Good morning, dear sweet Lord. It's a grey, foggy day today. However, it is still "the day the Lord has made" and I will rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24) I often try to have a topic of some sort to talk over with You. Today, there is either too much--or nothing, depending on how I look at it. I could not even begin to sort through the myriad points on my prayer list; there are so many. Many of them are dear people in my life, and some are situations or issues that I would really love to discuss with You. But I feel bogged down. Bogged down by the "list," I think, as if it is important to check off each item when it is done. I don't think that's what prayer is supposed to be. Is it? I try to get into the skin of the great heroes of the Bible and (impossibly) into Jesus's own heart and imagine their prayer lives. Did they have lists? I can imagine Jesus praying for each of his disciples when there were only a few of them, but when there were thousands, did He spend all that time talking about each one of them with You? I suspect not in the way that we often "pray" for people. Hospitalizations, illnesses, marriages and divorces, wayward children, cars and money and jobs... The pastor in Iran, Saeed Abidini, who was recently convicted and sentenced to 8 years imprisonment, most definitely warrants prayer, though. Last night I was drifting off to sleep and was praying for him. What was I praying? I wasn't sure what was most aligned with Your will, although from a human and compassionate place I asked (and still do, by the way) that You might spare him this almost certain persecution and suffering. Then I wondered whether Your way of praying would focus on strengthening him and shielding his heart and spirit from the attack of evil as he passes through these very deep and dark times. In either case, or both, dear Heavenly Father, please accept my prayer joined with many others, I hope, for my unknown brother. My children at Heritage...what a powerful letter from Kim Russo about Sara and Sam! To You be all the glory!! My biological daughters, one being a "mother" in Tijuana and one being a student and volunteer in the Bronx...would You encourage them today and guard their hearts, minds, souls, and very lives in places that my mother's heart finds dangerous. My own mother, recently widowed and living relatively successfully with macular degeneration: she had dental work on Monday, and may I pray that she is recovering with minimal pain? My mother-in-law, who frustrates me many times, who is living much more unsuccessfully with macular degeneration (from 20/60 to 20/400): soften my heart and hers, please. My dear husband, faithful in every way (but dieting, but even for this period of time he is "counting points"): What can I say? He is a true gift. He needs a sharp, quick mind in his job, and he grows tired. Fuel him, please? See what I mean? The list has so many items on it. I think I might rather just sit, or kneel (for as long as I could), with You and feel Your eyes looking into mine and only by the grace of Jesus have the boldness to look back into Your eyes, and melt. Boldness not from myself, I emphasize, but boldness and confidence because of the blood of Christ all over me:
Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus (Hebrews 10:19)
So, dear God, time's a-wastin'. I am blessed to have a job that in most ways and at most times I really love. Make my remaining time this morning exceptionally efficient, please, to bring glory to You. In Jesus's name, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and for the sake of the Gospel and the Kingdom~~~Amen
Dearest Holy God, my "Mexicana" daughter is concerned about the woman co-director of the orphanage. As she describes Maestra, I see a frustrated, angry woman whose life has not turned out the way she had hoped. Is this vision from You? She has become a Giving Tree (Shel Silverstein) who might not be a willing one....
Maestra, as my daughter sees, is harsh, punitive, and sometimes even violent in her discipline of the ninos. At one time, my daughter reported that the Mexican style of discipline is largely harsh, and the poor residents of the orphanage cannot expect any softness or affection in life anyway; so, almost to prepare them for a hard life, there is little in the way of love.
Is that what happened to Maestra, Lord? Was her childhood difficult? She married Profe many years ago, and perhaps she expected a more middle-class life since they are both educators. Now...52 children at this time, and more have been there at other times.
Father, soften her heart. I suspect that she has not really experienced Your gracious and forgiving love. Please remove the veil from her eyes and her heart to see how gently and still firmly You discipline, and to what end--repentance and restoration of relationship! May this become true for her and then through her may this become true for the ninos. In Jesus's name~~Amen.
Oh, dear God, Mary Ann is also a cause for concern. Her vision is dramatically worse, and she was dizzy and vomiting earlier this week. Of even greater concern is her distortion of the Gospel. Please, dear Lord, touch her body and especially her soul and spirit with divine healing.
What we didn't know...current smoking increases the risk of AMD 6.6-fold. Past smoking, 20 years before the exam/AMD, shows no increased risk. Former smoking increases risk 3.2-fold. Oh, Lord. Even if she quit now, it won't help without your blessing.
Please, God, strengthen Dan and especially Kimberly. They have been amazingly supportive of Mary Ann, almost to the point of being the only, exclusive supports--not to put down Kim Marie's and Beth's loving attentions when possible. These are hard times for Mary Ann, and by their close proximity and relationship, for Kimberly and Dan, too. Guide them to the right doctors; give everyone (and most importantly Mary Ann) wisdom to choose the correct course of action and treatment; and soften Mary Ann's heart toward You. I hope that she won't become hardened or bitter toward You because of this difficult blow.
Aww, come on, Lord. I don't mean to be disrespectful. Why did Tom have to lose this job? It appears from Donna's account that it was a change of ownership and no fault of Tom's. And Maine won't pay him unemployment benefits because he collected from another state within the past 12 months? This really doesn't help Donna's anxiety.
And there is an intervention. Please give me a verse to send to her. What should it be?
There's Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
And there's 1 Peter 5:7, my older daughter's favorite verse
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
Father God, You are the giver of all good gifts. Here we have Tom, a man who is motivated to provide for his family--both his wife and daughter AND his elderly father. Please honor his heart and lead him to the job that You have already known. In the meantime, please help Donna to trust You. Show them both, or perhaps more accurately, make it exceptionally obvious to them that You love them and have their needs close to Your heart. Give them peace, and provision, and grow their faith--Tom's especially, but also Donna's as a way to reduce her anxiety. I promised Donna I would pray right now, and so I am. I ask in Jesus's name and for His sake in their lives and in the world~Amen.
Dearest God, I have been a bit stuck in composing the annual report for Junior Church. Please inspire me. There have been so many crazy and new situations this year that have frustrated and annoyed and stretched me. I do not wish to quench the Holy Spirit, and I definitely want the Holy Spirit to empower my life and my (measly) work for You.
Dearest God, You know what this is about. Thank You for pointing out my sin, and thank You even more that You no longer condemn me for it. Give me what I need--more of Your Spirit--to keep me from falling into this sin again (and again...).
Dear Great Physician, my husband is sick. Even though he may exaggerate his sickness, the reality is that he has a flu, and it is not fun. Please allow me to be more supportive and compassionate. Please also strengthen him and heal him quickly. He would not do well with a chronic illness! May this illness soften his heart toward those who struggle with illness on a daily basis and find that Your strength is made perfect in weakness. May he learn not to judge those who become ill as if the illness was their fault or a result of poor choices on their parts. And thank You once again for the blessing of being able to "pray" through this blog/journal in private. It does help me to focus and to really talk to You. On that note, I think I will try to get to bed by 10 p.m. tonight, to ward off flu for myself. We are vey fortunate to have such good health care, Lord. Let me (especially) not forget that You really are the ultimate Great Physician. In Jesus's name and in the Holy Spirit's power~Amen!
