Grieving and Still Hoping

 Good morning, Abba.  "I am thankful before You, {my} living and enduring King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me.  Great is Your faithfulness."

(For some reason that I cannot recall, I have this prayer stored in my Bible app as "Modeh Ani."  Later, I may--or may not--go back and figure out why.)

Great *is* Your faithfulness.  Even when the world, this country, the "rulers" of the government are far from faithful, You are.  You always have been, and You always will be.  

So why on earth do I grieve and worry?

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary captures a few reassuring words; in fact, one of the words that jumped out at me was "assurance."

• Strong assurance
• Steadfast in affection
• Steadfast in allegiance
• Firm in adherence to promises
• True -- *true* -- to the facts, to a standard [of holiness and perfection!]

While I may continue to grieve the depravity of humans, my kin, I do still hope and I do still find reassurance in Your faithfulness.

Walking a Tightrope

 Father God, I have seen the challenge--I have even considered the challenge for myself--of standing up for opinions and beliefs, even when they are so obviously based not only in truth but also in the truth of Your word.  In our own little circle of influence, our own pastor has been getting pushback for the most benign and Biblical encouragements to care for the poor and disenfranchised.

What is happening, Father?  

Is this the foretold period of deception leading to the end times (which may last for many decades or even centuries)?

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.  (2 Timothy 4: 3-4)

This verse is one of one hundred that speak of "deception by Satan in [the] Last Days."  It may be an inevitable and even an unavoidable phenomenon leading to Your Son's return.

Yet, Abba, do I dare ask You to stay Your coming judgment for a bit longer?  Perhaps I am being selfish; I know I am afraid, knowing that I am not strong. 

Strengthen me, God, so that I honor You in all my days and especially in these trying and difficult times.  In Jesus's name and by the work of the Holy Spirit I pray~~Amen.

Psalm 12's Timelessness

    Help, O LORD, for the godly are fast disappearing!

        The faithful have vanished from the earth!

    Neighbors lie to each other,

        speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts.

    May the LORD cut off their flattering lips

        and silence their boastful tongues.

    They say, "We will lie to our hearts' content.

        Our lips are our own--who can stop us?"

    The LORD replies, "I have seen violence done to the helpless,

        and I have heard the groans of the poor.

    Now I will rise up to rescue them,

        as they have longed for me to do."

    The LORD's promises are pure,

        like silver refined in a furnace,

        purified seven times over.

    Therefore, LORD, we know you will protect the oppressed,

        preserving them forever from this lying generation,

    even though the wicked strut about,

        and evil is praised throughout the land.

I Admit to Worry

 

Lord God, I confess to worry right now.  I see DH's labwork, and his WBC is too low for the second or third year in a row.  Knowing that his father--who was outwardly healthy and careful about his health, as DH is--lived and died with leukemia, I admit to being worried.  Please, Lord, have mercy.  Today, right now, in this minute, I am focusing on You.  You do not promise that nothing will ever beset us.  Rather, You promise that You will always be with us, through it all.  

I am also mindful of the hurricanes that have slammed the southeast states in this nation as just the most recent of the weather crises and climate catastrophes that have been happening with greater intensity and frequency for a while.  People are suffering, and we are--I am--not exempted from the possibility of suffering.

BUT You are still and always will be God.  May these events and experiences turn me more toward You, face to face (which always brings me to tears).  May I be strong, exemplary, holy, faithful, and encouraging.  

Through what is and what may come, I will still love You.

A Beautiful Autumn Day

 "Have mercy on me, Son of David!"  from Matthew 9.

During a beautiful walk with Bailey at Quinsigamond State Park today, You spoke to me.  The events of the past 15 months, with the false accusation and resulting loss of my job, has been continuing to weigh on me.  I am distressed and humbled, confused and embarrassed, and yet--You reminded me that I am not in a bombed city, I continue to have a home (and a pretty nice one at that), food (and pretty good food, if I say so myself), health, family, a good church, and many other niceties of life.  So even though 

Abba, I am a little scared about DH's blood test result with a low WBC.  One of the causes is leukemia, which is what took his father.  Lord, please ... I am not sure what to ask You.  The timing, where both Jim and DH were asymptomatic at roughly the same ages, is frightening.  Have mercy on us!  We have been married for 37 years, the longest on my side of the family and almost the longest on his.  Plus, God, DH is not a great patient.  (LOL!)  Please give his doctor wisdom and persuasiveness to get DH to address this problem (longstanding, from what I saw in his record, of about 2-3 years).

(If it would help, I would gladly donate blood to him.  I might not be able to since our blood types are not compatible.)

However, I return to the beauty of today.  This entry is a bit scattered, as am I.  Let me bask in mindfulness, recognizing that You are here with me now, today, and will be forever, no matter what happens.

I love You.

A Seven-Minute Session

The timer is set for seven minutes, Abba.  It is not nearly enough time to connect meaningfully with You.  However, knowing how distractible I am and can be, this time-limited appointment may help me to focus more intentionally during this small slice of my day.

I just finished a platelet donation and scooted over to Panera to have lunch.  (On the last donation, I got quite dizzy and needed time to recover, possibly because I did not eat well prior to the donation.)  I -- no, not I but You -- are meeting me here to have a chat, no?  I am listening.  What do You want to say to me?

So much!  My attitude comes to mind first of all.  I grow irritated at home and at the people who are either willfully or ignorantly choosing the wrong path and the wrong (IMHO) presidential candidate  I grow very judgmental and, in Your choice of words in the sermon from Acts last week, "distressed" by the "idols" in this culture and this country.  (Acts 17:16(

There is the timer.  I will honor it but this issue would be a great place to pick up on my next entry.  Until then!

A Mindful Minute

 I wish I could capture many of my thoughts and reflections when they happen. Sometimes, I have these wonderful insights (LOL—so arrogant of me) that escape me when I try to remember them.

Right now, the two men--Homo Sapiens and Canis Familiaris--are out walking. Hence, my mindful minute is only a minute. I have so much reflecting to do! Job/employment, service opportunities, my attitude, and frustration with DH and the house.

Distractions abound--I just texted my stepbrother about his son's birthday, my daughter's wedding, and my other daughter's half-marathon.

God, King of the universe, I want to capture one intense prayer that has lurked on the peripheries of my mind for a very long time--this election and the state of this nation. Lament--repentance--confession--pleading with You to spare us what we clearly deserve. Call Your people back to You and not to the false idols and false prophets that have captured Your people's devotion.

"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."  Amen.