Direction, Please?

 Abba Adonai (if that is even an appropriate title to use for You), it has been two weeks since the last difficult (but not as difficult) job loss.  I wanted to take time to listen to You; yet I fear I have filled the time with "productivity."  That might not be terrible in itself.  However, if I need to listen to You, distraction does not lend itself well, if at all, to careful, discerning listening.

So, Adonai in heaven, I will ask outright what You want me to do next.  There are many things waiting for my attention, and several possible options for next steps.  There is -- there are -- several things I do not want to give up, nor do I currently believe it is Your will for me to give up: volunteering at the school and giving platelets regularly are two of those important things.  Are there other things to do for You?  I stopped for a second on my ability to do anything *for* You.  You do not need me!  Perhaps I would do better to ask what You want me to do to contribute to Your kingdom.

• Volunteering--no supplemental income
• Working part-time--difficulty with time off?
• Working full-time--same as above, less flexible time to volunteer or be available for others (my mother)
• Private practice--version one, for an online agency--some demands for the aforementioned productivity, perhaps a lack of self-confidence on my part.
• Private practice--version two, for myself--overhead costs, liabilities, documentation, but possibility for flexibility and income

Dear Adonai, please tell me what You want.  This could be a wonderful period of time for me and for the family and for the benefit of Your church.  Help me to use it wisely.

Amen and for Your glory!

Lots of Titles

"Modern-Day Prophecy"

"The Upside-Down"

"Listening to the Message"

These are only some of the titles for posts that have crossed my mind over the past few weeks.  The more I listen to my Bible readings (thanks to The Bible Recap!), the more I see that nothing in human hearts really ever changes without the specific ministrations of the Holy Spirit.  

But isn't that always the way?  Humans, including me, often cannot see past the ends of their own noses.  Humans want power in this world.  Humans are hopeless without Your intervention, Adonai.  The prophets to whom I have been listening (thanks to those who read the Bible for others) emphasize the wickedness of the human heart, the disciplinary punishment -- and sometimes unavoidable consequences -- by You, Lord, and the overarching purpose of being in a relationship.

July 24 addendum: Just going to wrap up this entry for the sake of clarity.  More to come!

The View of the Vistas

 Almost a month.  So many contradictory messages and experiences.  I am not sure I will recall all of them, but some are recent, fresh, and frustrating:

• Today, in the end of a frustrating week, the group therapy schedule for the new adult unit came under scrutiny.  Last week, I had suggested pulling one therapist from each of three units to run a group each on the new unit, running with only three groups on each of the units.  I was told that this was not only against protocol but also against regulations.  So what happened today? The outgoing director of social work pulled one therapist from each of three units to staff the new unit.  ???
• I was told, with some stated certainty, that the unit that will come under renovation (to add 4 additional beds) will absolutely close on Monday, July 15, in order to start those renovations.  Now I surmise, by virtue of the promise to staff groups for next week on the new unit, that the renovating unit will NOT close and therefore release its group therapist to staff the new unit.  (Hard to follow, but read it slowly.)
• 
  Three minutes before arriving at TV for the rescheduled ice cream party, I received a text that "policy" prohibited my coming into the hospital while on "vacation."  I had been on Teams meetings and email and texts for the prior two days, trying to solve problems and stay informed.  I did not hide this activity.  I was also never apprised of any such policy--or any policies at the Vistas, for that matter.

(I will save this in draft form until I can revisit the month.  I will pray--hard--that the Holy Spirit will superglue my mouth shut about these contradictions and inconsistencies.  Holy Spirit, accept my prayer!)

Update 7/19/24: Last Friday I received a call releasing me under the probationary period.  The letter was not gracious.  I am, frankly, relieved.