Alas, Sovereign Lord!

Indeed, these words reflect how I feel these days, Abba.  Alas, alas! I am grieved and concerned for the condition of my beloveds' hearts--not so much the ones nearest to me, but so many in the middle and outer concentric circles.

I am also exhausted in so many ways and in so many facets of my life.  Just to capture some of them, to bring some order to the chaotic bombardment of my life:

• My mother's recent diagnosis of cancer
• The family decisions regarding her estate and the division of her assets
• My husband's skepticism and inability to understand the legal and practical reasoning underlying these decisions, despite many attempts to explain
• My sister's complicated and ambivalent relationship with the situation of supporting our mother and her conscious or subconscious expectation for compensation.  (She will deny this vigorously, but this dilemma seems to be there.)
• My in-laws' and my husband's hurtful decisions to refuse to attend our (and their) niece's gay wedding on religious grounds.  There is SO much division around this issue, Abba!  In my own reasoning, I chose love.  I do not understand all the Biblical and political ramifications of the subject; I honestly chose to attend to express love to my niece and to keep doors open to relationship with me and hopefully with You.  I don't want to sound too super-spiritual or sanctimonious about this, but simply stated, that's about it.
• My upcoming arbitration hearing sometime in October 2025 (October 17th is in my calendar).  Abba, sometimes I selfishly fantasize about a financial settlement from a favorable decision.  I also remind myself that a favorable decision is not guaranteed.  May Your will be done and may You be honored and glorified by whatever decision is made.
• My second-to-last CAGS course.  Please, Lord God, use this knowledge to bless Your people and to bless the world in Your name.  I can feel some of the stress already, but I know (not sure how I know, but we will talk about that later) that this is Your plan for me to finish this decade of my life.

I love You, Abba Lord!  The world is a big hot mess, and I keep hearing themes of Your disappointment, anger, discipline, and punishment in, with, and of Your people in my current Scripture readings.  Either earlier in Ezekiel or in Lamentations, I recall a prayer to hear what You were saying.  

As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me. (Ezekiel 2:2)

Spirit, come into me, and may I hear You speaking to me the word of the Lord for me.