at St. Vincent’s Hospital with my daughter (our daughter—George’s and mine, and Yours and ours) Amy to have her wisdom teeth extracted.  Most times, it is not necessary to be in a hospital setting for this procedure, but her cutaneous mastocytosis scares people.  I am grateful for caution!  So, this is what I am asking: Please protect her from any reactions AND allow her recovery to be smooth, uncomplicated, and as painless as possible.  (We expect a little pain, but since she cannot take some of the pain relievers such as ibuprofen and morphine-related drugs, I especially ask for Your supernatural intervention to treat her pain.)

She has done well so far, dear Lord.  She is so beautiful, inside and out.  It seems to this proud mother that people just gravitate toward her lovely spirit.  The doctors: Peter Drob, DMD, and Neeru Oberoi, MD for anesthesiology.  The nurses: Ann Marie in the prep area (whose Catholic school teachers at Benedictine told her she’d never amount to anything—terrible), Ellen for the first anesthesia nurse, James the attending anesthesia nurse, and the other nurse who will be 38 on December 23^rd.  It seemed like a good team!  Please cover them all with blessing and grace, especially since they will be taking care of our daughter.

God, please also lead Amy in the path in which she should go.  She will need to reapply at Taylor for the MAHE program, IF that’s what You are calling her to do next year.  Oh, the parting from Casa is going to be painful.  She is already talking about going back on vacations.  Between working, paying back loans, saving for plane fare, rent, car expenses—well, Lord, we know that if returning to Tijuana is Your will, You will provide.

It’s only 8:21 a.m.  I’ll go upstairs around 8:50 to wait for the report.

Father, thank You that You care at least as much as I do for this young lady whom You have given me.  You have more power than I do to keep her safe.  You also understand my mother-heart and its desire to shield her from pain and suffering.  (Gives me pause to realize that You essentially violated that natural wish to save Your own Son in order to save me.  Wow.)  Please let this be an uncomplicated course at least in part so that Amy can return to Mexico to love those ninos for Your sake.  In Jesus’s name~Amen!

9:42 a.m.  Waiting in the Family Waiting Room; no news yet.  Getting a little bit anxious.  My mother/Amy's grandmother called already asking for an update.  Dear Lord, please let the delay be benign.  Please....

Ahhhh

9:42 a.m. at Worcester Public Library

I needed this time, dearest God.  I have looked forward to spending some time with You, alone, in secret for days now.  I love having my daughters and my husband at home with me, even though I feel protective of our time together and don't feel comfortable "praying" with them around.

So, here I am.  My eyes have overflowed--leaked, as the girls would say--at least two times this morning with grief over Bill.  I cannot imagine how Wanda feels.  I think it will be a hard time adjusting to her widowhood, not only for her but for all of us who support and love her.  We all will need extra grace from You for the task.  I'm really glad Amy will be home until after Christmas, although she will have her own recovery from oral surgery for part of that time.  She is a good companion for Wanda, as is Julie, who will be home from mid-December to mid-January.

I go back to work on Monday next.

I'm overwhelmed thinking about Christmas.

I have a lot to think about with Junior Church, and I desperately need Your intervention.

It takes a lot of work to love people.

I just want to sit with You in silence and be in Your presence.

Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works. (James 2)

I just sent Debbie a message apologizing for omitting her grandson from the list of Bill's great-grandchildren.

I have only 6 minutes left.  Lord God, I am learning to walk one step at a time with You.  I always think, and have always thought, that there is something else that I "should" be doing to serve You.  (You know I don't like the word "should.")  Sometimes now I realize that I am doing what I can and that I need to do that faithfully.  Be glorified in my life, dearest God.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Who Do You Want Me to Love for You Today?"

~Esther Ahn Kim, Christian in prison 1939-1945

Holy God, my mind is skittish today.  It is the day after Bill's funeral, and life is not yet back to normal.  I have probably 6 things already clamoring for top priority on my mental to-do list.  I chose to read (or finish?) a chapter in Forgotten God to start.  That's where I encountered the quote that I made the title for today's entry.

So!  Back to a new reality--an oxymoron, really.  Dear God, as I navigate this next 10 days before I return to work, help me please to focus on the really important priorities.  We have Thanksgiving coming up in less than a week, and my mother is characteristically choosing to host it at her house despite her recent loss of Bill.  That will mean a fair amount of cooking and transporting for me, but I can do all things [that You call me to do] through Christ.

Please, Lord, as I make my reading way through Forgotten God, allow me to practice living by the Spirit in a way that I have never done before now.  (Detour: controversy about the uncertain "gender" of the Holy Spirit)  As a mother, I understand more deeply than ever before the uncanny connection that I have with my daughters, a connection that their father almost envies.  May the Holy Spirit and I have that connection and more.  There is an almost intuitive understanding, a resonance, that I sometimes glimpse with my girls and that I desire even more fully with the Holy Spirit.  So particularly today, as I try to make my way through my list of tasks, could the Holy Spirit direct me?  (Of course!)  More properly, could I be allowed to see and feel the Holy Spirit's direction?  You know that I pray this as Scripture teaches, in Jesus's name~~Amen.

Election

Dear God, all-knowing and all-powerful, my husband said last night that he was experiencing anxiety over this election.  This is a pivotal time in the life of our nation and our world, to be sure.  Is there much doubt, if any, that the day of Your return is imminent?  The signs multiply and occur more rapidly than ever before. 

The leadership of this country is not Godly, if I may share my opinion openly here without fear of offending someone.  Perhaps that is a necessary condition for repentance and for Your coming!  However, dear Lord God, there are many souls yet to be saved.  Would You allow a miracle and put into the presidency a man who (at least) acknowledges You and has served You?  My opinions intrude here...may Your will be done, and may we Americans take seriously the responsibility that we have to work with You in accomplishing Your great will for salvation for the world.

I'm going to vote now.  Bless this day, bless the candidates, and please, may Your chosen man be chosen by this wayward, selfish people.

Promised Prayer for NJ

 

Dear Father in Heaven, I did promise my New Jersey relatives that I would pray for them and for their neighbors affected by Hurricane Sandy.  So many are without power and heat and fuel.  Some are without homes.  It is natural, but not right, to blame You for the tragedy.  We--myself included, unfortunately--do not pay attention to You, and then we feel entitled to Your blessing.  But enough pontificating for now; the people in NJ are suffering, and many of them may not have heard the truth about You.  Please relieve their suffering and at the same time please do it in a way that reveals You to them.  Just relieving their problems and allowing them to go back to lives that ignore You is not my prayer.  Thank You for those of my family who have some awareness of You!  Please magnify that awareness into a personal confrontation and conversation with You, and may they find you as attractive as You are.  I pray this, dear God, for Jesus's sake in this world and in the next~~Amen!

Closer Attention

First, Lord, confession. I feel mysteriously inhibited when my husband is at home! I would "normally" do a number of things, some frivolous and some quite serious, with my time that I somehow and for some reason am unable to do when he is around. ??? What is that all about?


One of the things that I cannot do, but I think I have talked this over with You before, is write here.  For me, this is important.  (I don't want to contemplate what I would do if I could not write.)  This journal is a way for me to harness my prayers and to make a record of them.  I do thank You for providing this venue.  I suppose that You will be as gracious as always if this discipline of writing is removed from my life.  I won't think about that right now, though.  Just thanks.

Hebrews 2 today: Pay closer attention!  Always.  "...lest we drift away from it."  If we are not rowing against the current (of society, of our own sin, and/or of Satan), we will drift backwards.  Pay closer attention!  Much closer attention.

     I'm not sure where this takes me.  "Attention to what we have heard" includes some poor theology or poor Christian practice, too, I suppose.  I do NOT want to focus there, though.  I think it was our former pastor, Dan Curtis, who opined that we really need to focus thoroughly on the truth and the Truth, and the distortions and falsehoods will become evident.  So, let me focus on the truth.

I have mentioned this elsewhere: The Holy Spirit, the "Forgotten God" (as coined by Francis Chan).  I read last night that there may be some evidence that the Holy Spirit could be considered feminine!  This thought makes me smile.  I won't make a controversy of it, and I will probably keep it to myself, but it apparently has Biblical back-up in the original languages.  It makes sense.  So much of what we women do and are seems to be embodied in the person and work of the Holy Spirit.  :)

Lord God, my time is so limited.  There is a grocery-list of people and situations to pray about.  For right now, I want my time to be devoted just to You.  We'll do the intercession later.  You are amazing, God.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

PS  Thank You that I did NOT need a dental crown today!

Just Relating to You

I am liking Francis Chan's book Forgotten God. I'm not sure I understand it well yet, though. Please help me to get to know You better!  Amen.

One of My Boys

Father, I promised Holland that he could count on my praying for him.  He particularly asked for wisdom in managing his (rather meager) salary.  Please provide for him in so many other ways that the cash does not seem paltry to him.  Give him richness of experience and lots of time to study for LSATs if that is what You are calling him to pursue.  He sometimes befuddles me, dear Lord, but he is a good young man.  Call him into a much deeper relationship with You.  I am quite confident that of all the requests in this prayer, that one is most definitely part of Your will for him.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

My Daughter Amy

I long to see you again, for I remember your tears as we parted.  And I will be filled with joy when we are together again.  I remember your genuine faith, for you share the faith that first filled your grandmother Lois and your mother, Eunice.  And I know that same faith continues strong in you.  This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you.  For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.  (2 Timothy 1)

I don't think Julie cried when we left her.  :)  Amy did.  Of course.  We were leaving her in a "foreign" country, and for a much longer period of time.  So this Scripture reminds me of her.  I do long to see her again.  I will be filled with joy when we are together again.  I do remember, and even celebrate, her genuine faith that continues strong in her.  So now, Lord, teach her how to "fan into flames the spiritual gift [You] gave her."  You have given her a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.  You have done, and continue to do, amazing things in her life, and I am humbly grateful for her and for Your work in her.  Use me in whatever way I can help with that work.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

 

Daily Prayer

1 Timothy 3:1-16 has to do in almost its entirety with elders and deacons.  I don't really know the exact difference between them.  Hi, Lord.  You know that my first unholy thoughts when I read these words concern those who don't meet these criteria.  I confess this, and I really do want You to redirect my thoughts to the proper place.

One not-quite-proper place may involve women in these roles.  There is so much that we women can (and do) offer in the responsibilities that elders and deacons carry.  I know...this is an area of great controversy in the church, dear Lord.  I don't mean to focus on controversy; so, I will pray that You will show me what I am supposed to see from this passage and from this controversy.

For Julie: endurance until this play is over!!  I think that will be Saturday night.  Bless her and cause her to be a great example to others that following You is exciting, meaningful, fulfilling--and often times, fun!

For Amy: continued patient faithful performance of the roles and responsibilities that she fills at Casa.  Bless those ninos, please.  Protect all of them spiritually, emotionally, and physically from every harm and evil.

I have a slight headache, Lord.  Just recovering from surgery, I am sure.  I'm going to take some medication.  Keep me faithful!  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Today's Scripture

2 Thessalonians 3:1-18~

Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we ask you to pray for us (Paul, Amy's young charge). Pray that the Lord’s message will spread rapidly and be honored wherever it goes, just as when it came to you.  Pray, too, that we (he) will be rescued from wicked and evil people, for not everyone is a believer. But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you (him) and guard you (him) from the evil one.  And we are confident in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we commanded you.  May the Lord lead your hearts (his heart) into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

Lord, I will have to copy this prayer into the Friend of Stitch prayer blog for Paul.  I need this prayer for myself, and for my daughters as well.  I pray that we all will be rescued from wicked and evil people...............................it's an election year.....................................!!

I do also pray that Your message will spread rapidly and be honored wherever it goes.  I know it has reached TJ and NYC!  I am confident in You that my daughters, my husband, and I are doing and will continue to do the things that You command us in Your word.  Now please, according to Your word, lead our hearts into that full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.  In His name~~Amen!

It's All About You, Jesus

A wonderful praise song, Lord!  It is all about You!

I'm at home on this Sunday morning at 10:35 a.m. because I am only 4 days post-op.  The surgery on Wednesday went well, if the evidence so far is indicative.  Thank You that I don't have very much pain at all.

Uncle John's wake is today, and his funeral and burial are tomorrow.  Mom is on her way with Terri and Angie to southern New Jersey.  Please give them especially safe travel with the wind and the rain.  Mom gets so anxious.  I just drifted over to her FB page to ensure that Philippians 4:6-7 was posted there.  I hope she sees it.  Will You bring it to her attention?  Having sat through the seminar on anxiety with the psychologist who almost certainly was a Christian, I understand a little more that she has been programmed, hard-wired, to respond to life anxiously.  Please calm her.  Bless her.  She is a very loving woman, although bossy and difficult at times.  :)

My girls....  What have I done to deserve them?  That's the point, I think.  I don't deserve them.  Thank You for claiming their lives at a young age. 

Amy: what a ministry she has going on down in TJ.  She is learning so much about sharing her life and her faith through "lifestyle evangelism."  I don't even know what to ask for her, except the usual motherly things like safety and health.  Please open the hearts of the people--both kids and adults--at the orphanage to Your leaving Your home in glory (hardly like Holden!) to live among us and bring us the fantastic news of God's love for us.
 

Julie: her ministry at Fordham is no less important.  She has such a heart to serve the children of the city.  Please guide her in the Jump Start program with the preschoolers and the civics class with the high schoolers.  She's my social worker, although I don't think she knows it yet.  :)  Protect her, too, in the city.  Please set at least one brawny angel to guard her and to demonstrate to the forces of darkness that You will not allow her to be hurt as she goes about Your work.  Keep her up-to-date in her studies.  Keep her faith in You strong.

 My husband!  Thank You!!  He's at church, hopefully hearing the sermon and not having to intervene too much in the running of Junior Church.  Please give him strength, stamina, and insight into the work problem that he is trying to solve.  Thank You for giving me a partner with whom to serve You.  We've had a pretty great year in which to celebrate our 25 years of marriage.  He is the right choice for me, and I thank You that I waited for him.  :)

Okay, I am going to write on Paul's blog for a bit, then I think I'll go get ready for George to come home.  There is much more, no?  MOPS...Junior Church...work....  All about You, Jesus!  For Your sake~Amen.

 

My daughters

Lord, I have promised that I would not make idle promises to pray unless I actually do.  Writing my prayers is one way to keep myself accountable.

I promised to pray for Julie, especially during this week of "tech week" and hoping for a job.  She is working so hard and being so responsible.  Please bless her for her efforts to do things well, to do things for you.  Provide for her every need, as You have promised.  Give her strength, organization, efficiency, wisdom, knowledge, and energy.  (Is that all?  LOL)  Thank You for her concern for me after my surgery as well.  She is a wonderful daughter, and I am more than thankful that You gave her to us.

I promised to pray for Amy, too.  She hasn't blogged in a little while, but she did call us late last Sunday night.  Now come the days of drudgery, I suspect.  It's not novel any more, and the boredom of sameness sets in.  She needs to make it just about 6 weeks more, dear Lord, before she can come home to rest.  Please bless her daily ministry and her relationships.  Please bless Paul as well, my young man who is not yet a man.  This is such a sensitive age for him, a turning point age.  Please bring the right person or people into his life to hook him to You.  But back to Amy...please enrich her during these months of service in Tijuana.  Open her eyes to Your calling in her life.  I think she's seen some of it already!  Protect her spiritually and emotionally and (yes, I am a mother) physically.

For the sake of the kingdom of Christ~Amen.

Don!

Thank You for Don's overnight visit with us!  Please bless his travels and his life as he takes back control.

Prayer for La Casa

...as requested by Amy

Heavenly Father, you are father to the fatherless.  Please provide for the children and the staff of Casa de la Esperanza according to Your great riches in Christ Jesus and according to Your perfect will to bless the orphans.  Comfort those who are hurting and relieve their pain, please.  Allow Amy to touch lives with Your great love.  Thank You that she gets it...that without love, Your love, nothing else really matters.  Bless those children, Lord, and encourage Profe and Maestra and all the workers.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Do I Ever Need Prayer!

Hey, Lord!  I don't mean to be too informal or casual.  I do mean to unload with You, and maybe on You.  "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and YOU SHALL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.  For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

Really...Junior Church.  This change of curriculum is much more complicated and confusing than I thought it would be.  Oy vey!  Not only are we all unfamiliar with the philosophy of this particular approach, but we are also having to deal with the logistical issues of large-group assembly and fewer teachers and classroom usage.  Tim!!!  New young pastor gung-ho to make his mark, to make a change, and we -- George and me -- who work full-time (plus+++) and have very limited time to give to this ministry.

So for today and tomorrow, dear Jesus, I need extra.  Since this whole endeavor is all about You, and since "apart from Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5), may I ask that the Holy Spirit do a lot of this work?  I am not unwilling to do my part.  I just don't know exactly where to start or how to proceed.  Holy Spirit, I need to get my directions from You.  Please let me know what to do first, how to do what needs to be done, and what I can ignore for the immediate moment.  Please organize me.  Help me to "be anxious for nothing" but to be efficient and energized.  I am tired; hence, the verse above.  There is much to do!  Indeed, the fields "are ripe for harvest right now." (John 4:35)

Loving those kids, and loving You most.  In Jesus's name and for the sake of Your kingdom~Amen!

PS  Amy's trip to Tijuana is coming up...
PS  Julie in New York~a paying job?

PS  Bill and Wanda...cancer, hospice, support, stamina....

We're Going to Mexico!

Whew!  Lord, I won't spend a lot of time now processing this decision--Your decision, I trust.  It's 1:40 in the morning!  I will say that it was confusing to me to think that You were calling Amy to Mexico and then have the Gordon job come on the scene as a possibility.  Thank You for Your clarity now, though, and please bless the next few weeks as we get her going.  May You be exalted.  Amen!

Quick Prayer for Encouragement

Lord, I told Amy that I was praying for her, and I want to make sure that I do and that I am!  Please flood her heart and soul with peace and assurance that You are directing her paths.  That's all for now.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Oh, So Tired

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong.  Do everything in love. 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

That's about the size of it, Lord.  I just looked up "tired" in the Bible Gateway keyword search, and those results with the verses above bring tears to my eyes and down my face.  A la "Malachi's Message" from Adventures in Odyssey~what would I ask for today as a special gift from You?  Whit asked for inspiration.  Today I ask for refreshment.  And maybe energy.

1. Bill and Mom: If I am tired, how much more tired is she?  He, in some ways thankfully, isn't very aware of what is happening to him.  Please bring her refreshment, too.  And relief from any pain for him?  These times are difficult and confusing in their lives.  Direct them, support them, send angels to minister to them both.  Please?
2. John: How sad.  I have no idea how aware he is of what is happening to him.  With the progressive supranuclear palsy as well as whatever else is ravaging his body, he remains a "stubborn Polack."  :)  Is it time for another card?  Do I have any other pictures of him?  (Do I have time to look for one????)
3. Amy: [long pause] I don't even know where to begin to pray for her with regard to her near future.  Tijuana or Gordon?  What are You up to, Lord?  I cannot speak for her, but I will speak for myself.  Either one is fine, as long as it is definitely Your will for her.  We just sorta kinda need to know....you know?  In the meantime, please give all of us the peace that passes understanding as we wait, patiently~~or not so much patiently but wanting to develop that fruit of the Spirit.
4. Julie: Please help her find the right church.  Thank You for a Christian RD!  Bless Julie and Mary Frances as they embark on this roommate thing.  Preserve their relationship.  Living together can be stressful and damaging to a friendship.  Empower her for a successful year of studying for service in Your kingdom, wherever You are leading her in Your field.

I know there is SO much more.  I will enter again soon, but for now, I am going to try to organize my to-do list.

Francis Chan's challenge in Crazy Love remains fresh in my mind: "DO NOT ASSUME YOU ARE GOOD SOIL."  Make me good soil, Lord.  I may need to be hoed, turned, fertilized with stuff that doesn't smell so good, cleaned out of rocks and twigs and junk. Make me rich, fertile soil in which Your word takes deep and healthy root.

In Jesus's name~~Amen!

Still Waiting

So, Lord, we didn't get an answer on Wednesday.  However, Amy had a second interview on Friday.  Wait...we did get an answer.  Amy reported that she has not been anxious.  She is excited, she really wants this job, and she is open to whatever You lead her to do, but she is not anxious.  That is an answer to prayer.

So thank You.  Help me to be calm and trusting, too.  I can say the words, but sometimes my heart rebels.  I can feel it speeding up, and I can feel the upset in my stomach.  I wish I could just order my internal organs to obey!

(Along those lines, I wish I could order my cholesterol levels to come down.  That's for another post, yes?)

I keep telling her that I am praying without ceasing, or praying continually.  May it be true!  Calm her, and me, dear Lord.  This entire movie (a la Francis Chan's Crazy Love) is not about her or me.  You are the main character, the protagonist, the hero.  We are only bit actors.  You are the theme and the plot as well.  Help us to see how we fit into your script, and help us to play our parts well--but ultimately, help us to let You be the star.  Whatever happens to this job and to Amy's immediate future, whether it be Gordon or Esperanza, be glorified, Lord.  She is willing to be used by You wherever You assign her.  May that be true for me, too.  For Jesus's sake and the sake of the extension of Your kingdom~Amen.

Anxious!

So, Lord, when You tell us to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything let your request be made known to God," how do we obey that when our--my--nature is to be anxious?  I'm taking a deep breath and doing my best to "let my request be made known to [You]."  This is my request:  Please, by Your great grace, help Amy to release her anxiety as well.  ???  I also wouldn't mind at all adding this request: Would You provide for her needs for income, a job, a mission, by allowing her to work for Gordon for a time?  This job as admissions counselor seems tailor-made for her, at least to us.  However, we acknowledge and admit that You know far better than any of us do what is best not only for Amy but also ultimately for Your kingdom.

So here is a third request: Could we hear fairly soon?  The wait is hard.  She's supposed to hear today, and here it is, already 2:15 p.m.

It's all about You, dearest Lord God.  Amy's heart is toward You, I am quite sure.  Please bless her, calm her, and love on her during this time of waiting.  No matter what happens, whether she works at Gordon or volunteers at Esperanza, she will be serving You.  Thank You for that!

"Not my will, but Yours be done."  Amen.

Praying Without Ceasing

1 Thessalonians 5:17 says, "pray without ceasing."  I am so blessed, dear heavenly Father, that Amy frequently asks me to pray for her, and today is one example of many.  She has her interview in just under an hour.  Please bless her in whatever way Your will dictates.  Allow her to see Your hand in her life, leading her, using her, and providing for her.  Honor, please, her desire to serve You, whether at Esperanza or at Gordon.  I have to run now, but I know that I do not have to use many words to be heard by You.  In Jesus's name and for His sake (and for Amy's sake, too, yes?)~ Amen.

Amy's Opportunity

Lord, what are You up to in Amy's life?  :)  Thank You for the chance that she has to interview for the Admissions Counselor job at Gordon.  Thank You even more that someone pursued her for it.  What a compliment!  And maybe what a provision for her (and for us, her parents, who would have been supporting her this next year)!  If this is Your will, calm any anxieties she may have and let her light shine.  You lead the way, dear Lord.  I'm pretty sure she will follow.  In Jesus's name and for the sake of Your work in her life and in the world~Amen!

Taking Time

SOOOO much to do, Lord, before we have the Cochrells--new pastor at HBC--for dinner tonight!  But SOOOO foolish to try to do it without asking for Your blessing on tonight's meeting.  Please be glorified in our conversation.  Don't let me (especially) say anything negative or unkind.  Please direct our questions, our responses, and their questions and responses to build Your kingdom's work at HBC and in the world.  For Jesus's sake~Amen. 

Greetings!

Greetings, dear God!  Today's daily reading from Your word comes from Romans 16, where Paul shares about a dozen greetings.  (I didn't count, but I am estimating.  :)  ) 

"to address with expressions of goodwill, respect, etc.; greet.

 

to express respect or praise for; honor; commend"

I'm not sure what my agenda today includes (who does, really?) but I hope to "greet" at least one or two of my friends in an unusual way today.  Would You help me with that?

But on to different things, Lord...It has been a little while since I have sat down to spend some time with You.  My bad.  It isn't that I haven't been in constant prayer communication with You, and that is good.  Sometimes I feel that trying to "study" every day from Your word confuses the message.  I need time to ponder, meditate, absorb the content.  I really love to reflect on what You say over the course of a day or two or sometimes three, and then to figure out how to act upon it.

Well, enough excuses.  :)  I just cruised over to see whether Beth Moore has any online Bible studies that could help me get into studying the Word on a regular basis.  Boy, is my life topsy-turvy right now.  The daughters will be coming home next Sunday, and then Julie will have only 10 days at home before returning to college.  Amy will have about a month before going to Esperanza.  Interspersed with these joyful challenges is Bill's ongoing chemotherapy and the family support that it demands.  Whew!  Of course, that is in the arena of family.  I didn't even touch on the Christian Education ministry at HBC!  Yes, I am tired, but fulfilled.  I am (usually) operating out of my comfort zone.  Sometimes I wish for a week off to address all the small and large details of organizing my home and my life...maybe that will come with the surgery in October?

God, the book Crazy Love is challenging me.  In a good way.  This chapter (only chapter 2; I'm slow) highlights our selfish focus on ourselves rather than the appropriate focus on You, since all of history and all of life is all about YOU.  I really am amazingly blessed that my husband and my daughters get this.  In fact, just Wednesday Julie chose to spend her day off from camp with her grandmother and grandfather at chemo.  I tended (and may still tend?) to worry a little more about her spiritual health since she attends a non-overtly-Christian college, but I forget myself that You are not limited.  She's pretty good!  So I will keep surrendering her and her spiritual growth and feeding to You.  You are doing a great job!  ;)

I have only 10 minutes left here, and I would like to capture Bill's story in the other blog.  For now, Lord, good-bye!  I love You with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength!

"Hi, Dad"

As I was trying to think of a title for this entry. dear Father, the "Hi, Dad!" one grabbed my heart and made me (combination) roll my eyes and close my eyes.  It fits.  Beautifully.  :)

It feels warm and welcoming, like coming home.  I imagine flopping down on the couch and just starting an aimless conversation with You.  I know that we would get to some deep stuff, eventually or maybe even pretty quickly.  I wonder what it would be like to sit there, next to You, with Your arm around my shoulder and maybe my head on Your chest, listening to Your heart.  <deep sigh>

Well:

• Bill, of course, and healing/relief with the cancer and the Alzheimers
• Wanda--also of course!--and her strengthening and stamina.
• Our daughters and protection during the coming storms which have prompted a tornado watch in Berkshire County.
• Joey P and his salvation~and his success at school~and his eventual career choice.

Father, I am going to go sit on the couch now.  :)

Jordan, My Helper

Again, dear Father, I want to commit to praying in actuality when I promise someone I will.  Today, during Bill's chemo treatment, Nicole Patricks asked me to pray for Jordan, her oldest daughter and one of my most beloved helpers in Junior Church.

Father, Jordan has a tremendous heart for You and some cognitive limitations in her brain.  She is so sweet, Lord.  Sometimes, though, she may not keep up with kids of average to above-average intelligence.  So it seems to be at Pineshore Bible Camp in Westminster this week.

At least I think she's at Pineshore.  :)

No matter where she is, her momma reports that Jordan may be struggling not so much with homesickness as with social relationships with her peers.  Please, dear Father, You know Jordan's special and specific needs.  You know that she loves You.  (Remember the story Nicole related about Jordan's sticking up for You when she was in second grade?  She punched a disrespectful boy in the stomach.  Later, when Nicole asked what he said, she replied, "Ungh!"  LOL!!)  She is not quick-witted or sassy or socially comfortable.  Please allow someone strong and sensitive to be led by Your Holy Spirit to see Jordan's awkwardness and to be gentle and welcoming to her.  May a dear one from Your family include Jordan in an understanding and loving way in the banter and fun and especially in the spiritual conversations among the girls, but in a way that doesn't go over Jordan's head.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Connie's Death



Connie

 Father God, I promised Donna that I would be "praying without ceasing" in response to her request for prayer for Uncle Tom.  I have been trying NOT to promise to pray unless I actually write my commitment down somewhere and then follow up on it in a way that I can confirm.  Hence, this entry.

It's sad to me, Father, that Uncle Tom and Connie probably did not respond favorably to the Good News.  It may be too late for Connie.  It's not too late for Uncle Tom.  So, Father, may I beg You to knock harder on his heart's door?  (Revelation 3:20 "Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.")  He is very hardened, possibly--probably--in some measure due to his first wife's (may I say it?) "crazy" Christianity.  Tom is an intelligent man.  He doesn't do the emotional thing.  And yet...there is reason, emotion, and relationship in Your message, Your offer.  Please allow the Christians in his family to demonstrate to him Your invitation, Your really-not-crazy love.  Even as I type that, though, I recall the title of Francis Chan's book Crazy Love.  Maybe Your love is crazy.  But it's still real and powerful and important and necessary.

Poor Connie, though, to have lost her mind to Alzheimer's.  She was a very sweet lady, in a spicy kind of way.  :)  Uncle Tom wouldn't have been attracted to someone less feisty, I think.  Mercy, Father!  I know that I really don't know the condition of Connie's heart.  I wish that at the moment of death, or the moment immediately after, You might give each person one final chance to surrender to Your amazing offer of forgiveness and eternal life.  There's nothing in Scripture to tell us that, of course.  Still, there is nothing in Scripture written by anyone who has been at that moment immediately following death, either.  I wish....

Father, death is horrible.  You know that.  That's why You decided to provide a way to beat it.  May we take that provision seriously not only for ourselves but also for those in our worlds who don't understand it yet.  Give us--the Christians in the Nicols family--the chance to show if not to speak to Uncle Tom about it.  In Jesus's name and for His inroads into Uncle Tom's heart~Amen!

Theme from Thoughts

• Our daughters reported that the Christian camp at which they work has experienced some racism among the parents of some campers
• Our oldest daughter's volunteer trip to Tijuana, Mexico, garnered some response from the Mexican consulate this week.
• One of the songs on my Kindle reminded me of the section from Philippians (I think) that talks about Your having "left Your mighty throne in glory" to come to earth for us.

The common theme?  I won't have time to fully explore it tonight, but I see the idea of a parent--the Heavenly Father, the campers' parents, and me--sending or allowing their beloved child to go into a place of possible danger.  In at least two of the examples, the purpose for the journey into potential peril is the rescue of beloved people.  Lord, I embrace this theme for the sake of the Gospel and of the advancement of Your kingdom.  When I become anxious about Amy's time in Tijuana, remind me of this.  Bless her, bless her efforts to pull all this together, and bless her ministry there.  She's doing this for You!  And so am I.  :)  Thank You for this insight.  It helps.

A Quote about Prayer

Frederick Buechner: “Everybody prays whether [you think] of it as praying or not. The odd silence you fall into when something very beautiful is happening or something very good or very bad. The ah-h-h-h! that sometimes floats up out of you as out of a Fourth of July crowd when the sky-rocket bursts over the water. The stammer of pain at somebody else's pain. The stammer of joy at somebody else's joy. Whatever words or sounds you use for sighing with over your own life. These are all prayers in their way. These are all spoken not just to yourself but to something even more familiar than yourself and even more strange than the world.”

 

Father, I don't know a thing about Frederick Buechner other than that he was a Presbyterian minister.  I do like everything about this quote except the end.  "...but to something..." really should be "...but to Someone...."  To YOU.  Amen!

A Few Important Things

1. Father, Christine P. just emailed that she is experiencing some bleeding in her 12th week of pregnancy.  :(   According to her doctor, the baby is still strong and active.  That's good!  Please protect this baby's life and help Christine to be wise in her activity to minimize any risks that her behaviors could affect.
2. Big day for Bill--and Wanda--tomorrow!  Grant them favor in Your eyes, and please have mercy on them by allowing Bill to experience the fewest possible side effects from the chemo.
3. My girls are tired, dear Lord, but they sacrificed so much to be with the Nicols family this weekend.  Would you give them supernatural strength and energy this week along with unusually effective rest?  They are serving You, not that You owe them anything, but You do tend to empower those who are working hard for Your Kingdom.  ???

I need to get ready for bed really soon.  Love You!

Whew

Father...my head is spinning.  Not with pain or ache, but with "stuff."  To think about all the things that are going on, to try to talk to You about them in a meaningful, prayerful way, ah!  That is the challenge!!

Bill: moving forward!  Today I talked with my supervisor and with my human resources coordinator about using the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) to use some time for Bill and Mom.  I'm not sure whether Jackie (my department head) will be as accepting and supportive as the others were, but I am asking You to soften her heart and make her a bit more flexible than she usually is.  I'd like to try the four 10-hour day thing, but I will accept whatever You arrange.  There is an attractiveness about the 4-day work week that I should not deny to You :) since You know everything anyway.  You're the Boss, Lord.  Would you work this out to Your glory and to help Bill and Mom?

My Girls:  I put that in capitals :) because it reminds me of the Temptations' song "My Girl."

I guess you'd say/What can make me feel this way/My girls, my girls, my girls...

I am so thankful for them!  I do not want to make idols of them; I realize that's a risk for some parents, and especially some mothers.  I do want to love and encourage and pray for their blessing.  Father, may I ask that You build Your life into them.  For Amy, I ask that You guide her path to Mexico and beyond to graduate school.  Particularly--I am a mother, after all--I plead with you to keep her safe in that violent city of Tijuana.  For Julie, I ask with gratitude already for fellowship for her.  Thank You for her "job" or perhaps more properly her "ministry" at Lakeside.  Please keep her in Your word and in Your Spirit this summer, enough to carry her through in college where fellowship is much harder to find.

It's almost 10 pm. If I am going to get used to a 10-hour day, I need to have discipline about getting to bed early.

Oh, yes...My husband.  He's not home yet, and I could hear the exhaustion when he called 45 minutes ago.  Please fill him with energy and stamina and alertness to get home safely tonight to me.  Amen!

Organizing My Prayers

Hi, Father.  I'm not sure how much time I have left on the Worcester Public Library computer.  Help me, please, to organize my thoughts and my prayers.  I have a fair number of things I would love to discuss with You!

(Just checked--27 minutes left.  I spent some time in Wordpress.com on Bill's and Wanda's Journey.)

Random order--no particular significance:

1. Work: I meant what I said to Moin (Muttakin, MD).  I am grateful that I still have, and will have, a job.  The proposed hours are horrible, though.  Father, I trust You to choose and arrange the right schedule for me and George.  I would like to continue with my private client ministry and with MOPS, which is going to an evening meeting time.  What do You want for me?
2. Church: How do I say this?  Is it all right that George and I are glad to see the current assistant/associate pastor leaving in a month?  We have not yet met the new pastor, who is remarkably young (32!) compared to us.  :)  Please, please bless him and the church and the new relationship between them that will be forming.  Let it get established on a great foundation; let everyone get off on the right foot.  And, particularly, please let him be sensitive to children's ministry.  He has three preschool boys of his own; that's a good indicator, I hope.  Which leads me to...
3. ...Junior Church: Ah, yes, the times, they are a-changin'!  We've got the month of July coming up when we will be having a large-group assembly followed by a split period for preschoolers and elementary schoolers.  I chose Group Publishing's Kids' Own Worship curriculum mostly because a) it says it spans Preschool through Grade 6 and b) I had to make a decision in a hurry.  Father, these are Your babies.  Bless this ministry for the summer for the children, their parents, the teachers and helpers, and the entire Body of Christ, please?
4. Bill: Of course.  And Mom, of course.  Cancer--treatment--anxiety--energy and endurance--for them both.
5. My daughters: They are serving You at Lakeside, Father.  Keep them close to You (and to each other, too, perhaps).  I am particularly desirous of fellowship for Julie, who does not get as much spiritual support at college as Amy did (I think).  Encourage and energize them both.  Amy has a lot of responsibility on her young shoulders.  I think this is fantastic experience for her, especially in preparation for her (currently) chosen professional path.  And we'll see them this weekend!!! (Lord willing, of course.  :)  )
6. Mary Ann: Where did that come from?  We're not sure where she is with regard to her relationship with You, Father.  Any opportunities You bring we'll take.  My prayer is that You bring opportunities and overcome the opposition of the enemy.  It's been a long time since we have had a good, deep, spiritual conversation with her.

I think that may be enough for tonight.  I need to get to the grocery store and get some ingredients for supper quiches.  I still like doing this; it's like a date, it's documented, and it forces me to get serious and down to business because my time on the library computer is limited.  So~thanks.  For it all.  "Everything I have for Your Kingdom's cause."  In Jesus's name~Amen.

(11 minutes left.  LOL)

A Random Prayer for an Acquaintance

Father, I have grown slightly dependent on writing prayers.  :)  I hope that's okay with You.  It's easier to remember that I did pray when I said I would.  It also helps me to crystallize my prayer requests.

So...the sister of one of my patients is in a difficult situation with her daughter and her 11-month-old grandson.  They are all living together in Grandma's home, and it is not very comfortable.  Please help all of them to get along together, to be respectful and considerate of each other, and to be patient.  Please help daughter to find an appropriate, safe, affordable place for herself and her baby VERY soon.  Until then, support them, please?  In Jesus's name~and, by the way, if You would open up an opportunity to share the Gospel with sister/mother/grandmother, I'll take it~Amen!

Prayer Follow-up for Julie

Lord, I have less than 15 minutes here, but I wanted to follow up with another prayer for my daughter Julie (and Amy, too, of course, but she doesn't need it as much--I think).  Please reduce her feeling of being overwhelmed in some, or even many, ways.  Please also help her to manage not only her difficult camper wisely but also her reaction to her difficult camper.  Please encourage her in an obvious way today!  She's serving You, and so it is not only for her sake but for Your sake that I pray this in Jesus's name.

Encouraging Julie

Dear Heavenly Father, I think it significant and symbolic that Julie's (and Amy's) father on earth felt a pull toward them yesterday.  (If You're willing, we'll visit them next Saturday at camp.)  Last night, Amy--who carries her cell phone whereas Julie is not allowed--texted me that "[Julie]'s got a lot on her plate this week."  A little later, after a request for clarification, she sent this: "I think she's just overwhelmed.  She's got one really difficult camper and she's a team leader for the week."

The request?  Just pray for her and for her energy.  So, here I am, Father, asking You to infuse Julie with necessary additional energy from You.  We know that Julie is not, by nature, an "energetic" person.  She's is more calm, more laid back, more go-with-the-flow.  Holy Spirit, move in and through Julie's life this week in supernatural ways to fill her with joy, patience (that difficult camper), and stamina.  I pray additionally that this would happen in such a way that she comes by these things surprisingly!  At the end of this week (and maybe this summer), could she look back on it with curiosity and wonder where all of this "unnatural" (to her) energy, patience, and joy came from--and then have her eyes opened to You standing there grinning?

Help her out, Lord.  You and I know that she loves You and wants to serve You.  "Sociology," right?  Difficult people are unfortunately a part of society and, more unfortunately, of Your family.  Touch her now (8:06 a.m.--she's probably awake) and encourage her.  In Jesus's name, because this is all for His sake~Amen.

Stumbling Forward

Lord, I will need extra patience and understanding with Mom during this cancer/Alzheimer's journey of Bill's.  I already know--everyone who knows Mom knows--that she tends to express her anxiety in irritability.  "Has anyone considered the interaction of Bill's Alzheimer's [diagnosis] and his cancer?"  That was her question this morning (by the way, at 8:50 a.m. and as I was getting ready for a 10:00 a.m. client).  In reality, that was NOT her question.  She is angry at Randy, Bill's son, because...well, I am not really sure what her reason is.  Randy does not know how far Bill's dementia has advanced, especially since the original suspicion to explain Bill's loss of appetite involved a known side effect of the Aricept.

I think I will be journaling elsewhere about Bill's journey (Wordpress, probably).  For now, since this is my prayer blog, I will focus on praying.  Dear Holy Spirit, do what You do.  I will cooperate.  Direct me as a puppet or a marionette in Your hands.  Yet again I ask for mercy for Bill and, yes, for Mom, too.  This is her journey as well.  Show me how to be Your servant as I serve them.  Lead me in ways that You have already marked and prepare; for example, what do You think of my asking for one day a week to be with them?  Or having a cleaning service one day every two weeks to allow me to be with them more?  Thank You, by the way, for an awesome husband who understands this period in the life of my family.  He has been remarkably supportive for a guy who hates medical illnesses.  :)

I am on limited time here, dear Father, but never on limited time for prayer.  May Your will be done, as always.  In the healing name of Jesus~Amen.

Mom's Spiritual Growth

In the middle of my posting about the Ephesians puzzle at Mom's house, I receive a phone call from her.  To keep this entry short--hubby should be home in 15 minutes or less--she asked me about Amy's favorite verse.  Incredibly, she remembered or had just looked up somewhere that it comes from 1 Peter, but she couldn't recall the exact chapter and verse.  She asked me what it was and said that she *could* look it up, but if I would...

It's 1 Peter 5:7~

Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.

She responded, "That's beautiful."  It is.  Even more beautiful is the comfort she is receiving from the Lord and His word.

Thank You, Father.

PS  We're still praying for Bill.  We need to add a request for his mind.  Please be gracious and allow him to regain some of his old mental functioning, enough for him to get through these next 2 very stressful months.  Please?  For the sake of the work of Jesus in his life~~Amen.

Gratitude

Lord God of great mercy, I have only 14 minutes to enter this note of gratitude.  THANK YOU.  You once again showed Yourself to be the God of mercy by allowing -- is that correct? -- Bill's cancer to be localized, to have been contained only to his esophagus. not to have metastasized.  Mom was "overwhelmed" and wasn't as obviously grateful as I thought she might have been, but as she said, she has to live with him, and with the Alzheimer's disease, every day.  Still...

Yes, Heavenly Father, I am grateful.  It may still be a wild two months.  Bill will need a feeding tube and he will be receiving radiation every weekday for about 5 weeks.  He will, in addition, get low-dose chemo one time per week to enhance the radiation.  If this is Your will, gracious Father, would You open the way for me to have a 4-day work week for a season?  I would work 10-hour days, but the additional day, perhaps for the chemo day, might be of help to Bill and Mom.  This plan is just an idea, dear God, and if it is an idea from You, then I trust that You will pave the way.

You are amazing, God!

Bill Still . . .

6:20 p.m.

How do I begin, Lord?  I am committing to pray for Bill and against that horrible cancer in his body.  Sometimes I see encouragement in my daily Bible readings, and sometimes I see that You allow people to die--Stephen in Acts, Margie Germagian from church just this week.  How do I make sense of all this?  Am I supposed to make sense of all this?

"When you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do."  (I'm a Gentile.  LOL!)  "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  That's good, Father, because I don't know what I need, or exactly what Bill and Mom need.  "Pray then like this:...."

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name.  Your kingdom come, Your will be done....

Bless Your name, Father.  I know that Your home is in heaven, and that You have "summer homes" or second (and third...) homes in our hearts.  Why do we fight so hard to go to Your home?  I know the answer to this one for Bill.  I need to know that he knows that he is going to Your home.  Of course, I don't want to jump ahead here.  Would You tarry--delay--and perhaps give us some news tomorrow that might help us to bless Your name?  I hesitate to ask boldly for a staging number that is not "4."  I don't really know why I hesitate.  Hmmm....I want to ask in accordance with Your will: "Your will be done."  I want "Your kingdom [to] come" in Bill's life (if it has not already).  I want to be able to sing that song "Blessed Be Your Name" including the verse "...on the road marked with suffering...though there's pain in the offering...."

So, allow me to be bold here for just a moment and entertain a radical request from You.  Would You please, please give us a piece of good news to keep us hoping?  Would that be outside Your will?  This is where those groanings of the Spirit too deep for words have to happen, because I cannot put into words what I am asking You.  I am a bit afraid to ask You for the obvious--that Bill's cancer, though "poorly differentiated and aggressive," might not be Stage 4 and might respond to some treatment--but that is what I am fearfully, tearfully hoping.  But "Not my will, but Yours, be done." Luke 22:42

My final prayer tonight (6:37 pm) is that, then.  Please show me what to say, when to say it, when to say nothing, how to show love and how to show You tomorrow in the doctor's office and after.  Thank You that Randy and Terri are planning to be there, too.  I am glad that Bill is being shown how much he is loved.  Embrace him, Father.  Embrace Mom, too, and bring both of them peace and comfort no matter what the news is.  (But if You would let the news not be too bad...please....)

Father, You already know that all of this I pray for Jesus's sake~Amen.

6:40 pm

My Girls at Camp

Hi, Lord.  It would be so remiss of me to neglect praying for my daughters, especially in their work for You at Lakeside.  For Amy, I ask for leadership.  For Julie, I ask for fellowship.  For both, I ask for a passionately close relationship with You.

Holy Spirit, do in their lives what will bring them close to You and what will glorify You.  In the gardens of their lives--such different and both beautiful gardens!--please pull out the weeds that choke Your choice of plants and flowers, and nurture the growth in a well-designed piece of Your kingdom.  I guess I want to pray this for me, too.  Please use me, and to a great degree more than I will provide, my prayers to partner with You in this work.  I love them much more than I could have imagined before I became their mother.  Perhaps I understand You as Father God in a more complete way than I did as a single, childless woman.  :)  Thank You for them both, Lord.  Guard them, please, in every way from every evil.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

Bill Again

Dear Lord, I want to bring my stepdad Bill into Your throne room--or at least bring his name and his situation to You.  I suppose it is up to You and to him to get the two of you together.  I wish--I pray--for the opportunity to KNOW what his spiritual condition is.  If I am to be one of the people that You use to share the Gospel with him, then please ensure that I know when and where, and please also ensure that I am there.  I guess that might mean that I need to spend more time there.  Yes?

So, precious Savior, please keep Bill alive long enough--and keep his mind "alive" long enough, too--for him to have the chance to respond to Your invitation to eternal life.  Wednesday is the PET scan.  Grant him and Mom Your favor, and may I be so bold as to ask for an encouraging result?  Cancer is a terrible thief, and I know that You don't always intervene in the normal course of illnesses or other human tragedies (a la C.S. Lewis); so, apart from some miraculous action and a specifically God-exalting purpose, I won't expect a complete cure.  I will expect, because You promise it, that You will "tarry" in order for Bill to come to repentance.  The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.  2 Peter 3:9  Please?

And for Mom, peace.  Relief from anxiety.  A radical acceptance of Your will.  More peace.  Please give her comfort from Your heart.  I'll do whatever You tell me to do to accomplish Your will in their lives.  In Jesus's name~Amen.

I Knew....

(It's 5:47 p.m.  This is just to keep me honest about how much time I am praying.)

Father, I knew.  I knew that Bill has esophageal cancer.  It's "poorly differentiated and aggressive."  In a way, his Alzheimer's is a blessing.  As Randy (his son) said to me on the phone today, Bill may be comprehending only about 20% of the news.

But Mom...she's ... I don't know ... devastated.  I sent a Facebook message to Kathryn to inform her since I know how much she loves Mom and wants to be supportive in times like this.

Father, I'm still groaning.  I know that the Holy Spirit is interceding with groanings too deep for words.  

And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for.  but the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God's own will.  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

No, I don't know what You want me to pray for right now.  What can I say?  "Thy will be done."  That's radical, and I am still struggling with grasping the reality of Bill's diagnosis.  "Thy will be done." 

Yesterday evening's daily New Testament reading described Stephen's martyrdom.  I wondered why prayers for Stephen, even his own prayers, were "not answered" in that You chose not to allow him to live.  Yet just a couple of weeks ago, maybe three weeks ago, I taught the Pre-Kindergarten about Peter's miraculous release from prison while believers were praying together in town.  Why one and not another?  Or why not all?  I know the answer intellectually, but emotionally right now I admit that I cannot make any sense of this.

Please, Father, if I may ask a few favors, let them be these:

• Please strengthen Mom.  She can become like a battleax :) when she is anxious.  I know that's her way of covering up her profound sadness, but others may not be so aware.
• She asked for encouragement.  Would You use me to give her some?  I'm not sure what to say, or whether to say much of anything, but I am willing to be with her as much as possible.
• Would You use others to encourage her, too?
• Please let Bill have peace.  And no pain?  Let him enjoy these days, and let many who love him let him know that.  Please bring laughter and joy to him.

I'll have to start a to-do list, and hospice may be one of the top items on it.  Then contacting the parish priest?  Is there a better choice than the priest from St. Michael's?  Would you let me know?

I need to leave to see a client.  Lord God, these are heavy, difficult times.  "Thy will be done."



Bill

Groan.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:26-28

Please, Lord, have mercy on Bill and on Mom.  May the news today at the doctor's office be encouraging.  I will be back on line, if possible, later this afternoon to pray more.

Excited to Meet You!

Hah!  I came to the Worcester Public Library with the express purpose of spending time with You, Lord.  It took a little work to log on here since this is the first day for them to convert to a new system--Evergreen...how wonderfully appropriate!--but I have about 20 minutes to pray.

I find that when I try to pray lately, my mind wanders a little bit.  I have always known that I capture my thoughts and feelings much more effectively in writing.  I suspect that my desire to write out my prayers is not only an extension of that characteristic of mine, but also a reflection of the adage "If it's not written down, it didn't happen."  :)

My daughters: Dear God, give them a summer of edification, encouragement, and (have to think of another word that starts with an "e") excellence/empathy/ebullience!  What I really want for them is deepening relationships, both with You and with Godly friends and coworkers.  Thank You for their jobs!  Even though it will cost my husband and me some money, may we consider our contribution an investment in our daughters' futures.

My "son": Well, he's not really my son, and I hope his mother doesn't take offense at my adoption of him into my heart.  Please bless his cross-country bicycling and deepen his relationship with You during the trip.  Please heal his toe (on which he dropped the church pew at Habitat on Saturday). Please bless all his relationships, including the one with his girlfriend, and lead him in the path in which You want him to go.

My husband: What a hard worker, Lord.  He puts me to shame.  Thank You (and him) for the diligence with which he labors at his job for the sake of our family and its provision.  Please energize him (another "e" word for the girls above!) and clear his mind when he feels weak, both physically tired and emotionally wrung and intellectually slow.  Thank You also for allowing us to share in ministry.  I think it helps our relationship to work side by side (sometimes...sometimes more in the same area but different parts of the field) and have to communicate and clarify our vision for children's Sunday morning education in our church.

My church: Lord, I honestly don't always feel that this is "my" church.  I confess that in case it is my sinful resistance and/or pride that holds me back from committing to it.  Nonetheless, dear Lord, please bless this church as it moves into a new stage under a new, young pastor.  Please bless Tim, Katie, and their children as they relocate to New England and encounter what many have described as culture shock.

Darn.  It's 6:11 p.m., and I have a 6:30 p.m. client.  I wish I could keep going, Lord.  There is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much that I would love to talk over with You!  Bottom line: I love You, I want to serve You, I want to follow Your lead in everything, I want to glorify You with my life, my actions, my relationships, my choices.  I have to go now.  :(  Thank You so much for this time!  For the sake of Your kingdom, AMEN.

Prayer for DH

(DH stands for Dear Husband.)

Heavenly Father, my DH is not having a good period.  He has been complaining for months now that his work is getting too hard for him.  Monday he tried to play soccer, but he pulled a muscle in his side and is in pain.  Yesterday (Tuesday) he was as moody as I have ever seen him.  I think he really wants a simpler job, one that doesn't demand such a long and terrible commute, and one that doesn't tax his brain past its abilities.  I don't blame him.  Work is a curse, I believe, based on what You said in Genesis:  "through painful toil you will eat food from it [the ground] all the days of your life."   I am blessed to find joy in my work, and may I ask that You grant the same--or at least similar--joy to my husband?

Father, encourage my husband for Your sake.  Please bring him a good measure of relief from his pain and his burdensome labor.  Restore to him the joy of Your salvation (Psalm 51).  Correct whatever thinking errors are contributing to his dismay and allow him to return to his typical good cheer.  I have to get back to work now, or I would continue to pray/write longer.  I know You understand.  I am asking this for my husband out of my deep love for him and my deeper love for You.  In Your Son's name and for the sake of Your kingdom~Amen.

Delicate Issue

Lord, I have to get this off my chest.  I am concerned about my older daughter's weight.  She is (I know, many mothers have said this) a truly beautiful girl, inside and out.  She has struggled--maybe not struggled?--with her weight for most of her life.  Is there something psychological involved in her weight?  Here I am, a psychotherapist, and I am wondering about this!!  Is there a fear or an aversion to men and their standards of attractiveness?  Is it a biological or genetic phenomenon, given that there are weight problems on both sides of the family, and most extremely on mine?

Please, dear Great Physician, intervene in her life now.  Help her to get a handle on her weight problem and allow her to experience a healthy, active, unencumbered body.  I don't know how she feels about romantic relationships, but I do know that our bodies are Your temples and that You have made them for such relationships.  Please...for her...and for Your sake.  Amen..

Finishing Strong

Dear Heavenly Father, please accept this very brief and rushed petition on behalf of my daughters.  They both have finals this week--Julie has one on Monday (tomorrow) and Amy has two on Monday and Wednesday (I think).  Please keep them focused on how their studies will glorify You and equip them to serve You better in the world.  Give them grace to study what is necessary; give them efficiency in studying wisely; give them rest so that their brains can work well in the testing environment.  I can hardly wait to have them both home, even if only  for a short time.  Please bless them--from me!--and keep them in the palm of Your hand.  In Jesus's--Your Son's--name, AMEN.