Wish for a Whole Day to Pray

I could use an entire day for a spiritual retreat.  My head is swirling with thoughts, plans, observations, interpretations, and, unfortunately, some fears.  I know--I know!--that You never rush, You never get overwhelmed, You never run late.  Not like me!  At those times, I have begun to take a breath and a moment to center and check in with You.  "What am I supposed to do next, God?  I am listening."

Hence, this entry.  This is what I was supposed to do at this moment.

I have finished one week at TaraVista.  Impressions are variable, but I feel hopeful and called to this place at this time for Your purposes.  If I ever needed wisdom, and I have needed it badly for many years, I need it more than ever now.  Help me, God, to pause before my mouth engages.  Help me to listen to Your Spirit and to speak words of life.  I don't want to work at a long career at TaraVista, but the income and the sense of restoration are wonderful right now.  Thank You.

Biblically, what Your Spirit is whispering to my soul in my Bible Recap "readings" (i.e., listening) has involved the consistent disregard over millennia for doing life Your way.  This is not a new phenomenon in the recent decade or so.  The MAGA and evangelical people seem to believe two errors: one, that things were so much better as to approach perfection in a recent time in the past, and two, that governments or lack of governments can make a country or a society "so much better."  It has always been Your plan to change hearts, not laws.  Ah, God!  Change my heart!

I love You so much and not enough.  Amen.

Grateful for Everything

 Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; give thanks in all circumstances...

...for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It feels like we are at the end of a rough season, Abba.  At the same time, it feels like we may be beginning another rough patch in national politics and global unrest, even war.  

Help me to be clear-eyed about Your will.  The surprise ending of the third episode of The Chosen Season Four raises the deep and difficult issue about the character of Your will on many occasions.  We think, as humans, that we know what is good and "best," but we don't think correctly!  Your will is determined by so many pieces of knowledge and foreknowledge that my human mind cannot even begin to imagine.  What are *You* doing in this situation, this world--and most importantly for my relationship with You, my own life?

More than ever before in my 67+ years of life and my 50-ish years of knowing You, I realize that the reality of persecution and evil leadership and distortion of true worship of You is far more current nonfiction than historical or fictional recountings.  It was easier on my immature faith to believe that pastors and ministers all knew, preached, and respected truth.  Now I feel more mature and at the same time deeply disillusioned.  I also do not trust in my own ability to discern truth all the time.  That would be arrogant and a lot like the grandiose but ignorant certainty embraced by so many "Christians" who embrace beliefs and positions that make me cringe.  I can only, and always, refer back to You and ask You, in my childlike way, to explain these complicated and often distorted issues to me.

I fear being gaslit.  YOU are the Voice of Truth.  And I determine to be grateful for *everything,* even all the bad people like lying politicians, corrupt ministers of the Gospel, evil-intentioned employers and managers in my job, and other sinners.

May I follow You even when it makes no sense, even when others in my "Christian" world are trending a different and often opposite way, and may I (with my physical and spiritual deafness) hear You in the cacophony of voices in the foreground and the background of this tangled web of influences in this current world.

Come, Lord Jesus.  Maranatha!