Beloved Adonai, I am sitting in a beautiful cabin in Viola, Wisconsin, with my daughters and their husbands asleep upstairs. (You know this already, of course!) My niece Parlee is getting married today. The kicker, which You also know already, is that she is lesbian.
How did homosexuality become the most mortal of mortal "sins" for conservative American Christians? It seems to me, as it has for a long time, that the shunning of gay people is akin to the Amish shunning of those who are apostate. In an AI overview, shunning is "a form of church discipline involving social avoidance of excommunicated members." Curiously to my limited understanding of You and Your ways, this exclusion of gay people from the very opportunity to meet You -- an opportunity that I always understood to be Your desire for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or any other difference in their lives -- keeps them from the one and only influence that (if necessary) could address their deepest need for You!!
(As an aside, and somewhat jokingly, I ask why in Heaven's name did You give us humans that partnership in drawing people to You? We are making such a mess of it.)
I will leave this post open because I have a bunch of random thoughts and recollections about this subject and the experience of discussing this with my family, including my sons-in-law. I will need to process this for a long time with You. In the meantime, please bless Parlee and Emily as I would pray that You would bless anyone else on their day of commitment of love to each other.
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You will note that my own husband is not here with us. That is one of the worst and most troubling features of this situation for me.
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I find it difficult, Adonai, to set aside time to read and write. I will probably have more trouble once my class starts in a couple of weeks. But in my thoughts come ideas and maybe some communication from You that I wish I could grasp and commemorate in writing.
That said, I had several amazing and profound conversations this weekend with my daughters and with their husbands. Right now, my own mother is on the phone, mostly because it is my birthday! I will come back later.
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New day, new plan: flight delays occasioned by weather issues.
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Abba Adonai, I--no, let me put the focus on You. YOU did some work this weekend in the younger generation in our little nuclear family, at least as far as I can tell. The troubling thing that I may as well admit to You, because You already know this, involves my DH. I was shocked at the intensity of the reaction to his decision to "hold to his convictions." I cannot, of course, share this experience with him. In fact, my conversation with him yesterday concerned me. He would, of course, deny my interpretations and impressions of his statements. Here, Abba, may I share what I felt? What I "heard"?
- DH became defensive when I approached the topics of concern to our children regarding the family's rejection of their gay cousin's marriage.
- DH was fishing for uncomplimentary reports of the wedding.
- DH was also fishing for uncomplimentary reports of his sister's ... well, everything. Behavior, appearance, plans, attitudes.
- DH misunderstood at least some of the interactions in the phone call of earlier in July. Specifically, he seemed to miss the meaning and the origin of the statement by our son-in-law Tue about "never becoming a Christian." He (DH) believed that Tue had reacted to my pre-marriage letter to him expressing my desire for him (Tue) to know the saving gospel. You know, Father, that my heart was not malicious. Even Tue acknowledged that motivation in the early July phone call and again this weekend with me. Yet, when DH presented his misunderstanding that blamed me for that statement, I wavered in my recollection. The gaslighting effect, I think. It remains hard for me to have such different points of view from DH. Aren't we supposed to be in unity?
- Our daughters and their husbands are so disappointed in him. Tue is specifically and self-admittedly angry at him. Toward me, they seem pleased and proud of me. I had to dissuade them from too much praise, from putting me on a pedestal. I feel awkward about their positive feedback at the same time that I am thrilled to have this connection with them.
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