God, even though I try to push away my annoyance and I try to be gracious, I am not succeeding. It seems like so many things--TOO many things--irritate me. Is this a mood disorder or is it a spiritual disorder?
I am redoing the Dangerous Prayers devotional in YouVersion. (The Craig Groeschel version). I even find myself annoyed by the lame prayers that DH prays, and the comfortable lukewarm-ness of our lives. Yet--it is comfortable, and I don't really know if I could give it up.
So the Scripture that sticks in my mind is Psalm 139. Instead of just cutting and pasting, I am going to enter it intentionally and manually to help it stay on my heart:
Psalm 139:23
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Yeah, that is a dangerous prayer. I am anxious; there is a lot about which to be anxious in the world right now. I am offensive in several ways. Those statements are not excuses. They are confessions. Hence, the title of this post--Struggle!
I get frustrated when people are stupid and willfully blind. I get angry when people, especially in Your church, God, are so unloving. I get sad when those who observe Christianity from the outside do not see genuine Godliness but frank hypocrisy.
Struggle! Personally, spiritually, relationally--help me. Tears are in my eyes right now. I need to get ready to help others (my client today) and to get some money for that help (billing--haha). I am distracted, I think psychologically because these topics are hard, deep, and sensitive.
But I genuinely want to pray dangerously but courageously. Use me, Lord, and refine me no matter how painful it might be. I want to mean that. You did.
