Struggling at Work

About time I prayed about this, God.  I am growing--no, I think I already dislike, perhaps even hate, work.  The weird thing is that I love working with the patients.  And, humbly (!), I think I may be pretty good at what I do with them.

But since I did not get promoted, I have been bitter.  There.  I have said it.  And the craziest part of that is my dislike and even disgust at the responsibilities (if that is the correct term for the job duties) that a "D" has.  I get frustrated, even old-ladyish, at the silliness of the social workers who ... don't like me?  I get the sense that those who interviewed me are avoiding me.  With the exception of Tom (who, by the way, did not interview me), I don't think any of the Ds have said more than a dozen words to me at any time since the interview.  It sticks in my mind that Jackie completely ignored a scheduled supervision session with me when she is usually so particular about appointments and meetings--and I was parading right outside of the office where she was talking, and I was making a good bit of noise.

So no wonder, I guess, that I have decathected (haha) from work.  If I got another job at the same or higher salary, with similar benefits, I would take it instantly.  Retirement is not far from my mind most times.  I complain a lot.  I get angry at the unfair treatment of the patients.

And I recall Jack's accidental teaching on "nunc  dimitis."  At the time, I thought it referred to church--and perhaps it does.  But more and more, I wonder if it referred to work.  I am dismissed?  Am I dismissed?

But, Lord, You do say that "Whatever [I] do, work at it with all [my] heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.":Colossians 3:23  Please make it so.  I can't.

In Jesus's name~Amen.

Hi, Lord

Yes, I am tired.  No excuse, though, for not spending a little time with You!

Sometimes I think that a "Quiet Time" or "devotions" means making a prayer list, as if it were a to-do list for You.  And I fear that many people treat prayer like that.  What I want, dear God, is to use these times to listen, to learn, to let You let me get to know You better.  What makes Your heart beat?  "Break my heart for what breaks Yours."  And help my heart to beat in synchrony with Yours.

Oh, Psalm 1:1-3 captures it.  How blessed...  am I.  Help me to be like that blessed man. Please draw me away from the counsel of the wicked, and direct my steps away from the path of sinners.  May I not sit in the seat of scoffers.  (What would that mean, anyway?)  Make me like that tree, firmly planted and fruitful.  Water me with the living waters from You.  May my leaf not wither, and may I prosper, not for myself but to bring glory to You and You to the world.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Ten Short Minutes

Not enough by a long shot, Lord.  But something.  And I have believed more lately than earlier in my life that something is far better than nothing at all.

This one should go under the Tricia's Trivia blog, but I just wrote about the confirmation about prayer in Julie's Guyana trip examples.  Did prayer help those New England Patriots win last week?  Two come-from-behind examples with the capstone of the win.  Exhausting emotionally, and yes, spiritually.  Why on earth did it matter so much to me?  I had to open my hands, literally, and surrender my deep desire for them to win.  And then they won.

It does not feel as intense, Lord, this week.  Perhaps I was just wrung out of most of the fan emotion last week and I have not replenished.  However, it would be delightful, and again symbolic, for the Patriots to come out on top in this AFC Championship.  It would be even nicer since Julie is home this weekend and she and her father so bond over football.  It is NOT great that Amy is in Indiana, where the "enemy" resides.  Protect her!  I don't think she is in any physical danger, but emotionally and socially it might be a tough ride whether the Pats win--or lose.  (It might make it a little easier for her to be gracious if they win, though?)  So, please let them win!

My verses to memorize, in reflection on my prayers for my daughters (and, for that matter, my husband): Psalm 91:9-12

9  Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place--the Most High, who is my refuge--

10  no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

11  For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways

12  On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.

Amen and amen!!

Various and Sundry

Lord, those dang Patriots!!  I get so anxious about them!  So I decided on the way home tonight to commit them and the next game to You in prayer.  I don't really know how to pray for a football team.  Do I pray that they win?  I'd like that, of course!  I pray that they play well.  That they do their best.  As the posts all over Facebook say, that they would each "do their job" and be a shining example that it is not just a superstar in any position but the sum of all the parts that brings success.  I do ask that You protect everyone from injury--even the Ravens--and it just seems symbolically fitting in this difficult season of world history that Patriots and patriotism be honored.  Not the kind of patriotism of the fanatical and extremist religious terrorists, but a faithfulness to a collective entity that upholds peace and respect and fair play.  So--Could they win?  :)

Martha from work: She is going to be out for 5-6 weeks, which sounds a lot like recovery from surgery.  She seems to have some faith in You, Lord.  Whether or not, though, would You bless her during this time?  Her "irreverence" is charming at times, maybe annoying at a few, but I will miss her and it.

Stephen from work: Prostate cancer.  Having surgery sometime next week.  Avoiding me, I think.  Oh, well, no matter--would You bless him, too?  He has two sons who still need him around.  Give him grace and relief from anxiety.   Take that cancer totally out of his body, please, and don't allow it to come back.

All for the sake of the name of Jesus, and in His name!  Amen.