I just read the devotional for "Nurturing Great Kids" on the Bible app on this computer. :) Proverbs 18:19 is the day's reading. " A brother offended...."
I am relatively sure that this verse will come back to me sometime soon. My Bible reading is like that. But for today, I have something else on my mind.
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/23014798/ns/health-behavior/t/your-marriage-going-get-worse-study-says/#.VYs5IEYYFnk
Lord, I first went to Today's Christian Woman, and the article there seemed superficial and bland. The article above was more helpful to me. In essence, it summarizes what I am feeling: that DH's idiosyncrasies and "weirdnesses" are more annoying to me than they used to be.
I have taken, and am taking, an emotional beating this year. Job satisfaction and appreciation in my profession are at a low. I am not as "good" as I once believed I was. There have been a lot of criticisms this year.
And I am feeling it.
So do these two things connect? I will leave that question open and I await Your answer. I really will await it. I will be alert to those messages that busy-ness may otherwise cause me to miss.
And I need to finish now because DH will be home in a very few minutes.
Help, Lord. I don't like the way I have become.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Monday, June 15, 2015
Contemplating Change
When I stop to pray, dear Father, I almost always find my mind believing that whatever ELSE comes into my head is more urgent than prayer. What a lie. I just went hunting for my resume, which I was told was NOT a requirement for today, instead of staying here with You.
So, first, let me thank You for a splendid, spectacular day for the girls' graduation party. It seemed like it included the entire wide span of ages well. Most significantly, You appeared to divert the rain and thunderstorms that were clearly forecast for that day. Until the day before, it looked like a wet party. You are gracious in even the small and seemingly unimportant details of our lives--a party??--and we need (I need) to trust You in the big ones.
And perhaps this change that I am contemplating is one of those big ones. I am tired of DMH and WRCH. I feel useless, hopeless, and very much unappreciated (maybe not so much that last one, but I may need to deal with that issue separately). I don't feel that the gifts of psychological healing that You seem to have given to me are being used most effectively. I feel that I am fighting powers of darkness--oh my, what did I just say?--and I am not winning.
Or are we?
Nevertheless, I look at this opportunity to take a different path as an exploration arranged by You. I hope that is accurate. Here I am at the cusp of my 59th birthday. I have long planned to do more private practice in my later years, and the landscape of private practice has changed enough that being in a group practice with prescribing psychiatrists and team backup is wise.
Lord God, You know that I want to be where You direct. This foray into a new possibility may be nothing more than confirmation that I need to stay put, or it may be the next step in my professional life and ministry for You. I don't know how to prepare. I will leave to You (the Holy Spirit) to put the words in my mouth that are appropriate for the moment. I will leave the outcome in Your hands. I--no, You--are the focus of this endeavor, and may You be glorified even with people of different cultures and backgrounds in that practice.
May Your will be done and may You be lifted up and glorified. In Jesus's name~~Amen.
So, first, let me thank You for a splendid, spectacular day for the girls' graduation party. It seemed like it included the entire wide span of ages well. Most significantly, You appeared to divert the rain and thunderstorms that were clearly forecast for that day. Until the day before, it looked like a wet party. You are gracious in even the small and seemingly unimportant details of our lives--a party??--and we need (I need) to trust You in the big ones.
And perhaps this change that I am contemplating is one of those big ones. I am tired of DMH and WRCH. I feel useless, hopeless, and very much unappreciated (maybe not so much that last one, but I may need to deal with that issue separately). I don't feel that the gifts of psychological healing that You seem to have given to me are being used most effectively. I feel that I am fighting powers of darkness--oh my, what did I just say?--and I am not winning.
Or are we?
Nevertheless, I look at this opportunity to take a different path as an exploration arranged by You. I hope that is accurate. Here I am at the cusp of my 59th birthday. I have long planned to do more private practice in my later years, and the landscape of private practice has changed enough that being in a group practice with prescribing psychiatrists and team backup is wise.
Lord God, You know that I want to be where You direct. This foray into a new possibility may be nothing more than confirmation that I need to stay put, or it may be the next step in my professional life and ministry for You. I don't know how to prepare. I will leave to You (the Holy Spirit) to put the words in my mouth that are appropriate for the moment. I will leave the outcome in Your hands. I--no, You--are the focus of this endeavor, and may You be glorified even with people of different cultures and backgrounds in that practice.
May Your will be done and may You be lifted up and glorified. In Jesus's name~~Amen.
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