Today, Abba, the decision about the arbitration returned unfavorably. Oh well. I tried to prepare myself for this outcome; it was not a big surprise although I thought the emphasis on my non-hostile motivation might prevail.
In the context of the times in which we are living, the injustice is the prevailing outcome. Here, however, is where I want and need to take a deeper look at myself.
You knew that this would happen to me. You know that I deserve every judgment of sin leveled at me. I am corrupt, broken, prideful, and insensitive, and those are just a small percentage of the negative adjectives I can use to describe myself. I am trying not to justify myself with examples of many of Your people throughout history who have been unfairly condemned; the chief among them all is, of course, Jesus. I am trying not to fight the decision but to accept it as a part of the life story You have written for me.
Humble me, Lord. I am stiff-necked and hard-hearted (more correct adjectives). Break my heart for what breaks Yours; soften my heart so that I can embrace Your great grace.
Is it weird that I feel more empty than sad? (One of the "comparativas" that Edder has assigned for my Spanish lesson this week!)
