Yeah, I am pretty miserable these days. NOTHING appears to be going right, and I am irritable and argumentative (even if I am sometimes right). I have little motivation; I am anxious all the time; I cannot concentrate well for long. Even while I am trying to get through this post, I get distracted. I am headachy and lazy. I am frustrated at the triumph of evil and the deception of my brothers and sisters in Christ, and I am having too much trouble remembering that YOU are still in charge!! I am even at odds with my DH, upset at him for being so ignorant of politics and pandemic and for spouting platitudes like "be rooted in Scripture"--whatever that means. He is more dependent than he has been in the past, and I find it annoying. He does not take initiative except for household tasks--I can be very grateful for that--but he is growing more forgetful and more short-sighted in his future planning. Except for his retirement plan! I say "his" because I honestly fear that he will enjoy retirement alone if I die early, which is unfortunately not so far an improbability with the pandemic and my essential worker status.
What am I missing, Lord? My eyes hurt, sometimes from crying and sometimes from wanting to cry, I think. I feel hopeless, even almost terrified. I know that the psalms and especially the Psalms of Lament represent some of these feelings, and I will be going back to them. You are still, and always, good and good to me. Help me.
Because Jesus is always the victor, I pray in His name.
