Nunc Dimitis? ... And Then Came Robyn

Prayer time, Lord, and it must be serious because I am having trouble concentrating.

I am hurt, deeply, by Tim's reaction and email regarding a class for 5th and 6th graders.  I don't know how to capture these feelings in words, which makes it hard to pray.

I was so sure he would get it.  My heart for children, that is.  That he would understand the urgency of addressing the readiness, the eagerness, the availability of these young hearts to meet the Lord in their own culture, language, learning styles, and lives.  He claims to be "developmentally aware" or aware of the specific developmental needs and issues of the 10-12 year old.  I challenge that, but silently now.  I don't want to outline my arguments, or more properly speaking, the evidence for my position, in this entry.  I need to focus on my heart, my hurt.  I am as close to ready to quit as I have been since coming to this church.

The big, huge, enormous question really is this: What are You saying, dear God?  In the preceding week, the cute interaction that I had with Jack at work around defining the Latin term "nunc dimitis" seemed like just a coincidental exercise of our mutual interest in the Scriptures.  (It came out of my sharing a Latin legal term, nunc pro tunc, "now for then.")  I am not one for making too much of coincidences.  However, this one continues to haunt me.

Nunc dimitis is "now released."  Am I now released from this ministry at this church?  It would actually be a huge relief.  My darling husband has been ready to surrender this work for a while now, and I believe he has hung on only for the sake of my conviction.  Would You humor my fledgling attempts at interpreting Your messages by confirming this in some way?  Even as I type that, I cringe, because the most definitive confirmation would be the request of the elders to have us step down.

And that would hurt.

Part of what also hurt a lot from Tim's email was the hint that we might just go ahead without the support of the church staff to have a class for these kids.  Honestly, we wondered about it.  But the overt accusation of insubordination--would that be the correct term?--is insulting.  What is even more disturbing is that we are not only not employees of the church, but we are also not members.

So what?  My thoughts are swirling.

So, to have a discussion about the merits of the proposal seems like the respectful thing to do.  What irks more than I would probably admit publicly is that NO ONE talks to us.  For years this church has used our passion for children, and even our money and our time, without stopping us to ask us about our own lives.  They have not cared how we think, feel, live, or value the next generations.  Maybe that's unfair.  Maybe I have no right to decide that they have not cared.  What I can say unequivocally is that they have not shown that they care.

And then came Robyn, and her phone call on Sunday.  :)  Just thinking about her makes me smile.  Only eighth grade and way too mature.  But still a child!  I ask, Lord, was her phone call out of the blue another one of those "coincidences"?  Were You pointing out to me, or rather were You pointing me, to the bottom-line issue: the hearts and souls of the individual children?

(Which caused me to remember that I needed to give Pam the contact information for therapy with Beth A, and then I also responded to Parlee's jazz performance invitation.)

Robyn is a dear one, Father, and her grandmother (and step-grandfather) already have a profound influence on her and her spiritual life.  I am frankly honored to be included in her circle of influential adults.  I need to ask the Holy Spirit, please, to tenderize her heart to a spiritual conversation, but I don't want to force one.  That she reached out is amazingly touching.  So, Lord, I know You want to rescue her.  She reminds me a little of coaxing Chloe, our kitten, into the house.  Enticement, patience, understanding, more patience, and some natural desire to "come home" all play into it.  Give Robyn the desire to "come home" to You, and use me to help, if I can.

Back to the original question: Am I now released?  Would You allow the confirmation to be gentle, if it is so?  As it was so sweetly done for Simeon, Lord.

Honored

Dear Heavenly Father, I am very honored to be taken into Stephen's confidence about his prostate cancer. Now, having said that, permit me to focus on him. Please be gracious to him and allow treatment to be completely effective in removing all trace of cancer from his body. Keep him calm and reassure him that You have a good plan for his life. In his typical way, he asked me to pray also for his son, who lost his job either on the same day or in the same week as this news of cancer came. So, please bless his son with confidence that another job awaits him. And of course for his wife Bonnie--peace, trust, love, and steadfastness. Let Stephen have wisdom as he listens to treatment options and chooses the one that is best for him. In all of this, dear Lord, turn his heart toward You. He already identifies himself as a "spiritual" man; he does not embrace the doctrines of Catholicism but is, by his own report, interested in "Christianity." Use me. I have a great fondness for this guy. In Jesus's name, by which we are saved~~Amen.

Prayers Near and Far

Rick Sacra
Tiffany Fontaine and her father
Katie Raley
Anna Harvey
Tim Cochrell and his family--and our church
My own mother
My daughters
My husband!
MOPS and its future in Princeton
The world--Ebola, ISIS, weather events--Maranatha!

That's what comes to mind in two minutes.  I think I will add Junior Church and Mary Ann to that list, and then of course the Nicols 5.  Oh my goodness.

No wonder there is not enough time to pray!

Well, Tiffany first.  Dear Heavenly Father, Tiffany's father is a mess.  I don't know the entire story, nor do I have to.  I know that Tiffany worries about him, goes up to Vermont to rescue him, and over all dreads the high probability that on one of those rescue trips it will be too late and she will find him--dead.  Her husband is, to our knowledge, not a believer in You.  Tiffany yearns to share her burdens with him for spiritual support, but of course he can't provide it since he does not have a relationship with You.  So, Father, bless Tiffany in ways that I may not be able to imagine.  I ask for her that she may be "strengthened through [Your] Spirit in her inner being" "with power" "so that Christ may dwell in her heart through faith."  I also pray that she might understand that "in this world [she] will have trouble...but [she can] take heart because [You] have overcome the world."  She did a bold and courageous thing by backing out of MOPS--but she may be one of the mothers who needs MOPS the most!  If I can be an encouragement to her, use me.  Today, let her "see the King!"  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Who next?

For Rick and Debbie, dear Great Physician, I ask for supernatural healing and grace.  They really have lost their lives for You in many practical ways.  Bless them for continued work in the harvest; the time appears to be shorter than ever.  Restore Rick's health not only for him, or for Debbie and their sons, but also for the sake of the Gospel and the reputation of Your name.  Your name is a strong and mighty tower; Your name is a shelter like no other.  Nothing has the power to save but Your name.

My family: husband, daughter, mother (and I forgot to include my sister #2 who has gastritis and a pretty devastated relationship life).  Just got a text from Amy about her left leg cellulitis.  Thank You so much that it is so much better.  Please make time for her to get to the clinic to get a clean bill of health.  Thank You that I knew enough to help her through the decision to have it seen and diagnosed--correctly, including the cutaneous mastocytosis.  And for Julie, who is less in touch and somewhat more independent (how we say that when Amy lived in Mexico for 7 months, I cannot explain), please get her to church and/or Bible Study--soon?  For George, peace and a clearer mind.  I fear that his fatigue is way too much, not only physically but emotionally and cognitively as well.  (Maybe we can ask Charles Raley to help us with Junior Church database management?)

Dang it, Lord, there is never enough time.  I pray that even though I have not specifically written about all of the things on the list above, You know that I am bringing them before the Throne of Grace.  I need to scoot.  I have a couple of birthday cards to ready since the birthdays are tomorrow.  (Bless those two, one of whom is the sister I mentioned earlier.)

I also want to take a look at the Scriptures and put another memory verse on my list.  Which one?  "Pray without ceasing!"

I love You, Master and Father and King and Savior...and Friend.  :)

Prayer for MOPS and Anna

Before I write out my thoughts for Tim (our pastor--God, bless him!), I really want to pray about this situation.  I am not at all sure that there could have been any other outcome.  But I digress.  I need to focus on my own responsibility, my own culpability, in the events of last Thursday night.

First: I did hijack the meeting, or at least the devotional time.  I might do well to include the link to the suggested MOPS theme reflection, since it so perfectly addressed our group's situation.  But I did hijack the topic.

Second: Lord, do I love Anna?  I find her annoying and shallow.  Katie said something...I wish I could remember her exact words...that Anna does not like me, either.  What is it?  She's not my enemy.  I started to say that she means well, but I am not even sure about the truth of that statement.  I guess I question her motives for being a MOPS coordinator.  There is little depth...okay, I am getting away from the main point, which is me.  So what if she isn't perfect?  That doesn't let me off the hook for loving her. God 1, Patricia 0. 

Third: What is my role as mentor mom?  It might be wise to include the mentor responsibility description for Tim as well.  I know I am supposed to be able to share the Gospel and my own experiences.  I am supposed to attend the meetings, not as a voting member but as a support and an observer.  I overstepped.  Perhaps--perhaps--I had "good" reasons.  That does not change the fact that I overstepped.

Father, forgive me, for I knew not what I did.  Part of it I did knowingly, willingly, and willfully.  Overall, I did not know how this would affect Anna.  I hoped to open up a conversation, a brave and courageous conversation, about what each of the steering members were thinking and feeling about themselves and about their role in MOPS this year.  I hit a mine.

(And Tiffany didn't help by quitting precipitously.)  (I just sent her an apologetic email for not have caught the problem sooner.)

Okay, Lord.  I need to get to it--the email to Tim.  Bless me with grace, truth, and love!  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

Ebola

As You know, Father, I hate to say that I will pray unless I make good on the promise and document it.  I am not close to Dr. Rick Sacra, but he is someone in my extended circle of acquaintance, and as a missionary to Liberia for Your sake, he is a brother.  And he has Ebola.  I ask You simply to heal him.  Show Your great love and power in and through his life.  He has many people asking You to work a healing miracle, and I join my prayers to theirs.  "If anyone asks anything in My name...if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask...."  Well, dearest Great Physician, we are asking in Your name, and many more than two of us are agreeing about this.  Please restore him completely to full, serving health.  He would not be happy with anything less.  In Jesus's name and by the power of the Holy Spirit and for the kingdom of God!  Amen.