Ahhhh

9:42 a.m. at Worcester Public Library

I needed this time, dearest God.  I have looked forward to spending some time with You, alone, in secret for days now.  I love having my daughters and my husband at home with me, even though I feel protective of our time together and don't feel comfortable "praying" with them around.

So, here I am.  My eyes have overflowed--leaked, as the girls would say--at least two times this morning with grief over Bill.  I cannot imagine how Wanda feels.  I think it will be a hard time adjusting to her widowhood, not only for her but for all of us who support and love her.  We all will need extra grace from You for the task.  I'm really glad Amy will be home until after Christmas, although she will have her own recovery from oral surgery for part of that time.  She is a good companion for Wanda, as is Julie, who will be home from mid-December to mid-January.

I go back to work on Monday next.

I'm overwhelmed thinking about Christmas.

I have a lot to think about with Junior Church, and I desperately need Your intervention.

It takes a lot of work to love people.

I just want to sit with You in silence and be in Your presence.

Just as the body is dead without breath, so also faith is dead without good works. (James 2)

I just sent Debbie a message apologizing for omitting her grandson from the list of Bill's great-grandchildren.

I have only 6 minutes left.  Lord God, I am learning to walk one step at a time with You.  I always think, and have always thought, that there is something else that I "should" be doing to serve You.  (You know I don't like the word "should.")  Sometimes now I realize that I am doing what I can and that I need to do that faithfully.  Be glorified in my life, dearest God.  In Jesus's name~~Amen.

"Who Do You Want Me to Love for You Today?"

~Esther Ahn Kim, Christian in prison 1939-1945

Holy God, my mind is skittish today.  It is the day after Bill's funeral, and life is not yet back to normal.  I have probably 6 things already clamoring for top priority on my mental to-do list.  I chose to read (or finish?) a chapter in Forgotten God to start.  That's where I encountered the quote that I made the title for today's entry.

So!  Back to a new reality--an oxymoron, really.  Dear God, as I navigate this next 10 days before I return to work, help me please to focus on the really important priorities.  We have Thanksgiving coming up in less than a week, and my mother is characteristically choosing to host it at her house despite her recent loss of Bill.  That will mean a fair amount of cooking and transporting for me, but I can do all things [that You call me to do] through Christ.

Please, Lord, as I make my reading way through Forgotten God, allow me to practice living by the Spirit in a way that I have never done before now.  (Detour: controversy about the uncertain "gender" of the Holy Spirit)  As a mother, I understand more deeply than ever before the uncanny connection that I have with my daughters, a connection that their father almost envies.  May the Holy Spirit and I have that connection and more.  There is an almost intuitive understanding, a resonance, that I sometimes glimpse with my girls and that I desire even more fully with the Holy Spirit.  So particularly today, as I try to make my way through my list of tasks, could the Holy Spirit direct me?  (Of course!)  More properly, could I be allowed to see and feel the Holy Spirit's direction?  You know that I pray this as Scripture teaches, in Jesus's name~~Amen.

Election

Dear God, all-knowing and all-powerful, my husband said last night that he was experiencing anxiety over this election.  This is a pivotal time in the life of our nation and our world, to be sure.  Is there much doubt, if any, that the day of Your return is imminent?  The signs multiply and occur more rapidly than ever before. 

The leadership of this country is not Godly, if I may share my opinion openly here without fear of offending someone.  Perhaps that is a necessary condition for repentance and for Your coming!  However, dear Lord God, there are many souls yet to be saved.  Would You allow a miracle and put into the presidency a man who (at least) acknowledges You and has served You?  My opinions intrude here...may Your will be done, and may we Americans take seriously the responsibility that we have to work with You in accomplishing Your great will for salvation for the world.

I'm going to vote now.  Bless this day, bless the candidates, and please, may Your chosen man be chosen by this wayward, selfish people.

Promised Prayer for NJ

 

Dear Father in Heaven, I did promise my New Jersey relatives that I would pray for them and for their neighbors affected by Hurricane Sandy.  So many are without power and heat and fuel.  Some are without homes.  It is natural, but not right, to blame You for the tragedy.  We--myself included, unfortunately--do not pay attention to You, and then we feel entitled to Your blessing.  But enough pontificating for now; the people in NJ are suffering, and many of them may not have heard the truth about You.  Please relieve their suffering and at the same time please do it in a way that reveals You to them.  Just relieving their problems and allowing them to go back to lives that ignore You is not my prayer.  Thank You for those of my family who have some awareness of You!  Please magnify that awareness into a personal confrontation and conversation with You, and may they find you as attractive as You are.  I pray this, dear God, for Jesus's sake in this world and in the next~~Amen!