The Goodness of Growing Smaller*

 "A season of decrease."  Idolatry.  I have been on this administrative leave now for 20 weeks.  I have had no communication from the hospital since September 28 and from the union since October 3.  These two themes from my recent readings are top of mind this morning as I write here

God, did I create an idol of my identity as a social worker?  Am I "growing smaller"?  It feels weird, and it seems rather nice in a way to be at home so much.  I had been used to having so little time to do many of the tasks I have done and still have to do this season, and now I have the time.  Even time to journal here more often has been a blessing of growing smaller and decreasing.

And yet.  Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I recalled the 400 years between the last recorded words of God in the Old Testament and the arrival of Jesus in the New.

Four hundred years.

What did the faithful people of God think and feel during those years?  That is about five lifetimes for some people.  Is God real?  Has He abandoned us?  Why is He silent?  Did we do something wrong?  What are we waiting for?  What is He waiting for?

"The Fullness of Time."  (Coincidentally or not, our Advent theme at The Journey!)

God, please help me to see goodness in this time of decrease.  Help me to redefine myself according to Your leading.  "He (Jesus) must increase but I must decrease."  Amen!

Validated

Abba, I am almost finished listening to a book on Audible titled "The Kingdom, The Power, and The Glory" by Tim Alberta.  I feel both sad and validated.  I have been so profoundly dejected about the political and spiritual condition of the evangelical church, especially in light of the support for the vile ex-president--and his rising poll numbers.  Call me conspiratorial, but I harbor a strong suspicion that Russia and perhaps China (maybe other countries) are manipulating polls and even the candidate.  However, having been listening to this book, I am discouraged that SO many evangelicals and far-right conservatives either cannot or will not consider the truth.  

Truth.

Probably because this book has outlined not only modern-day but also historical and even Biblical examples of persecution and power, all based on failure to follow God and Godly standards of behavior, I am feeling validated but no less despondent.  In fact, if something positive comes out of his book for me, Abba, it is the camaraderie of sadness that Tim describes for himself and for many of the Christian leaders he interviewed for the book.  It is a feeling of lament.  

Why am I surprised?  The Enemy is the Father of Lies, right?  

You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.  (John 8:44)

Help me, Abba God.  I find examples all over my life of your people facing persecution, false accusations (yes, still going on with that administrative leave), and "spiritual leaders" who are not Godly.  "Christians are taught never to place their faith in man....we are predisposed to making gods out of athletes, entertainers, politicians, anyone who can dazzle and fill us with awe."  We are "idol-making factories," said Calvin.

We are indeed.  And I see an idol in the current Republican ... what do I call him? ... standard-bearer.

God, have mercy on us.  Deliver us from evil and spare us for a time to rededicate ourselves to serving You and reaching out to this broken world.