Prayer Time with Many Issues

Abba Father, we will see a tentatively scheduled hearing on the termination grievance this week.  May I cry out to You for justice?  I see Your people across millennia being oppressed by others, which You have allowed but from which You want to set Your people free.  I have tried to take Your viewpoint on this situation, believing that You had allowed it to happen with little to no forewarning.  I can't see what I could have done differently since the interaction seemed innocuous and friendly.  My heart cries out for justice.  I know that there are SO many Bible verses asking You to bring justice, and trying to choose one that captures my sadness and my pleading would take a lot of time and even more confusion.  This may be a good one, though, thanks to a Google search:

"Don't you know [yes, I do!] that God, the true judge, will grant justice to all his chosen ones who cry out to him night and day?  He will pour out his Spirit upon them." Luke 18:7  TPT

"EVEN EVIL BENDS TO GOD'S WILL." (Tara-Leigh on today's recap)

Abba, I am ready to be drenched in Your Spirit.  At least I am, and I definitely want to be.  I want to be one of those chosen ones who cries out to You constantly, all day long, and I pray that You will grant justice to me.  You are my true judge; You are the world's true judge.  We all need true and wise judges more than ever before.  Whatever Your will for the outcome of this trying trial, may I accept it graciously and faithfully.

As Tara-Leigh says,

I love You, too.  Amen.

Counting on You

 "...even God’s enemies who have deceived God’s people end up serving God’s purposes and glory."  Tara-Leigh Cobble on Day 84 of The Bible Recap transcript.

Oh, Abba, I considered writing this entry about courage and discouragement.  I am struggling lately with the discouragingly slow pace of resolving my dilemma with work, or more accurately, with termination from work.  One of the recent verses from Joshua references both courage and discouragement: 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

These are commands.  That they are commands implies that I have some role in obeying these commands.  That implication suggests that courage and discouragement are less emotionally based than behaviorally based.  Is that right?  How do I behave courageously?  Do I make myself do something in the face of, against the background of, feelings of discouragement? 

Show me, Abba, what to do.  I will do it.  In the meantime, I will ask You every day for Your agenda.  So far today, when I jotted down three things (and two other things that I did not write down), I have done all but one.  Time to go do that one thing.

I am counting on You, Abba, to do something big and miraculous and maybe unexpected or even unimaginable, the way you did in Joshua 9-11, my reading today,

I love You, too.

Calm My Anxious Heart

 Abba, there is a lot coming up in my life in the next 2-4 weeks.  

• I learned that a hearing date for the grievance of inappropriate termination is likely to happen during the week of March 25
• --when we are supposed to be in New Jersey.  
• I am trying to figure out what to do about income and insurance, particularly dental and vision.  
• I am writing statements in my head for all the things I would like the grievance officer to learn.  
• I am anticipating my niece's funeral and the profound sadness that will accompany that day.  

I am trying to stay focused, Abba, without feeling overwhelmed.  I am not succeeding too well.  Things come and go from my memory and my consciousness without leaving traces or hints.  

I admit, Father God, that I am distracted.  I will try to get one task completed before I leave.  Forgive me for all the things, attitudinal and behavioral, known and unknown, that constitute sin against You.  Purify my heart and direct my path--and calm my anxious heart.

Love You.  Amen.

Curse to Blessing

 Deuteronomy 23:5 NLT "He [The LORD your God] turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you."

I am afraid to take this verse out of context and to apply it to the upcoming grievance hearing, Abba. Would You let it be so?  I need a little encouragement,

Also in Nehemiah 13:2!  (Referring to the same Bible event with Balaam)

You Must Purge the Evil

 Adonai, You abhor evil.  What confuses me about this trait of Yours is how You separate out hating evil from being angry at people who practice evil--which would be all of us at one time or another.  Or am I not getting the point here?  Perhaps being angry at someone who does evil is not wrong.  Scripture seems filled with Your anger at Your wayward followers, while at the same time emphasizing Your compassion, forgiveness, and love toward them.  My mind is exploding.  

In my own situation regarding the false accusation and all the consequences of it, Abba, I am having a lot of trouble straddling this line.  I am enraged at the damage done to me by the management of the interaction with a Muslim woman.  As I read (or listen to) Your word in Deuteronomy, I see that the testimony of *more than one* witness is required when an accusation is made, and that did not happen here.  In fact, I believe that the witness's testimony, while probably not malicious in intent, was affected by the victim's interaction with him prior to his giving his statement.  BUT of course, there are two problems with this observation: one, I have no documentary proof that this happened or affected the testimony, and two, the state does not follow Your rules, or even the rules of courts and laws and trials.  (I might get fairer treatment in a courtroom, but these days, even that is uncertain.)

So, Father, You can see why the repeated line in my Bible devotional today impressed me.  "You must purge the evil...."  Of course, the first place from which I must purge the evil--is from my own heart and life.  This is why I am asking You to help me figure out the balance between hating the evil woven into this situation and being angry at those who have perpetrated this evil, and behaving in a Godly way.

You can also see why my heart has chosen the theme of JUSTICE for this year.  Justice can be risky if I deserve punishment.  Here is another balancing act: justice and forgiveness.  (Deep thoughts)  It seems to me, in individual up to global venues, that justice is not valued anymore.  Winning is the thing!  

"Ask Him for wisdom.  Ask Him for heart change." I need both, God.  I need them both in buckets, large and overflowing buckets.  I want so much to represent You well, even in this weirdo time of trial.

Love You.

How Blessed

 "The Righteous and The Wicked Contrasted.  How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.  He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  And in whatever he does, he prospers.  (Psalms 1:1-3)" 

Thoughts on trees and growth and fruit: Trees take a while to establish their roots and prepare to bear fruit.  There is that theme of time, patience, and waiting again.  How long, Lord?  I know that in many of the Gospels, as well as in the Old Testament and the Epistles and *especially* Revelation, the length of time for You to take action frustrates us humans!

Being misunderstood is also tremendously frustrating--and I do recognize that You were, and are, so misunderstood.  What is it like for You, Lord?  What was it like when You were on earth?  From what I know and think, perhaps You were also frustrated.  Heartbroken, even, because Your good intentions--great and holy and loving intentions!--were twisted and mangled and dirtied.  I feel like that.  My intentions were not as pure as Yours, but as I have examined my heart and have said the words that describe the finding of the complaint, I do not find my heart *that* evil.  "I am a racist, violent bigot."  

Am I?  Do I have that in my heart?  

I know I have sin in my heart.  I know that I have some bad attitudes, a lot of sinful pride, a sharp tongue and an arrogance that can make me difficult to get along with.  I also know that I am not what I am accused of being, just as You knew that You were not a blasphemer and an agent of Satan.

Lord, I am determined to await Your vindication of me.  Please let it come soon.  My faith is not that strong, and I waver at times.  Help me to be blessed in the way that Psalm 1 describes.