So, Lord, another Sunday in the classroom. I admit it is tiring me. This week I served You in the girls' 3rd & 4th grade. One young lady with whom we have had minor trouble since she was in Kindergarten came to class with a cast on her arm. She is typically loud and distractible. She was loud and distractible this week. No change.
The curriculum talked about following rules and instructions, using Red Light Green Light the game to illustrate and have some fun. I admit it was a stretch, but the girls seemed to enjoy it. The abovementioned young lady was doing fine until I directed all the girls to stay put for a moment while I debriefed them and tried to press home the point. Off dashed Miss Casted One. I sent her back to her mother.
Afterward, Mother came to me defensive and angry.
Points to consider:
- Miss Casted One collected all the extra Thanksgiving activity papers, folded them, and hid them in her coat. Another student had to demand that she give one back for a student who came to class late.
- Historically as well as today, Miss Casted One has trouble not speaking out impulsively and off topic.
- Most importantly, the impulsive dashing off in the Gym presents a danger. Already, she has an injured arm. Without warning and in the face of clear direction from me to stand with the other girls, she ran to the other side of the room. This behavior meant that I could not trust that she would accept my authority.
I hate confrontation, dear Lord. I am asking, begging, You to give me Spirit-directed words and perhaps even more importantly "ears" to hear what Mother needs to say. Please also guard my mouth so that I do not speak "evil" or any hurtful thing. To be sure, some of the thoughts that both my DH and I have shared would be hurtful if spoken to Mother. (I hope none are true.) But that is a topic for another time; this family has surely suffered and does not need too much confrontation--or maybe they do? I will leave that to You to decide.
In Jesus's name, by the power of the Holy Spirit, and under the authority of the Father who disciplines us for our own good and His glory~~Amen.
...isn't very good.
There, I have said it.
Lord God, I look back over most of my life and realize that my relationships have been problematic for decades. This area of life is not one of my strengths. I don't really know what to do about this difficulty; of course, if I did, I would probably be doing the right things and I wouldn't be dealing with this weakness.
So, what do I do about my own stubbornness? I have argued in my own mind several justifications for my behaviors and choices. What do I value over relationships? Truth? Being right? I want a spiritual adviser...but I am cynical and/or paranoid enough to distrust the motives of such people.
In the most recent situation, totally without meaning to do so, I apparently "offended" a young female patient by calling her out on her yelling at another, more fragile patient. I pointed out that the young woman's behavior resembled that of someone she dislikes intensely (most people don't like that "someone") and whose words had hurt, even traumatized, her. For reasons that I have examined over and over, the young woman has chosen to focus on me rather than on her inappropriate, even bullying, behavior.
I have not backed down or apologized. I am getting quicker and more willing to apologize when I am wrong--I think. I am resisting this situation. I don't believe that I was, or am, wrong. Am I missing something? I know this young woman is "traumatized." (Now, I ask myself, why did I put that word in quotes? Is this something I doubt is related to her trauma?)
Lord, please make--keep, when it happens--me humble. Show me the error in my thinking, and help me to do the right thing. In Jesus's name~~Amen.
Father God, You are the protector of the orphans. Why do I start this post like that? In some ways, I see the students of Strawberry Mansion in Philadelphia as orphaned by the city's school system and by the policies of poverty. The public transit strike has contributed to their orphanhood; many of their parents cannot get to work without transportation, resulting in lost wages, lost jobs, lost food, lost opportunities for the families and especially for the students.
My daughter is caught up in this suffering as she serves those students. She is also caught up in the dissatisfaction of the school's principal, who may herself be caught up in the suffering. So, I said that I would pray for them both. For my daughter, that she would know that You are BIG. Bigger than all these problems, bigger than the principal, bigger than the forces of evil that we admit are loose in the world. For that principal, that she would know the same things. That she would be encouraged today by something, that she would say an encouraging thing--or two--and that she would (finally?) learn that leadership by intimidation is not as effective as leadership by love and example.
I need to get back to work. In Jesus's name, and in the encouragement of the Spirit~~Amen.
